The Doorway: a panfandom game

I am not drunk enough for this.

Just point me towards beer.

TEXT TO NICK MILLER:

» This LINE is going so slow.
» I just want my coffee.
» And my pastry.
» So I can go about my day without wanting to slaughter everyone in this STORE.
» Don't they KNOW what it's like when your uterus is on fire?



» And now I want ice cream.

I miss my yarn.

In case you were wondering where I found that. I didn't just look up alpaca puns. Not that I wouldn't look up alpaca puns, because puns are funny. I'm going to a craft store.

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL PEOPLE:

The Mojo Man is back in business, baby.

I just have one question.

ARE THE VAMPIRES GONE???

FILTERED TO NICK MILLER:

Soooo. Jess.

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL FOLKS:

Oh MY God. We are so not going to talk about last night's episode.

Weekend. True American. Lots of booze.

FILTERED TO CECE:

OMG, Cece. I seriously don't have any idea how to act around him now! Especially not after last night's episode. He's clearly not there

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL CREW:

Okay, Schmidt. We all need to talk about this.

FILTERED TO SIERRA GROUP:

Hey guys, I realize a bunch of you are out sick, so here's what we're going to do about homework. Don't worry about any of the writing, we can handle that when everyone's gotten better. If you're not sick, you can read pages 121-126 in the English textbook to get ahead. Hopefully, most of you will be better on Monday, and we can have a day of catching up.

Check in here to let me know how you're feeling.

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL PEEPS:

Cece, are you still feeling sick? Anyone else coming down with it?

Just saw me on tv. It was a short commercial and I don't like it.

Soooo, we've established that this place is PRETTY MUCH Vegas, right? Like that saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" applies here? NO ONE back home knows what's going on here. It seems like it's pretty much just left to our own morals.

Why aren't more people playing the "when in Rome" card?

When you don't have a job, money disappears really fast. Booze is expensive when your roommate won't get you free drinks at the bar he works at.

If I'm gonna be here for a while, I need a job. I played pro basketball in Europe and I know sports radio, and I'm a good manny. I bet there are tons of moms here in New York who'd kill for a good manny.

How's Sam's?

Sometimes a man just needs to listen to Celine Dion and feed squirrels stale pizza crust. Is that so wrong?

[Schmidt, Winston, Jess and Cece]
I still think a fake wake is a ridiculous idea, but I’ll do it. If anyone mentions racetracks or side deals I am punching you in the throat. Okay, I'm not going to actually punch you, but I won't be pleased.

TEXT TO NICK MILLER:

» Hey, so.
» Where are you right now?

OMG YOU GUYS, you have to see these!

( Cut, not filtered - for images! )

I think Winston is my favorite.

I have GOT to get off the internet. But at least I haven't started looking at the porn. No doubt, the guys have already loaded up their computers.

I have got to get a job. There's only so much TGIF I haven't seen for years this time around. The SHIELD people said they'd help me with my masters, which is good because I am NOT sitting through another eight years for the same degree. I worked in Los Angeles schools. Okay, I haven't worked for the LASD in a few years, but it can't be that hard to dive back in with public school, right? New York's not that different. Is it?

And hey, I don't want to work at the Casserole Shanty again. I am a teacher, dammit.

Today is a WOEJESS day. I miss my closet. And my clothes. Especially my red blue dress with the white polka dots and the fun collar. And my art supplies. There's several hundred - if not THOUSANDS - of dollars invested in that dresser.

I need felt. Lots of felt.

FILTERED TO SAM'S BAR & GRILL EMPLOYEES (21+):

Got an exciting outing for a couple of us coming up on March 30. I'm getting tickets to the NYC Craft Beer Festival. 150 brews available to sample and a couple seminars that'll be useful for us. I'm thinking I might be able to use this as a stepping stone to branch out and grow our selection of brews if we find anything we really like. Anyone interested? We'd be going to the first session in the afternoon if anyone wants to tag along with me. I'm thinking I can only spare 5 of us that day, so first come first serve.

It's good to know that in any world there is a need for bartenders. I knew dropping out of law school would pay off in the long run. I'll be at Sam's if anyone needs me.

This is my hell.