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It's odd, knowing that life as it's been here is going to change soon. Even if some of those who are choosing to return are only faces that I've seen in the hall or while standing in line for coffee, or what have you, the reality that I won't see them again is strange. It's not a death, not really, but it's still the mark of an irreversible change, an ending of sorts that, in some odd way, still seems to have a grieving process. Even if its just knowing that the possibilities of seeing someone you care about return again, it still hurts.
Castle has had a particularly hard time, because while our three children that we have at home are now here with us, his oldest daughter (and such a crucial piece of our family), Alexis, isn't. And reconciling that, finding some sort of peace at knowing that he only has his memories of her, it's been a lot like we've buried her. Even the kids have picked up on it; Jake even asked this morning over breakfast if there was anything he could do to cheer up his daddy, and Lily has been drawing him all sorts of photos - things that include Alexis, because she's possibly the most observant six-year-old I've ever seen - to accomplish the same thing.
It's hard. And I'm sure it's only going to be harder, but even so, we aren't going back. In so many ways, this place, this universe is so much more our home now than the place from where we came. We have a child here, and another on the way; two pieces of our family that I don't expect we would maintain or remember if we went back, and while it breaks my heart to know I'm trading time with my father, with Alexis, with so many friends that are as dear to me as family, I won't give up my children, be they conceived in this place or in another.
My place is here, with Noah and Lily, with Jake and Reece, and with Avery, the little girl that had her older sister shrieking with glee when we sat them all down and told them what the final addition to our family will be when she arrives in late October.
Now comes a challenge of a different sort, building our lives as permanent residents. What happens when you become less refugee and more full blown citizen and does that make it any easier to find a place to live in Manhattan? The answer, thus far, is no. One child or ten, the housing search in this city is still a nightmare, regardless of the universe.
Castle has had a particularly hard time, because while our three children that we have at home are now here with us, his oldest daughter (and such a crucial piece of our family), Alexis, isn't. And reconciling that, finding some sort of peace at knowing that he only has his memories of her, it's been a lot like we've buried her. Even the kids have picked up on it; Jake even asked this morning over breakfast if there was anything he could do to cheer up his daddy, and Lily has been drawing him all sorts of photos - things that include Alexis, because she's possibly the most observant six-year-old I've ever seen - to accomplish the same thing.
It's hard. And I'm sure it's only going to be harder, but even so, we aren't going back. In so many ways, this place, this universe is so much more our home now than the place from where we came. We have a child here, and another on the way; two pieces of our family that I don't expect we would maintain or remember if we went back, and while it breaks my heart to know I'm trading time with my father, with Alexis, with so many friends that are as dear to me as family, I won't give up my children, be they conceived in this place or in another.
My place is here, with Noah and Lily, with Jake and Reece, and with Avery, the little girl that had her older sister shrieking with glee when we sat them all down and told them what the final addition to our family will be when she arrives in late October.
Now comes a challenge of a different sort, building our lives as permanent residents. What happens when you become less refugee and more full blown citizen and does that make it any easier to find a place to live in Manhattan? The answer, thus far, is no. One child or ten, the housing search in this city is still a nightmare, regardless of the universe.
