The Doorway: a panfandom game

You fucking bastard, you glowing piece of shit.

All plans for setting up a New York branch of WWW have been put on hold until further notice.

Oi, it's Bill Weasley.

Family! Where are you?

All right, so now the question becomes what one wears to a prom and then, subsequently, where one would get what one would wear to a prom?

I'm Scottish, I'm perfectly comfortable in a kilt, but not sure what the lady in question would think of that idea.


Thoughts from the esteemed body?

Filtered to: George and Angelina Weasley

So...I just wanted to let you know that your daughter invited me to accompany her to prom and I accepted, though on the condition that neither of you string me up by my thumbs. I need them for Keeping, you see. In either respect, I am and will be a perfect gentleman (stop laughing George) and I promise it is a date of friendship only.

Please don't kill me, I have so much to live for.

I think sailing is my new favorite hobby.

[Filtered to Angelina, Alicia and George]

And I promise to try and not make the flat smell like sea water every single time I come back!

Although it does smell better than burnt toast!

[End Filter]

Oi, so the white jacket blokes assure me that this is not, in fact, some elaborate Weasley prank and I am, in fact, in New York City, America, and that apparently here I'm fiction.

And there's no bloody Quidditch. Yes, that WAS the first thing I asked about.

For anyone who knows me, and I'm told there are quite a few of you, you can put down that hankie and stop your sobbing because Oliver Wood has arrived!

For those that don't know me, I'm sure you will, very soon. I'm kind of a big deal.

FILTERED TO ANGELINA WEASLEY

Remember when we were thinking about going on that trip? I'd like to turn that into a reality after you pick the place. My finger landed on Oiadjjjsutv, Norway, so, like you said earlier, I think you can do better.

FILTERED TO FRED II AND ROXANNE WEASLEY

I know I don't really say this much, but I'm glad you're here, and I'll gladly hurl hexes at the Tesseract or anyone if they fuck with you.

I'm glad it's a beautiful day today.

Filter: Lily Luna, Albus Severus, James Sirius
Filter, added: Ginny

I've organized dinner tonight at my flat, all catered, etc. so no one has to worry about it. As usual, bring whomever you'd like, but especially your cousins.

Filter: George Weasley

All right? Dinner tonight, if you feel up to it.

Filter: Teddy Lupin

All right today? Anything I can do?

Filter: Lily Evans & James Potter, Sirius Black

I'm having a quiet family dinner tonight at my flat, to mark the anniversary of [...] a lot of things. I'd love it if you could come.

Filter: Severus Snape

I'd be honored if you joined me and my family for dinner at my flat tonight, sir.

Filter: Ron & Hermione

Dinner per usual tonight, though Ron I realize you might not know about that tradition. Then this weekend, we can go away, yeah?

Filter: Private

It's easier, here, because there aren't any expectations.

Puking pastilles are a suc--

[...]

This has to be against some child abuse laws.

In uncertain times such as these, it's at least comforting to know that I still lack the culinary finesse to even properly make a bit of toast.

I have to admit that "Winter is Coming" is a pretty badass family motto, but I love mum's "Biscuits are Coming" motto better. It's so much more satiating.

FILTER: JOHNSON-WEASLEY BROOD

You lot are pretty awesome, and I just thought I'd share that with you. That being said, I need help testing some products and you don't have a choice in helping me.

Mysterious chocolate in front of my door; poisoned or safe to eat?

Eh, what are charms for?

"Watch how much cake you're eating, Ginevra," they said.

"Don't lose thar planner, it'll save your life," Hermione said.

"Gin, please don't get hurt the week before our wedding," Harry said.

"GET OFF MY LEMON TARTS, RON," I said.

So. Lemon tarts? Raspberry? Or even twizzlers? Girl's gotta stress eat.

Yes, I'm afraid of bees. In fact, I'm allergic to them. So when I scream and run in the opposite direction after hearing the sound, that's me just trying to keep myself BREATHING. I don't appreciate being laughed at and being told "it's just a bee, girl".

FILTERED: ALL WEASLEYS MINUS MOLLY I

Has anyone told Mum yet? About Fred, I mean.

Weasley-Potter role-call! They told me the lot of you were here and I need to know how much food to make for dinner.

Edited in later: Ah, right. Molly Weasley here. The first. I imagine some of you remember me a bit older or with gray hair. Surprise!

I was eating my breakfast, of cereal. I didn't even get to finish the bowl, but I was lucky enough to spill all the bloody milk all over me though . Thanks for that. That's a great way to start your day, pain and guns pointed at you telling you that you're now in 2013 and New York!

They did tell me lots of people I know are here. I'm living with Alicia, Ange and George. But i haven't physically seen them yet. Heard Oliver was here too?

Does anyone have cereal? I'd really like to actually have breakfast....

There comes a time in every man's life when he must realise that he is too old for birthdays and must face reality that the cake goes straight to his hips. Seems like 27 is it for me, and it's a wonder my wife hasn't left me because of my child-bearing hips.

Unfortunately, it also pains me to announce that WWW will not be opening a branch in New York City due to disheartening research findings and lack of an interested market. It was good while it lasted, boys!

FILTER: FRED WEASLEY

Happy birthday, Freddy. April Fool's, right? I wish. Miss you, buddy, and bring my ear back in one piece, yeah?

TEXTS TO GEORGE WEASLEY

» heeeey
» so
» [...]
» hi

Hey everyone,

In case you don't know who I am, I'm Fred Weasley v2.0 from the Potter world. I know a good percentage of you are from my world, but maybe not my time, or my dad's time, and the rest of you might have read the books or seen the movies, but of you haven't, let me illuminate you.

My dad and his awesome twin after whom I was named, started Weasleys Wizarding Wheezes when they were only teenagers, and it went on to become the forefront in magical pranks, amusements, and even protection. The awesome internet says it better than I can. We're toying with the idea of setting up a NYC division and continuing the business since we're far from home.

There are some things we won't be able to make, or at least not for a long time, until we find suitable alternatives to plants and potion ingredients that just don't exist here, like unicorn horn or dragons blood, but there are a lot of things we can make that is more or less a sort of magical manipulation of something already existing.

We want to know your opinion - do you think there is a market for WWW here? Would you buy a WWW product? Better yet, if we were to open up a kickstarter account, would you sponsor us?

Thoughts?

GROUP-TEXT TO GEORGE & ANGE WEASLEY

» hey parentals
» you know what new york needs?
» the family business.

TEXT TO HUGO

» huuuuuuuu
» goooooooo
» make me a sandwich