The Doorway: a panfandom game

Sooooo, can we talk about the stupidly large roadkill in the middle of a subway in Midtown? Because uh. Yeah. That happened.

FILTERED TO JESSICA DAY:

Tell me not to talk to him. Please. Seriously, Jess. I need you to smack me if I even THINK about talking to him. Or showing up at his apartment naked. Or doing something as equally stupid as both of those.

FILTERED TO SCHMIDT:

Hi.

FILTERED TO JESSICA DAY (pt 2):

Damnit Jess. You know I have no self-control.

[FILTERED TO CLIENTS*]

I'm looking into more products for you folks, but I need a general idea of how things went last month. Satisfied? Unsatisfied? Things you'd like to see more/less of?

[FILTERED TO CECE MEYERS]

Hey girl Hi Good afternoon, Cecelia. Would you like me to officially add you to my client list? I know you get things from working, but there's no such thing as too much free stuff, right?

[OOC Note*: Filter is to the list of people he sent things to HERE.]

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL FOLKS:

Oh MY God. We are so not going to talk about last night's episode.

Weekend. True American. Lots of booze.

FILTERED TO CECE:

OMG, Cece. I seriously don't have any idea how to act around him now! Especially not after last night's episode. He's clearly not there

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL CREW:

Okay, Schmidt. We all need to talk about this.

FILTERED TO SIERRA GROUP:

Hey guys, I realize a bunch of you are out sick, so here's what we're going to do about homework. Don't worry about any of the writing, we can handle that when everyone's gotten better. If you're not sick, you can read pages 121-126 in the English textbook to get ahead. Hopefully, most of you will be better on Monday, and we can have a day of catching up.

Check in here to let me know how you're feeling.

FILTERED TO NEW GIRL PEEPS:

Cece, are you still feeling sick? Anyone else coming down with it?

You haven't lived until a small child has projectile vomited all over you.

This was not flu related. Just small child related. In case anyone was about to panic about me bringing germs into the apartment. Thank GOD being a nanny pays well in New York City, because that would not have been worth it otherwise.

Okay, I didn't want to admit it all day yesterday because I had a job for the week, but

I feel like hell. Literal hell. The fire and brimstone and uggggh

Keep away, if you know what's good for you. Save yourselves.

Soooo, we've established that this place is PRETTY MUCH Vegas, right? Like that saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" applies here? NO ONE back home knows what's going on here. It seems like it's pretty much just left to our own morals.

Why aren't more people playing the "when in Rome" card?

Sometimes a man just needs to listen to Celine Dion and feed squirrels stale pizza crust. Is that so wrong?

[Schmidt, Winston, Jess and Cece]
I still think a fake wake is a ridiculous idea, but I’ll do it. If anyone mentions racetracks or side deals I am punching you in the throat. Okay, I'm not going to actually punch you, but I won't be pleased.

If you happen to find yourself at IMATS this weekend, I'm going to be there this weekend as a model for the Student Fantasy Makeup Competition, which means I'll likely be running around in mostly bodypaint and glitter for the majority of Saturday - the artist doing my makeup on Saturday mentioned something about an au natural fairy. Sunday I get to strut around after being airbrushed, so I should be hard to miss.

But I get paid and free makeup. Not a bad weekend job. And considering all of my friends are

[OOC: And we're just going to assume it's not sold out. Mmmkay?]

( FILTERED TO THOR )

( FILTERED TO VERONICA MARS )

( FILTERED TO PAIGE MATTHEWS )

( FILTERED TO HOWARD STARK )

( FILTERED TO CLINT BARTON(MCU) )

( FILTERED TO JESSICA DAY & CECE MEYERS )

OMG YOU GUYS, you have to see these!

( Cut, not filtered - for images! )

I think Winston is my favorite.

I have GOT to get off the internet. But at least I haven't started looking at the porn. No doubt, the guys have already loaded up their computers.

It's good to know that in any world there is a need for bartenders. I knew dropping out of law school would pay off in the long run. I'll be at Sam's if anyone needs me.

Just in case anyone missed Schmidt's invitation to our party tonight:

LAST CALL FOR AN INTRODUCTION TO BEING A TRUE AMERICAN.

Tonight. Room 910. 8 pm. 21 and up only because I'm not about to get arrested in New York City. This face was not meant for prison. Ladies, bring your beautiful selves. Gentlemen, bring beer to share and something that we can stand on, or you'll be sitting in the corner with Nick all night, wishing you were a part of this much awesome.

[Text to Jess, Cece, Schmidt and Winston]
» People have read my book.
» My zombie Book.
» I am Nick Miller of Z for Zombie FAME.
» I TOLD YOU IT WOULD BE A HIT.

[Text to Schmidt]

» I require free items to give away tomorrow.
» You stated you could acquire these free items.
» I would appreciate your assistance in this matter.
» :D

It's about time I introduced myself. I would have done it before now, but I was working on my business plan (more on that in a second). The name's Schmidt. And trust me when I tell you that this place is going to be vastly improved by my presence.

Why you ask? It's simple. I make my benjamins in making people look good. Technically, it was businesses I was marketing for, but the same model can be applied to individuals and, let's face it, this place is MARKETING NIRVANA.

What does that mean for you? I'm so glad you asked! See, most of the people in this building should be raking in the free swag. You're fictional? SWAG. A superhero? MORE SWAG. A creature of the night? SO MUCH SWAG, IT'S RIDONK. The point is, I'm offering to network for all you freaks weirdos amazing individuals to get you the free goods that you so rightly deserve (for a reasonable fee of a percentage of the loot, of course).

For the record, I survived almost a decade working with only women and I'm more persistent than a horny chihuahua that's fallen in lust with your leg. That's a FACT you can take to the BANK. If you're interested in what I can do for YOU, drop me a line. You will not be disappointed.


ALSO: On a completely unrelated topic, if you're not a complete moron and you want to learn the best drinking game in existence, be at room 910, Friday night at 8pm. If you're a guy, bring an offering of beer and any stray objects that can bear the weight of an average adult male. Ladies, just bring yourself.

TEXTS TO SCHMIDT:

» YOU WERE GOING TO You.

TEXTS TO JESS DAY:

» Sorry I ditched you.
» Let's go drinking tonight.

Jess, did you buy drugs instead of tea? DID YOU DRUG ME? Why else would I be in the middle of a summer blockbuster? I knew I shouldn't have downloaded it online. I knew piracy would come back to haunt me, but I didn't expect it to happen in a drug induced after school special. At least it's not Transformers. Damn you, Michael Bay. Damn you.

JESS SCHMIDT CECE

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