The Doorway: a panfandom game

I need paid employment: experience fighting supervillains, working technology, poor experience with law enforcement (lapd, civil war). Recommendations please.

Children.

UHHHH I am pretty sure my fingers were bigger yesterday.

Is this punishment for starting that food fight???

Burger Week is the BEST week, no matter which New York you're in. Five stars, would recommend again, A+++++

I find it hard to believe the quiz results in Cosmo are at all accurate.

Does anyone know a good place to buy ammo online?

Dear internet,

I think I have found a job. Perth the advice of Iron Man, I put an ad on Craigslist asking if anybody needed me to shine their shoes. I also included a picture. This did not go well the first time because I accidentally posted it in the personals section for Little Rock, Arkansas. A very nice lady asked me how much I charged for an hour and whether I did "in-calls," but I told her that my wife didn't have her dad's car here so I could not travel all of that way. She did not write back. But I tried again in the jobs section for Manhattan and another lady told me that I was welcome to shine shoes at a tall building that is a law office. I guess they don't have time to clean their shoes because they are too busy writing laws. Maybe if I do my job good enough, they will write a law that says April Is The Best And Everyone Should Do Whatever She Says. Otherwise known as the AITBAESDWSS Act. You should practice for when it becomes fact.

Dave Matthews rocks,

Andy

Failed filter to my wife April
HEY. So, I was thinking that it is kind of weird that we live in the same building but not in the same apartment, since we are married and have already had sex a lot of times. There are a lot of machines in my kitchen that I am afraid to touch. I don't know how to make chili in them, so I have been eating Slim Jims and Cap'n Crunch in a cup. Do you think we should live together again?

Failed filter to Tony Stark from the other day
I found some nails in an air vent. I think they are made of iron. Can you use them in the llama?

introducing april's babysitting service! get out and get away for a day or a week or whatever. trust april with your childrens' lives and don't worry about anything because she has lots of experience with keeping her little brat of a sister from dying. the details:

• will watch spawn for $$$ or will leave with totally awesome husband
  
• believes in positive reinforcement and capital punishment
  
• loving and kindly with a genuine fondness for children
  
• charges extra if you don't have a fireproof safe
  
• charges extra if you stock weird health food in your fridge
  
• charges extra if you don't have internet
  
• charges extra if you don't teach me how to do remove parental controls on the TV
  
• charges extra if you call me "dear"
  
• charges extra if your children can talk
  
• see ron for references
  
• will bmob
  
• i also watch pets
  
• i prefer pets

please inquire below for rates. children are the future. choose wisely.

why won't the thermostat let me crank it up to 95?


if anyone smells smoke there is no cause for alarm. i will be constructing a small fire in my room with which to heat a number of large smooth stones, but everything is under control. i work for the department of parks and recreation.

i'm not sick.

I just had the CRAZIEST dream. All of the things that Ron and April said just happened in my brain. There was a wedding and a three-legged dog named Champion and me going to COLLEGE. After I find April and tell her that she is the best wife ever and make a wedding band out of a chain of daisies, I am going to find a college and try for a P-Plus.

I have also learned through my secret dream investigations that Chris is NOT an evil person who wants to take away Leslie's happiness. Sorry, Chris. You are a cool dude.

In unrelated news, Bert Macklin is the best FBI agent because he solved the Mystery of the Pie. If you would like to congratulate him on his amazingosity, I happen to know how to contact him.

where i can get an axe for like... super-cheap. or free.

not you ron.

edited to add: i also need an axe-sharpener.

Inspired by a conversation I had with Sherlock Holmes - the one from Elementary - I thought I would pose a question to the world at large. We all have those celebrity lists - the celebrities you can sleep with and your significant other can't get upset over.

What about a Tesseract list? Who would you put on your list to come through the Tesseract? Me, Indiana Jones is near the top.

Starting in May, PTYC will be hosting a series of talks followed by roundtable discussions. The speakers will be presenting on life in their world and whatever they deem that to entail. Food and drink will be provided and admission will be free, although donations are always accepted. More details will be available once details have been finalized.

If anyone would be interested in speaking, please let me know. This is a chance to talk about your world and share your experience. Hopefully it will be fun and educational for all involved.

So. The big day's coming up.

And seeing as I'm a citizen of the real world and plan on exporting everything I've purchased back there with me - what's the form I file to get back all the sales tax I've been shelling out?

The meeting of the Displaced Rebels was interesting. It certainly gave me some insight into the alcohol tolerance opinions of my fellow refugees.


[Grantaire]

Are you still alive? I haven't heard from you since the meeting.

And I lost count of how many bottles of wine you drank

I feel like I should be doing more to help here.

Especially now that I'm only working 40 hours a week.

fyi andy and i are superheroes now.

Kids these days have gotten soft. I think it's time everyone was introduced to the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.

Really, the whole pyramid could just be one triangle that says "Be a man." But it looks like some of you need more instructions.

Because this is a pyramid, we will start with the bottom and work our way up. Today's squares:

FRANKNESS: Cut the bull shit.

CAPITALISM: God's way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.

Questions?

HI, EVERYONE! MY NAME IS CHRIS, AND I AM NEW HERE.

I FEEL LIKE I AM THINKING IN ALL CAPS.

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO WORK THE ESPRESSO MACHINE IN MY ROOM? I USUALLY HAVE ONE OR TWO SHOTS PER MORNING IN MY LATTE, AND I MADE ONE JUST NOW, BUT MY BRAIN FEELS DIFFERENT AND I AM NOT SURE WHAT I DID.

I AM LITERALLY BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS.

Is there a way to filter these posts so that I don't have to read about anyone's thoughts or feelings, or problems that don't directly affect me?