The last few days have been trying in ways I never expected. I know I'm not the only one who's struggled lately, nor will I be the last.
My son was here for a year and just over two months. I remember the day we met like it was just yesterday. I'd been told who his father was in his world, but neither of us knew what to do here. He was from a world where his father had died, and I knew I'd never had a kid. We existed in a limbo for a while, neither of us sure what the other wanted or expected but both craving a relationship we didn't think we would ever have. One day he called me Dad.
This apartment feels empty without him now. It never mattered to me that he wasn't from this world. He was still my kid. That was what mattered. And I know, without a doubt, that my life is better for having known him. The time we had wasn't enough, but if not for the situation we've found ourselves in, we wouldn't have had any time at all. It wasn't enough, but what we had was a blessing. I wouldn't be who I am if he'd never come here. No matter how difficult it is to look at his bedroom door and know I'm the only one here now, that will never change how lucky I was for this chance.
One of my best friends said to me a few weeks ago that the tesseract doesn't make life any more uncertain than it already was, and I think he's right. It's a complication none of us thought we'd deal with, but life itself is already uncertain and complicated. People I've loved have been taken from me too soon for a variety of reasons, and I've left people I loved behind too. What I've learned from all of this is how important it is for me to be present and unafraid of what tomorrow might bring. If I'd held back with James, I wouldn't have had as much time with him. That's the lesson I'm taking away from this, to love without restraint, to let people touch my life while we're here, because every single person I've met has something to show me.
That's my solution. I don't know what anyone else's will be, but I sincerely hope you find what makes sense for you, and what can give you the greatest amount of peace while we're here.
FILTERED TO TORUNN, AZARI, HENRY PYM, FRANCIS BARTON:I'm sorry I haven't reached out over the last few days. I won't be able to get through much of James's room right now, but when I do, you're all welcome to see if there's something of his you might want to keep. You're all family too, and I'm sorry he's not here anymore.