vallo

That was certainly one way to exit my 30s.

Everyone go get a piece of pie, or two, or a whole pie. I don't judge, I also don't judge flavors, I only judge if you come in here on the day of my birth and tell me another dessert is better. (I don't discriminate, I just really like pie.)

I was so delighted by being around my brother (Vax'ildan, it's alright if you didn't notice, I am the far more attractive twin and now I have several years on him) that I never made a proper introduction. I am Lady Vex'ahlia de Rolo, but Vex will do! We're all friends here, I think? At the very least we should share embarrassing stories of Vax - I will tell you of him as a child if you all tell me idiotic things he's done here.

My youngest daughter is with me, so if anyone has any suggestions for schooling and clothing for a young girl, age 8, I would appreciate it. In that same vein, I will be looking for a job - I have been on the Tal'Dorei Council as the Master of Commerce (I prefer Coinmistress, it has a nicer ring to it) for over a decade now, finances are my bread and butter.

XHORHAUS INHABITANTS (PERMANENT AND VISITING) + OTHER EXANDRIANS

There are a lot of us here right now and I think that calls for togetherness. I don't make the rules.

I want to suggest we eat at Taste of Tal'Dorei and then run around the damn theme park, but I also recognize that's pretty on brand, so I will take other suggestions. Except now I want that disgusting chicken sorbet and the not disgusting pie flight, so I might argue suggestions.

VEX & KEYLETH

How are you both doing?

Hi everyone, my name is Keyleth. I'm here at the DOA with Vax and he's showing me how to use this. It's pretty neat, I wish I had one of these at home. It's very convenient. I don't know what else to write just yet, but... your city is beautiful? The looks, the smells, the design. It's all so nice.

I meant to mention this last night, but just an update that there will not be any Zeph'aeratam classes this week. I'll see you all next week, though, with snacks on hand. If there are requests, let me know.

DOA LEADERSHIP + DEL

I just wanted you all to know from me and not an out of office email that I'm going to be out all of this week on some personal leave. Hopefully this plant business doesn't get any further out of hand, though I think it's a little outside of my jurisdiction at the DOA anyway. My meager druidic magic didn't make any differences when I tried, at least.

And Del, I've got you on here just so you're aware for patrols. Sorry to leave things short.

[cw in comments - spoilers for critical role, talk of death]

Alert: these plants are fucked. I've never seen anything like this. They think in words. It's all the mother this and the mother that, and they don't respond to me like regular plants would. The root system is incomprehensible.

Oh and I'm almost certain it's them making people walk around like they're made out of warped wood. Something in their pollen, probably, which means breathing the air around them is a really bad idea, except they're practically everywhere so it's not easy to avoid. I think one of them might have got me earlier, since I have no memory of walking all the way out of town.

I know Vallo likes to cook up exciting things for us to deal with on occasion, but this has a parasitic sort of feel and I don't like it at all.

Bells Hells

Alright now. Don't you all be hiding or shoving your face in pie. Let's talk about this like a real family.

Champio Vax'ildan

You up?

I know that there is a lot going on and I'm sorry to everyone out there going through it, but--well.

There's a dragon in our yard? It's unlike any dragon I've heard of or seen, which I'll admit my exposure is limited, and it's very beautiful, but it's also just curled around our cherry blossom tree from Zephrah. And I'm also pretty sure it's sleeping? But that's just what it looks like from inside the house, not sure if it's a good idea to approach.

Anyway, advice would be good? I've learned how to handle bulettes, but this is new.

What the fuck do I do about this big empty house now?

Alright, I don't know what kind of insane shit got Knowhere cursed, but we've got a sudden influx of garden gnomes. Yeah, you read that right: garden gnomes.

And this isn't like "oh, some asshole planted little bearded dude statues around the place for a joke." No. These things are alive and causing as much fucking chaos as they can. They've got weapons, and they yell a lot of vulgar shit in heavy English accents, and they don't go down unless you basically kill them - then they turn into statues again.

Anyway, the six of us are up to our asses in a sea of vindictive garden gnomes over here for some reason, so if anyone wants to get some anger out, head our way. We're trying to figure out if there's some kind of magical beacon or trigger or something right now, so anyone with a head for that kind of thing would be great too.

Please for the love of whatever fucking god actually listens tell me that I'm not the only one seeing a FACE on the FUCKING MOON because frankly I've had enough MOON BULLSHIT to last several lifetimes

and also would prefer my loss of mind to take this kind of shape because FUCK me.

I don't know how common bulettes are across worlds, but I am now two for two days in getting wrapped up in a fight with what I assume is one? I'd only heard and read stories about them back home, but both were massive (which I know might seem sketchy coming from me, but really), had big claws and a massive jaw, and really hurts when they get a hit in on you. Thank you to everyone I got to fight alongside, or I'd probably be.

Anyway, I don't know if it's just coincidence that it happened two days in a row or if they're going to be a thing, so just keep an eye out, I guess. As good of an eye as you can on a creature that burrows around underground and bursts out of nowhere on you.

Also, lost most of the groceries I was bringing back for dinner in the scuffle, so it might be a Taste of Tal'Dorei kind of night, people that live with me.

Just wanted to shout out that if you see me around at any of the Pride events and would like a flower crown to add to your look, don't hesitate to ask for one. I make them with magic, so they last until I more or less forever without wilting and I can do them in whatever flowers or colors you like. It's really my one magical party trick, so I'm happy to do it and share the festivities.

For examples of what I can do, here's mine and Dorian's: ( Cut for images! )

Though, as an FYI, I might look a bit different so don't be too alarmed if you see me on the regular? I'm bigger, I mean. It's weird and I don't know what's up with it or how long it will last, but—yeah. It's a thing.

TEXTS TO DORIAN

-- Hey
-- Hi
-- I already said that
-- Sort of, I guess it's different
-- [...] Anyway
-- Hey

Thanks to Chet, my goal in having more vegetables be eaten per person living in this house is closer to happening: ( Cut for a picture! )

That's mostly broccoli in there, as was requested. Greens are going to be eaten, or so help me.

That threat aside, we've had some coming and going over the last handful of months so I just wanted to issue a reminder/make an announcement, especially now that the weather is pretty consistently beautiful in the mornings: Zeph'aeratam aka Sword Yoga classes continue, if you're so interested! You don't need a sword, you don't even need a weapon, but I guide you through some positions and breathing exercises. There's also breakfast foods for the morning folks and snacks for the evening, if you're interested in such things. It's not even always pie.

Anyway, if you want to see what we're about, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7AM and Thursdays at 6PM, all at the training grounds and totally free.

And if you're just looking for someone to help with sword training, let me throw my nonexistent hat in there, too. If you want a reference, I warn you my main one could be biased.

This is a lot of words, so wrapping it up. Happy end of the week, all.

I was going to come on here to say that everyone should come down to the Crossed Quills to see Dorian perform tonight (and you still should, especially if you haven't seen him already, because he's damn talented), but also—uh. There might be a dress code that I wasn't aware of, because a lot of people are dressed up in full suits of armor?

Not just leather armor of any sort, but metal armor. Helmet and all. I'm not really complaining as it makes the place feel even more like home than normal, but this is also new?

Anyway, more importantly: come and watch a handsome bard sing and play a lute.

I have spent most of this month clearing the forest of these clawed demon creatures that have been roaming about. They lay eggs, I did not wish for there to be any kind of overrun situation.

As such, I will be serving steaks and eggs throughout the weekend, should anyone feel hungry.

First of all, thanks to everybody who came to save the little village. They're really grateful and so am I.

Second thing, um...the villagers were definitely doing stuff that I didn't write in. Like, my note on Miffany is "cute bar wench, wants to go to wizard college," and that's it. I didn't write that relationship with Bellamy Corsaire at all - he was supposed to be looking for someone else to do the job because he was too drunk, not because he was too sad.

What I'm saying is, this seems to have turned into a real world. Which I'm not really sure what to do about, but it feels like we should do something? Like put it somewhere safer, or get another god in the pantheon, or something? I don't know the ethics of "my half-finished D&D campaign came to life," could kind of use a real adult here.