vallo

Should you be in the mood for a sweet treat today, an item per person is on my tab at the Slayer's Cake until close. I considered working with the soups restaurant instead, but I miss Jester I have accepted that sweets walk hand in hand with birthdays and who am I to say otherwise.

This is also year three I have done this, so. Tradition, I suppose.

Though you should go and get soup, also. Support local businesses that I frequent, so they might remain open until I am at least 524.



Oh and on the topic of local businesses: buy books from my husband, please. Thank you.

Somebody tell me it's perfectly normal for the first ultrasound to look like a literal peanut. Just kept thinking of this fucker.

[FILTERED TO ADAM]

Stuck a copy in the inside pocket of your anniversary gift for safekeeping. She's our freaky little peanut.

( Last minute Samhain costume ideas from the local shop I guess 😂 )

Needs more cleavage. I'm going to look for a fae one next WISH ME LUCK.

For those who hadn't heard yet, my body's fucking fixed. For those who don't even know what that means, when I got here I was kind of puppeting my own goddamn corpse. It was a whole thing.

I'm only saying this because the timing has been awesome. Does the best food just come out this time of year or have I been missing out that much? Pumpkin spice this, caramel apple that. Seriously, try going for even just one year of not being able to eat or even feel shit and I bet you'd come to the same conclusion. Better yet, try being limited to mostly really bland garbage for all your life and THEN get to this point.

Vallo, you're fucking nuts, but damn you know food.

I thought I just had nothing?????? BUT TURNS OUT I AM A FUCKING DRAGON



we have that fund to pay for the accidental destruction of property right

I swear to fucking Jesus if I stub one more goddamn toe or drop so much as a SPOON, I'm going to set something on fire. Soon as these animals are all sorted I'm going back to bed. Wake me up when it's not Friday the 13th anymore. Stupid fucking witchy bullshit.

IT HAS BEEN ONE WHOLE YEAR SINCE GANSEY AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED.


Never thought I'd be that person, but I like the way Gansey's face gets all soft when I say it.

( Read more... )

Hey make sure you assholes come to the market so Declan can see what a goddamn SUCCESS I am it is. It was way fucking better with Syd around but I can't do anything about that part. If it's only the Donaldson twins arguing with me about the price of ice cream (which has not fucking changed in three years!) I'm going to be pissed tho.



Also uh. Our surrogate's pregnant so. Nora's on the way. Wish us luck and shit.

Excuse me but I have many complaints.

Number one: I have had no less than five people stand around and when I politely ask for assistance, they all act as though I'm speaking some sort of foreign language and are incapable of comprehension. I would like some assistance.

Number two: in all of that standing around, no one has offered me dragon spice--no, Aelwyn, you're good--well, neutral, you're solidly neutral now a tea. Would it be so difficult to bring a tea? Perhaps with some lemon, or a nice green tea, or really any sort of beverage?

Number three: Apparently I receive a bagel upon my arrival and yet no one has procured it for me! And no one will tell me what it is! I'm not demanding, I'm simply stating what has been promised.

Who would like to prove themselves competent and assist me? Anyone?

I still don't I am completely fucking lost This world is so bright

Are there housing options in a more [...] quiet area? I am out of this bloody clinic and these apartments are in the middle of a very populated area. And there is so much sunlight.

The gas station attendant is dead.

[TW in comments about death and corpses.]

Uh hey so like, shit's creepy out there? The power keeps flickering at the camp so maybe it'd be good to all group up at the main building with some flashlights and candles and just hang out, yeah? I've got cards, we could play some strip poker?

Real creepy vibe out here, mates.

hope everyone's real fucking comfy because the bridge is out.

tried alerting folks on the mainland but it was a real garbled shitstorm of a mess on cell and the landline in the gen store so hang tight, i guess.

[TW: talk of death in comments]

Please for the love of whatever fucking god actually listens tell me that I'm not the only one seeing a FACE on the FUCKING MOON because frankly I've had enough MOON BULLSHIT to last several lifetimes

and also would prefer my loss of mind to take this kind of shape because FUCK me.

[BLUE, RONAN, & ADAM GROUP TEXTS]

» I'm putting together my outfits for the pride events.
» Did any of you replace my favorite shoes?
» They look brand new but I know it wasn't me.
» I normally would have pointed this look directly at Blue but she's too obvious of a choice.

» I've been avo Also we should start discussing housing to prepare for the coming years.

[TEXT MESSAGES TO ADAM]

» how the fuck does anyone jerk off in a doctor's office
» this place couldn't be LESS sexy
» can't believe I'm already fucking this up and we're just barely
» send me something inspiring parrish I'm losing my mind over here

So totally hypothetical situation! Say you take the waypoint to go into the city and instead you end up in a weird magical island where some freaky purple haired lady speaks in a language you don't know and suddenly I have ... Magic?

Okay so not hypothetical this happened to me and it's weird. I'm not great at it but I did just accidentally clean an entire barn with some weird hand waving. Anyone want to duel?

HELLO PLEASE ATTENTION

If you see this cowplant with cake DO NOT APPROACH. It is my observation that this cake is a LIE meant to LURE you in before it SWALLOWS you.

My dad (Essek Dad not Caleb Dad, Dads, should we consider different names? I do not know what they would be but perhaps to spare confusion? This can be a discussion for later) has firsthand experience on this and he is one of the best wizards in all of Vallo so I am telling you all this as a matter of public safety.

Do NOT approach the cake.

The cake is a LIE.

You will be SWALLOWED.

and your child will be very scared I observe I need to carry more weapons

I came to check in on the board game idiots and give Gamora a bottle of mead for getting through this nonsense. They asked if I'd give the update on what's happened so far.

• Chetney Pock O'Pea made an old wizard fall in love with him.
  
• Chetney, Rocket, Katou, and Adaine managed to bullshit their way through an encounter with the most unforgivably stupid gang I've ever heard of.
  
• Kellach did his best to get permanently lost in an enchanted forest. Luckily Nebula is smart enough to keep him out of caves. He doesn't even like caves.
  
• Kellach and Nebula brokered peace between some farmers and a mysterious forest spirit.
  
• Nebula went on to threaten a man's balls for getting handsy with barmaids. Good for her.
  
• Blue, Eleven, and Kamala did what I'm told is called a fetchquest. Blue is getting a garish jacket for her trouble.
  
• Iris and Peter did so much chitchat that they got a sword.
  
• Mike Wheeler is bad at naming things, people, and dogs. He will yell something about placeholders when he sees I said that.
  
• Mike Wheeler can also eat far more Chinese food than anyone as skinny as he is should be capable of. The boy's like an endless consuming void. I can only assume the Fox Way grocery bill is a small fortune.

So there you have it.