vallo

I'm stuck babysitting eight children because someone who looks like me, but is not me, said they would. Any advice on how not not stab eight children for being annoying? Or, even better - does someone wants to come watch eight annoying children for me so I can go stab this impersonator?

Alright, tell me something about yourself that might surprise someone to know.

And I don't mean some kind of big fucking secret about how much of a piece of shit you were back in your home or something like that, because I don't really give a crap about anything like that. I want to hear about some kind of surprising talent that people wouldn't peg you for or something cool you did as a kid or about your pet guinea pig or I don't know, fucking good stuff like that.

Come at me. Blow my fucking socks off, let's go.

So if I wanted to get better at defending myself against say, the evil mushrooms and psychotic hands and crap with things other than a baseball bat, who could help me out with that?

[Texts to Lydia Martin]

» This
» Whatever it is
» I mean, this isn't just because you got new memories and have some sense of obligation or something right
» But
» Never mind

[Kenzi, Dream, Laszlo, and Enid]

Hello.

We are taking Enid shopping for an outfit to the goth party. She doesn't own anything that is suitable for the event and I'm determined to see how she looks in black. No, I am not entertaining the idea of pastel goth.

I do not know really what is happening with all of the plants and such but I do know that Laszlo is an incredible topiary artist. This is a man who knows his way around a good bush, what a good bush looks like, and how to manipulate it to do things you would never think would be possible. If anyone needs a bush trimmed or shaped or worked on, Laszlo has only the firmest of appreciation for bushes.

Also VERY IMPORTANT and more important than whatever is happening with the plants is that we have a new dolly!!!! Nadja doll is THRILLED to have a friend but completely coincidentally now our house is very haunted. VERY haunted. Laszlo is complaining about them very much and we VERY OBVIOUSLY do not deal with the G-individual (even thinking it makes blood pour from my eyes) so someone UNRELATED to that come and get rid of these ghosts for us.

OH YES AND ALSO MORE IMPORTANT we are in need of documentary crew members ONCE AGAIN to follow us around with the cameras and the fuzzy...stick and ask questions and record our day to day lives that are VERY interesting apply now.

There is a Mare (also known as mara, mahr, mahrt, mårt, trud, drute, night hag - to name a few) loose in Vallo. They are evil spirits that ride on the chest of sleeping people, bestow nightmares, then feed from the fear it elicits - it is not my doing, in this case.

Back home, I am in charge of nightmares and demons on this level, but we maintain a balance that does not include the overuse of power, and we do not harm mortals that dream. She has been steadily gaining power that she's drawn on her victims thus far and it does not look as if she will stop anytime soon. I can help protect those that sleep, but my reach does not extend far past that.

It is not as simple as hunting spirits in the forest. She may need to be lured, or caught in the act. Suggestions are welcome.

HELLO THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFORMATION YOU WILL EVER READ IN YOUR SHORT TINY LIVES

LASZLO CRAVENSWORTH AKA JACKIE DAYTONA AKA JACK THE RIPPER HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM ME BY WINGED DEVILS

(not the sexy scrumptious kind of Mr. Lucifer)
(unless this is Mr. Lucifer playing a very fun game in which case you cheeky horny little fox)

THIS IS VERY SAD FOR ME AND I WILL ACCEPT ANY AND ALL SUPPORT AS I WAIL AND MY BOSOM HEAVES

also Nandor and Gizmo are COMPLETELY IGNORING MY WAILS FUCKING USELESS I TELL YOU

[OOC - Please note that in any visuals, Essek has longer hair and an eyepatch over his left eye with visible scarring on that side of his face/ear/head k ty bye.]

This is so awkwa Figured out time travel, but did not plan how to

Hello. It feels odd to introduce myself as many of you already know me, but I am Essek Widogast and I'm here with Caleb (also) Widogast. If my husband's perfect recall can be relied upon, which I am willing to stake most everything on it, the versions of us that you know normally should still be deep within the Aeor that was brought to Vallo, being very much themselves while surrounded by ancient Exandrian magic and technology.

Which is to say, and I'm doing a poor job of getting to the point, we are from a different timeline and time. A few hours ago, we were in 2033 within a branch of the future that is hopefully not your own. The Temporal Concurrence and the aligning of the leylines does, it seem, allow for some otherwise so-called impossible magic when one(s) puts many months of work into entirely too many sleepless nights their wizard mind(s) to it.

I cannot promise to keep a long story short as there are many moving parts and I tend to be accidentally verbose in the best of times, but I think many of you may remember the attack from Interitus that happened in August of 2021. He was not as gone as we had all hoped and is now wreaking havoc upon my and Caleb's timeline. Thanks to the concurrence and the influx of magic, our intel is advising that he is planning on ascending beyond his current form into something akin to godhood. Should he do so, his powers will be made more or less limitless and there will be no stopping him from traveling freely within timelines to destroy every version of Vallo, as has been his will all along. Our version has just been practice for him.

As for why we have broken through literal time and space to visit the past, we are seeking aid. This has already been discussed with the DOA, but there are a few things that we are here for specifically.

First, Interitus is using a simulacrum of sorts as a power focus, which has allowed him to bide his time in our world and eventually build up enough power in secret to take over. We believe that this simulacrum had already arrived in March of 2023--in February, specifically. We do not know where, but our hope is that you fine people will be able to locate and destroy it, specifically at the height of the concurrence to not give away our plans.

Second, Caleb and I are in search of a very specific tome from the Great Library. We unfortunately do not have access to the Library in our time as you do now, but we believe that the tome we are looking for has information regarding locating the object needed to pierce through Interitus's magical defenses. If any librarian friends are willing to volunteer to help with that, as we do need this before we return to our time tomorrow, it would be greatly appreciated.

Finally, and I realize that this is the largest ask of them all, a vision from one of the Prigany psychics has shown us that there are specific people in the future that aid in the efforts. Our understanding is that these people come to us from your timeline and travel to our own. We have a list of those people, who I will be filtering separately with more information. Please know there is no expectation. We are not here to force anyone to help, regardless of psychic visions.

This is long and a great deal of information for a Monday, I understand. Caleb and I are here to answer any questions that we can--at least those questions that do not pose more harm to the timelines than our being here already might.

FILTER TO AURORA MORNINGSTAR, BILLY KAPLAN, BO DENNIS, COBB VANTH, DANIEL ARLINGTON, GALADRIEL HIGGINS, GANSEY, GLADIO AMICITIA, IRIS AMICITIA, KATOU YUE, KELLACH DONNALLEN, KRATOS, LAN XICHEN, LILA PITTS, LYDIA MARTIN, ORYM, OSTYIA RABALSKA, REMUS LUPIN, ROGIER, SAM WILSON, SARA LANCE, STEVE HARRINGTON, TALLY CRAVEN, TENNAL HALKANA, THOM SUMMER, TYLER LOCKWOOD, VEX'AHLIA + CALEB WIDOGAST

( OOC cut because I know this is getting long I AM SORRY. )

[FILTERED TO NADJA & LASZLO]

Today is the day. I think everything is ready but I am worried I forgot something. There are candles and music. I will have a final meal delivered. I do not know what kind. I am going to let him choose. I will let him watch the sunset one last time before I do it. There is a tarp so that we do not leave a mess. Oh! Do not go into the attic tonight, I am barring the way so he can’t escape if he gets the death jitters. You know, the twitchies.


I might be a little nervous. Do not be very mean to me!

[FILTERED TO GUILLERMO]

What would you like for your very last meal?

Can't sleep. Listening to music. Drinkin' and smokin'. Thinkin'. Been doing a lot of that. Sometimes I think my head might explode from all of it. Anyway, hey to any other night owls that may be up.

It's disappointing that I missed out on seeing hell simply because I do not feel guilty about my life choices.

Well then.

Some of you types more sensitive to the coming and goings of the world may have felt something a bit off this morning when you rose. Moreso than usual I would suppose. It would seem Vallo has expanded its collection of Hells to include my domain.

And before you ask, no I did not ask for or summon it here. I'm sure some of you nerds enjoy bringing your work home with you but have you seen that throne? I'm lucky not to have a flat arse after all these centuries.

Right. I would advise any of you feeling guilt over that muffin you cheated with this morning to stuff it in the bag with the discarded wrappings and dispose of the lot. Also keep an eye on dead bodies...except vampires and zombies. I think. I suppose they are fairly similar concepts to demons possessing the dead...

In other words, please do not poke the Hell if you can help it and should you need any assistance with its presence causing issue, myself or Rory would be best to ask.

[RORY]

Perhaps I should have asked before volunteering but knowing this lot and their penchant for wining, dining, and trying to mount trouble, I will need all the help I can get with someone familiar with the place.

I had the winning bid on your topiary services from the NYE Charity auction. I have been meaning to reach out to you about setting up a time to discuss that with you. When would be a good time for you?

Right so uh - fun fact? Maybe? You can get high on the mushrooms. Not so fun fact? So can everything else.

Could kind of use a couple extra fliers out here. Guess some small wyvern like creatures on this family's farm decided to eat the attacking mushrooms and now they're all high as shit. Literally and figuratively. Red and I have been trying to corral them in the air so they don't get too far from home while under the influence but there's like thirty of them and it's getting a little dicey.

Heads up if you head over though that a couple of them are getting a little aggressive too and been trying to snap at us but it's nothing too crazy.

[ coordinates ]

I don't believe in karma, but it seems I'll never escape the meaningless affirmation of social media. But as I don't have my typewriter or my cello, I'm finding that I have nothing else to do at the moment. And as much as Enid giggles while she messages people, I will admit some curiosity.

[Enid]

Also, I have some rather distressing news. Quite possibly the worst.

OH HELLO, have we missed Krampus because of You-Know-What-Mas? I have told him time and time again, could you perhaps not pick another month?? So that there are no silent nights (although they should not be so silent if you're doing it right if you know what I mean) or ho--I cannot even type the word without my fingers starting to bleed but the other kind of night or the manger thing. THE NIGHT IS MEANT TO BE OUR SANCTUARY.

(Guillermo, go and do a check on the entire place to make sure there are no surprise You-Know-What-Mas things around so we don't have to worry about starting on fire)

But yes, Krampus is an old friend!!! Well, I suppose Laszlo met him first--his whole whipping deal was very appealing to him obviously, but you know what they say about never meeting your heroes? It was a bit like that. Not disappointing, but. You expect one thing and get another. Nice creature! Probably good whipping.

EVERYONE PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD

Jackie Daytona, American Yankee Doodle Dandy, salt of the earth, volleyball aficionado, and, he would want me to stress this because it is the most important part, REGULAR HUMAN BARTENDER is now.........A POTTED PLANT

ALSO PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THIS NEXT PART BECAUSE IT IS PERHAPS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT I JUST SAID

and I have been having a very passionate, intimate, and carnal affair with him!!!!!!!!!! Was it the blue jeans? The toothpick? His remarkable accent from Arizonya Arizon Aryzynya Arizoninaia a place? Or the sheer and absolute lust between us? We may never know, the hormones want what the hormones want and as we all know I am irresistible with my pheromones and my singing and my bosom and even though I had to talk of human things such as pizza and it being wine o'clock somewhere (the actual fuck that means, I do not know) and how leggings are in fact pants (??????????) NOW IT IS OVER BECAUSE HE IS A PLANT!!!!!!

I AM GRIEVING.

tw: discussion of pregnancy in comments

Things I didn't miss:

Nearly burning down the house trying to make a Thanksgiving dinner.

Things I am missing:

Black Friday. I need new boots and do not want to pay full retail thank you very much.

((pls to ignore the tag dump on this))