vallo

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An entity that I can only describe as a ghost pirate just attempted to abscond me of all of the various earrings and jewelry on my person, which is a great deal regarding the former thanks to, you know, long ears.

That is a sentence that I both wrote and is 100% factual and truthful.

I was once a high-ranking government official at court and the eldest son of the matriarch of respected noble family. I am now being interrupted while grocery shopping in order to prove to ghost pirates that my wedding ring is my own. What is this life, sometimes?

HELLO EVERYONE

I am sorry to say that CRIMES have occurred.

The crimes are kidnapping.

The perpetrators are the geese (again).

I will remind everyone to conduct proper surveillance and to secure the perimeter before attempting anything.

THEY CANNOT BE NEGOTIATED WITH (again) (I do not think, I tried, bird-to-bird).

We are at the lake (again) (this is embarrassing for me but DADS I did not MEAN to get kidnapped)

Thank you.

Hello. I may have found something. I have been attempting to follow a trail ever since Eliphas was attacked by these anxiety-inducing beasts. Not even my best tracking forms were helping much until today, when I got wind in the swampier section of the forest. There are caves here, a whole system of them, and they are extensive enough that it would not be wise to go in alone.

Fair warning, I do not know how many may be inside or if there is a master creature to contend with once we are there. That said, I am certain others will not mind the risk if it means finding the creatures responsible for hurting our people and personally see to it that it does not happen again.

[the cave's coordinates]

The gas station attendant is dead.

[TW in comments about death and corpses.]

Alright, I don't know what kind of insane shit got Knowhere cursed, but we've got a sudden influx of garden gnomes. Yeah, you read that right: garden gnomes.

And this isn't like "oh, some asshole planted little bearded dude statues around the place for a joke." No. These things are alive and causing as much fucking chaos as they can. They've got weapons, and they yell a lot of vulgar shit in heavy English accents, and they don't go down unless you basically kill them - then they turn into statues again.

Anyway, the six of us are up to our asses in a sea of vindictive garden gnomes over here for some reason, so if anyone wants to get some anger out, head our way. We're trying to figure out if there's some kind of magical beacon or trigger or something right now, so anyone with a head for that kind of thing would be great too.

[FILTERED TO DEFENSE TEAMS/RESERVES/TECH/RESEARCH]

It's that time again. Don't make any plans for the 15th. This one is going to take some pre-planning and it involves everyone in Defense.

( Tandem Bicycle Games )

Hey. Look at this shit. ( Cut for images! )

Fucking great, I know.

FILTERED TO GUARDIANS

Remember the wedding? Plans made - this Friday, 3:00 at the courthouse in Vallo City.

So I ain't done electronic mail since before the war and it weren't near as colorful as what I'm seeing here. But I gotta say this has gotta be less annoying than them Pip-Boys.

Never you mind about all that, though. I'm still trying to adjust to seeing trees and whole buildings again. And civilized folk. And pure, free water. Gimme a day to get used to this and maybe I'll be sure this ain't some dream or you folk aren't some drug-induced fantasy of mine. Or with my luck, some kind of experiment by them Vault-Tec scientists I heard about.

GUARDIANS.

Per Earth custom, I gave Peter a ring to express my intent to wed him. He accepted, so we'll be doing that at [...] some point. I'm honestly not very picky. Whatever's decided, we'd just want to make sure you're all there too.

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[DEFENSE]

Just spotted our potion boy, looks like he's got an illusionary wall covering a cave entrance. Well, that or he can walk through stone.

Coordinates:

Send backup, but I'm going in to investigate and maybe, hopefully, get him to surrender. That's gotta happen eventually, right?

45 seconds later...

[DEFENSE]

[robotic voice]
User Iris Amicitia has triggered their emergency alarm. Please assist them with urgency, including medical supplies. User has recorded the following message along with the alarm.

[Iris' voice]
HE'S A GIANT FUCKING SNAKE!

[robotic voice]
Thank you for using the Emergency Services app, please remember to provide feedback when you're safe again.

Despite the best efforts of fate, Spring mead is out at Asynja. If you like floral flavors, good news. We have Hibiscus, Rose, and Lavender brewed to human strength, and several barrels of Lavender brewed to knock gods off their feet. Enjoy.

[Filtered to Kate Bishop]
If I disappeared, would you take over the meadery, close it, or sell it?
[/filter]

hey I got another sighting on that cat beast whatever the hell it is. saw it getting bullied by some ants so groot and I stepped in. it disappeared before I could try and COMMUNICATE of course. it didn't fight back though. ain't sure if it can't or if it just won't. I mean it's got claws right? anyway groot tried catching a scent to follow it but he got distracted by squirrels so there's that.

think I mighta got some readings on my datapad that could be useful. guess we'll see. anybody want to see what barbecued ant tastes like?

[Defense Team B]

Hey everyone, it's time to welcome a new member to Team B. That's B for Bad-ass. Hyphenated because then it'd be two words and wouldn't work. (I think that was Quill's idea? Correct me if I'm wrong)

So hey Deleneios, I hope you're ready for the best team in the business. Let me do a round of introductions, in case any of you are super familiar with each other. It's Del for short, right?

First up is Gamora. Team mom. Mean and green, she gets the job done and makes sure we stay hydrated. She's freakin tough - both in battle and on the team if they get out of line.

Then there's Quill. Team mom's assistant. Great go-to for music. Surprisingly good at plans. Great fashion sense and somehow kind of charming? He can be bribed with Pop Rocks.

Putting Nebula third because that's my favorite number. She's unstoppable, determined, dangerous, and has a dark sense of humor. She also has a flying car. And quite possibly the coolest arm in existence (sorry Shiro, even though he can't see this).

Up next is Rocket. Three feet tall with ten feet of skill. He can do it all, engineering, aviation, marksmanship. He even runs a radio station in his spare time - also great music tastes. If you ever need something blown up, just text him. You'll probably see Groot with him - very cute little guy but do NOT underestimate him.

You probably know Orym, so I am putting him as the bookend on this introduction. He's mostly here to help me finesse the DOA when our team goes "above and beyond." No, I'm kidding. Am I? Very skilled with sword and board, he's a great addition to the team and we're happy to have him. Plus he gets along with Groot because he can make plants grow.

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After figuring out explosives weren't the best route, the vacuum cleaner I rigged has contained the slime without them getting out and nobody has had to touch them.

Who do I send the containers to? I can incinerate them.