vallo

For the record, I just watched a number of jack-o-lanterns roll around campus, trying to bite at the ankles of students running around and away from them between classes. I was able to stop one with a firebolt, but the person it was chasing seemed more irritated that they were covered in hot pumpkin goo than that I had saved their ankles from being gnawed on, so—everyone else has to fend for themselves, now.

Anyway, happy Tuesday? I hope your feet aren't chewed on by a pumpkin today.

First off, hi. I have time traveled. Or I guess my mind has? Another Vallo thing, I see. But anyway, just because I've been away from Vallo for so long doesn't mean I don't post about things I remember from my world that just stick with me for some reason or another!

And today's thing that stuck with me is that October 1st is International Raccoon Appreciation Day back on plain ol' Earth. Should be universal if you ask me. Therefore, ROCKET! If you're still here, let's get you some treats.

ALSO ALSO, Diego and Lila, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I want to get you some treats too.

I'm pretty sure my mom would yell at me for posting this, but I can't find her. Does anyone know where she is? Or what these creepy scarecrows are doing around the house? I think they're moving closer?

An entity that I can only describe as a ghost pirate just attempted to abscond me of all of the various earrings and jewelry on my person, which is a great deal regarding the former thanks to, you know, long ears.

That is a sentence that I both wrote and is 100% factual and truthful.

I was once a high-ranking government official at court and the eldest son of the matriarch of respected noble family. I am now being interrupted while grocery shopping in order to prove to ghost pirates that my wedding ring is my own. What is this life, sometimes?

Hey fun fucking facts for today:

1. So you can call them a flock of turkeys, but they're also called a rafter of turkeys and what the fuck is up with that.

2. Our house is surrounded by a rafter of turkeys. ( cut for image! )

3. They're mean fuckers, shit and damn. I can respect that and all, but also I don't know who in this house offended the turkeys (Chet? Dorian?) but they're currently pecking at the siding and windows and shit. It might be fucking on.

and 4. Letters, don't go outside.

Hello. I require the address of this being you referred to before as Gwen.

I also require a crossbow.

Just to make sure I have this straight: I'm in a place that has drawn people in from all across the multiverse, as well as having a native population. And then on top of that some people who were brought here are now in a horror series on tv, playing characters in roles that they didn't necessarily choose? And there's no way for me to connect with them?

Where's Wanda? Is she alright?

Are the people in this television show alright? Even if... they die?

Alright, I don't know what kind of insane shit got Knowhere cursed, but we've got a sudden influx of garden gnomes. Yeah, you read that right: garden gnomes.

And this isn't like "oh, some asshole planted little bearded dude statues around the place for a joke." No. These things are alive and causing as much fucking chaos as they can. They've got weapons, and they yell a lot of vulgar shit in heavy English accents, and they don't go down unless you basically kill them - then they turn into statues again.

Anyway, the six of us are up to our asses in a sea of vindictive garden gnomes over here for some reason, so if anyone wants to get some anger out, head our way. We're trying to figure out if there's some kind of magical beacon or trigger or something right now, so anyone with a head for that kind of thing would be great too.

First, and most importantly: thanks for a fun time yesterday, defense powers that be. Team Red is still first in my heart, but also I now almost want a bicycle? Perplexing, that.

Second, and less important: I am still finding mud on my person after Sunday. Glad the weather is back to normal, even if a lot of quick snowmelt seems to turn everything into an absolutely muddy mess when it comes to obstacle courses in the woods. Fingers crossed for a normal day on Sunday, just to end on a high note.

Anyway, now that I've jinxed us.

Third, vaguely important if you want it to be: yesterday would have been the start of Highsummer back home, which is less a thing for death goddess champions and more a thing of Dawnfather champions, like my sister. It's a lot of gift giving, being thankful, and hanging of lights in trees, so very much a summertime Winter's Crest or Christmas, if you want to compare. Long story short, if you need an excuse to give gifts or pull out the Christmas decor in Sydenstar/July, do it for Vex'ahlia. (Or Pelor, I guess?)

FILTERED TO GUARDIANS

Remember the wedding? Plans made - this Friday, 3:00 at the courthouse in Vallo City.

Okay, so I have a small problem. Literally.

El and I made this map we’ve been calling Vallo Village, right? And we got Billy to do some magic to make it look a little more realistic, which worked, but maybe worked a little too well. Or not exactly. Ms. Maximoff says it seems like sympathetic magic from Vallo got involved because I based some of the map on an old part of the city.

Anyway the point is I just got a prayer? from the village? for help from mighty adventurers?.

It looks like my campaign is happening whether it’s finished or not, so basically I really need some people to come down and save a tiny village from [...] okay I can’t type it, wtf. Call it certain peril. I need people to go into the map and save the village from certain peril. I can’t tell you what the peril is for some reason, probably the magic again, but the peril is bad and it’s going to ruin the lives of all these people who were supposed to just be fictional and now are real.

So, uh…who wants to be an adventurer? Ms. Maximoff says she can work with the magic that’s affecting the map using my extra miniatures, if we can get people to volunteer to be bound to them for a little bit. You’ll just have to kind of be a character while you’re in there - you’ll have whatever powers the miniature’s class comes with, and you should probably come up with a name.

Anyone? Please, I know this sounds stupid, but that little town is a real little town now, and they need our help.

So I ain't done electronic mail since before the war and it weren't near as colorful as what I'm seeing here. But I gotta say this has gotta be less annoying than them Pip-Boys.

Never you mind about all that, though. I'm still trying to adjust to seeing trees and whole buildings again. And civilized folk. And pure, free water. Gimme a day to get used to this and maybe I'll be sure this ain't some dream or you folk aren't some drug-induced fantasy of mine. Or with my luck, some kind of experiment by them Vault-Tec scientists I heard about.

How long are the days here anyway? Not that I have a problem with day drinking, but this is kind of weird.

Oh. Right. I'm Valkyrie. Any rules on claiming one of the empty cottages in New Asgard as my own?

GUARDIANS.

Per Earth custom, I gave Peter a ring to express my intent to wed him. He accepted, so we'll be doing that at [...] some point. I'm honestly not very picky. Whatever's decided, we'd just want to make sure you're all there too.

Friday Night at Galahd's, it's KARAOKE. One free drink for anyone who gets up and does a song. Good for up to 3 songs. Order some bar food to go with it, don't drink on an empty stomach. Bring friends, make it a party, have a good time while we're still here and still young (ish, for some of you).

[DEFENSE]

Just spotted our potion boy, looks like he's got an illusionary wall covering a cave entrance. Well, that or he can walk through stone.

Coordinates:

Send backup, but I'm going in to investigate and maybe, hopefully, get him to surrender. That's gotta happen eventually, right?

45 seconds later...

[DEFENSE]

[robotic voice]
User Iris Amicitia has triggered their emergency alarm. Please assist them with urgency, including medical supplies. User has recorded the following message along with the alarm.

[Iris' voice]
HE'S A GIANT FUCKING SNAKE!

[robotic voice]
Thank you for using the Emergency Services app, please remember to provide feedback when you're safe again.

I will be finishing my degree next month. There is a requirement that I complete a technology project and share it with others for feedback. This is a one-time thing, do not get used to it. Please submit your feedback by end of day tomorrow, as I will be submitting it on Monday.

This is ReaperCAM. I have set up several monitoring locations to keep an eye on this troublemaker. No, I do not know the name of the other one but I enjoy that it harasses Reaper in such a manner that he harasses me.

hey I got another sighting on that cat beast whatever the hell it is. saw it getting bullied by some ants so groot and I stepped in. it disappeared before I could try and COMMUNICATE of course. it didn't fight back though. ain't sure if it can't or if it just won't. I mean it's got claws right? anyway groot tried catching a scent to follow it but he got distracted by squirrels so there's that.

think I mighta got some readings on my datapad that could be useful. guess we'll see. anybody want to see what barbecued ant tastes like?

[Defense Team B]

Hey everyone, it's time to welcome a new member to Team B. That's B for Bad-ass. Hyphenated because then it'd be two words and wouldn't work. (I think that was Quill's idea? Correct me if I'm wrong)

So hey Deleneios, I hope you're ready for the best team in the business. Let me do a round of introductions, in case any of you are super familiar with each other. It's Del for short, right?

First up is Gamora. Team mom. Mean and green, she gets the job done and makes sure we stay hydrated. She's freakin tough - both in battle and on the team if they get out of line.

Then there's Quill. Team mom's assistant. Great go-to for music. Surprisingly good at plans. Great fashion sense and somehow kind of charming? He can be bribed with Pop Rocks.

Putting Nebula third because that's my favorite number. She's unstoppable, determined, dangerous, and has a dark sense of humor. She also has a flying car. And quite possibly the coolest arm in existence (sorry Shiro, even though he can't see this).

Up next is Rocket. Three feet tall with ten feet of skill. He can do it all, engineering, aviation, marksmanship. He even runs a radio station in his spare time - also great music tastes. If you ever need something blown up, just text him. You'll probably see Groot with him - very cute little guy but do NOT underestimate him.

You probably know Orym, so I am putting him as the bookend on this introduction. He's mostly here to help me finesse the DOA when our team goes "above and beyond." No, I'm kidding. Am I? Very skilled with sword and board, he's a great addition to the team and we're happy to have him. Plus he gets along with Groot because he can make plants grow.