vallo

[FILTERED TO FRIENDS OF BLUE]

If you weren't already aware, Blue's birthday is this Thursday. I have a room booked at Destruction Junction at 7pm on Friday, it's themed, but all you have to bring is yourselves if you'd like to attend. You'll have to sign a liability waiver but this specific theme is more meant for fun than danger.

There will be food (not pizza) and cake in abundance for everyone to enjoy after, at Monmouth. It's only partially furnished at the moment but there's at least a pool table and couches for "hanging out".

[FILTERED TO BLUE]

I didn't want to presume to take the liberty of packing a bag for you or trying anything too spontaneous, so would you be open to being kidnapped on Thursday? I took the entire day off.

HELLO it is me, NADJA here. Perhaps some of you have seen or visited the Night Market (it is a bit of a misstatement since they are open all the time but you know, BRANDING and all) or perhaps you are very curious. Either way, I, NADJA have some very important tips for you.

1. There is a hag, her name is Celestina or something like that, TOTAL BITCH. When you go by her booth, you spit on the ground and say 'Nadja sent me.' Women have to stick together, but when you are a hag named Celestina, you may ROT.

2. The Night Market will only allow for bartering (goods, services, your soul) or for spending gold, silver, gems, your left eye, things like that. But honestly, bartering is your best bet because OF COURSE someone will be like, oh no, I can't make change for 35 gold coins I may as well just keep the whole thing and then you are up the river of shit without a way to row.

3. NEVER TAKE THE FIRST OFFER. Put a very disdainful look in your eye and surmise that perhaps the goblins down the way would take less. Then huff, shimmy your bosom, and prepare to walk away.

4. If you are a human DO NOT GO ALONE. They can smell it on you and will be on you SO fast. Do not let anyone take you anywhere. There is a bandersnatch, that if you sneeze in front of him, he will think you are now a part of his harem.

5. It is so fun!!!!! There are so many things to barter for, and if you enjoy slightly offensive t-shirts you will be AMAZED!!!! Just be careful because you may accidentally purchase a cursed item and then, well, too bad for you.

If your name is Al or my darling cupcake kitten Catra or Peel you are in VERY GOOD LUCK because we are going on a field trip to the Night Market very soon!!! And you may pick out something as a treat.

The end? I still don't know how to end these fucking things. Goodbye?

[ Filtered to Leon ]

Hey man, I know you don't find defense patrols that much fun. When you got a free night, you know where I'll be.

[ /Filter]

[ Filtered to Wanda ]

Hey mirror lady. Last I heard from Stephen was that you guys got one hell of a mindfuck from home. When it rains...

I don't know how to make this not be the worst thing ever. But if you want to get shit-faced, I know how to do that.

[ /Filter]

Wait wait wait wait. I'm gonna need you guys to use small words 'cause I'm an old guy.

Evil records? And how did dragons get involved?

I was uh--- out of commission all weekend. Would appreciate a summary.

rar( rawr )

Today's been interesting at the clinic. As a doctor, I'll advise to not hold in your sneezes because you could potentially pop your eardrums. In that same vein, I'd like to know the most interesting snot creation that has happened thus far. You all never disappoint me.

And I thought I might try my luck here for something new that doesn't have to do with Disaster. I'd actually like to get started on Spanish language lessons. Is anyone fluent in the language who wouldn't mind teaching me? I'm not her-- Is it stupid-- I miss her--

I can offer some useful magic tidbits or new spells in return, unless you're Carol Danvers. Or whatever else - cold hard cash if preferred. I'm sure we can come up with something.


( private message to colt )

Does anyone want an angel garden gnome?



And now there's four, one of whom is nude. I'm going back to bed.

Now that was a party. Had a great time, you two lovebirds. Cross my fingers and toes you aren't sucked into a hell dimension where some wolf-masked motherfucker hits on you and you have to summon rats to escape. Ain't love sweet.

In other news. I've been sitting on them but if anyone's feeling nostalgic, I woke up to a whole buncha records from home. Not all of them, but a chunk of the heavy hitters - the Sha Na Nas, the Read It and Weeps, and a chunk of Frank Spicer's back catalog. I even got me a old Louise Brighton B-side. Now, I know none of that sounds familiar to any of y'all uncultured swine, save maybe background music to your trauma, but me? I got me a complicated relationship with Blackreef's soundtrack. So I've been ~enjoying~ myself, been fucking around with my record player, making improvements, making it purr. It needed a new cartridge which was fun to find here in Vallo. Had me a nice little Sunday looking through the junk markets. No one shot me. If this is retirement, call me an old-ass geezer 'cause I fucking love it.

Still at Sofia's. Been waiting to get bored. Hasn't happened yet. Eldritch garlic knots have got themselves a way of preying on the mind.

WHO: Colt Vahn and Daud
WHAT: A retired assassin and a retired test pilot have a chat about life after the Void
WHEN: A couple weeks ago probably
WHERE: A pier in New Asgard
WARNINGS: Attempted fish murder, language

( Here was an actual link to the world that had been - a world that his relatives had living memory of - and Colt was one nosy motherfucker. )

Good morning, fellow Outlanders!

You are all invited to participate in this year's Outlanders and Animals calendar! Be your best sexy sexy self in a photoshoot with all the cutest and coolest animals at the Vallo Wildlife Rehabilitation Sanctuary and the Vallo City Animal Shelter, and help us to repeat the incredible success of last year's effort.

[Wei Wuxian's favorite photo from last year's calendar, which involves much male nudity and bunnies]

We are also seeking volunteer photographers, makeup artists, stylists, set dressers, and others who are skilled artisans/artists comfortable with and respectful toward a variety of people and animals in varying states of undress.

Please express your interest as a volunteer model or artist in the comments here, and I will follow up with you accordingly.

My thanks and respect,
Lan Xichen
Acting Director of The Art of Expression

Anyone here a professional at sharpening knives? Not "does anyone here own a whetstone." I can do that. I'm looking for one of those people who can see the edge in their soul and turn it fine as a cloud. A proper "Death and the Blacksmith" type.







This is your monthly announcement that I'm alive, Syd.

Chasing after the Cloak, who is chasing after a bunch of snowballs with faces is pretty normal for Vallo, I think. But Vishanti's sake.

Also sudden dumps of new mental letters from home are annoying - who else has experienced those? Has it changed you here? I mean physically. Besides the 'well, thanks for the new trauma' change.

Additionally, I'm looking for someone to spar with. I do my katas every morning but practicing with a quarterstaff has fallen by the wayside. If anyone's interested, let me know. I can bring us to the Mirror Dimension or wherever else.

filtered to friends and family:

Wanda and I set a date for the wedding. It will happen on June 4th, atop our favorite mountain that we sort of broke again after we fucked on-- and we'll have a portal or two open to help people get there, but we don't anticipate the entirety of Vallo. We just would like our friends and family to join us for the ceremony and also for a reception back at the Sanctum afterward.

filtered to kate danvers, specifically:

Soooooo.

Encanto Oculto is set to start this Friday at Moowich Cove. It's basically a weeklong beach party with sunshine, magic, drugs, a carnival, live bands, and private cabanas to do that you like in them. Food and drinks will be provided for by local eateries and food trucks. Ends on the 15th, come and goes as you please with wristband.

21+ enforced by age line, shimmer illusion all along the area to keep virginal eyes safe from accidentally seeing things they might not want to, and an entry fee of one regalo to whatever party deity you believe in to burn in a bonfire as well as a monetary donation to a local charity. Proof of donation must be brought with you or you can do it at entry. There is a waiver you need to sign to enter.

Questions? Hit me now because I'm ghosting all of you come this Friday, for a week.

rar( rawr )

Where is the fish market?

[COLT VAHN]

You good?

I just had the weirdest dream.

I always wanted to do something big and meaningful with my life. Got a problem? Throw me at it. Fought in the war, stayed in the military working science bullshit (I was the guinea pig, not the scientist), eventually joined up with the AEON motherfuckers...

I don't know man. I'm tired. I just got a job working at that Italian place in the void. Sofia's. I don't think you Vallo-types call it the void, but that's what it reminds me of, so that's what I'm calling it. It's just lugging pasta around, taking orders, but it's solid and it keeps my mind off the kind of shit that keeps me up at night.

And lifting all those heavy trays? Mmmmhmm gotta get me on that dating app thing I keep hearing about. My favor to you.

I don't plan on staying at Sofia's forever - and I mean, I don't know if I can; the bartender had some kinda weird monologue about how the longer I worked there the more I belonged which... nahhhhh - but when I get my feet up from under me maybe I'll go back to something working with the community. I worked in security for a good long time. Maybe with time I'll be feeling all kinds of inspired.

Anyone else fancy and important who are happy doing menial shit for the time being?