vallo

This stupid place can eat an entire bag of dicks.

Honestly, this whole week is such fucking bullshit. You'd think they'd fucking cancel finals when there's giant fucking hands wandering around? I had to kill one of these assholes so I could get to my History final, and then I had to fight off a group of freshmen that were all clinging to me and getting snot all over my clothes afterwards, and then my History teacher told me I couldn't actually bring Shiranui into the classroom with me as if I'm gonna cheat off a damn sword or something.

Shoulda just skipped the whole damn thing. If there's another one of these things hanging around when I show up for my math final tomorrow I'm just gonna turn around and go home no matter how many ickle freshies it has cornered.

Hey folks, welcome to the shitty future you're hoping to avoid for yourselves. Thanks for coming.

When you came from, the network is for fun. Here, it's the primary communication medium for a resistance that's scrambling to survive, and it's under constant attack and held together with paperclips and hope. This means:

• Don't try to run a bunch of data across it unless you need to. Keep your comms to text as much as possible.
  
• SECURITY IS PARAMOUNT. You'll notice the passphrase requirements are stricter than on the network you came from. That's because Murderbot got hacked/enthralled and he can bruteforce your oh-so-clever "password1" in about two seconds without even having to know you'd pick a password that dumb in the first place.
  
• Smash your device to pieces before you let it fall into the hands of the enemy.
  

Which of you fuckers has the good moonshine Just want it on the record that I hate this plan. Now who wants an end of the world, we'll probably all be dead in a week tattoo? Don't be a wuss, step up.

Okay. Right. Three things:

1. SERIOUSLY?!?!?!
2. Bonnie? Lizzie? Everyone else I know? Who's still around?
3. How is it that I'm at the DOA for literally five minutes and Brenda was already in my space talking about her latest attempt at being her own boss????
4. SERIOUSLY?

Okay so it was four, but number one really needed to be repeated.

... Hi! So um, I've had a few weeks to adjust and sleep and figure out how to fly (!!!) now and I'm all refreshed and doing pretty good except for almost burning myself alive this mo!

I'm a vampire! AMA (Ask Me Anything)!

Due to present circumstances, I'll be moving to a different apartment at Morningside this weekend. The old one is far too much space for one person. It will be a shame to leave the laboratory behind, but staying would be wasteful. And I do not want to remember

I am considering the necessity of a lab assistant once I have settled somewhere new. Someone studying biology or chemistry or medicine, with an interest in the arcane and in improving lives. Someone organized; one of us should be. Someone in university? Perhaps high school if you are of whatever the legal age is for such things. I don't know what the laws are here. Child labor is fine where I'm from so I haven't looked into it?

Full disclosure I killed my last assistant. I do not intend to do that again, but it seemed relevant.

[ Filtered to the Science Community ]

Does anyone have unused laboratory space I might use for my projects? Brigitte, I had heard you might, but I did not want to impose.

[ /Filter ]

SO, in my high school, someone once came up with one of those chocolate/carnation/candy telegrams that you probably saw in Mean Girls except for Valentine's Day instead of Christmas... probably a student union group thing. The concept was super duper cute, honestly! They could be anonymous if you wanted and the money was raised for a good cause!

Until, you know... you realized it became like this popularity contest, because the popular ones got a whole bunch of them and some of us got none or like one or two from the only two people who were your friends. Yeah, it was kind of a crappy feeling. I almost decided "what if I got everyone in this high school some candy?" But there's a kid who is an absolute douche so I decided against it for now.

HOWEVER, I did just get a crapload of chocolates on sale. The best Valentine for me this year was me!

You know what doesn't happen every day? This weird group of people kidnapping you off the street to buy them alcohol and then refusing to let you leave the group because you need to "loosen" up and dragging you so many places in a city you're not even familiar with AND THEN your phone dies so you have to steal a charger because they lost your wallet.

I had someone's grandmother doing a lap dance on me. It's like she refused to believe a person her age was at a higher risk for hip dislocation doing that. Though maybe Sheila was right and I'd still be able to do that for her at that age if she bit me damn it I miss her

I need a ride from [address] and a hot shower and to never leave the apartment again.

Who: Squee, Loofa, and Yahoo the demons, some poor kid just trying to do his job, & Joel Hammond
Where: The Corner Liquor Store
When: Late afternoon, early evening
What: The drinking age might be 18 in Vallo but you still need to provide an ID
Rating: PG - no real warnings

( When you wake up with no wallet, you gotta make do. )

Well then.

Some of you types more sensitive to the coming and goings of the world may have felt something a bit off this morning when you rose. Moreso than usual I would suppose. It would seem Vallo has expanded its collection of Hells to include my domain.

And before you ask, no I did not ask for or summon it here. I'm sure some of you nerds enjoy bringing your work home with you but have you seen that throne? I'm lucky not to have a flat arse after all these centuries.

Right. I would advise any of you feeling guilt over that muffin you cheated with this morning to stuff it in the bag with the discarded wrappings and dispose of the lot. Also keep an eye on dead bodies...except vampires and zombies. I think. I suppose they are fairly similar concepts to demons possessing the dead...

In other words, please do not poke the Hell if you can help it and should you need any assistance with its presence causing issue, myself or Rory would be best to ask.

[RORY]

Perhaps I should have asked before volunteering but knowing this lot and their penchant for wining, dining, and trying to mount trouble, I will need all the help I can get with someone familiar with the place.

Similar to Adam's post, the DOA has slowly becoming less populated by Outlanders. I'm about to challenge the magic department to an office games tournament just to keep things lively.

If you're looking for a job, or new job, there are opportunities in the DOA as Outlander Representatives to the Vallo Government, Community Outreach, Medical Lead, PR & Comms, Welcoming Committee Lead and staff, Education Department Lead and staff, and Defense Department members.

Must be able to deal with Brenda and her damn essential oils.

I had to kill this.

[photo of an Aeorian absorber with three bullet wounds, one through each of its eyes.]

Does anyone know if it's edible or what parts of it have other uses?

My hair fell out when I killed it.  I'm going to stay inside until I figure out how to cover my scars. for a while, after I take care of the remains.

Thank you to everyone who helped the younger me. I'm glad she had a break from her life. Sorry to anyone I bothered when I turned into a pirate. That was a strange night.

Also - While I don't believe in love at first sight, even believing in love is,  I have made an exception.  There is a new guy in my life.

( Picture )

You'd think school where would be more understanding when you spent two weeks being a literal child. How the fuck am I supposed to find the time to do all this back homework and makeup exams?

[Filtered to friends]

Turns out I had a big fucking mouth when I was a kid, so guess there's no sense in ignoring it.

Yeah, my name's Yue. You can call me that if you want to, I guess. Yuu's also fine.

If I hear any cracks about how I've got a girly name, I'll kick your ass and revoke given name privileges.

EDIT:
[Message to Adam]

Hi, it's me, the brat who looked at cows with you. Though I doubt you even remember

I've been told you do like, tutoring.

((ooc note: Abigail's been aged down to when her father was the shrike. It's an open post, I'm putting it under a cut as there may be mentions of abuse/brainwashing))

( please read above first )

It's been a few days. I watched that...thing forced on people and I



I'm right in assuming that my wife being the love of my life and also a recently turned zombie, the head of her first victim being our housemate and kind of a dick in our basement, and my teenage daughter blowing up a fracking site is probably not even the strangest thing that has happened here or does happen here.

It's almost nice.

There is a very nice person trying to reassure me that I am not dead when I absolutely know I am dead. Recently deceased but deceased nonetheless, did not rise from the dead because I have no unusual carnivorous cravings. The name of this place is literally the DOA.

Someone just give it to me straight. Tell me the truth. I can handle it.

tw: discussion of pregnancy in comments

Things I didn't miss:

Nearly burning down the house trying to make a Thanksgiving dinner.

Things I am missing:

Black Friday. I need new boots and do not want to pay full retail thank you very much.

((pls to ignore the tag dump on this))