vallo

Surveying the woods while on patrol and came across a building that I don't recall being here before. I know things shift around constantly, but for something that looks so recently destroyed, yet old, I feel like I would have noticed this by now. Does anyone know anything about this?


(Pretend the cabin looks more destroyed - gaping holes in the walls and roof caved in.)

Team B, dropped you a pin. I need help to secure the location.

[ FILTERED TO SHIRO & SARA ]
Commanders, I've done some recon inside and found some medical files and concerning photographs of a young child that looks to have been experimented on. I'm going to secure the location with the rest of the team and then bring them back to the office.

( Read more... )

[FILTERED TO AVENGERS + DEFENSE DEPARTMENT + EMME'S PEOPLE]

This new shitshow hit Emme. I knew she wasn't herself and when I called her on it, she flipped and attacked me. Cosmic energy fucked her up and she vomited up some sort of black sludge that's seriously concerning, then split. Might be possessed or something - I have no clue. But I don't break easily and she got through skin which isn't healing.

Keep an eye out. She's dangerous and I wouldn't be surprised if she hurt someone else. We need to keep her contained until this gets fixed.

If you find her, let me know immediately.

Okay, what the hell is going on now? Raylan woke up claiming his name is "Joel", and I'm almost positive he's having a mental breakdown.

[ooc: because ed refuses to know how to work his device, this is meant to be a video post, italics are what speech to text overheard while he's talking to himself]



Someone's been on my ship. There'd better not being anything fucking missing or I'll cut off their toes.

Hey, you want to know what sucks? Pregnancy growing pains. You know what I didn't have to deal with the first time? This bullshit, because I slept right through it. My hips fucking hurt, you guys. 😭 AMA

[GROUP TEXTS TO THE HOMESTEAD + RAYLAN, PRUE, AND SYDNEY]

» I don't want to waste the fact that Disney is here.
» And since I'm pretty sure all of our parents sucked, I think we should go.
» The girls will like it, at least.

Vallo woke up today and chose violence.

First Steve and now Caroline? Nope. I'm going back to bed, man. Or more likely, going into the office on a Saturday because holy shirt I don't think anyone realizes how much Caroline did around here and then still found time to go out to lunch and catch up.

This place really sucks sometimes.

Do you identify as a woman? Do you want to bang other women, and/or be romantic with other women? Doesn't have to be full-time, even. Come to Gideon Nav's (me!) Queer Women + Swords, which I am opening up to include people who identify as men --- just kidding, keep moving, men, MOVE ALONG -- but to include women who wield alternate weapons to swords! So if you poison with antique rings, blow up people's heads with magic, or I don't know, trip people, COME TO QUEER WOMEN AND SWORDS. It's happening Sunday afternoon. We're going to try to find that weird Italian restaurant in the woods that's never in the same place twice, eat garlic knots, and maybe fight one another, not sure. Keeping it open.

RSVP or RIP.

So like at first I was like I so did not do the spell thing so I shouldn’t be somewhere else. But then I was like I don’t usually wake up in the middle of the woods when I teleport so it couldn’t have been that anyway. Plus there were like nice people who didn't freakout when they saw me and I only freaked out a little--I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SORRY I DUSTED YOU, MR. THOR!

Its cool though. We're eating really amazing pizza at a place called Nino's and he said I should say hi and introduce myself. He also said a Mr. Jacob has very soft hair and he likes to touch it.

But hi! I'm Megan or Pixie. Either works for me. I like bubblegum, Dazzler and not being shot at. And I get 2 out of the 3 of those here, so this place is already 100000% better than home. And Mr. Thor said I might end up getting Dazzler anyway.

Who can tell me where the good candy stores are?

[TEXT MESSAGES TO WYNONNA EARP]

>> NOW THAT THAT'S OVER!
>> I think we need to talk about setting up proper wards,
>> We can't keep letting the Homestead get slammed, Nonna.
>> The place is only gonna hold up through so much of this insanity.

[TEXT MESSAGES TO NICOLE HAUGHT] (sent later)

>> Hey baby!
>> So Wynonna and I were talking about putting up wards on the Homestead.
>> And we were thinking maybe I could try it.
>> Like maybe I could bless the land??

Is it terrible that I'm already hooked on Serendipity Hills?

Since this place fucking sucks sometimes, Blue and I set up a bunch of rando targets to throw axes at. We're going to play loud angry lady rock and bitch about everything we fucking hate and destroy targets with sharp objects and maybe smash a few things while we're at it.

No optimists or cheerful attitudes allowed, but if you're angry and sad too, and you just want to hate on something, feel free to come on by.

This place can seriously eat a bag of dicks sometimes, I swear to god.

[PRIVATE TO SYDNEY CLARKE]

I'm admittedly trash at this sort of stuff, but I'm really sorry about Jesse, though I know an apology doesn't help with shit.

Let me know if you need anything, okay? I'd be a fucking mess if Doc disappeared on me, so I can only imagine how you're feeling right now. I've got a bottle of whiskey with your name on it whenever you're ready and if you want somewhere else to stay for a little while, you can come be at the Homestead with us.

[PRIVATE TO EARP HOMESTEAD]

I don't know if she's going to take me up on it, but I invited Sydney to come and stay with us if she wants to since Jesse's gone.

We definitely need a big family dinner while all the kids are around, older and younger! Here at the Homestead where we've got the most space, probably? We can drag some tables outside and have like a ~fall theme~ or something? I just want to make sure we don't let this opportunity pass!

Let me know when's best for everyone and we'll make it happen! Gracie, wanna help me bake??

Hey, uh. Doc? Nicole? Waves? You three might want to head back to the Homestead. There's a whole herd of these fucks outside trying to graze.

Time to get my redneck on and go shoot some of these assholes to scare them off.

[Attached phone image of Chargers in the yard out front]

help


it has been ten minutes since i last ate

DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME

Hey guys!

Following up on Wynonna's birthday post the other day, we've officially made a decision. Joint birthday festivities will be held at SHORTY'S on FRIDAY NIGHT! It's our local bar from back home, and it just showed up in Vallo. It's got enough liquor to last us through the next couple of weeks before we need to start stocking up again, so might as well enjoy, y'know?

Presents not required. We've got a pool table, karaoke, all your expected bar stuffs! Nicole and I are baking cakes - vegan and non-vegan - so come on out for lots of cake and booze and celebrate with us!

Guess what? Time for more Birthday Shenanigans: Vallo Edition.

My sweet baby sister's is on Wednesday (and she's actually here to celebrate it!) and mine is Sunday. Who wants to do what? I vote for being drunk for that entire time.

Reminder that Summer Defense Team Training is coming up next weekend on the 29. Defense team members are to report bright and early to the beach unless you're on patrol. Patrol shifts will be adjust that day so everyone will have time at training.

We've been coming up with all sorts of fun ways to make you hate us, so get your bitching and complaining out of your system now.