vallo

Hi, I'm Abi! I'm trying to be normal, and I'm not actually that good at it to begin with, but

I'm from Fairfax, Virginia, and I was supposed to be starting at RISD in Providence in the fall before I came here. Things kind of went sideways at home, though, and I was going to do a graphic design major, which I guess is what I'll pick back up here? tbh I'm still freaking out a little, and

My favorite movie is Kiki's Delivery Service, I'm lowkey obsessed with 90s grunge, favorite takeout is Peruvian chicken, my favorite class in school other than art was math, and I am Team No Pineapple on Pizza but I do like pineapple salsa.

And magic and dragons and everything are all new to me, so please excuse me if I do something really stupid about wizards or something.

[Filtered to Nick]
Happy birthday again, I guess? Since apparently we're getting a do-over on July.

You know what's nice about already being dead? The fact that I don't gotta worry about being sick and sneezing up Cheeto finger covers or whatever the fuck people are sneezing up.

Gotta say this whole "never gonna get sick again" thing is pretty nice. Sucks to be the rest of you.

Tell me jokes. Dirty ones, stupid ones, just not dad ones (I hate today). I'll critique them and also review your general vibe in return.

Reginald Hargreeves was a shithole person and it took me too long to realize it wasn't my that I deserved bet he's an asshole, I'm awesome, that's very simple.

And my siblings are okay as well, I suppose.

Anyway, if you had a shithole parent, go ask someone else if you're okay, because I'm not doing that for everyone. Judging by all of those future kids, looks like some of you are okay parents, which is more important.




Ugh, fuck, I'm going to hide away in a cave for forever. I have my blender bottle and protein powder and I can do calisthenics, I don't need anything else.

Good morning, fellow Outlanders!

You are all invited to participate in this year's Outlanders and Animals calendar! Be your best sexy sexy self in a photoshoot with all the cutest and coolest animals at the Vallo Wildlife Rehabilitation Sanctuary and the Vallo City Animal Shelter, and help us to repeat the incredible success of last year's effort.

[Wei Wuxian's favorite photo from last year's calendar, which involves much male nudity and bunnies]

We are also seeking volunteer photographers, makeup artists, stylists, set dressers, and others who are skilled artisans/artists comfortable with and respectful toward a variety of people and animals in varying states of undress.

Please express your interest as a volunteer model or artist in the comments here, and I will follow up with you accordingly.

My thanks and respect,
Lan Xichen
Acting Director of The Art of Expression

I can't sleep because of how AWESOME I am, so instead let's play Harrowhark Nonegesimus's FAVORITE game: "Would You Rather". Despite the fetid bag's continuous insistence that she'd rather I shut up, she absolutely loved the chance to tell me how my logic was all fucky. So now, Vallo, it's your turn: Would you rather communicate only in emoji for a year or have everything - everything - smell like Nutella forever?

Choose wisely.

[ Filtered to Vanya ]
Have you've ever taken a vacation? I haven't. Disregarding the time I was dead I mean. I don't think it's quite the same thing.

Out of curiosity, and I apologize if I am speaking out of turn, but has there been any progress in fixing all of the odd identity shenanigans that are happening right now? I do not wish to rush anyone, however I would rather like to have my wizard back.

Ah. No offense meant, Illidan.

Normally this is when I would offer assistance, but I know this sort of magic is outside my expertise and experience and am just humble enough to admit it.

Spotted a ghost ship off New Asgard, drifting west. Ship-rigged sloop, looks like one gun deck. Can't spot a name on her, but she's flying a black flag with a horned skeleton stabbing a heart.

Someone who knows how to not catch a plague should probably look into it.

Your self defense tip of the day: some asshole grabs you in a side headlock, turn into the attacker's side because the goal is to avoid losing your air, and then slam the fuck out of their groin. Fight's not over until the threat is gone, so you hit once, you hit twice, you hit until you can run like hell, no shame in that.

also if anyone has any idea on how to get a ghost in a body

Also, if anyone has any idea on how to communicate with someone who died a ghost my brother. Let me know. He uses the devices, which is fucking weird, but. Something more permanent.

[Ben]

I know I'm not Klaus
I was a shit brother to you as a kid
You already died and left twice and I don't

Hey.
With Klaus gone I want to--know you're around.
Not that I didn't before, obviously.
And if you like being all ghostly, that's fine.
But if you wanted something else. I think we should work on it.

So about that thing where you can disappear and then show back up here? Yeah. It's weird.

What did I miss?

Does anyone here deal in power-based sparring that might be willing to train/work with someone on a more fundamental level? Energy blasts (if that's what they're called), telekinesis, force-fields, etc.?

Putting out a call for anybody with a sword who wants to spar. I'm not going to say I'm lonely, but

I could also offer sword lessons, if anybody happens to want them. Nothing... formal, seeing as I'm hardly the type, but I wouldn't mind something other than patrols to occupy my days.

This is late, but since two of my favorite people (Perfuma and Shiro!!!) had birthdays over the past two days, I have to do it.



Love you both!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜



Also, at risk of being smited (smote? smitten?) smote by Vallo: Glimmer's grounded. No more scary field trips for her, thanks.

[filtered away from the princess squad.]

Hey, question.

Anyone got any ideas about how someone can make up for the fact that a) you took over a person's kingdom and kind of broke it and b) you messed up reality to the point that your friend's mom got stuck between dimensions to save it?

Asking for me because I'm a colossal fuck up. Serious replies only. Being away from home makes it hard to fix things.

Do you identify as a woman? Do you want to bang other women, and/or be romantic with other women? Doesn't have to be full-time, even. Come to Gideon Nav's (me!) Queer Women + Swords, which I am opening up to include people who identify as men --- just kidding, keep moving, men, MOVE ALONG -- but to include women who wield alternate weapons to swords! So if you poison with antique rings, blow up people's heads with magic, or I don't know, trip people, COME TO QUEER WOMEN AND SWORDS. It's happening Sunday afternoon. We're going to try to find that weird Italian restaurant in the woods that's never in the same place twice, eat garlic knots, and maybe fight one another, not sure. Keeping it open.

RSVP or RIP.

Reminder to defense team members to take it easy this week and get your rest, Friday is winter training. Looking forward to the glares and the Gideon/Lucifer comedy show.

So, my bow and quiver are here. I'd heard people sometimes got things from home, but I guess I didn't think it would be so soon?? Maybe Vallo's trying to make up for letting loose those creepy fuckers that almost ate my arm.

Vex, I can return your extra bow whenever you want - thanks for letting me use it.

[FILTERED TO ELSA]

Want to go out and do that exploring today? We can try some of the foods you wanted to check out, then come back here and do some target practice. If you're up for it.

SO, HI to anyone who can read this! Can anyone read this? Unclear, but it does seem like I have a connection.

Anyway, I'm Kate. I thought this was maybe some sort of wild Avengers Initiation or something?? But I'm guessing I'm wrong there because I don't think they have elephants wearing armor in the Avengers. Or messed up white zombie-looking things. I feel like that was maybe something Clint would have mentioned. I hope.

Anyone want to help a girl out? I could usually totally handle this, but my bow is suspiciously absent, and I don't think kicking these things is going to do much good. Unless I can get the elephant to trample them, maybe...

I'm mostly done sulking over losing in the first round of Fight Club (seriously Man Dragon, should've had you, but good fight.) Next time I'll know what to expect. Positive thinking and all that.

Two things - any bars or clubs hiring a full-time bouncer? And who has the best tacos? I'm talking the messiest, flavoriest, questionable meatiest tacos. Not some fancy plate of something that requires artistic interpretation.

Something's in the air, Bonesmen. I tried to order a chocolate croissant this morning and my mouth refused to form the words. Instead I ordered some little egg quiche thing in a cupcake foil? Shittiest cupcake I've ever had. Which is to say: Vallo is being Vallo again.

To those newbies wondering what the candy-covered fuck that is supposed to mean: hi. Sometimes Vallo is a pain in the arse. You just have to roll with it. My name's Ginger, by the by, if you need to lose against a tall, powerful redheaded woman in armed combat.