vallo

Everyone alright with the bugs? Good. Glad we had this talk.

Hey, dude.

Are we cool?

Thanks to everyone who made an honest attempt to eat me outta house and home the other day. Leftovers got packaged up and sent to the hospital and clinic via B.O.B.; we had too damn much to shove in the freezer next to all the fellas who done me wrong (that's a joke, officer, honest). And I'm ever so grateful to those of you who bought me outta fireworks for your celebrations; trust that it went to a good cause - me.

I'm hosting a sale as a token of good will - 50% off seasonal fare and 20% off everything else - pre-made only. Custom orders still have the same ol' rules apply.

And if someone wants to blow up a bug with one of 'em, you get a "That's Hilarious" business card good for 30% off your next purchase. Go forth and boom, heroes. I don't wanna find a two foot scorpion in my drawers anytime soon. Promise to give you some sugar if you save me from somethin' with too many legs.

I can't really say I'm a fan of spending most of my patrol shooting and stepping on huge fucking bugs in the forest because that shit is gross and might be ruining my boots.

HOWEVER. That's not the point of this post.

Is anyone missing a little green dude with big ears who likes to eat those dead bugs? Raylan says he looks like Yoda (I guess?) and is completely in love with this kid. It's hilarious, I've never seen him with hearts in his eyes like this. Except for maybe the first time he met Doc.

WHO: Catra & Adora
WHAT: A shopping trip leads to big emotions leads to new developments
WHERE: Out in the city, some nondescript clothing store
WHEN: Backdated to December 29th
WARNINGS: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, language, death
STATUS: Complete

( Now that she had a taste of this she was wholly addicted, and so very fucked. )

Tracking multiple targets, tagged A through G. Appear to be heading toward a nest. 95% chance of mission success, according to my Risk Assessment Module which always loses its shit over stupid things so I'm confident. Have discovered the following weak points on exoskeletons [see attached]. Advise to utilize accordingly. Do not advise trying to break through exoskeleton by hand, not because it's ineffective but because it's fucking gross.

Unrelated to targets: Hockey people, the party was not intolerable. Utilization of the Murderdrone mitigated the social anxiety produced by the crowd and noise. Still prefer giant bugs to parties but my opinion of parties has gone up thanks to what I am classifying as the "Haus Effect". I did not hate it. It was endearing rather than annoying seeing you all in various states of sobriety versus near-toxic inebriation. I appreciated your maintenance of common sense throughout, Jack. The Beyonce was implemented well. I am pleased you survived, Nursey, because now I have enough blackmail material to be Boss Ass Bot of the Island, if that were my ambition, which it is not. And finally Lardo, damn girl, your command of your beer pong skills despite the volume of alcohol you imbibed was impressively precise.

Target C spotted me and alerted others. Murder incoming. Theirs. Not mine.

WHO: Noah & Blue
WHEN: January 2nd, the morning
WHERE: The Barns, specifically the Art Barn
WHAT: A giant wasp shows up, followed by a lot of screaming and wasp murder
WARNINGS: Just the nonsense and the wasp murder

( DIE, WASP! DIE! )

WHO: Isabela & Molly
WHEN: December 29th
WHERE: The docks & the Siren’s Call II
WHAT: Loading barrels of rum and coming up with a clearly genius future endeavor.
WARNINGS: A lot of cuteness and general past trauma for Molly.

( Bandanas and pirate hats are not required )