vallo

This is important, hello, defense people, unless the Great Library appears to have gone all out with Halloween decorations early and violently, there is what appears to be an army of very mobile and animated skeletons amassing out front.

I intended to comment about the soup place being out of those grilled cheese tomato croutons and it makes for a much less enjoyable tomato soup experience, but that seems less important now.

To regular visitors of the Black Widow House:

Which of you taught Mango to only dance to Taylor Swift now? She used to bounce to American Pie and now it's nothing if not Swift and I have WORDS to share with you.

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( SFW Image Under Cut )

I bought one of these and am currently drinking it. It’s not the worst alcohol I’ve ever had. Would I recommend it? Not especially. Will I still finish the bottle? Probably.

[GROUP TEXTS TO NATASHA ROMANOFF & YELENA BELOVA]

» SO, it's officially been a year since we all moved in together (or, at least, like, since the house arrived, but close enough).
» And because I love you both, and that was probably the best thing that could've happened to me at that time, lunch on me today!
» You two decide where, I'll pay.

Caught a fish today claiming to be the Salmon of Knowledge. I quickly noticed problems with this assertion:

- If a fish held all worldly knowledge, you'd think it would know how to avoid obvious bait.
- It wasn't even a salmon.

I called the fish a liar, and the fish insisted "it was just a prank, bro" and then suggested that essential oils would cure my arthritis. I suggested that the Bass of Bullshit would be delicious simmered in a tomato sauce.

I decided to throw it back instead, just in case the bullshit is catching. So, keep an eye out for that one if you're fishing off New Asgard.

Yesterday was Aromantic Visibility Day, which obviously means I pounced on Yelena and woke her up with a full-on mountain of ace and aro merch since it's PRIDE MONTH!! and I do what I want.

But, I mean, look at all this super cute stuff. Can I really be blamed? Yelena, you better keep this stuff away from your Bird of Destruction.

Anyway, hug your aroace people! Always but especially if you forgot about yesterday. Even if they curse at you in Russian because you broke a pillow on their face, they really appreciate it, I promise.

(Do NOT try to outdrink them, though, because you will have regrets in the morning when they choose to enact their revenge while you're on death's doorstep.)

I said it last year, but apparently I have to say it again this year, since people keep asking: there are no oysters in the summer. This is oyster spawning season. If you got oysters now, they would be soupy and disgusting, and you would be preventing future generations of oysters. This also goes for mussels. Get some damned shrimp and scallops and wait for the Month of Harvest September.

While I'm making announcements: Do not waste your time reading The Outlander's Lady by Belladonna Seward. It's clearly written by someone who never stopped to talk to any of us, and the "plot" is just a thin excuse for increasingly dramatic sex.

[Filtered to Thor]
I just spent forty more dollars on plants. This is your fault.

You know, as far as interdimensional adventures go, I think this might be- no, definitely is the best one. Did I have to register myself for money? Sure, I did a lot more for a driver's license. Do I have all my gear? No, but I'm sure I can get more. Does my hip kind of hurt from my landing? Oh yeah.

BUT the people I love are here. Most of them. And the most important one (no offense to the others, you understand). So things are definitely looking up.

Now all I need is a place to get a great burger and life will be perfect.

Oh yeah, sorry. Peter Quill, nice to be here.

Today is Memorial Day back home, which I don't really feel qualified to speak on (take it away, Steve). But I looked it up, and it's also Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day in the U.S., which is supposed to bring you prosperity and good fortune.

So, Lena, Tasha - leave my pillow where it is. It's not just me being messy. Em, I'm about to do the same at your apartment, you're welcome. 💜

Steve the Rat reminded me this morning that it's been a year since he officially decided to move in. I don't know

Fuck, what was I saying? Oh, right.

I don't know if that's really something to celebrate since he showed up when I had a summon one rat power and almost immediately stopped doing what I told him to do and then decided all on his own, Steve to move in, but I guess I'm picking up a pizza tonight.

( Voicemail to Adora )

As if being a teenager again wasn't bad enough.

Where the fuck did all these crop tops come from? Did teenage me buy them??? Why do they all looks so fam

i require MEAD. however much a pouch full of gold coin or a favor from a son of odin will get me. i have none of your fancy paper bills or cards of credit so do not ask for any.

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I awakened this morning to discover that my husband is thirteen years older and has no recollection of Vallo. Is anyone experiencing similar difficulties?

With school almost out, I'm curious what this place has in the way of summer camps this year. It's up to the kids, but if I have to be in this house with a bunch of wound up teenagers in need of entertainment the next few months, I might drink too much need more hobbies of my own.

Maybe I'll get a motorcycle.

[GROUP TEXT TO NATASHA ROMANOFF & YELENA BELOVA]

» Apparently, today's daily holiday is Brothers and Sisters Day, which means you're both legally obligated to spend the day with me as of now. 🥰
» Patio furniture shopping and lunch? Maybe a movie later?
» ( GIF )

So. let’s say you were taken in by the woman who had your birth parents killed and then she raised you to be the very best time traveling assassin/fixer there is, and now you’ve got a tiny tot and you're trying to leave wet work in the past. What the hell do you put on your resume? I’ve never looked for a proper job before. It’s a ridiculous farce, isn’t it? Most of my references are either family now or very very dead.

Actually. Anyone have a band in need of a drummer? One getting paying gigs, not just sitting around in someone’s garage sweating bullets over their equipment, that is. If you have a drummer but they’re mediocre, consider punting them to the curb in favour of yours truly? I look really good in thigh high fishnets and tiny shorts, if that helps my cause any.

PEOPLE oh my god!! I was over on Wide Street (or ~Rue Grand~ as the theatre people call it) to get those super fancy pastries after training, and I found out that Rogers: The Musical is coming to Vallo!

( OOC cut for my badly edited poster )

This is crucial information, and I don't know how I missed the advertising, but ANYWAY. The show was a massive hit back home before I ended up here, and if you're considering seeing it, YOU SHOULD. It's a little ridiculous and not super historically accurate, but it's fun!

(Also, Steve, I asked, and they said they'd LOVE to have you whenever you want and you obviously get in free. I'm guessing that'd probably be true for the rest of the Avengers here, too!)

P.S. NAT 👀👀👀 we must go, don't argue with me.