WHO: Catra & Adora WHAT: A shopping trip leads to big emotions leads to new developments WHERE: Out in the city, some nondescript clothing store WHEN: Backdated to December 29th WARNINGS: Mentions of suicidal thoughts, language, death STATUS: Complete
There was a lot in Vallo. Like - it was almost stupidly overwhelming with what was even in close proximity to the apartment complex but that proved to be more of a convenience than anything. Catra was even being a good sport about being in and out of the cold even if she clearly didnât like it. Not like these were Northern Reach temperatures anyway, and she did locate a set of decently priced boots thanks to Adoraâs mild nagging. The citizens of the city were wildly diverse, and finding something that was actually comfortable for her feet was easier than she thought itâd be.
And while she thought this entire adventure would feel nothing more like a chore, Catra was actually having a good time? Which was, uh, kind of wild all things considered. It wasnât as if things were fully patched up between her and Adora - not even close - but they had fallen into a familiar, almost too easy of a rhythm being out and about. What a difference things made, when they werenât two key players of a war on opposite sides.
The distraction really was kind of nice. They could even pass off as normal people like this - gasp, the concept.
First order of business had been warmer outerwear, and alongside boots she had selected a leather jacket because fuck stupid puffy coats. It was form-fitting, better than the hoodie sheâd been overusing and didnât make her look like a walking snowball. Catra was satisfied.
They had sampled a few examples of local cuisine, too - there were these things called food trucks that smelled amazing. One thing she got was a hot chocolate with marshmallows drowning in it, and this crepe-in-a-cone thing that was drizzled in caramel and looked decently heavy in carbs. She was trying to get more meat back into her bones, even if she was nibbling on her order at best.
âFright Zone contraband was never this good,â she huffed out after a sip of her hot beverage. Next stop was to get actual clothes, and they had several boutiques to choose from. Their stroll on the sidewalk was slow and leisurely, arms occasionally brushing together (and her tail liked to touch her a lot, always). âWant a bite of this?â Catra waved her crepe at her. âI think I doubled up on the sweet stuff a bit hard.â
Adora hadnât been out much since her talk with Catra. She went out when she had to, of course, to get food and supplies and stuff, but most of her energy was going toward figuring out her She-Ra problem. Knowing she was there and still not being able to summon her, even with all the magic she could feel swarming through Vallo, it was another level of frustration. She really didnât need it and needed to just move on and hope for the best, but she had always had an obsessive streak.
She was glad Catra was distracting her and dragging her out, though. Shopping probably wouldnât have been her first choice, but it was necessary. And sheâd take the time to be with Catra. They might not be fixed, but they were trying. It was good right now. Calm. She was trying not to mess that up.
So far, it had been a nice outing. Catra had found boots that fit her feet comfortably and she actually liked, which Adora was glad for. She remembered spending too much time digging stuff out of her feet when they were kids because she always went shoeless around the Fright Zone. She got the reasons â she was definitely more agile barefooted â but shoes were a practical solution to the âbeing coldâ problem. That very form-fitting leather jacket sheâd bought would probably do the trick, too. Adora wouldnât have been able to pull it off, but on Catra⊠Well, it was a good look.
For herself, Adora had caved and bought a new pair of boots. She loved her old pair, but they were worn and not exactly made to withstand cold. Vallo wasnât anywhere near the equivalent of the Kingdom of Snows, but there was definitely some chill in the air right now. She opted for one of the puffy coats Catra had snarked about â bright red, of course â and a pair of boots with fuzzy insides for outerwear. The rest, sheâd choose as she went, from whatever shops they happened to stumble into next.
The temptation to grab Catraâs hand as they walked on after their food truck stop was strong, but she resisted. She doubted it would scare her off since theyâd spent basically every night since their talk curled around each other in Adoraâs bed, but she would rather be overcautious than piss her off. She was keeping herself occupied by slowly sipping at her hot chocolate, savoring the rich taste. Theyâd had this back in Bright Moon, but the crepe-in-a-cone Catra was offering her now was something new, especially since she hadnât gotten one for herself.
âSure,â she agreed. She slowed to a stop on the sidewalk, reaching out to gently grasp Catraâs wrist and guide it closer to her mouth. The bite was moderate, but she got a mouthful of sweetness immediately. âWow, yeah. Thatâs sweet.â
âYuuuup,â she replied, popping the p at the end. Nope, she wasnât going to acknowledge the mess of flutters that were in her belly at that touch - itâd been happening a lot recently, but Catra was a professional when shoving down feelings. None of them were Adoraâs problem. âIâll probably take a few more bites and then pawn it off to you. My stomach canât handle too much more.â
Catra just got full so quickly now but it was also a matter of training her stomach to accommodate a reasonable portion of food again. She was dainty with food, usually. Unlike a gluttonous monster with a blackhole for a stomach like a certain blonde someone.
She pulled her wrist back and sunk her teeth into the crepe for a small bite, and briefly glanced over at the surrounding stores. There was a little stand of sunglasses outside a more summery-themed shop that were ridiculous, in a funny way. So she used her hips to push Adora forward. âCâmon, I wanna look at those - they look so fucking dumb but that means we should get them, probably.â
There would be no protesting for Adora if Catra needed her to polish off her treat. Sheâd always had a big appetite, and coming from the Fright Zone to Bright Moon where there were so many more options was like a whole new world had opened up. She wasnât sure if being a bottomless pit was a product of going without for so long or some sort of She-Ra side effect. Either way, she could eat endlessly without feeling full. That crepe would be nothing.
âOkay, okay, no need to push,â she laughed, letting herself be pushed toward the sunglasses stand. There were some funny-shaped ones that caught her eye, and she plucked out a pair shaped like a bicycle. Once sheâd gotten them situated on her face, she turned to Catra with a big, stupid grin. âWhat do you think?â
âHah!â Catra let out a short little cackle. âThat looks terrible - but the color matches your coat? Get it.â Oh, yeah. She wanted one of her own. They were cheap and as stupid as they were, the only saving grace was that she could at least acknowledge they were hideous and wear them as a joke.
She set her hot chocolate down on the boutiqueâs window ledge to free a hand. Fingers wiggling as she viewed her options, it took her a few seconds to hone in on her own selection. âDibs. I think this is the symbol for money and speaking of - what the hell are we gonna do when we run out of our freebies? I could always find some street gang and mug them for us.â
That wasnât a joke.
Adora caught a glimpse of herself in the shopâs window and had to admit that, no matter how terrible and dorky-looking, she did actually like the pair sheâd chosen. Whether sheâd actually buy them or not remained to be seen â there were a bunch of options, and she didnât have to settle on one so quickly. She actually had the luxury of time to sift through them all if she wanted. Not like she had a war to fight anymore, right?
She didnât even get a chance to comment on the pair Catra had put on before her brows furrowed and she frowned. If this were anyone else, she could maybe believe that suggestion was a joke, but this was Catra. Adora knew her tone, knew when she was serious and when she was kidding (for the most part), and this was no joke.
âUhh, or we could get jobs?â She raised an eyebrow and set down her empty hot chocolate cup before she picked out another pair to put on. âI think we should refrain from criminal activity for now. Maybe just work on making a good impression and staying out of trouble.â
Ohhh, the mustache. What a good look for her. Catra chuckled, ditching the game of shades for now and putting back the sunglasses - there was still a lot of her crepe left, and she leaned into Adora and held it up to her as an offering. âRiiiight, because weâre so suited for normal civilian jobs,â she snorted. The concept was odd. They werenât regular people, they were fucking soldiers.
So what do two soldiers two when thereâs no war to fight? It was literally all they knew to do; what they were raised for ever since they could waddle and were properly potty-trained.
If their stay here was of the extended sort, they really had to buckle down and think about it. âAnd is it criminal activity if Iâm going after actual criminals?â Catraâs eyes squinted as she gave it a thought. âAt least itâd be fun. Better than an office job or working at that Starbucks place.â
Okay, so Catra had a point. They had born and raised in war, educated and trained to fight Hordakâs battle against the evil princesses and conquer Etheria. Even when Adora had switched sides, it was still a war â one she was now fighting against her best friend in the world. She was a soldier, a commander, a literal warrior goddess in her She-Ra form.
None of that really translated into the work available here.
âThere has to be something more active we can do,â Adora mused, gratefully accepting the remainder of Catraâs crepe. âIt canât be office jobs, Starbucks, or beating up criminals.â She took a bite, munching thoughtfully. âWhich, no, by the way. Doesnât make it better.â
Catra whined. Yes, she fucking whined like the stubborn little brat she was. âIt does a little,â she huffed, rolling her eyes and picking her drink back up. An icy gust of wind blew by, its presence felt sharp as needles into her skin despite the natural fur so, of course, she huddled up to Adora again. Personal space had never really been a concept between them - even with time apart, it was second nature.
âYou look really comfortable with plastic facial hair,â she remarked with a fangy grin before taking a sip from her cup. The hot chocolate hadnât gone cold yet, and the burn of it down her throat was welcomed. It warmed up her insides for a whole three seconds. âAnyway, guess weâll have to figure it out eventually. I never thought about what life would be like without some major conflict thatâs older than we are.â
Probably because she thought sheâd be dead, duh. Even before Prime she dabbled with the possibility that sheâd be this wild animal Adora would have to put down once and for all. Then sheâd asked Glimmer to do it, which - fuck, she hoped that detail would have been forgotten to keep her from confessing that to anyone.
And now she was getting the gist that Adora thought she probably wouldnât have survived the war, either. Maybe I should already be dead. Those words stuck with her, burning themselves into memory. They gave her this queasy feeling that didnât sit right. But if I died saving you, it would be worth it.
Swallowing the sudden, unexplainable knot in her throat, Catra offered her free hand to her. In case she wanted it. She could reject it for all she knew. âAm I gonna buy those stupid sunglasses for you or are we gonna keep looking for clothes?â
Adora didnât mind Catra curling into her at all. Sheâd missed them being so casually comfortable with each other. They had spent most of their childhood wrapped around each other as much as they could, despite Shadow Weaverâs sneers and chastisements. Sheâd missed that feeling more than she could ever say. She loved Glimmer and Bow, but even being close with them had never filled that spot inside her that just wanted Catra.
She had no doubt they would figure this whole thing out, though. They had always worked well together, balanced each other out, and they could do that here. She would turn her attention to job listings and see if there was something fitting out there that would keep them busy. She certainly needed something to keep her mind from dwelling in what had happened back home.
She was so busy finishing off Catraâs crepe that sheâd nearly forgotten she was still wearing the mustache sunglasses. âOh! No.â She took the sunglasses off and returned them to their place on the stand. She crumpled up the crepeâs wrapper and shoved it into her pocket before taking Catraâs hand in her own. She wasnât going to pass up that offer, especially now, when it felt needed.
âCâmon,â she said, nodding in front of them and giving the hand in hers a soft squeeze. âLetâs get inside and get some warmer clothes.â
Catraâs hand wasnât rejected. That was - nice? Honestly, she hadnât a clue what to expect despite the fact that theyâve been cuddling each other to sleep. But it really was nice, and the squeeze was returned. They didnât need to talk about it. Existing like this was good enough for her.
âI need new leggings,â she idly commented, pulling her inside where it was much warmer. There was a mish-mosh of seasonal clothes about, the ones meant for hotter weather out front and on discount. From what she could see they were a little hideous and way too colorful, but she didnât mind them much thought. âI thiiiink thereâs some to the side I can check out - see anything you might like?â
They probably needed to not hold hands while they browsed, but Catra was going to see how long she could milk it for. She was a needy thing, even if sheâd be more inclined to gouge someoneâs eyes out than admit that openly.
Adora glanced around the little shop and turned back to Catra with a shrug. There was some nice stuff farther back that looked like it could be to her taste, but she wasnât in a hurry. She wanted to get better at that â taking her time. She had more than enough of it to spare right now.
Plus, she really didnât want to let go of Catraâs hand yet. Sheâd rather go through the whole store together than have to stop holding hands.
âWe can look at your stuff first. Leggings?â She spotted a rack nearby and gently guided Catra over. These were nothing like the leggings they had acquired in the Horde. They were all bright colors and patterns and Adora doubted any of them would pique Catraâs interest. Still, she reached for an intriguing-looking pair with her free hand. âWhat about these?â
Catra cocked her head to the side.
They werenât hideous, not really. The pattern brought a weird pang of feelings - the sight of space hadnât been too long ago, swirls of odd colors bleeding around stars and planets. Sheâd actually enjoyed looking at the vast expanse of the known universe if it werenât for that looming, pompous threat that was Horde Prime and his neverending arsenal of clones.
Fucking asshats.
âMaaaaaybe,â she responded, lips pursed right before she took what was probably the final sip of her drink. âIâd have to find a top to go with it. Black, or something.â Her eyes flicked over to her, and now Catra was smirking. Her tail tickled up Adoraâs side. âThis is cute, you trying to play dress up with me.â
âJust trying to help,â Adora replied with a grin, her cheeks going a bit pink. She wouldnât say she was trying to play dress up exactly, but she would throw her opinion in there as long as Catra wasnât opposed. âI donât think youâre gonna find much black around here, but maybe at another store?â This place was bright and colorful, for sure, and Catra went for darker colors.
She flipped a little farther back through the rack and had to laugh at the next pair she found. âDo you think thatâs a sign I should have bought those sunglasses?â
Adora had a point. This place was particularly vibrant and Catra was, in fact, not. Her style was a bit more muted - and yes, that meant darker colors and not bright, dorky patterns such as the latest mess brought to her attention. Oh, god.
Thankfully she hadnât finished her drink right then and there, because she sputtered out a throaty laugh. âUh, obviously,â she snorted. Did the rest of Etheria know how much of a dork their savior was? âYou should try those on. Thatâs definitely your shade of red and you could probably use stretchy clothes for exercise wear.â
There was a trash can not far from the register. Catra stretched out towards it, tugging Adora along just a bit - holding onto each other, duh, she wasnât being obvious at all - so she could toss out her cup and focus back on the task at hand. âI think this storeâs more for your tastes, Rainbowfist.â
Adora didnât need any more convincing; she snatched the hanger off the rack and shuffled it over to drape over her arm while Catra pulled her towards the trash can. She wasnât sure how much longer they could get away with holding hands if she was going to try on clothes, but she was hanging on as long as possible.
âOkay, warmer stuff?â she suggested, taking the leads this time and heading over toward a few racks of long-sleeved shirts. There were some that were a bit bright even for her taste â sheâd lived in white for most of her life, but she was ready to change it up. She found a lighter blue that she liked and pulled it out for Catraâs inspection. âHelp? Youâre the one who claims to know fashion.â
âHuh. I actually donât hate that for you. Goes with your eyes.â Catra approved with a nod. Not that she paid much attention to her eyes - at all, or anything, pfft. Nibbling on her bottom lip as she contemplated the next few options, she went and plucked a few things from the hanger that were relatively Adora-sized. âKinda guessing here since your arms got a little beefier over the years, but -â
At least she had the chance to try on the merchandise before committing to a purchase. The colors varied - sheâd gotten something gray, white, another blue because that really was a good color on her. âJust try all this out and see what looks good and doesnât? And we can keep figuring more out, but uh - I think our arms are getting full.â
There was a sign that read DRESSING ROOMS with an arrow pointing to the back of the store. Catra was already tugging her along.
Catra taking over was Adoraâs preference. She didnât completely trust herself to pick out something fashionable â though she did grab a few she just liked without worrying if it would actually look okay. But soon enough, both their arms were stacked with choices and Catra was right, time to try it all on.
Luckily, there was one room open that was larger than average and even had a bench against one wall, across from a floor-to-ceiling rectangular mirror. She didnât hesitate to pass her clothes over to Catra, pry off her boots, and peel off her usual dark gray leggings. She hadnât been raised to be modest about her body; she was trained to be efficient, ready to go and nearly put together as quickly as possible. Having Catra there was second nature, not a bother at all.
She pulled the red mustache leggings on first with a chuckle before shrugging off her old red jacket and hanging it off a hook. She pulled off her white turtleneck next, leaving her only in a bra when plucked one of the blue shirts out of Catraâs arms. It was a nice, mild color, and she liked that it made Catra think of her eyes.
She turned to face the mirror, straightening out the shirt and pulling the sleeves in to make it easier to get into. Once sheâd gotten it on, she turned to the side, examining her reflection to see how she looked. âWhat do you think?â she asked, catching Catraâs eyes in the mirror.
Throwback to their cadet days, fuck. Catra was never skittish in regards to communal changing areas - privacy had been a privilege once sheâd become a Force Captain - but it did bring her back to the frustrating adolescent stage. That part of growing up where urges tended to stir up, and she had to learn to keep that budding attraction over Adora in check. It wasnât as if Adora ever showed the same interest, anyway. The promise of rejection kept her leveled back then, and kept her neutral here too.
That bench is where Catra got herself situated as her personal holder of clothes. She tried to not let her eyes linger much, âcause thatâs like - rude, right? So she perused through the selections for a quick second after Adora picked up a shirt, and blinked up at her the moment the turtleneck came up and over her head, and that was it. Everything came to a screeching halt. Everything.
The sight was brief, but thatâs all she needed to note these jagged lines - both old and new - down the canvas of her back, thick as her claws and slightly discolored. Catra remembered the old set. That was intentional, her natural-born weapons digging into She-Raâs back because it was She-Ra. If she hurt She-Ra, she could somehow compartmentalize that as not hurting Adora but that was a distinction that didnât really exist, now did it?
Except She-Ra could heal herself, so - how the fuck? Why the fuck, too.
She didnât notice her own reflection in the mirror, eyes wide and pupils slitted like sheâd seen a ghost. Her tail puffed up. Adoraâs words were only mildly sobering.
âWhat -â Catra didnât even know where to start. Answer the question, or address the scars? Scars she gave her, even recently. Swallowing felt like glass cutting down her throat and making her raw. âWhy do you have those? Couldnât you - I thought you could heal?â
Once Adora saw Catraâs puffed out tail and slitted pupils, she turned around, her expression morphing into open concern. She couldnât figure out what had upset her in the couple of minutes they had been in here. The questions Catra asked provided a little clarity, but it still took her a full thirty seconds to realize exactly what she meant.
Her scars.
She hadnât thought twice about them since sheâd gotten here, but she knew there were some fresh ones coming down from her right shoulder blade. There were moments they stung, but she was very good at compartmentalizing the others. And the bigger ones down her back â from the Battle of Bright Moon â were easy to forget about after so long. When she did think about them, it was the heartbreak they represented that bothered her more.
âOh, um.â She pressed her lips together, swallowed nervously, and threaded her fingers tightly together behind her back. âYeah, She-Ra can. But whenâŠthose happened, I wasnât really great at it? So they scarred over, anyway. Itâs not a big deal.â She wasnât trying to be dismissive, exactly, but she didnât want Catra to be upset about this. Wars came with wounds and scars, and honestly, she wouldnât have felt like she was making a difference if sheâd been completely unscathed.
Itâs not a big deal. Itâs not a big deal. How could she say that? Catra blinked, transforming her eyes from shock to a glassy, wet anger - and for once, it wasnât anger at Adora. It was at herself. Lately, it was always at herself.
âAnd those -â There was a forced pause so she could clear her throat with this choked, strangled cough. âThose fresh ones?â Catra didnât remember those but she could recognize her handiwork from anywhere - especially on Adora. Those were from her and the worst part is that she couldnât fucking remember. âAre they from when Prime had me fight you?â
Her tail was wound tightly close against her body now and if she could shrink in on herself and disappear into absolutely nothing, Catra would. It wasnât as if she was unscathed herself; war left its mark, but every scar sheâd given Adora was deeply, awfully personal. A manifestation of her rage made flesh.
Adoraâs brows furrowed and she found herself kneeling in front of the bench, hesitantly offering her hands palm up for Catra to take. If she wanted. She wouldnât be offended if she didnât, in this case, but she wanted to be able to offer some sort of consolation. She hadnât thought about how her scars might affect Catraâs feelings (mostly because she didnât think about them much herself), but it was clear that they were, and she wanted to fix it. Somehow.
âYes,â she replied quietly, honestly. âI didnât heal them becauseâŠâ She bit down on her lower lip and took a slow breath. She still hadnât outright told Catra what had happened when She-Ra had come back to the surface on Primeâs ship, but now she felt like she should. To explain.
âWhen Prime forced you to jump off that ledgeâŠyou died. And when She-Ra came out, she brought you back. I used all of that energy on you, so even if I wanted to heal my back, it didnât even enter my mind. You being alive is so much more important than a couple of stupid scratches.â
No, she wasn't taking her goddamn hand. She wasn't taking her comfort. Catra had hurt her; the proof was etched into her skin, and they weren't just a couple of stupid scratches. Stupid scratches didn't leave their mark like that. Adora shouldn't have to try and cheer up someone who hurt her.
Or waste her energy to bring them back from death.
"You're so fucked in the head and I don't even think you realize it," she started with a snarl, teeth exposed and claws out as if she was about to attack. Catra wouldn't. She was riled, and upset, and teasing that line of madness again. "I kidnapped your stupid friends. I fought you to the point of blood. I almost destroyed reality and blamed you for it - that's why Sparkles is queen now, can't forget that." Every word was a spit of venom, scratching against the desert of her throat. The clothes were shoved off her lap and she was two seconds from shoving Adora back if she didn't move. "I sent Entrapta to die. There's not much left of Salineas after what I did to it, and you still think we can fix this? I did this to you, Adora - you shouldn't have to save me!"
Catra didn't get it. It wasn't as if she doubted that Adora cared - she got that loud and clear now even if she thought it was stupid of her to do so. She just didn't get why she kept caring when she was at her worst.
Adora flipped her hands over and grasped Catraâs thighs. She knew it wasnât wise to pin Catra in when she was upset, but she didnât want her running away this time. They had talked about getting better and making things right between them. She wanted to make sure that happened.
That also meant listening without interrupting, even though she could practically see Catra emotionally unraveling. She let her get it out, let her list off all the horrible things sheâd done â and they were horrible, Adora wasnât arguing otherwise. But horrible things happened during war, and the rift between them when Adora switched sides hadnât made it any easier.
âI didnât have to,â she agreed. âI wanted to.â Sheâd thought about this a lot since sheâd been here. Sheâd thought about a lot in general but Catra and their relationship and everything that had happened most of all. She made sure their eyes met when she spoke again, very firm and sure of herself. âI know things have been bad between us, and weâve both done some stupid stuff, but I told you before.You never stopped being important to me. I never stopped caring about you. Youâre better than who youâve been during the war, Catra. You didnât deserve to die, and I wasnât going to let you.â
Catra could argue otherwise, for hours, âtil her face turned blue and she ran out of air, that she was wrong. So wrong. Adora was such an idiot, always had been - and she loved her for it, even if she never knew how to show or tell her how the right way. That was always part of the problem. Catraâs problem.
And it didnât help that Adora was looking up at her with those blue, blue eyes, and saying shit to her that rekindled hope - saying these little promises like sheâd done when they were kids, huddled up together under a blanket. It was usually Catra that needed the reassurance as silly as it was sometimes, sniffly and eyes shining with tears.
Similar to how she was now, but without the sniffles and the tears staining her cheeks had fallen in silence. Now they were older, and weary. Tired. Fed up, but somehow they were together again and maybe, maybe that was what fueled the impulse to close the gap between them. Her hands cupped her face, and Catra kissed her with a desperate fierceness that rattled her very bones.
Like, she wasnât experienced by any means - sheâd had offers, an almost, and sheâd wanted none of them. She just wanted Adora, and couldnât even fathom the consequence of her actions the moment their lips met.
Adora didnât know what to do with silence. This was Catra. She argued or insulted or something. It took a lot for her to just go silent. She was expecting at least a âdumbassâ or âyouâre a goddamn idiotâ, but there was nothing. So, she was still and quiet herself, studying Catraâs face and her eyes and every tiny movement she made.
Somehow, though, she didnât foresee what came next. She tensed for a fraction of a second, her eyes wide, when Catraâs lips found hers before completely relaxing. This wasnât what sheâd been expecting, but she liked it, a lot. Her heart was pounding and her cheeks were hot and her stomach was in knots, and all of it felt weirdly right. She straightened her back, reaching out to cup Catraâs cheeks and brush her thumbs through the fine, tear-dampened fur.
She didnât entirely understand what it meant â because it had to mean something â but she didnât have it in her to question right now. She just returned the kiss, eager and determined because she was afraid Catra would stop. And she didnât want to stop.
Oh, Catra had no clue what the fuck was even happening anymore. Adora should have pulled away by now - should have pushed her away, rejected her. And in turn Catra should be apologizing because oh boy, wasnât she really riding this fuck-up train to its fiery death?
That wasnât what happened, because Adora was kissing her back, and she felt the gentle touch to her cheeks. There was a shaky exhale into her mouth, a split second of hesitance before she deepened the kiss, hand slipping past her cheek to cradle the back of her neck. It was a clumsy, frenzied slide of lips because she may have still been fucking crying or whatever - Adora was soft, and she tasted sweet from the crepe, and sheâd focus on her until she couldnât.
Her heart was racing, blood on fire, and she had to stop before she felt another spike of something stir in her belly. âShit,â she breathed out, trying to quell the rising panic of what sheâd started. Shit.
There was something intoxicating about kissing Catra like this. It was clumsy and hard, but it was also deep and passionate, and Adora was drowning in all the feelings it was creating. She felt fuzzy from her head to her feet, a very familiar stirring burning in the pit of her belly. Catra tasted so good and the hand on the back of Adoraâs neck made her shiver in the best way.
When Catra pulled away, a palpable wave of disappointment washed over her. But she refocused quickly and hurried to reassure her, meeting mismatched eyes. âHey. Itâs okay. Donât freak out, please.â Catra wasnât doing the best at masking her emotions right now. There were still some tears flowing, and she had this scared look in her eyes, like sheâd just done something really stupid. Maybe she had. Maybe, objectively, this was dumb. But she didnât feel that way. Surprisingly, she wanted more.
Catra didnât, like, lose her shit or anything - nor did she bolt out of the dressing room to escape the situation. It took a deep inhale of breath through her nose to kind of stabilize her, though. Get those nerves smoothed out. âItâs - Iâm fine,â she huffed, wanting to look away from her but finding herself unable to. Those eyes. Those lips. She wanted to kiss her again.
And again, and again.
She kept her hand resting on the back of her neck to keep her close, thumb stroking those fine baby hairs that strayed from her ponytail. Adoraâs cheeks were so pink - she wanted to kiss them, too. âIâm sorry if you didnât, um. Want that. That wasnât fair.â
âIt was just a surprise.â Adora smiled softly, shaking her head. âIt wasnât bad. Or, uh, unwanted.â She hadnât known she wanted it before it happened, but it hadnât scared her off. She hadnât wanted to pull away. A part of her was already aching for more, and being kept in such close proximity still, with Catraâs hand spread across the back of her neck, was only strengthening that urge.
And, to prove that point (and because she didnât want to wait), she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to Catraâs. Butterflies reawakened in her belly and her heart clenched in her chest as she pressed a soft, much more tentative kiss to Catraâs lips. Sheâd never actually kissed anyone before â sheâd had a lot of offers, especially as She-Ra, but there had never been anyone she truly wanted. This, though, she wanted more than she could comprehend.
Wasnât unwanted, she says. Catra smirked. This had to be breaking some kind of law, unspoken or not - as she was fairly certain that the Rebellionâs literal beacon of hope and justice wasnât supposed to be getting this intimate with the Hordeâs second-in-command. It was the definition of scandalous. Maybe treasonous, depending on the princess casting judgement.
Oh well.
Her lips parted and the second kiss was reciprocated in earnest; a little less tentative, a bit more bold and full of want. But it was a highly restrained want, because the depth of her feelings had been hidden behind a steel-fortified dam for years and it remained fairly guarded - Catra didnât want to scare her. Maybe this was a pity thing, or a comfort thing. She doubted it was a love thing.
Sheâd indulge anyway. Now that she had a taste of this she was wholly addicted, and so very fucked.
âThis is probably a bad idea,â Catra whispered against her mouth, low and husky, taking a gentle bite out of that pretty bottom lip of hers. The fear in her eyes had vanished and instead they were half-lidded, pupils blown. An object-of-affection being in her line of sight sort of reaction. âYou know Iâm always full of those.â
For once, Adoraâs mind wasnât racing. It felt like it was whirring to a stop and she was operating completely on instinct and desire. And there was a ton of desire. She hadnât known how much she wanted this until it was happening, but now it felt all-consuming. All she could think was Catra, Catra, Catra â how soft she was, how good she smelled, how much she loved that smirk of hers.
She was a little dazed when Catra spoke, but it wasnât until her lip was bitten that heat flooded her face up to her ears. She grinned, slipping her hand down to cup her chin. âIâm really liking this bad idea,â she murmured. It wasnât a destructive, end-of-the-world idea and wasnât endangering anyone â other than maybe her poor heart, currently thudding in her chest like it might burst.
Catraâs heart was beating at the same, speedy rhythm - that grin, the way she held her face. She didnât hesitate to kiss her a third time, a fourth time. Hell, sheâd been half a second to just pushing her onto the floor so she could get on her lap and straddle because thatâs how they always were, until -
âAre you ladies alright in there?â came the voice of an employee, gently knocking on the door.
Oh, right. Because they were in a store. âWeâre fine!â she called out in the nicest tone she could muster - which still sounded kinda mean - and looked back to Adora. âSorry - uh, the clothes look good?â Thatâs what they were here for, clothes. She needed to go back outside where it was cold and maybe dive into ice too. âWanna try on the rest?â
Adora had gotten so caught up that she had completely forgotten where they were while all this was happening. The employee knocking on their door and calling out to them jolted her right back to reality, but she still stayed where she was, leaning against Catra and utterly embarrassed that theyâd nearly been caught. They had probably been lucky the employee out there hadnât just come right in; her face might never have returned to its normal color.
âI guess I should.â She hesitated for just a second before stealing another kiss, letting out a sheepish, breathless little laugh when she pulled away. She couldnât seem to help herself. She didnât really want to stop, but they couldnât keep making out in public like this. âCan we pick this back up when weâre done? Maybe when we get back to Morningside?â
Catra was hardly embarrassed. If she were in a different mood sheâd tell the employee to fuck off but that would also go against the whole âworking on her angerâ thing sheâs set for herself. Either way, she wasnât about to rush Adora. She could take her damn time and everyone outside could wait.
Which meant she should probably gather the clothes from the ground - and she intended to do that - but Adoraâs question gave her pause. She was all for it, donât get her wrong. She just continued to be surprised that she wanted to. âSure,â she responded, mouth tilting into that smirk again. Amused, definitely. Sprinkle in a little smugness too. âCanât believe you want to make out with me. Isnât that a little embarrassing for you?â
She was teasing, of course. Catra could handle this with teasing. It helped cover up the fact that she was a mess on the inside - hot feelings, nerves, an annoyingly fragile heart.
Adora didnât know how she felt exactly. She was embarrassed but only by nearly being caught, not because she wanted to make out with her. She was actually, strangely, feeling pretty good about it. Once her brain got going again, she knew all she would be able to do was dissect the entire thing, but she wasnât there yet. She was still a little wrapped up, wanting to get back to kissing more than shopping. Later, though. She could wait.
âNot embarrassing. Kind ofâŠexciting?â She turned to scoop up the clothes that had been shoved to the floor and got to her feet to hang them on one of the free hooks on the wall so Catra wouldnât have to hold onto them anymore. She turned back to Catra and held out her hands for her to take. âNo regrets. Promise.â
Adora being sweet turned her insides to mush and that was it - that was all it took for all traces of cockiness and teases to go up in smoke. It took Catra off guard. But she slowly reached out for her hands, and stood, and this somehow felt like the right thing to do.
âOkay,â she said, cautious but - hopeful? Yeah, hopeful. Hope was a delicate thing to have, and sheâs had the feeling snuffed out most of her life but hey, she was giving it another go. The two small steps between them were taken so she could stand closer to her. âDo you mind if I take a look at your back, though?â Catra didnât think she had it in her to spiral out even further about it, and now that she was calmer she figured it was time to really survey what sheâd done. âPlease?â
Adora knew Catra. Three years apart didnât mean all the time theyâd spent growing up together had flown out of her mind. She knew what the teasing was covering for, and she knew how to disarm her. But she was genuine too. She was excited and she had no regrets â not about kissing her, anyway.
She met those blue-and-gold eyes, studying her as she made her request. âI donât⊠I donât want it to upset you,â she said softly, squeezing Catraâs hands in her own. She knew it had been all reactionary, but she didnât like Catra feeling badly. She had been trying to get it through Catraâs head that she wasnât angry with her, and showing her those scars felt like she was saying the opposite. But could she really deny her? âAre you sure?â
âPlease donât babysit my feelings,â she sighed, returning that hand squeeze - it was meant to reassure her. Catra had already been upset, was the thing. The scars would keep on existing, and now sheâd always know they were there. âI can handle it. Most of them were because I made shitty choices, right? This is me trying to live with it.â
It was an echo of what Adora told her once, in this distorted world created by the pull of a lever - right before her fist connected to her face, a well-deserved blow. Not her proudest moment. Definitely not her sanest, and it hadnât been all about Adora but the reasons didnât matter, did they?
Adora had been right to say what she said.
Adora let out a slow breath and nodded. âOkay.â She remembered the first time sheâd said that and to hear Catra echo it now was surreal. But it was a good thing. Facing up to and dealing with the mistakes sheâd made had to be a good thing. Adora needed to let her have her feelings and deal how she wanted to deal. Her need to protect wasnât the priority right now.
She pressed a quick kiss to Catraâs forehead â it was like she couldnât stop now that sheâd started, now that the opening was there â before stepping back just a bit to pull off the shirt she was wearing. She turned around to let Catra see the long claw scars down her back, sucking nervously on her bottom lip and standing stiff and still.
Catra inhaled a sharp breath when her back came exposed.
Her claws werenât childâs play. If enough force was put behind them, they could slash through metal. It had taken time for her to learn how sharp they could be when she was a kitten - that if she wasnât careful, she could do damage with them. A lot of damage.
âI used to tell myself that hurting She-Ra was different than hurting you,â she confessed quietly, claws sheathed as they traced the marks with her fingertips. Adora perfected the balance between muscle and soft to an art, and in a different context she could see herself taking the time to appreciate it. This was not that. âPretty stupid, now that I think back on it.â
Then her attention went to the more recent ones - less of those, of course. Not as long. But she was sure there was rage behind them too, knowing damn well Prime would use that to his advantage. Catra pressed her lips to one of them, kissing it. It was a wordless apology for every scar, remembered or not.
âThanks again, by the way,â she mumbled into her skin. âThis time for bringing me back from the dead.â
It didnât surprise her to hear that Catra had separated She-Ra and Adora in her mind. It made sense. She-Ra was the thing that had taken Adora away and finally made her face the monstrosities of the Horde sheâd shut out of consciousness for so long. She-Ra was the reason Adora had joined the Rebellion and had to leave Catra behind. She could understand the reasoning.
But those scars on her back changed all that. There was no mistaking that She-Ra and Adora were one and the same when the marks inflicted on She-Ra left scars on Adora even as herself.
âAlways.â Adora took a slow breath, shivering under the feeling of Catraâs hands and lips against her skin. Saving her had never been a question. She would not let Catra die. No matter what sheâd done, she was still Adoraâs best friend deep down. Damaged and hurting, maybe, but the Catra she had grown up loving was still in there. Nothing in the universe could make her let that girl go.
Gently, she stepped away, pulled the shirt back down, and turned around to pull Catra into her arms and hug her tightly, pressing her nose into her hair just beside her ear. She hoped Catra needed this as much as she did because she wasnât letting go until she was pushed away.
Catra let it happen - practically melting into her arms, hands scrabbling up her now clothed-back to cling. She nuzzled into her neck, breathing in her scent and taking in the thrum of her pulse and just opted to exist like this for a minute.
She needed this too. Didnât want to exactly stop, either - but their location wasnât the best.
âAs much as I like this,â she purred, the vibrations rolling from her chest louder than sheâd like but she couldnât bring herself to be embarrassed by them. Her cheek was squished up against her shoulder. It was comfortable. âWe should probably hurry up before the employees here start thinking weâre doing something very inappropriate here.â
Heavy conversation topics aside, that comment was worth the redness Catra was hoping for.
Oh, there was redness and a lot of it. Still, Adora was reluctant to let go; Catra was purring and she could never resist that. Sheâd just have to get her purring again later. Reluctantly, she loosened her grip and lifted one hand to playfully swat at Catraâs shoulder. She wanted to accuse her of being dirty-minded, but she suspected that really was what the employees were thinking. They better get moving and actually buy some stuff.
âOne more kiss first.â She grinned and closed the small distance between them to peck Catraâs lips. âNow, give me your opinions on this stuff so we can get out of here.â
Adora was getting a little needy with kisses. Not that Catra would complain about it, at all - she actually really fucking loved it. Feeling wanted, even through these stolen moments was a new high she could find herself addicted to.
Her hands slid down her back and settled on squeezing her hips. âSure thing, princess,â she grinned impishly, forcing herself to take a step back and gift her with personal space for this endeavor only. âLooking forward to the show.â
With Adora dressing and undressing in front of her constantly? Catra was going to let herself ogle a teeny tiny bit.