vallo

That video was cute and everything but what the actual fuck?

Anyone know where I can get a drink, since I'm stuck here for awhile.

[ DC ]
We have a Waverider! According to Gideon, we can't breach space or jump time, but the ship is here.

Hi, first off I want to apologize to anyone who met Naga the other day. She's the polar bear dog you may have seen tearing through Vallo City? She gets a little single-minded when I'm missing, or at least if she doesn't know where I am. New sights, new sounds, new smells, it was a bit hard on her. I've been working to repair any damages she may have caused, so if I owe you anything, please let me know? I promise she's really super gentle once you get to know her. Usually.

Second, I don't know if I'm going a little crazy but I think we have ghosts. A few times over the last couple of days, something I've sat down is somewhere else when I go back to pick it up. Or a heavy bag seems to move out of the way right as I'm about to hit it. It's weird, I don't feel any spirits, but it seems mostly harmless so I don't want to scare it? Anyone good with this stuff in this world?

I've tried to find my way out of here.

That's not happening, is it?

It's come to my attention that there might be a few people here who, like me, could use some mental health support. I have a pretty big list of resources and contact information that I've gathered over the year that I've been here. I'm happy to pass it along to anyone who might be considering some form of therapy—or even just a counseling session or two. When I got here, I was [...] in a very bad spot to put it extremely lightly, and if I can help ease someone else's stress, I'd like to try.

[Link to a Google Doc]

The highlighted names are the people I've personally seen and highly recommend. If anyone has any questions or just wants to talk to someone, my door is always open, too. Completely confidential. Umbra—my licensed therapy dog—is also available whenever you need. Or just for pets. He likes those.

Right. Okay.

This might as well happen.

Not exactly where I thought I'd find myself, but considering nothing's been going as planned for a while now, I guess that's to be expected.

My name is Dick Grayson. I hear there's a form of law enforcement here. I'd like to talk to someone involved.

I must say, I find this all highly irregular! Even with this meticulous documentation, I find this all very hard to believe!

How am I to know this is not simply a hallucination or the result of a particularly strong illusionary Quirk employed by the League of Villains?!

You'd be surprised how common mass hysteria and mass hallucinations are. I too hallucinated that I saw a goose stealing my favorite hat. Was the goose there? Was the hat there? Probably not!

So, take it from me, Harley Quinn, PhD, on what to do during these troubling times.

Tip Number One: Sanity is Overrated. Nothing makes things worse than to worry about something you can't change. Make a list of the way your quirks, ticks and multiple psychological diagnoses make you unique. Learn to love you.

Tip Number Two: Sometimes The People In Your Head Are Really Quite Helpful. Did I really need that hat? Did I even like that fucking hat? Maybe I put it somewhere really important so that I do something I forgot about later. Who knows! The mind is a complicated place.

Tip Number Three: The Goose May Be a Stressed Induced Mass Hallucination But Lizard People Are Totally Real. They mostly work in the IRS and other low level government positions and have blackmail on every president and first lady ever in the White House. Usually sex stuff. Stupid lizard people never share the good blackmail though, so feel free to kick them in the balls if you ever uncover one.

Which brings us to Point F! It isn't Joker Venom and I totally am not responsible for this.

Tip Number Five: Does Vallo Have an IRS? I don't really know the answer to this, I'm just asking in case I also get money or income that I have no intention of reporting.

Tip Number Six: Now Is Probably Not the Time to Kill Geese. Generally speaking, in a mass hallucination, you could end up taking your frustration out on someone else and really hurt them! While sometimes fun, not usually an appropriate outlet for a charged emotional state. Remember, the goose isn't there. If you see a goose, seek psychological counseling or just go with tip number one.

Tip Number Seven: Don't Fuck the Geese Either. See above.

Tip Number Eight: Even If Vallo Doesn't Have An IRS It Probably Still Has Lizard People. They're everywhere. Trust me. Just don't let them see this post or they'll know I'm onto them.

Tip Number Nine: Geese Are Mean. That's just a fact. But you still shouldn't feed them bread because it's not good for their digestive health.

Tip Number Ten: Geese Are Mean, Even Ones That Only Exist In Your Head. You still probably shouldn't feed them bread because then it's just a waste and you'll get ants.

Tip Number Eleven: Exercise. That's just good for your physical, mental and psychological well-being.

Tip Number Twelve: Don't Date The Geese Either. I get it. You're coming to terms with your hallucination, and with yourself. Geese got that whole alpha male thing that comes with confidence and some people find that very reassuring and attractive. But look, let's say you set your issues aside and still end up with the goose. It's not going to end well. He'll just be abusive and controlling and ask you to wear stupid clothes you'd never pick out for yourself. Trust me. It ain't worth it.

Tip Number Thirteen: I forget. Moving on.

Which brings me to Point the Last! I'm not judging you at all for seeing the goose. I saw it too, and I've been seeing things for years. I'm sure you're all gunna be peaches!

( Filtered to Sara Lance )

Hey so, super weird, no, Ray, different word odd request but is there anyone who wouldn't mind volunteering their voice for a project I'm working on. It's for science and the Defense Department... mostly the Defense Department.

Very rarely do I wear a hat. The first time I wear a hat in this reality, my favorite hat, and it goes missing.

[ the hat ends up on a goat at the Barns ]

Now, I have never been one to bother with geese before. They are a most unwieldy creature and I prefer my fingers attached. That being said, I seem rather unable to find a seat in this current establishment due to a goose taking every seat I attempt to sit in. Whatever witchcraft this is, I am not interested in continuing with this. However, as it stands, I suppose I am also standing until further notice. Or this place will be down a goose. Either way.

I got a pleasant surprise when I woke up this morning.

I'd like to introduce Vallo to someone:



This is Ace. He's a Lucario, which is a species of Pokemon, for anyone who isn't familiar with them, they're creatures that have powers that in their world, can be caught and used for either fighting, or some people keep them as pets. When I was living in Tumbleweed, we went on yearly crusies to different worlds, and the first one that I was apart of, we went to Alola region of the Pokemon world. It was pretty cool, and I caught Ace when he was just a Riolu, which is the first of his evolutionary line. I'm not a super expert on it, Pokemon existed as a cartoon and a video game back in my world, but I never really watched the show or played it much. Most of my knowledge of Ace, I've looked up online, he evolved because we apparently have a strong friendship.

Anyway, Ace is pretty friendly. He showed up in his Pokeball, but honestly, he usually stays outside with me, because I don't like cramming him into a small little ball. Since weird creatures are pretty common her, I probably won't have to use it much on him at all. He's also a fighting / steel type, and he's got some pretty cool attacks. A bunch of us had Pokemon back in Tumbleweed, so we'd battle with them sometime because they would get restless if we didn't, but mostly, I would just take him on runs with me and stuff. Ace can also read people's auras, so he's a pretty good therapy pet, too.

I don't think anyone here has Pokemon other than me, though I know some people are familiar with them. Like I said, Ace is pretty friendly, and he usually likes to hang out with me, so feel free to introduce yourself to him.

Hi! Hello! I think I'm doing this right? The last time I woke up somewhere this different from home, there was an iceberg involved and I'd been asleep for a hundred years. That was better? No offense! You all seem very nice and very interesting! And, uh, forgiving?

But! If you see a flying bison or a little white lemur with giant ears, can you let me know?? Oooor a waterbending master with long brown hair and brown skin and pretty blue eyes? Her name is Katara.. Sokka will announce himself immediately so I probably don't need to ask you to keep an eye out for him.

Oh! I'm Aang! I forgot that part. Hi.

I went out and bought a camera today. Not the same as the one that I have back home, but I miss being able to take pictures. Even though I got set up on one of the defense teams with the DOA, it'll be nice to have a side gig, too.

That being said, back home, I was an investigative photo journalist, and I've also done professional photoshoots, so if anyone ever needs any photography work done, feel free to let me know. Hopefully, by the end of this week, I can get myself set up with some sort of portfolio.

Anyone maybe up for modeling for me for some shots? I can pay anyone for their time. In money, pizza, or booze.

I don't know who needs to see this right now, but here's our dog being the absolute WORST at fetch. Who the hell taught him that? It's cute but what the fuck.

Also: this is your reminder that we're coming up on the summer season and A LOT of you should be using sunscreen. Don't fuck around with that shit. Or wear a damn hat. And hydrate!! 🧃👒☀️

(  Filtered to Ben Hanscom  )

FYI there's some leprechaun parade going on soon so traffic might be fucked up.

And that might win for the weirdest fucking sentence I've written this month.

Okay. This is isn't space...but it's not Tumbleweed, either. And I didn't get sent back home again, so I'm guessing I got send to another world again? But they also gave me a new phone, so I don't think I'm in the same world that Tumbleweed was, anymore.

I guess I should introduce myself again. My name is Ochaco Uraraka, and I'm very confused. I'm also not sure what the rules are like here, but I'm sixteen, so I'm guessing I'm probably going to need a legal guardian to get housing and stuff?

For as many absurd, inexplicable, and nigh on impossible things as I've seen come through the courtroom, this has to be the first time I haven't been able to logic my way through a situation. Magic? Parallel universes? If I wasn't here, seeing it happen with my own two eyes, I never would have believed it. But I am here and I'm not sure there's much more decisive evidence than that.

So, hello. My name is Miles Edgeworth. I already terribly miss my car.

If this is supposed to be the afterlife, it's sorely lacking.