WHAT. Ronan is impatient for parenthood. Turns out Adam is too. WHERE. The Barns WHEN. April 26th WARNINGS. None really STATUS. complete ART CREDIT.HERE
Ronan had survived the truth allergies with his embarrassing secret intact. Secret didn't even seem like the right word anyway. He just didn't need to be word vomiting about this particular subject when Adam was the organized one. The one with plans. He'd tell Ronan when he was ready to even talk about that shit.
That didn't mean Ronan wasn't still thinking about it constantly though. Stupid. October was half a year away and yet he couldn't help but look forward to it. Every little glimpse of what they could someday have felt like a gift. But that was ages away and right fucking now, he need to finished nailing together this new stall wall for the goat barn he'd started. It was smaller than your average barn, more of a large shed really, but it was a step up from the covered stalls the goats currently had.
Well it would be when it was done. Right now, it was just a big empty box with a farmer inside of it trying to aim his nail gun precisely without adjusting the clamp he'd put just slightly in the wrong place.
"Fucksicle," he grumbled. He was going to need to move the damn clamp. He pointed his nail gun at it. "You are a pain in my ass. I'm going to remember this." Was he threatening a clamp with vague retaliation? Yes. Sue him. He needed the verbal outlet.
"Inanimate objects don't respond well to threats, I thought you knew this," Adam said from behind Ronan's shoulder. He hadn't been there long, but long enough to catch fucksicle, and find Ronan's melodical compound cursing charming.
It wasn't the only reason he was here, though.
He was biding his time, as Adam often did. Rolling through all the different options and analyzing the possibilities. He wasn't stupid, just observant. He had noticed that whatever allergies had washed over Vallo causing others to sneeze into oblivion unless they told the truth did not leave his husband untouched. Adam was aware that Ronan had suffered through multiple sneezing fits out of sheer stubbornness. He had been curious, but wasn't going to push—manipulating and taking advantage of situations with Ronan were only in the bedroom, and after lengthy talks about boundaries.
But knowing Ronan was hiding something didn't mean Adam wasn't going to obsessively think about it. So he watched, a little more hungrily than usual, to see if Ronan was letting the unspoken truth pass or if he was still thinking about it days later.
He suspected the current speed in which the goat barn was coming together was a good indicator.
"Do you need a hand, or would you like to swear at the clamp a little longer?" Adam was sliding on a pair of safety goggles, regardless of Ronan's answer. "I'm happy to leave you two alone to work out your differences."
Ronan nearly jumped out of his skin. Over two years of marriage and years of dating to boot - he probably should've been able to hear Adam sneaking up on him by now. Or fucking feel it. Like a sixth sense. Instead, he nearly put a nail through his foot.
"Jesus Harbinger Christ. I'm not going to have a hand if you keep sneaking up on me when I have power tools, Lynch," he joked, though he did look a little shaky. Whether that was because Adam had actually startled him or because he'd shown up like the psychic he was just as Ronan was letting his thoughts drift to Nora again was impossible to tell.
He squinted one-eyed at Adam and then gestured at the clamp. "You wanna fix that, science guy? Be my guest."
"That's why you keep the safety on," Adam said, sliding in beside Ronan. He tapped his goggles which were just oversized clear sunglasses, and adjusted the clamp with little fanfare. His hand lingered on the spot, clearly in the way of finishing the barn or using the nail gun. He figured Ronan wouldn't dive right back in if Adam was literally blocking his way. He didn't miss how jumpy Ronan had been in, and something didn't sit right with Adam.
"Am I missing something?" Adam asked, still hovering too close to Ronan's personal space to start back up with power tools. But not too close to have a talk or make out. Or both. Adam needed to see where this conversation was going to go first. "You can tell me to piss off, but I'm doing my due diligence and asking, so you can't bullshit me by saying you didn't tell me what was up because I didn't ask. This is me, asking."
His free hand came up to rest against Ronan's, pushing the nail gun away. "I know you've been hiding something, and I don't have a clue what the hell it is, but I was kind of hoping you'd tell me anyway and you haven't," Adam said, a little unsure. The confidence that he had worked himself into on his way over to confront Ronan had started to waver.
Ronan scowled childishly. Sometimes being married to a clever fucker meant Ronan wasn't able to just hide away until his neediness passed. Adam knew him too well. And he wasn't complaining about that. He was just feeling a little stupid about it all. He stared at Adam for a long second, brow furrowed, and then he sighed. Loudly.
"I'm not fucking hiding something. It's not something you don't already know." He switched the safety on the nail gun and set it aside, rubbing a hand up over his buzzed hair. A barn was a stupid place for a heart-to-heart but it wouldn't be the first time he opened up in one. "The stupid allergy bullshit just wanted to make me look like I was keeping some big dark secret."
He blew out another breath, softer now, and a little nervous. "I've just…been thinking about Nora a lot. And our timeline…"
"The stupid allergy bullshit was helpful to me," Adam said, knowing it sounded shitty to be grateful for a compulsive truth-talking illness, but it had alerted him when something was on Ronan's mind. Adam would have hated it, but he had gotten better about being honest with Ronan. And he thought that Ronan felt the same way, none of this honesty with omission bullshit. Adam looked slightly put out. "Regardless of if it was a big dark secret or not, if you've wanted to talk about something, you know I'm going to listen."
But if Adam was observant when Ronan was hiding something, he also noticed when the mood shifted in the conversation. The way Ronan became softer, more anxious than Adam had ever seen him. It made Adam careful as he listened.
Oh. This was about Nora, about kids.
"Our timeline?" Adam asked, his own voice just as quiet as they approached, what had unfortunately been, a tenuous topic. Adam could put two and two together. "You don't want to wait." Adam said this as fact, not a question. He didn't need to be a psychic to sense the future of this discussion or what Ronan wanted. It felt a little like cheating. "There was a plan for a reason, Ronan."
"No, I know," Ronan immediately argued, frown lines sharp between his brows. This was why he'd hidden away when the truth threatened. Not because he didn't trust Adam with the truth in his heart, but because it wasn't something thatneeded to be discussed. They had a plan and the plan was good. It made sense.
"The plan makes sense," he said out loud. It was possible he sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "I'm not trying to rush shit. I'm just--I don't know. I'm fucking me, Parrish. Needy goddamn asshole always. You know this." He sighed and leaned forward to drop his forehead onto Adam's shoulder. It wasn't a despondent move, it was just soothing. If he could, he'd spend most of his days with his face pressed to some part of Adam, but Gansey would probably complain.
"It's just hard. Waiting. Patience is for other people," he joked.
Adam knew that this conversation, if it had taken place a few years before, would have erupted into something worse. They probably would have fought, their comments to one another laced with deep hurt that wasn't resolved. But they were older and wiser and Adam liked to think their ways of communicating now were strange, and somewhat abrupt, and mostly rational. Adult, even. Adam had stated a fact—that they had a plan—but it wasn't discussion-ending like it might have been when they were younger.
That was goddamn growth, even if neediness and impatience tended to prevail in moments of weakness. Or at least when it came to their family.
He held Ronan in a loose hug as he came to rest his forehead on his shoulder. Adam's free hand rubbed a long calming line from the back of Ronan's neck, to the crown of his skull. It soothed Adam just the same.
"I'm not other people. Not always," Adam said, implying his own impatience now that Ronan mentioned it. He could be hypocritical and restless about his life; Adam was constantly warring in himself between going slow and saying fuck it. He was starting to consider the latter. Pressing his cheek to Ronan's temple, Adam was quiet in that considering, contemplative way of his. "I honestly didn't think this is what you were trying not to say. You caught me a little off-guard here." There was a beat, before he added, "Do you think we're ready?"
Ronan snapped upright a little too quickly, but luckily he didn't bash Adam in the face with his stupid head. "Do I think we're ready?" he repeated dumbly. Of all the ways he'd expected Adam to handle his greed in this regard, he hadn't let himself think there was a chance Adam would be impatient too. Which honestly, he should've known. Adam could wait out any task to get where he wanted, but that didn't mean he wasn't perfectly capable of jumping the shark too. A certain abrupt deal with a magical forest came to mind.
"I…Yeah. Yes. Fuck. I mean. Would we be more ready in two or three more years? Maybe. But Jesus Christ. Haven't we technically picked up four years of memories since we made that plan anyway?" Ronan knew he sounded a little too eager so he tried to calm his face down and licked his dry lips. "I just mean we've been through a lot since then. We're different people."
He didn't want to get his hopes up so he just met Adam's gaze, looking back and forth between his eyes as if he would be able to glean the complex thoughts inside that beautiful brain that way. "Do you think we're ready?"
Adam could sense the excited urgency that came over Ronan, and it made him smile. He would be lying if he said he hadn't thought about it—changing the plan, looking into options earlier. Part of Adam worried that it might ruin what they already had, that somehow not sticking to what they had decided could affect Nora in the future. But she had always been so silent about her birthday, allowing Adam to try and sort it out every year in October but never confirming or denying. Was this why? Had she known that they would shuffle everything around? Adam had so many questions.
But right now, his hands came up to cradle Ronan's face. "We are different people now. For the better, it seems. Our plans should adapt with major changes. Even I know that," Adam said.
So much of his previous five year plans had been upturned, with Ronan right beside him, reminding him that it wasn't what he expected, but it would be just as good. Becoming parents now, instead of later, would be just as good.
Adam swallowed and nodded, then nodded again. He hated that terrifying feeling in his chest, but nothing was worth doing if he wasn't a little bit afraid. "I think, I think I've been ready. I can always find an excuse not to be, but waiting seems..." Adam sighed, and huffed out a laugh. "It seems stupid, in comparison."
Ronan's grin dawned like a blinding desert sun, not a cloud in sight. Adam thought everything through. Everything. He wouldn't say yes if he didn't mean it. Not about something like this. Ronan pushed forward and wrapped his arms around Adam's waist, lifting him off the ground and burying his face against Adam's neck.
"It is stupid. Waiting is the worst. I mean, fuck. You're not stupid, obviously. You--" He cut off and pulled back, not quite putting Adam back down on his own two feet yet. "Did you say you think you've been ready?" His grin couldn't actually get brighter. It could get softer though. Softer and fonder, and fucking hell, he was so ridiculously, maddeningly in love. He needed to get his shit together and use his words. For Nora's sake, if not either of theirs.
"I want to be a dad, sooner rather than later." It was unnecessary to say now but it felt good to say it anyway. Like putting a vow down on paper. "I want to be a dad with you, fucking yesterday. I can't wait to meet her all over again." He scowled. "Is that stupid? Whatever, I don't care."
It wasn't that rare anymore, but seeing Ronan light up, brighter than usual, made Adam do the same. How infectious Ronan was, how easily Adam could be dazzled in his light. He clung tightly to Ronan the moment he lifted Adam off the ground, and his feet dangled helplessly in the air. Any sliver of doubt that was left, any small fear that tried to surface dissipated the moment he was airborne. This was all very good, and Adam couldn't fight it.
Adam managed to slide one hand to Ronan's face to tip his mouth up for a kiss. "You are going to be a great dad. I shouldn't have said something sooner, I shouldn't have kept you from doing something I know was inevitable in the best way possible," Adam said. He sounded a little like he was asking for forgiveness, but he also knew he had it. That this wasn't about apologizing for waiting, it was apologizing for being too scared to start their life. The next step of their life.
He loved Ronan too much to keep them waiting anymore. Adam kissed him again, and he didn't even struggle to be put back down. He liked where he was, where they were.
"It's not stupid, by the way." Adam added, tucking his face into Ronan's neck. "If I said it is, then I'd be a hypocrite. I can show you some pamphlets I've been saving after you're done with the barn."
Adam's radiant smile had Ronan arching to meet his mouth, but smiling into a kiss always made it a bit of a mess. He didn't mind. He was still fighting the urge to grin when Adam burrowed into his neck.
"Shut up," he murmured warmly. "You didn't stop me from doing jack shit. This is how it was meant to be." Words like fate usually just made Ronan sneer but he'd never have been much of a Catholic at all if he couldn't have faith. And there was nothing he'd ever had more faith in than Adam Parrish. Well, and Gansey, but they were tied, so the statement was still true.
"I think you meant to say, we're gonna be great, Lynch." He pressed his cheek to the side of Adam's head and danced him lazily around in a circle. "Probably sometimes more than a little stupid too." He stopped moving and set Adam down on his feet, a joyful laugh tripping out of him.
"Wait. Did you say you already have pamphlets, you big nerd?"
Adam was a big sap, but he often showed it in funny small ways. Ronan was big and loud with his affection, but there was this with Adam: planning, learning, gathering knowledge, as his own way of showing Ronan how much he not only loved him, but loved them. Their relationship. This chaotic, sometimes painful, always beautiful life. Ronan had brought him that, without asking for anything in return.
And so, Adam would have been more than happy being waltzed around the half-built barn, and clinging to Ronan, and listening to him laugh—because Adam fucking loved his laugh, whether he was being genuinely happy or being an absolute shithead. But he also became a little shy, warmly pleased, by Ronan calling him Lynch, and saying they were going to be good. A truth Adam was believing every day.
"Don't be a shitbag," Adam said, once he was on his own two feet. He shoved Ronan playfully. "You didn't think when we had a plan it meant starting from square one when we were ready, did you? I wanted to be informed, so we didn't waste any time when making decisions." This was such an Adam thing to say, but because it was done out of love, he added, "I started after the first year she was here."
Ronan rebounded from the shove with a sharkish grin and then grabbed Adam by the face to kiss him hard on the mouth. "I love you." He kissed him again. "I love your big nerd brain and your planning and your pamphlets." He kissed him one more time, lingering this time and stepped Adam one foot at a time back towards the barn entrance.
"Show me." To anyone else, this might have sounded like a demand, but Adam would know the tone of Ronan's voice was edged with need. "The barn can wait. I want to see your research. And then get you naked." He paused for a moment before a corner of his mouth lifted tauntingly. "On your research."
Adam positively melted. Four years of dating—or was it eight now with their memories?—and almost three years of marriage never lessened the absolutely wonderstruck emotion of Ronan kissing him. He would take them all, he would continue to give his own back, if only to keep putting his mouth on Ronan whenever he wanted and chase the feeling. Which was why Adam might have also chased his lips a little at the last kiss, while being manhandled backward and out of the barn.
"I love you too," Adam said, because he vowed he would never let a time pass where Ronan was left hanging about how Adam felt about him. "But one of us is going to end up with an ass full of papercuts if we're getting naked on my research." It wasn't a no, though.