vallo

bro who can i pay to buy me cigarettes, NO one wants to sell them to me?? i have someone's wallet cash!!!

[The following drunk texts are sent around 2:30 am Saturday morning]

Drunk text to Revy
>>revy
>>im not in trouble
>>i
>>wanted u to know


Drunk text to Leon
>>i owe u pizza

I need to get out of here...

This may sound weird or stupid since I've been here for a while, but I really need to get out of my apartment for a while. I don't want to go drinking alone. Would anyone like to meet for drinks, or go to a club, or something?

Okay so maybe these are really obviously and dumb questions, but how do people pick majors? How do you decide what you want to do with the rest of your life? And how do you do that here? With all the inpredictability, how do you figure that out in Vallo? How do you plan for that?

Kind of related, is anyone hiring? I think maybe a gap summer or something might help. Or it won't. Maybe I'm just destined to be Maybe. Why does no one tell you being an adult is so hard? Or am I just really bad at everything? Can't con Can't hurt, right?

Enjoy this day of rest. We've earned it, but we're not done.

Throughout my many years of service to this world, I have seen my fair share of disasters and apocalyptic scenarios. From alien invasions to rogue A.I. systems, the threats to its people have been varied and numerous.

But let me tell you this: every time the world has been threatened with destruction, it has always been met with bravery and resilience.

It is in the face of adversity that we truly find our strength. We have seen this time and time again, from the bravery of our soldiers in wartime to the selflessness of our first responders in times of crisis.

No matter the threat, we have always come together as a people to face it head-on. And that is what makes me proud to be an Outlander, and to be a citizen of this world.

But make no mistake, this threat is real. Interitus is not to be taken lightly. It knows we have a plan, regardless of our success. We must be prepared for anything that may come our way.

It is up to us to work together and come together for the greater good. We must be willing to sacrifice for one another, to stand up for what is right, and to fight for the survival of our world.

So let us not fear the end of the world, for it is in the darkest of times that we shine the brightest. We have faced many apocalypses before, and we're sure to face more in the future. But with courage and determination, we will always emerge victorious.

For as long as there are people willing to fight for what is right, the world will never truly end.

Stay strong, my friends. The future is in our hands.

TEXTS TO LEON & HENRY.

» how do i present my ass to vallo so vallo can eat it?

Darlings, if you'll indulge me in a poll. Say one had a blood pool--which is exactly what it sounds like a pool of blood, and one had to submerge oneself in said blood pool, would it be preferable for the blood to be warm or cold? Alternative answers regarding temperature are accepted, of course, this doesn't have to be an either or, but the existence of the blood pool is mandatory.

And I ask this because by the "what's mine is yours" property, as Vax is the owner of a blood pool, I now own a blood pool and the question has been the source of riotous debate between us, second only to the great "onyx, panther, obsidian, and midnight are all the same color" debacle, the likes of which we still cannot discuss to this day.

All questions regarding the function of the blood pool may be directed to my beloved, as I would have preferred a sauna or a salt cave, however please do go relatively easy on him because he did come to the store this morning with a lavender latte and also, look at him.

Also, your skincare tip of the day is to apply moisturizer in circular motions, upwards and and away from the center of your face. Skincare products are applied lightest to heaviest! Your magic tip is that when crafting potions, follow the recipe as written--diced goldenseal operates very differently from chopped or minced goldenseal and the line between simmer and boiling is fine.

Smiley day! I have two things to say, and the first is a reminder that sometimes, we don't need to add new or more activities to get more pleasure out of life, we can enjoy what we have! Being optimistic doesn't mean that you don't see the negative or ugly sides of life, it just means that you focus on the positive ones. It's like looking for a needle in a hayride, you keep looking for the needle and you're going to miss all of the things that you might see on a hayride! Like the ocean! Elephants! Fireworks! And other hayride related things.

The second is that a little piece of Exandria has made its way here, A Taste of Tal'Dorei! Do you enjoy theater and food? The first one is very interesting (if not exactly historically accurate, per Orym) and the second I can't speak to but everyone else seemed to enjoy! Staff are wearing period appropriate apparel (sort of) and give riveting reenactments of some of Exandria's greatest battles! The souvenir shop is filled with mementos that will keep Tal'Dorei's history alive (maybe) and will also protect your hands when you pull out a hot pot from the oven! If you've ever wondered about pivotal moments in Tal'Dorei AND wanted fizzy drinks to consume with your face holes at the same time, this is definitely a top notch spot, and it never closes! Ever!

Exandrians

Now, I don't know if you all have been there yet--A Taste of Tal'Dorei is, ironically, in Marquet, but if you haven't, I think we should all go! As a bonding moment, and we can talk about our lives and memories and shared experiences.

Also there are song and dance routines.

What are you hoping/wanting/expecting your "afterlife" to be like?

Fuck me, then.

I can't say that this was the worst Valentine's Day I've ever had, because I have had worse. But I can say that this is the first one that I got shoved into a broom closet with a prospective client, who then proceeded to cry over how beautiful the paper towels were.

[Private to Revy]
Thanks again for saving my ass again. I'm sorry I was such an asshole about it.

Is it all over yet? Truly over? I never hated Valentine's Day. It was a day and I usually use it to splurge a little on friends I love platonically, but I also never dealt with a Valentine's Day that shoved people together in closets. To the poor soul* who was stuck with me for a bit: they caught me directly after the gym, I will not apologize for having natural body odor.


*ooc: position open to anyone at all

texts to Revy

>>Don't ask how
>>but I'm stuck in a fucking broom closet with a client
>>Can you come to [location] and get me out?

Happy Wednesday!
Have a very colorful Monty.



And a riddle from the kids that I am sad to admit took me way too long. I blame not getting my second cup of coffee before they bombarded me with the tough questions this morning.

What starts with an E, ends with an E and only has one letter in it?

Have you ever woken up in the morning and gone about your daily business only to realize that your humming some random song you haven't heard or even thought about for years? Have you also ever just gone the rest of your day trying to get said song out of your head, but all you do is just end up singing it more?

Or is it just me?

Well then.

Some of you types more sensitive to the coming and goings of the world may have felt something a bit off this morning when you rose. Moreso than usual I would suppose. It would seem Vallo has expanded its collection of Hells to include my domain.

And before you ask, no I did not ask for or summon it here. I'm sure some of you nerds enjoy bringing your work home with you but have you seen that throne? I'm lucky not to have a flat arse after all these centuries.

Right. I would advise any of you feeling guilt over that muffin you cheated with this morning to stuff it in the bag with the discarded wrappings and dispose of the lot. Also keep an eye on dead bodies...except vampires and zombies. I think. I suppose they are fairly similar concepts to demons possessing the dead...

In other words, please do not poke the Hell if you can help it and should you need any assistance with its presence causing issue, myself or Rory would be best to ask.

[RORY]

Perhaps I should have asked before volunteering but knowing this lot and their penchant for wining, dining, and trying to mount trouble, I will need all the help I can get with someone familiar with the place.

Question, Vallo.

How long do you think is long enough to pay for whatever crimes you might have done in the past? A lifetime? A couple hundred years? A thousand? More? Less? Does it depend on the crime?

Also, why is paperwork the absolute worst?

Howdy friends!👋🏻 This is exciting!! Wednesday do you want a bagel? They have 🌈 RAINBOW 🌈 ones omg I'm getting a rainbow one! Going to rub this in my brothers face, he's always wanted to meet a real minotaur and now I'm the first in the pac



Omg does this mean I'm an omega now? 😩 I'm not prepared for that! I was and now I'm not!

Okay so

Before Vallo swooped us up there was this incident with a chainsaw and a got some magic mumbo-jumbo spilled into my arm that became this rash. It was gross, tried putting stuff on it to make it go away but it kinda just stuck around but then Christmas happened and my skin absorbed the rash and now I have what I think are glamour powers??

Whaddup, 2023. Miracles happen.

Currently playing around with hair colors since I have no idea what I'm doing what's happening but I'm keeping my wig collection for now.

It took a while but the ghosts have started following me. I think the holiday shenanigans might have gotten in the way last month, but they're making up for it now.