vallo

( Read more... )

Queer Women with Sharp Objects, we must meet because I am going through a withdraw of both. This weekend? Friday night? Both?

Once again, I provide the following frequently asked questions:

Q. What do you define as queer?
A. Good news for all, I do not, you define yourself and if anyone tries to give you shit about it, I have been told I have 'big step on me' energy (which is true, and I will step) (on necks) (or whatever else).

Q. What is a sharp weapon?
A. Traditionally, this comes in the form of something with a blade component--examples include but are not limited to axes, knives, swords, war fans, scythes, but please, be creative. I love to see it.

Q. I have never used a sharp weapon before, does that matter?
A. No, not particularly. I would not recommend attempting one without tutelage, but I know there are many qualified people who are ready and able to assist. At the worst, you will learn what is not for you. At the best, who knows!

Q. Will there be drinks and snacks.
A. Yes, absolutely, though perhaps not at the same time as the sharp weapon using. Although again, who is to say.

( Read more... )

It's disappointing that I missed out on seeing hell simply because I do not feel guilty about my life choices.

bro some of them explode with acid

not the drug kind

but i am on drugs

just not acid.



bo did i tell you that your cleavage looks banging today?

Okay so

Before Vallo swooped us up there was this incident with a chainsaw and a got some magic mumbo-jumbo spilled into my arm that became this rash. It was gross, tried putting stuff on it to make it go away but it kinda just stuck around but then Christmas happened and my skin absorbed the rash and now I have what I think are glamour powers??

Whaddup, 2023. Miracles happen.

Currently playing around with hair colors since I have no idea what I'm doing what's happening but I'm keeping my wig collection for now.

Hey guys. So uh, first thing on the docket is that the Sanctuary Fundraiser Event will be next weekend! All day on the 10th we'll have a Solstice-themed fundraiser festival here, come on by! Pet the animals! Donate to a good cause! Get.. spanked?

Speaking of! We're currently looking for um, a designated spanker for the spanking booth Oh my gods why did we. It pays $500, no creepers allowed, and includes a lunch and breaks. So! That's a thing! That came up with when we were drinking and apparently, it raised a lot of money for Silniara Coven at their festival a few years ago, so now we have to do it, I guess! If you're looking to make a little money and get to spank willing people, inquire within.

( Unfiltered but cut for potential Ragnarok spoilers, and there probably will be spoilers in comments! )

PROS FOR MONDAY: Got my entire wardrobe from home, finally.

CONS FOR MONDAY: My room is overrun. This closet space is only big enough to hold a fart.


Throwing it out there, but if dinosaurs are your thing you should subscribe to my channel where I pose hotly in an inflatable t-rex costume and dance around the pole. There's no nudity. Think it's ridiculous? You're absolutely right, it is, but I promise you I've been making a killing off people being into weird things so judge me all you want. I'm flush with $$$$$. Best job I've ever had.

I don't know how anyone manages to care about a career without drowning themselves in a vat of Château Lafite Rothschild to feel something. Everyone makes a big joke out of tacky wine mom paraphernalia but honestly at least they're honest about the futility of their ambitions meaning anything beyond the serotonin of narcissism. Career people. You know, the ones that don't have a job; they've a calling. Christ.

Anyhow. Demonikea's hiring. Interested in mid-century modern and selling your soul? Grand. Don't make them like you like I did; that was such a mistake. You'll never stop smelling of brimstone and meatballs.

( Read more... )

What up bitches. God everybody looks so GOOD. Somebody give me a really tall drink with a sexy name. I'll french you for it.

Actually hold that thought. I need to raid my mom's tiny baby wardrobe cause she's been here like five whole minutes.

Oh I love when Vallo begins to feel like an episode of Maury.

The results are in and you lot are all mothers and fathers to be, congratulations! Free drinks at Lux tonight for 18+, Shirley Temples for the rest of you.

[TEXT MESSAGES TO LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR]

» Status report: Speed dating went extremely well last night.
» Too bad you didn't join.

[TEXT MESSAGES TO KENZI MALIKOV]

» Coffee?
» I wrapped up my date and I need caffeine.

Oh fuck all the way right off, Vallo. Buy two get one free is only acceptable with shoes and drinks, thanks.

Where's my Thursday Happy Hour options? I got cash burning a hole in the pocket and soberness to throw out the window.

Good Dad the lot of you are horny and adventurous and I love that for you! Maybe it's time I

Should you have questions I would be happy to provide advice or demonstrations with the utmost discretion. Think of me as your sexy priest.

I'm posting this because it seems to be a reoccurring theme on searches these past few days.

There's nothing wrong with being gay, or bisexual, or any other damn type of sexuality you identify as or are still trying to figure out if you identify as.

If it helps at all, there are a lot of people here who open about their sexuality, and at least some of us are more than willing to be someone to talk to. Reaching out is scary, I get that. But when you're ready, we're here.

If anyone makes you feel less than, or if someone judges you based on that, know that there's a special place in hell for them. Not the other way around. Celestials/gods/whatever you believe in don't give a shit who you love.

And Girl, Interrupted is a solid 90s movie. But that's like ancient history for me, so please debate.

Also, also, I need three cocktail drinkers at Lux ASAP. Testing out new ideas, need feedback. Sabrina, you don't count.

Okay, like. How's this work? Is this an oversharing type of social media platform? Are there A/S/L's shared?? Does Timmy post how he hate a sandwich while sitting on a toilet? Food porn? NSFW food porn? Are we NSFW in general? Not that I personally work but I'd like to know if there's going to be the occasional nip slip photo or a weenie to mentally prepare myself.

Also if I'd known that getting yoinked into a completely different world (hi, what the eff is that even about) would make me fast cash I would have done it ages ago. Thanks for the new shoes, Vallo Government.

Unrelated: I'm broke.

tw: discussion of pregnancy in comments

Things I didn't miss:

Nearly burning down the house trying to make a Thanksgiving dinner.

Things I am missing:

Black Friday. I need new boots and do not want to pay full retail thank you very much.

((pls to ignore the tag dump on this))