WHAT: Bestie bonding with a side of Bo prying secrets out of Kenzi WHERE: Their Morningside apartment WHEN: Backdated to September, after the darkness plot WARNINGS: Mild talk of sexy things but that's about it? STATUS: Complete
“Alright, sooooo,” Bo drawled, heading into the living room with an oversized bowl of perfectly buttered-and-salted popcorn clutched in her hands. She huffed when she found Kenzi sprawled out across the length of the couch and plucked a piece off the top to catapult at her best friend’s face as she approached. “Uh, you gonna share? Scooch, couch hog.”
Turns out there were a lot of perks spontaneously ending up in an alternate universe ten years in the future. Not only were they literal worlds away from the madness of the Fae, but they got a beautiful government-funded apartment (walls all intact) and what seemed to be a pretty great community of misfits like themselves. She’d even lucked into a job with a hot boss who could sustain her appetite for a freaking millenia.
And she couldn’t have chosen a better alternate universe buddy if she tried. Kenzi’s particular brand of weird chaos kept her grounded. She was the one part of Bo’s life that was anywhere near normal these days, and as long as they had each other here, they were going to be fine.
All in all? Hell, they were doing a pretty solid job of making the best of a screwed up situation.
Once she’d wedged herself between the arm of the couch and the space made for her, she scooped up a handful of popcorn and popped it into her mouth. “What’re we watching tonight, pretty lady? We’ve got a whole decade to catch up on, chop chop.”
Vallo was legit. Kenzi had zero issues with being here - it was wild, it was free, it had a level of crazy they could vibe with. Housing was a m a z e b a l l s. There was no Light and Dark Fae theatrics playing tug o’ war with Bo. She had spent the first few days sampling the goods, in a cozy haze of being constantly tipsy and breaking in those new shoes she blew her government money on.
She also swindled some poor sap at a bar, gave him a sob story about her childhood and he’d given her five hundred bucks so that was super neat.
“I kindaaaa wanna start watching Bridgerton? It’s supposed to be, like, visual lady viagra,” Kenzi hummed, not really budging all that much when Bo graced the couch with her ass but her bestie managed to get comfy anyway. With Kenzi also just leaning into her, eyes glued to the phone device. She swiped to the right. “So I’m gonna order a stripper pole - do you think you can install one?”
Visual lady viagra. Welp, that sounded like some lonely housewife’s version of a ringing endorsement, but Bo didn’t protest. It had to be a big hit for a reason, right? Period dramas weren’t usually her thing, but she’d cross her fingers it was more exciting than it looked.
“Is this for that OnlyFans thing?” she asked, peering over Kenzi’s head to see what she was doing. “You’re really gonna do that?”
“I’m not gonna show my butthole to the camera or anything!” Kenzi crossed her legs, pressing her back more or less into Bo’s arm like some invasive puppy velcroing to her. “There’s a lot of explicit stuff but also a lot of really dumb stuff - you know how it goes, you name it and someone’s got a kink for it.”
There was someone on it that made a killing just recording their toes squishing into strawberry jam. Nasty. But it was also effortless, and it got Kenzi thinking - why couldn’t that be her?
Minus the jam part.
“I think I’m gonna dig deep into people’s prehistoric kink,” she continued, brushing some black hair from her cheek - they were in chill mode but her style remained top-notch with all the makeup and flawlessly straightened hair. “I got us those inflatable t-rex costumes to put on, and we’ll make it sexy. According to my meticulous research, Bobo - it’ll work. Get us some quick cash on the side because I need more clothes. I miss my closet.”
Bo snorted, part amusement and part disbelief as Kenzi laid out her plan. She was surprised she was still on this kick, but she supported it. It seemed a little weird, but if it raked in cash without requiring all that much work, she could see the appeal. It was almost like one of her bestie’s famously intricate cons.
“People really have a prehistoric kink?” she questioned. No shame – there were plenty of kinks, and over the years, she’d indulged in quite a few strange ones. But she’d never figured dinosaurs would yield that kind of audience. Maybe she needed to dive more deeply into the internet – then again, maybe she’d leave that to the expert here instead.
“Duh, babycakes,” Kenzi smirked, eyes narrowed in that mischievous sort of way with the usual eyeliner that made her eyes pop. “Plenty of kinks that don’t look explicitly sexual but give people boners anyway. Totally not interested in showing my chest puppies online even with pay so it’s the way to go.”
Another wriggle on the couch and she let herself fall back, head landing on Bo’s lap while her legs curled over the armrest. “I’ll even buy you something nice the first week we make any moolah, now please - ahhhhhhh.”
She opened her mouth wide open for popcorn. Please insert here.
“You’ll buy me something?” Bo’s tone and expression were painted with dramatic incredulity as she scooped out a mini-handful of popcorn to drop into Kenzi’s mouth, as demanded. Needy thing; sometimes, Bo wondered how Kenzi had made it so long without her around to pamper her.
“Wait, that was the wrong emphasis.” She cleared her throat and pressed a hand to her chest, eyes widening purposefully. “You’ll buy me something?!” A teasing smirk followed the words, and her hand wandered back down to stroke a few stray strands of black hair off her face. “That’s gotta be a miracle.”
Kenzi looked outright offended at what she was insinuating! But she couldn’t say anything right away at first, she had to chew and swallow and not choke. Choking on popcorn was a lame way to die. “Ma’am, that’s hurtful,” she huffed, pointing an accusing finger into Bo’s face. “Let it be known that I’m a most generous sugar baby and it’ll be something sexy. Like a dagger. A sexy dagger. Unless you want to start a collection of monster dildos here?? Which - look, I support you.”
Her phone released to the floor (she had finished placing her orders anyway) so she could freely scratch at her clothed arm. It was acting up again. “Just let me know what size to get? And shape. Yes or no to tentacles?”
“I think I’d prefer the sexy dagger,” Bo replied, quick to get in before Kenzi could get too far down a rabbit hole of monster and tentacle-ized dildo. “Seems like it’d come in handy around here.” She’d already started collecting weapons again – she made good money plus good tips at Lux – since they’d come through without anything when they got here. And this place may not be home, but it had been made clear up front that it wasn’t without its share of horrors.
Sharp things! Practical, then - the latest bout of what the fuck was bonkers and the sharp thing Kenzi had gotten (thanks to her new godlike bestie Morphy) had proved to be a life saver, so. She got it. “For the violent stabbing then,” Kenzi smirked, head rising from Bo’s lap so she could give her forever bestie a wet smooch to the cheek. “I’m sure you’ve been getting stabbed in the sexy way enough.”
In a literal Satanic way. Hot, she guessed? Lucifer seemed okay but she forever gave Bo’s bed friends a judgey, scrutinizing look on principle alone. It was her job.
She snatched the remote from the coffee table to flip on the TV. “But anyway, the stuff’s coming in the next day or two so we’ll polish off some details and get that show on the road soon enough.”
Bo had, in fact, been getting stabbed in the sexy way plenty. It was nice to be able to do as she pleased as often as she liked with zero emotional attachments. She’d been through enough of that in the last couple of years to last her at least half of her Fae-extended lifetime, and she was good, thanks. Lucifer, oddly enough, was a decent guy, and he was just as in for the stringlessness as she was. It worked, especially when she kept getting her ass kicked during that whole ‘eternal darkness’ shtick: easy healing without having to worry about sucking her bestie dry.
“I’m sure we’ll put on a hot prehistoric show,” she chuckled. It was still weird to think about, but hey, she had never seen Kenzi so interested in something that wasn’t an outright con. It still had those vibes, but apparently, this kind of thing was legitimate a decade in the future, so she’d support it.
She reached down with her non-popcorn hand to thread her fingers through Kenzi’s hair, gently scratching over her scalp. “You ever gonna tell me what that whole magical potion thing was about?”
She’d been subtly poking about that for a couple months now, since the leaked search history ordeal had happened not all that long after they got there. She’d mostly been getting non-answers or distractions and had accepted that meant Kenzi didn’t want to talk about it. She gave her time – they were still adjusting to Vallo in a lot of ways, after all – but she was due another attempt at prodding.
“What magic potion are you–oh,” Kenzi blinked, brain cells finally rubbing together to decipher what the heck Bo had even meant. The scratching was nice and she might have been turning into goo next to her succu-bestie. “Pffft, it’s like - fine, I just had this thing and this place is super fancy and I got this cream and it’s fiiiiiiiiiine.”
Or manageable, was the more accurate term because that rash was still there and this lotion she found at a store (she vaguely read the label) seemed to help keep it from spreading to the rest of her body. Maybe she was just having a long-term allergic reaction to whatever was in that bottle.
She had also been very careful about picking clothes that would cover it up, too. She didn’t want Bo to spaz, or to keep digging into it because, uh, that was going to be an awkward conversation? She was fine here, she didn’t need to bring up Dyson and that whole love triangle from home.
“Kenz,” Bo sighed. She knew that dismissive tone, the way she dragged out that fine into way too many syllables, was a sure sign something was going on. And she didn’t get why she wouldn’t just tell her what was up. “It must have happened back home, right? And if it’s still there, something’s going on. Come on, just tell me what’s going on.”
Kenzi also knew that tone - exasperated, at the end of the line of Bo’s patience. She always did have a habit of pushing that line too, well aware of her innate ability to be a problematic menace. She could try pushing it even more, or tell her some version of the truth.
“I just,” she made a nervous noise, straightening her posture for some space. “Okay, uhhh. I may have paid the Norn a little visit to do a favor for Dyson and, you know, tripped on one of the bitch’s branches and spilled one of her weird-shit-in-a-bottle on me and I’m probably allergic to it.”
Probably.
It hasn’t killed her yet, so.
“But I got some cream for it!” Kenzi tacked on to point at Bo, as if she was stopping her bestie in her tracks from getting mad at her. “And it’s getting better! Kind of! It’s just itchy and it hasn’t given me diarrhea or any weird symptoms! It’s gucci, succu-coochie.”
That was bad.
That was really bad, but a terrible nickname was the last of Bo’s concerns at the moment.
“You did what?” She was staring at Kenzi in utter shock, her brain still processing everything she’d said – and, as was Kenzi’s way, there were a lot of words there to get through. But her brain zeroed in on two specific points: the Norn and weird-shit-in-a-bottle.
“Kenzi, what were you thinking!” She’d never met the Norn herself, but she’d heard about her from Dyson, from Trick. She knew she was a crafty bitch who took what she wanted and wasn’t on the up-and-up at all. “Gimme your arm, let me see.”
Not that she could do anything about it, obviously, but she was worried and it felt like something proactive to do.
Kenzi let out a screech that could be rivaled by banshees and catapulted herself off the couch, using one of the accent pillows as a shield between herself and Hot Tits over there. Not that it was necessary but she also had a habit of being needlessly dramatic and this was one of those instances.
What? She was good at theatrics for a reason!
“NO! It’s fine!” she protested and began bracing herself in the scenario Bo came out to wrestle. Because she would, and Kenzi’s options were to run (and get inevitably caught) or put up a fight (and inevitably lose) even if getting topped by Bo was, y’know, hot. “I mean - it’s fine but it’s hideous and don’t judge my usual silky smooth skin, okay? You’re going to give me a complex!”
“Kenzi!” Bo protested, rubbing at the ear that had been closest to that pterodactyl-level dramatic screech. She got to her feet, glowering at her best friend as she crossed her arms over her chest. She definitely weighed the chase her and manhandle her options but ultimately decided neither of them were going to do her any favors. Not if Kenzi was already being this defensive and ridiculous.
“I’m not going to judge you, I just want to see it,” she insisted. “I’ve let you get away with brushing it off for weeks now, but if it’s still giving you problems, that cream clearly isn’t doing anything. So, let. Me. See. Please.”
Oh, shitballs. Kenzi’s face scrunched up in some frustration as she weighed the options. None were in her favor, and she fidgetted and squirmed and bit back this annoying whine and –
“Fine,” she surrendered, dropping the pillow to her feet. Scowling, she rolled up her sleeve to her elbow, and the redness of her forearm was clear as day - it looked agitated, rough, a stubborn rash that wasn’t leaving her body. “This actually looks better than it’s been before. It’s just itchy, okay?”
Bo just managed not to visibly flinch when she slid her hand under Kenzi’s arm to grasp it and really got a look at that rash that had been so skillfully hidden from her. It looked like it was brand new, raw, red skin that looked inflamed. This wasn’t a rash that had been fading over time, that was for damn sure, and if she hadn’t already been told it had Fae origins, it would have been easy to assume.
“Jesus, Kenz,” she sighed, dragging the tips of two fingers over the area to feel just how rough it was. She looked up at her, face drawn with concern and a hint of exasperation. “Where’d you get this cream you’re using?”
“Some witchy apothecary place?” Kenzi sighed. This place was literally drunk off magic - she hadn’t really asked a professional witch or anything for advice, but the bottle had said something about ‘magically reducing inflammation and restoring skin’ so she had swiped it. And by swiping it, she meant she shoplifted it because it was a bajillion dollars and she had spent her money the night before on a new corset.
But Bo didn’t need to know that.
After she let her take a nice, long look, Kenzi pulled her arm back. “It hasn’t spread anywhere else. I’ve checked - ass cheeks included,” she mumbled. “The Norn said it was a ‘gift’ but I think she was trolling me.”
Bo let out another sigh and let Kenzi take her arm back without a fuss. She wanted to say of course she was because, again, even stories made it clear the Norn was not someone to be fucked with, and she wouldn’t be surprised if, like a lot of Fae, the old bitch wasn’t exactly human-friendly. Still, she was more concerned with fixing this than chastising her.
“Stop using the cream,” she instructed her, eyebrow raised as if daring Kenzi to challenge her. She really hated feeling like she had to issue an order, but Kenzi was all she truly had here right now, and she didn’t want this thing getting any worse than it was. “I’ll see what Lucifer knows about the covens around here and do some poking around. We need to get that thing properly checked out.”
“I don’t think we need to involve your Satanic booty call into this.” Kenzi rolled her eyes and now that the truth was out there, she flung herself back onto the couch with a dramatic groan. Lucifer was… fine, but she was always side-eying Bo’s bedfellows out of the Best Friend Principle, waiting for them to give her a sign that they weren’t to be trusted. “I’ll drag myself to a - clinic, or whatever, I don’t know. But for tonight it’s fiiiiiiiiiiine, so can you come back here and watch Bridgerton with me? Puhhhhhh-lease?”
Bo smirked fondly, letting the tension ebb away as she moved to the couch to give in to her best friend’s demands. “Alright, alright, let’s do it,” she agreed, snagging the bowl of popcorn yet again and squeezing her way onto the couch. “Let’s see if this visual lady viagra lives up to its reputation.”