vallo

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Alright, it's market day. And since half of our usual workers got their butts kicked by screaming bugs and are stubborn, I'm in charge today. That means 2-for-1 deals on milk, eggs, and ice cream. That's right, you heard me, ice cream, to soothe the burn of not sleeping (You can't live on just caffeine, it will stunt your growth. And if you want to make a short joke directed at me, they can go into Adam's suggestion box, which is curiously shaped like a trashcan.)

Everything must go for goods this week because I don't feel like lugging what's left back inside by the end of the day. You're welcome.

[ FILTERED TO FRIENDS OF THE VOLTRON CREW* ]
Hey, Lance is turning 21 (we think, time is weird) this upcoming Wednesday, so we're going to have a bonfire on the beach for him that evening starting around 7. It's pretty lowkey, but we've got everyone covered for food, cake, drinks, fireworks, and volleyball. Bring a plus one (or two, whatever, we're easy) and your animal companions if you want. Kosmo will be there too.

If you have pizza topping requests, get them into me now. I'm putting an order in tonight. We'll revisit everything if the cicadas are still a thing next week.

*Includes, but absolutely is not limited to: Adora, Catra, Noct, Matthew, LSZ, Atreus, Sara, Blue, Ava, Diego, Tommy, Billy, Roz, etc. Anyone that they talk to, basically.

I have never heard this much noise all at once in my entire life, and I have seven siblings.

Is there any place in this city that might be a little bit quieter?

Okay. So I know I was complaining about my utterly, tragically forgotten birthday but that was not a hint that I wanted the most complicated surprise theme party in history. I’m both disturbed and impressed by the attention to detail and the devotion the actors portraying the government officials have to their craft. Great work. Fantastic work.

I would like to know what kind of drugs were used to convince me that I had gone from walking into Cafe Tropical to falling right the fuck out of a giant rock that would probably make the healing crystal crowd literally just drop dead out of sheer joy. That explanation seems to still be escaping me. Anyone care to break character long enough to enlighten me?

Please, dear God, enlighten me. I refuse to accept the alternative. This is not real.

[An addition, added several minutes later]

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PSYCHOPATH MAKES A FAKE BUG THAT BIG?

WHY DOES THE FAKE BUG LOOK SO REAL?

I NEED A LIGHTER SO I CAN SELF IMMOLATE THANKS.