vallo

Good morning. It's possible Alexis and I came home to extra pets because of this timeslip nonsense. In case these animals are proper residents who somehow got lost and wandered into Skyhold, however:

This clever boy is a very good walker and accompanied Calenhad and I on our usual patrol of the Skyhold perimeter this morning.

This tiny nuisance, on the other hand, refused to leave my lap for all of yesterday evening and did her level best to wedge herself between myself and Alexis overnight.

The orange demon yells and demands constant attention. It is still less difficult than when David and Alexis were temporarily cats, as it cannot use the network.

If these belong to someone, do let me know. Otherwise, based on how affectionate the animals are with us, I will assume that these are our future children, as it were, and will treat them accordingly until Vallo sees fit to send them back where they belong. If any of you future sorts recognize them, that would also be helpful - I'd love to have names to use while they're here.

(OOC: Anyone from the future may feel free to recognize the critters as Dane, Abomination/Abby, and Lord Admiral Waffles MacFluffleton/Waffles, respectively)

Don't come near Skyhold unarmed or unarmored - we've got mechanical bastard mountain lions that turn almost perfectly invisible. They also shoot pulses of light that hit like burning arrows - they won't kill you in one shot, but they hurt like the fist of the Maker. Calenhad and I brought two down, but I've no way of telling if there are any others about, so if anyone would like to join me in a patrol of the area, I'd appreciate the help.

help


it has been ten minutes since i last ate

DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT ME

I thought it relevant to state that Morgan is a cat now, so if you have any problems with Tag!, bother me directly and if I like you I'll fix them.

WHAT THE QUIZNAK ALL MY STUFF IS GONE!!!!

Filtered to Clinic Staff
All right, yes, very funny, whoever stole literally every object from my desk and hid it somewhere. I actually need some of those things to work, so please return them before I'm forced to write client records on a handkerchief.

( And if you try telling me I'm stuck here, I'll kick your ass. )

My morning's been weird and it's got nothing to do with spontaneous singing, but two things:

1) People who work for the DOA welcoming committee need pay increases

and

2) Don't scratch my ears because I will slash your face

RIP to my frappuccino.

This is the face of a creature who successfully completed his last day of official therapy dog training.



Calenhad is justifiably quite pleased with himself. Please feel free to congratulate him with pats and treats, should you be in the neighborhood of Skyhold today.


[Filtered to Dorian]
Max just told me the news. I'm sorry, my friend. Should you need the distraction of chess or sparring, I am available.
[/filter]

[Filtered to Atreus]
I like to believe we have become friends over the time we've known each other, so I wanted to let you know that I don't consider that to have changed simply because you and Dorian are no longer involved, no more than things changed when Max and Dorian parted ways. I expect our paths will cross less frequently, but I thought it important to say that I think no ill of you.
[/filter]

I did not wish to go from unexpected hair to large annoying insects. I have already slain more than I can count this morning and there are still plenty to deal with. This appears to be an infestation. If you have not left your homes this morning and have a fear of bugs, perhaps it is a good time to stay inside while others deal with the situation.

So sorry to do this, but I've fallen down a research rabbit hole and wouldn't mind your assistance in digging my way out of it. ( I've cut the chunk of the text so as not to decimate your journal feed; you're welcome in advance. )

So now with all of that explained and summarized: please, for my purposes, (1) state where you are from and the predominant religion that you learned or belong to, (2) and give a small summary of what death entails, (3) what afterlife, if any, exists, and (4) whether or not reincarnation is a possibility.

Obviously if this topic upsets you, ah--- don't... do any of that. Ignore me. That's fine.

Thank you in advance.

Okay, so for all who signed up for speed dating - yay! We'll see you on Friday at Dorian's Gray Room, around 7:30. Katherine and me will check you in and then at 8:00, the rounds start! There will be plenty of cool drinks available and 20s fashions to rock thanks to (trumpet fanfare) MAGIC. Any questions? Let moi know!

Also I guess this place must think I miss my mom or something because one of her wigs showed up in bed with me and Cullen this morning and I think I gave him a heart attack because my scream was deafening but - at first it looked like a dead possum (if a dead possum had green corkscrew curls - not sure which one this is, Maureen maybe??), so you can't blame me. Like. So weird.

Either way, I now can't take it off so that's fun.

Y'ALL! I know the gremlins have been a little bit distracting, but now that they are gone (and goodness, not coming back anytime soon, thanks to y'all who take care of those sorts of things!) this is just your reminder that the bake-off is happening on Saturday! The Muffin Man has been keeping their baked goods recipes on lockdown, but I'm determined to beat them in the ultimate baking display! (But y'all are welcome to eat everything we make, that was part of the bake-off rules.)

It just so happens to be Tater's birthday too, so y'all better come out even if you don't like pie (which bless your heart, I don't know anyone who doesn't like pie and maybe you need to rethink your food preferences and let someone into your life that loves to bake and will make you pie!)

But y'all, don't forget about the Outlander baking contest, too! We have so many talented bakers here and I want to celebrate everyone's skills ♥ So sign up if you haven't already, and whoever wins the competition will get their pie featured at the shop for the rest of the summer!

Speaking of the shop! We still have the summer menu going strong, and a bigger menu for y'all is on the way when we do the grand opening soon :)

SUMMER PIE MENU

Excuse me. I was told there were bagels. Where?

WHO: Alexis & Cullen
WHAT: Introducing Cullen to the idea of summer vacation! And sunscreen~
WHERE: A nice beach
WHEN: This past weekend sometime
WARNINGS: Just FLUFF, marshmallow-ey fluff
STATUS: Complete

( You're *certain* this isn't magic? )

Y'ALL! It has been a minute, hasn't it? First of all, thank you to everyone who handled taking down that awful person who was terrorizing Vallo! Y'all are major heroes in my book, so make sure you come claim your free mini-pie for a job well done! ♥ Kratos, you get whatever you want for the next week! Even if I heard what you did and I think that might have been just a little bit of an overkill

On that note, the pie menu this month is full of all my summer favorites, but y'all are going to have to put in pre-orders and do pick-up and delivery while we get the final details ready on Bitty's Bakes! (Oh goodness, that's me, y'all! My own pie shop, which I cannot have done without my wonderfully perfect husband who looks just absolutely fantastic swinging around a sledgehammer and wearing a hardhat 😏 and not without the help of all my friends at the Haus who have worked non-stop, even when I was recovering in April! :( )

We're doing a soft opening this month, with the grand opening corresponding to a very friendly bake-off with the Muffin Man bakery in July. I had to promise it was friendly because I would do whatever it takes to crush him in Keep your eyes open, your baking chops ready, and your stomachs prepared to eat a ridiculous amount of pie! :)

Speaking of baking, I noticed a lot of you were struggling to cook when we were in the past! I understand it was not an ideal situation, and even I had to improvise, but if y'all need some assistance learning in the present, you know I'm always happy to help you learn from pies, to brownies, to even souffles! We can break in my new kitchen at the shop and use the megaoven Brigitte built for it! 😘

SUMMER MENU!

A week ago, I reached my thirty-fifth year. I've found myself thinking about this birthday more than most of my others, largely because it's one that for such a long time I did not expect to see.

Templars don't tend to last long. They die in battle, or lyrium takes their mind, or they're ejected from the order and withdrawal from lyrium takes their mind and body both. A Templar who reaches forty is considered one of the old officers, and I never saw myself becoming one of those.

And yet, here I am. Not only alive, but not staring down a tunnel at inevitable madness or physical deterioration. Doing work that doesn't promise to turn bad or hurt anyone. I have dogs and a girlfriend. This life is so good that I occasionally have to go out and run until I'm soaked through with sweat and on the edge of collapse just to convince myself that it's all real.

Hopefully by thirty-six the strangeness of continuing to live will have worn off a bit.

[Filtered to Max and Dorian]
Thank you both. If not for your friendship and support, I doubt I would have made it this far.
[/filter]

[Filtered to Alexis]
I love you.
[/filter]

WHO: Cullen & Alexis
WHAT: Alexis gets a canon update via dreams!
WHERE: Skyhold, their room
WHEN: Tonight (pretty late)
WARNINGS: Nah, just schmoop
STATUS: Complete

( Garbage fish. )

FAILED filter to Gideon Nav.


Crushed her. I retain my crown.

Are you free for lunch? Victory donuts?

Alexis and I have just finished watching the Lord of the Rings movies. The geography and politics are different, but it still felt very much like a taste of home, in a way. I've now begun reading the first of the books, and those are even more like something I might have picked up at a bookshop in Kirkwall.

There are movies of so many books on Earth. Why is there no movie of Vampirates? This seems an artistic injustice.

[Filtered to Alexis]
Could you bring more of that "Filthy Viking" soap from the Apothecary home with you this evening? I've worn mine down to a sliver. If I ever find myself in a world without hot showers again, I suspect I will whinge incessantly.
[/filter]