InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Don't be a drama princess."

justcullen (justcullen) wrote in valloic,
@ 2021-04-19 14:33:00

Entry tags:

!: network post, voltron: takashi shirogane, ₴ inactive: alexis rose, ₴ inactive: ciri, ₴ inactive: cullen rutherford, ₴ inactive: dorian pavus, ₴ inactive: persephone poldma

A week ago, I reached my thirty-fifth year. I've found myself thinking about this birthday more than most of my others, largely because it's one that for such a long time I did not expect to see.

Templars don't tend to last long. They die in battle, or lyrium takes their mind, or they're ejected from the order and withdrawal from lyrium takes their mind and body both. A Templar who reaches forty is considered one of the old officers, and I never saw myself becoming one of those.

And yet, here I am. Not only alive, but not staring down a tunnel at inevitable madness or physical deterioration. Doing work that doesn't promise to turn bad or hurt anyone. I have dogs and a girlfriend. This life is so good that I occasionally have to go out and run until I'm soaked through with sweat and on the edge of collapse just to convince myself that it's all real.

Hopefully by thirty-six the strangeness of continuing to live will have worn off a bit.

[Filtered to Max and Dorian]
Thank you both. If not for your friendship and support, I doubt I would have made it this far.
[/filter]

[Filtered to Alexis]
I love you.
[/filter]

(Post a new comment)

	first filter tevene 2021-04-19 08:00 pm UTC (link)
	We're proud of you. And if the others were here - hairy lummox, Sera, and so forth - they would also be proud and eager to observe the tightness of your shirts after your sweat-soaked runs. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	first filter justcullen 2021-04-19 08:03 pm UTC (link)
	It's odd - the members of the Inquisition I miss the most out here are, with the exception of Cassandra, all the ones who took such joy in needling me and bickering. I'd love to see Sera, Bull, and Leliana again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	first filter tevene 2021-04-19 08:07 pm UTC (link)
	We all bickered like ornery siblings or like we were all married, not sure which, but I miss them as well. I often think of how they're doing. Except for Solas. Re-purposing his room to make space for a hot tub has been good enough. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	first filter justcullen 2021-04-20 12:25 pm UTC (link)
	It always felt like siblings to me. The ever-changing alliances in pranks and competitions with an underlying sense of enduring affection reminds me very much of growing up in a noisy household of four children. The hot tub is not trying to unmake reality, so I much prefer the hot tub. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	first filter tevene 2021-04-20 12:41 pm UTC (link)
	As an only child, I shall take your word for it. I do care for them all in a familial sort of way. You all were there when I left everything behind, gave me a place to go and something to fight for. I don't believe I'll ever forget that. Indeed. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	first filter justcullen 2021-04-20 12:56 pm UTC (link)
	I feel precisely the same, though coming from a completely different direction. The hot tub is also very relaxing, as opposed to causing my shoulders to knot up and trigger a headache. Another point in its favor versus Solas. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	first filter tevene 2021-04-20 01:01 pm UTC (link)
	Funny how we come from different directions anyway and seemed to find some common ground regardless. Plus, the hot tub doesn't talk. Its only way of communication is the soothing sound of bubbling water. Add another five points. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	first filter justcullen 2021-04-22 05:36 pm UTC (link)
	Five more points for the fact that the hot tub has not yet found a way to communicate condescension through those bubbles. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cullexis celebutante 2021-04-19 08:02 pm UTC (link)
	I love you too, hot stuff! I'm so glad that cake I made was actually good strawberry and didn't look like a lopsided mess flattened by someone's butt. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	cullexis justcullen 2021-04-19 11:37 pm UTC (link)
	It was beautiful and delicious as its baker. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cullexis celebutante 2021-04-19 11:45 pm UTC (link)
	Aww. You're so charming, I might swoon a little. Thurvishar helped too - made sure I didn't set anything on fire. I'm getting better! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cullexis justcullen 2021-04-20 12:22 pm UTC (link)
	I'm better at this in writing than in person. I very much appreciate the luxury of being able to think about what I am about to say, but without having to wait weeks or months for a letter to travel. Your work was splendid, and I shall pass my thanks on to Thurvishar as well. Slowly but surely, we will become passable cooks. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cullexis celebutante 2021-04-20 12:38 pm UTC (link)
	The high speed of the internet and texting is pretty great for that! Doesn't entirely prevent knee-jerk panic texts but you know. It definitely helps. Slowly but surely. I think I'll keep practicing - not just baking, but like. Other stuff too. We can work on pizza next. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	cullexis justcullen 2021-04-22 05:37 pm UTC (link)
	I still can't type fast enough to panic in text. That's probably for the best. I do like the idea of being able to make pizza to our own personal specifications. Breads seem complicated, however. Perhaps we start with achieving tacos. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	takashi 2021-04-19 10:19 pm UTC (link)
	I know part of this feeling, the period that comes after when you expected to die. ~~I thought I might get~~ I'm glad you're getting a chance to live a life for you here. And a belated happy birthday. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	justcullen 2021-04-20 12:11 pm UTC (link)
	I'm glad you're getting your chance as well. A strange feeling, isn't it, when your expectations get entirely turned over? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	takashi 2021-04-20 05:42 pm UTC (link)
	It's a complicated feeling. I'm not unhappy here, but I do miss a greater purpose. That's on me though. I need to set bigger goals for myself here. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justcullen 2021-04-22 05:39 pm UTC (link)
	I had a similar struggle when the Inquisition first disbanded. I'd been part of something larger than myself since I was a child. Finding a purpose without that is challenging. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	ofpsychics 2021-04-19 11:53 pm UTC (link)
	I have a decade on you, but I wouldn't have had any more years back home, and waking up to the edge of dawn here in Vallo on a regular basis has been like being a growing plant, a root system growing, flourishing in the sun. It's good to see others do the same, especially so far from home. Here's to you continuing the path of happiness with many more birthdays. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	justcullen 2021-04-20 12:13 pm UTC (link)
	You have a fine turn of phrase, messere. I like that metaphor very much; it appeals to both the reader and the farm boy in me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofpsychics 2021-04-20 02:45 pm UTC (link)
	I've always been good at keeping little greenery alive, but never had the patience for large amounts of farming. But I like being vague and offering fun advice. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justcullen 2021-04-22 05:41 pm UTC (link)
	Do you know much about herbs and vegetables, perhaps? We have good sun in the castle yard at Skyhold, and I'd thought of putting in a kitchen garden now that the danger of frost is passing. I've plenty of experience tending a garden, but not much with planning one. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	wolfcub 2021-04-21 05:05 pm UTC (link)
	It's very... odd. I can't say I'm ever going to be used to how comparatively inconsequential things are here. I don't know if I can relate with your Lyrium problem, but there are similar issues in my world. Growing old is less of a luxury here and I think that's a good thing. Happy Birthday, regardless! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	justcullen 2021-04-22 05:42 pm UTC (link)
	My thanks. And I've actually found that I enjoy being responsible for only a small number of fates, not an entire army and by extension a world of them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wolfcub 2021-04-22 06:19 pm UTC (link)
	The fate of a world is always far too much for one person. Maybe the fates of a small farm, or a village at most? The world is just excessive. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	justcullen 2021-04-23 12:15 pm UTC (link)
	Truly, it's a bit much to expect of someone. Max was the one stuck with it in our world; I just ran his army for him, and that was exhausting enough. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wolfcub 2021-04-25 04:25 am UTC (link)
	I don't know, an army is a lot to command. It's difficult enough trying to wrangle one or two men in battle, let alone hundreds. (Reply to this) (Parent)