If anybody gets any embarrassing pictures of the bride and groom on their phone, you're required by Barns Law to share them immediately. If they're REALLY good, I'll give you a finder's fee. If they're hilariously BAD, I'll give you a finder's fee and, I don't fucking know. A wheel of cheese. There.
[FILTERED TO ADAM]The bartender says we're out of the old man's favorite fizzy juice somehow so I'm gonna be a minute but I just want you to know that your ass looks criminal in those pants. If you love me even a LITTLE, you'll keep the jacket off and roll up your sleeves before I get back.