vallo

Taking a break from killing Gumby to review all the food I have had so far in your world (priorities, priorities). Please know that these are entirely my own opinions, and that it's not my fault if yours suck, so feel free to take everything personally. Without further ado:

GIDEON'S COMPREHENSIVE AND ACCURATE LIST OF FOODSTUFFS - VALLO EDITION

• Apple: My first real apple I have ever had! I've tasted lab-grown apple of course, and once I had a dehydrated apple slice so old it looked like a Great-Aunt, but the real thing is great - lush, good texture, nice sweet/sour bite. 9/10

• Ahi Tuna: I was skeptical and I still am. It's squishy and cold as a tomb. The sesame seeds imparted a delicious nutty (hahaha) taste and texture, and I could see the appeal on a hot day, but honestly texture-wise it reminded me too much of cannibalism, so nah. 5/10.

• Avocado: Metaphor for my life. You get this big round thing that you squeeze with the soft touch of an uncertain and chaste lover, but when you split it open, it's mostly seed. I have been informed that this is the luck of the draw, and my luck sucks, so there's that to take into account. The part of the avocado fruit I ate was delicious, but there was so little of it. Avocado, you're ON NOTICE.

• Banana: Looks like a dick 10/10

• Coffee: Smells so good, tastes like heartbreak. Coffee is a LIE. An 'acquired taste' they say. Acquire my dismissal. 0/10.

• Cupcake(s): I ate four in as many minutes and I thought my heart was going to come out of my nose. I threw up and then I ate a fifth. 10/10 Cupcakes are great.

• Gelato: Someone from the land of Italy recommended this, and I got to say, good job. I ate it way too quickly and I thought I was going to die again, but then the pain went away and there was only sweetness. It reminded me a lot of every romantic crush I've ever had.

• Gnocchi: Texture-wise, not great; it's like eating tiny little turds with tomato sauce. But then I enjoyed myself? I don't know; I think I need to look further within to figure this one out. 6/10.

• Huevos Rancheros: Eggs + spicy things! Amazing. Apparently this is a breakfast food but I think we all know that this is a drunk food. 8/10

• Kale: You kale people are fucked up, 0/10.

• Meatball: Inclined to give this a 10/10 because of the 'ball' part but I found myself dreaming of its simple meaty qualities a few hours after I had one for the first time. If you'd only had lab-grown meat your whole life, the real deal is insanely good. I can 100% see the appeal of murdering cute animals. 10/10

• Pizza: Bury my ass in a field of pizza or however you make it IDC. 11/10 I would die for pizza

• Waffles Overrated. The syrup is gross and gets everywhere and soggy bread reminds me of grandmothers. 2/10, fight me.

[FILTERED TO THE GANGSEY]

Yo Parrish, the shitbox is here. Found it while selling manure to a nearby farm so that was super fucking fitting. Can we finally take a sledgehammer to it? We could turn it into one of those charity events.

[FILTERED TO ATREUS]

Hey, how is the sanctuary doing on cash? I just had an idea that Adam definitely won't let me get away with BUT you could still do something similar. Like a fundraiser thing where people pay money to do something stupid and that money goes to the sanctuary.

I realized yesterday that I've never actually played any kind of Mario game before, and I have no idea what some of you are getting so excited about. That was never an approved recreation activity for me and I didn't bother picking it up when I left home.

( time to see what I've missed )

WHO: Wynonna Earp & Doc Holliday
WHAT: Some slice of life stuff
WHEN: Backdated to karaoke night
WHERE: Their apartment and Galahd's
WARNINGS: None that I can think of
STATUS: Complete

( X )

sent to all phones minus those who opted out:
• Kate Fuller
• Seth Gecko

So it's not a pokemon, but I did get my clothes from home so that was kind of a surprise when I opened my closet this morning.

This isn't the weirdest thing I've dealt with, time travel still takes the cake, but this is still pretty fucking weird. I did appreciate the video introduction though, it pretty much summed shit up. Anyone know when I can have my crossbow back?

Also, I'm looking for a dweeb named James Rogers and a gorgeous goddess that goes by Torunn - does anyone know where I can find them?

Guess this place decided it wanted me to have Eli back. Thought it might have been another one of those weird trips cause he was just sitting on my chest when I woke up, but turns out it was actually him. Guess I need to get a new aquarium and food.

Hogwarts Alumni & Family:

I feel it necessary to inform you all that Severus Snape's house has arrived. The irony of this happening now is - It was given to me upon his d and, as you might imagine, it's considerably warded. I offer it as a place of sanctuary should the occasion ever arise. You'll need to come to me at the clinic for the access spell, but you're welcome to it.

Don't be alarmed if I don't speak. It's training for something I'm working on unless Sirius is joking. That is all.

Hilda Spellman:

Professor Spellman, I presume? My name is Draco Malfoy. The Headmistress told me you would be in charge of potions instruction at the Academy of Unseen Arts. As I'll be working under you, I wanted to submit my curriculum for review.

Mhaenal Lavellan:

Do you have a moment?

I really appreciate people throwing me a party for my birthday. It's actually the first one I've ever had. That I remember. I guess I could have had one before Balamb but that's mostly gone. And it was really fun. Plus it was great to spend the day with friends. I really hate talking this much, but I don't want people to think I didn't appreciate it

I also got something pretty cool from home.

bev.

Thanks, again, for doing that. It really meant a lot. And I'm going to be sappy again, so deal with it. I'm really glad I met you.

seifer.

What do you think about seeing if Jace and Clary want to stay at Matron's? It's kind of big for just us, and I'm pretty sure they're at Morningside without anyone else.

Also. Ragnarok is here.

clary.

I got you something for your birthday. I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner.

bayek.

This sword is really great. Do you want to spar sometime?

nyx.

We haven't had much time to hang out lately. Want to go Goomba hunting sometime off patrol? They seem pretty harmless and easy to kill. Or, at least, easier than the rabbits.

ben.

Remember how I told you about my airship? It showed up.

CASS

I was just thinking to myself that it's been unusually quiet recently, and I realized it's because I haven't heard from you in a few days. I just wanted to make sure you're still here. [...] And I wanted to make sure you're okay.

WHO: Wynonna & Dan
WHAT: Wynonna takes a nap, with some assistance
WHERE: Snooze Room, Chakrabarti Clinic
WHEN: Wednesday afternoon
WARNINGS: Safe to proceed
STATUS: Complete

( Her and Waverly sitting outside of the Homestead, wrapped in blankets and in front of a fire, while Doc - or Henry, at that time - replaced their mailbox. )