vallo

Hey folks, welcome to the shitty future you're hoping to avoid for yourselves. Thanks for coming.

When you came from, the network is for fun. Here, it's the primary communication medium for a resistance that's scrambling to survive, and it's under constant attack and held together with paperclips and hope. This means:

• Don't try to run a bunch of data across it unless you need to. Keep your comms to text as much as possible.
  
• SECURITY IS PARAMOUNT. You'll notice the passphrase requirements are stricter than on the network you came from. That's because Murderbot got hacked/enthralled and he can bruteforce your oh-so-clever "password1" in about two seconds without even having to know you'd pick a password that dumb in the first place.
  
• Smash your device to pieces before you let it fall into the hands of the enemy.
  

This is a test post

Good morning, folks, we are back online. Sorry about the outage - it's not a security breach this time, just an update that went a little sideways.

If you run into anybody who can't get back on, tell them to do what the sign on my door says: turn your device off and back on again, and if that fails, delete the application and reinstall.

ETA: And while I've got you here, now is always a good time to change your passphrase. And YES, it still has to be at least 16 characters, that rule is not going anywhere.

ETA2: This is also your reminder to never let your device leave your person. This network is only as secure as we make it.

They say it takes the average person a month to give up on their new year's resolutions. Which - you couldn't have really wanted it if you're only willing to give it a month.

That said, who wants to go sit across from some terrible cross fit gym with me, a bottle of Jack's, and a pint of ice cream.

is anybody free to transport a small tentacle creature to the clinic?

or possibly something else

i think i got the flu

and i'm having a hard time holding a form

it keeps changing when i sneeze

this is the first time i've been able to type all morning

please help

Seasons greetings motherfuckers. It's that time of year again. That magical time when you all party too hard engaging in social obligations and find yourself tottering with your higher judgment totally fucked. Year three. Let's go:

As we near the holiday season, I'll remind you:

• Do not drink too much.
  • Because I know you will, as (most) of you are human and stupid, and drinking too much is how you demonstrate cheer without having to rely on creativity, when you drink too much and you are worried about getting home...
• Contact me to get you there safely.
• I am responsible, discreet, and used to having humans leak mysterious fluids of all kinds on me.
• I am also not sexually interested in you, unlike Todd from Accounting.
• I will ensure that you reach home without incident and will annoy you until you drink at least three glasses of water.
• Unless:
  • You want to talk about your feelings, my feelings, or some other person's feelings. I don't care.
  • You hit on me, flirt with me, or touch me inappropriately. I find human sexual interaction disgusting AF.
  • You insult me or behave rudely. I don't fucking put up with that. This is a free service. Behave like something better than your species.
• Thank you and stay safe.
  • Unless I don't like you, in which case, die in a snowbank.

Don't fuck yourself up this holiday season or I'll do it for you. And a happy New Year or whatever.

Now. What fuckery does this weird-ass planet have planned for us this holiday?

Hey, calling in from Enki offices. We're getting that weird magi-tech signal from the Void like we did last spring - chat feed and video, same as before. Please check for missing persons and report them to the DOA.

Chat feed is here for anyone who wants or needs to monitor it. Working on getting the video up.

UPDATE: Got the video feed up. Looks like a different place than last time.

UPDATE 2: Things just got worse for them. They're connected to at least two other places. One is Talos I, my old space station. The other is...I don't even know. It looks like a carnival of guns.

The hockey humans went home several months ago, and after refusing to acknowledge their departure had any effect on my emotional state, after quantitatively reviewing data from my recent performance reliability, I can admit that their disappearance has altered my routine in negative ways (ugh).

I have decided to acquire a miniature carbon-based life form to mind, because even Morgan has his limits with my constant interferences. Because this life form is to take the place of the hockey humans, I have several requirements: I need it to be dumb, because I don't want it to outsmart me, but also I would also ask that it be tough, because I will worry about it when I'm working away from home and I don't want to live in a state of terror about its longevity.

Does anyone know where I can procure the meanest kitten? I want it to be a real asshole. Thank you.

Now that was a party. Had a great time, you two lovebirds. Cross my fingers and toes you aren't sucked into a hell dimension where some wolf-masked motherfucker hits on you and you have to summon rats to escape. Ain't love sweet.

In other news. I've been sitting on them but if anyone's feeling nostalgic, I woke up to a whole buncha records from home. Not all of them, but a chunk of the heavy hitters - the Sha Na Nas, the Read It and Weeps, and a chunk of Frank Spicer's back catalog. I even got me a old Louise Brighton B-side. Now, I know none of that sounds familiar to any of y'all uncultured swine, save maybe background music to your trauma, but me? I got me a complicated relationship with Blackreef's soundtrack. So I've been ~enjoying~ myself, been fucking around with my record player, making improvements, making it purr. It needed a new cartridge which was fun to find here in Vallo. Had me a nice little Sunday looking through the junk markets. No one shot me. If this is retirement, call me an old-ass geezer 'cause I fucking love it.

Still at Sofia's. Been waiting to get bored. Hasn't happened yet. Eldritch garlic knots have got themselves a way of preying on the mind.

Did you know that, in the Omegaverse, only an Alpha can mark an Omega as their mate? The Alpha bites on the scent gland, and that's when the Omega marks them back.

I learned this after the fifth or so fanfiction - we currently have "Meet Me At The Full Moon" on our fridge, and I'll be doing a live reading of "Marked" once Wanda finishes, if anyone wants to drop by. She's just cranking them out and I couldn't be more proud of her a/b/o filth.










No beta, we die like we're on the Murder Mansion stairs.

Having a cold is bad enough.

But every time I sneeze a GOAT appears.

First it was goat posters.

Then it was stupid figurines.

Some goat milk. And cheese. Whatever. Easy enough to throw away.

NOW.

NOW THERE IS A GOAT IN MY APARTMENT.

What is the opposite of sneezing? How do I undo this?

Can someone knock me out until this is over?

HI I'M NEW AND I CANT GET CAPS TO TURN OFF? IS THIS USUAL HERE OR? BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I'M SHOUTING AND I HONESTLY ONLY SHOUT AT LIKE 3 PEOPLE AND YOU'RE NOT MADISON, LOGAN OR VINNY VAN LOWE. PROBABLY.

THE NAMES VERONICA MARS, SORRY TO SHOUT.

ALSO HAS ANYONE HERE SEEN ANYONE NAMED MAC OR WALLACE OR LOGAN? I THINK I SAW A CENTAUR WALKING DOWN THE STREET JUST NOW. WHICH...I GUESS IS NORMAL HERE? I NEED TO READ THIS PAMPHLET BETTER PROBABLY.

I'M DEFINITELY NOT IN NEPTUNE ANYMORE.

Smiley day to y'all! I thought it'd be nice to talk about journaling! In times when the days seem to blend together, journaling helps you soul-touched separate one from the next, and also helps clear distressing thoughts invading your heads and dreams (I'm mighty curious about dreaming as I myself do not dream). It may not always feel pleasant, but disclosing emotions rather than stuffing them down is ultimately much more healthy! Some may have some secret pain or stressor that they cannot share with others, but seeing that translated into the written word that exists outside of your mind and heart can help make sense of it all!

Journaling also allows one to put experiences in sequential order, to examine cause and effect, and gain distance from events and situations. A stitch in time heals all wounds, and I'm sure y'all will make a beautiful tapestry!

Here's a good prompt in case you'd like to try it, and we can all be vulnerable with each other: In the book of your life, what would your chapters be called?

We're making great progress on our app for connecting minor Unfinished Business cases with people willing to help. If you're interested in being part of the beta test (launching in May), let me know here. We'll need people with varied skills and backgrounds, as the needs of our ghost clients span a pretty wide range.

[Filtered to Victor]
Hey, got word you might be interested in partnering with MageNet R&D on some of the Green Initiative work. Wanna chat?
[/filter]

[Filtered to Murderbot]
Mei and I officially have the apartment visitor-ready. Would you care to join us for an inaugural movie-watching evening tonight?
[/filter]

[Filtered to DOA]
Who around here handles Weird Shit Going Down? We've picked up a magitechnical stream over here at MageNet that seems to indicate at least a few people have been snatched up to somewhere. Mei and I are getting it set up for monitoring now, so if any of you want to get on down here (Conference Room 1012), we could use some Powers That Be types.

[Filtered to Shi Meiying]
Hey, Meimei - I hate living by myself. Do you hate living by yourself?
[/filter]

I like Vallo, but there should be more spaceships and stations (sorry Morgan). This is the longest I've been planetside since I was manufactured four years ago. Weather.

Just as a head's up, since the pub will be busy beyond belief for St. Patrick's Day like it was last year (or so I'm hoping), I'm likely closing up for Valentine's Day this year just to give everyone a nice evening off.

Plus I just want to have it off and it makes the mos

[MORGAN YU]

How're you doing? Healed up alright?

Okay, so I just got hit with a new app development project. Since this is something I have even less experience with than romantic relationships, congratulations, you're now part of my market research.

The basics:

• With an ever-rising population of dead folks and the discovery of some misfiled items from about fifty years back, Ankou Coven's ended up with a significant backlog of "unfinished business" cases
  
• Ankou's personnel are overtaxed as it is, and spiritual triage dictates that they focus on the most pressing unfinished business first, so a lot of non-emergent but still significant cases are left waiting in line
  
• ...but luckily, we have a large untapped well of personnel in the form of Helpful Outlanders
  
• ...and with a little bit of cooperation between Enki, Ankou, and your friendly neighborhood app developer (who can actually stay in human form again, hooray), we think we can create an app that would put these Helpful Outlanders in touch with Spirits In Need.

So, here's phase one of my market research, to which any and all answers are appreciated:

• if this app existed, would you put a profile on it?
  
• If you were/are dead, what would you be looking for in a living problem-solver?
  
• If you were/are alive, what would you be looking for in a case to assist with?
  
• Thoughts on the name Medium? Better ideas?
  
• General thoughts and feelings on the project?
  
• Ideas for imagery to avoid, imagery to use, etc.?
  
• Would you be interested in assisting in a more official capacity? I'm perfectly happy to just make an app and walk away when it comes to you people hooking up and/or finding people to eat sushi in silence with, but we could probably use a little more involved community management here and a list of resources to contact in addition to what Ankou already has in place.
  
• Do you think we'll need to update the dick recognition algorithm for this?
  

We're really going to do this? Shit. Okay, why not. Here we go.

Name's Colt. Colt Vahn. The explosions? On the welcome vid? They were something else. I know it's not even noon, but time means nothing, so if any of you could point me to somewhere that pours drinks and doesn't ask questions, I'd be thankful.

And don't try to loop shoot me. Had about enough of that to last me a goddamn lifetime.

so i've been doing some self-research, and it seems like my blend-in instinct is in overdrive

the oh-shit-we're-getting-attacked reflex is getting triggered too easily, and then i immediately turn into something new to try to preserve a sense of safety

best trick for avoiding it so far is floating in water in typhon form. water feels safe like space if i'm typhon, so i can stay one thing

not sure yet if the problem is neurological following impact trauma or psychological following unexpected failure to protect self

usually i'm the specialist on that, but i can only get so far trying to analyze myself, and i told hannah i'd get help if it went on more than a couple days

so...

we got any other brain guys around here? exobiologists? magineurologists? people with experience studying neural networks with atypical structures? note: must be chill with tentacles

i need some help figuring out if this is damage that needs repair or if i just need to keep floating a while til the stress eases up

and happy new year, my lunar calendar bros. mei, i still expect you to feed me dumplings