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murderbot ([info]secunit) wrote in [info]valloic,
@ 2022-12-02 09:28:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:!: network post, temp character: cole cassidy, ₴ inactive: gretchen cutler, ₴ inactive: lee thompkins, ₴ inactive: morgan yu, ₴ inactive: murderbot, ₴ inactive: sabrina spellman

Seasons greetings motherfuckers. It's that time of year again. That magical time when you all party too hard engaging in social obligations and find yourself tottering with your higher judgment totally fucked. Year three. Let's go:

As we near the holiday season, I'll remind you:
  • Do not drink too much.
    • Because I know you will, as (most) of you are human and stupid, and drinking too much is how you demonstrate cheer without having to rely on creativity, when you drink too much and you are worried about getting home...
  • Contact me to get you there safely.
  • I am responsible, discreet, and used to having humans leak mysterious fluids of all kinds on me.
  • I am also not sexually interested in you, unlike Todd from Accounting.
  • I will ensure that you reach home without incident and will annoy you until you drink at least three glasses of water.
  • Unless:
    • You want to talk about your feelings, my feelings, or some other person's feelings. I don't care.
    • You hit on me, flirt with me, or touch me inappropriately. I find human sexual interaction disgusting AF.
    • You insult me or behave rudely. I don't fucking put up with that. This is a free service. Behave like something better than your species.
  • Thank you and stay safe.
    • Unless I don't like you, in which case, die in a snowbank.


Don't fuck yourself up this holiday season or I'll do it for you. And a happy New Year or whatever.

Now. What fuckery does this weird-ass planet have planned for us this holiday?


(Post a new comment)


[info]whoareyu
2022-12-02 03:36 pm UTC (link)
Here's hoping we don't end up in another Hallmark movie, cute as our trope-flipping was.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 03:39 pm UTC (link)
Fuck the cute tiny town. I want access to an electronics store with options.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]whoareyu
2022-12-02 03:53 pm UTC (link)
Honestly, the most unrealistic part of Serendipity Hills was the idea that my parents would so much as own property in a tiny town.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 03:58 pm UTC (link)
I guess there's less red tape involved in demolishing local business, but yeah. Not nearly enough sterile modern architecture for them.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]whoareyu
2022-12-02 04:06 pm UTC (link)
I think the Void version of them had the town's tree for a conference table, though. It definitely looked like one solid piece of ancient hardwood.

[Filtered to Murderbot]
You see that? I made a joke about the Void. Progress!

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:09 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]whoareyu, 2022-12-02 04:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:47 pm UTC
Morganbot - [info]whoareyu, 2022-12-02 04:51 pm UTC
Morganbot - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:59 pm UTC
Morganbot [ 10 minutes later] - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:59 pm UTC
Morganbot - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 05:00 pm UTC
Morganbot - [info]whoareyu, 2022-12-02 05:07 pm UTC
Morganbot - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 05:16 pm UTC
Re: Morganbot - [info]whoareyu, 2022-12-02 05:31 pm UTC
Re: Morganbot - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 06:50 pm UTC

[info]pathofnight
2022-12-02 03:41 pm UTC (link)
Are we making bets on what craziness we're going to deal with?

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 03:46 pm UTC (link)
You humans can spend their money in foolish games of chance if you wish. I'm sure whatever happens it's going to be annoying as fuck. I don't want to murder things this holiday season.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]pathofnight
2022-12-02 03:49 pm UTC (link)
You can get things other than money.

I'm trying to remember what we've dealt with in the past, but everything's a blur. Was the Hallmark movie last year or the one before?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 04:00 pm UTC (link)
Last year. Morgan and I learned a valuable lesson about not reconciling with toxic family and living in the city. And also not murdering people.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]pathofnight
2022-12-02 04:03 pm UTC (link)
Alas, probably can't murder the toxic family.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:08 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pathofnight, 2022-12-02 04:10 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:18 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pathofnight, 2022-12-02 04:24 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:54 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]pathofnight, 2022-12-02 05:04 pm UTC

[info]unlovable
2022-12-02 04:14 pm UTC (link)
Fuck Todd from Accounting.

Not that I know Todd from Accounting. But he sounds like a douche.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 04:17 pm UTC (link)
Everyone knows a Todd from Accounting, even if they don't know the Todd from Accounting. He sucks. Self-inflicted inebriation, however dumb, is not consent.

[ Gretchen ]
How is he? I think Morgan's been doing better the last week or so. He made a joke about the Void which I think is progress, even if it's sort of having a house blow away in a hurricane and you mop what remains of the kitchen kind-of-progress.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]unlovable
2022-12-02 04:24 pm UTC (link)
The label I worked at had a Chad from Accounting. He and Todd will be besties in hell.

murderbot.
Shit, I honestly don't know? I'm about as oblivious to the subtleties of human emotion as you so I'm probably not the best to ask. But time heals all and all that shit so I'm sure it'll be fine, eventually. Until some other fresh hell sneaks up on all of us and suddenly stuck in void facing your own mortality over and over again seems like a walk in the park.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 04:48 pm UTC (link)
Fuck Chad. Fuck the Chad and Todd alliance.

[Gretchen]
I'm afraid to ask this because ew, but how are YOU doing? You died. Humans shouldn't remember doing that. It's not ideal for their brains.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]unlovable
2022-12-02 04:52 pm UTC (link)
Amen to that.

murderbot.
Humans probably aren't supposed to live in a snowglobe from hell and get stuck in some weird pocket dimension of whatever this is but here we are.

I'm alright. The ratio of daytime sobriety to not is a little worse than usual but hey, not like I got much else going on for me so why the fuck not right.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Gretchen/Murderbot - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 04:58 pm UTC
Gretchen/Murderbot - [info]unlovable, 2022-12-02 11:14 pm UTC

[info]itshighnoon
2022-12-02 04:42 pm UTC (link)
Probably take you up on that escort, partner. Ain't had this much free time in a while.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 04:53 pm UTC (link)
Are you thirsty or just bored?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]itshighnoon
2022-12-02 05:14 pm UTC (link)
Little bit of both, I reckon. The holidays tend to make a fella feel sorry for himself too, so that won't help.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 05:24 pm UTC (link)
Ah, that's right. You're surrounded by assholes back home. That would be frustrating.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 05:43 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 06:49 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 07:39 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 10:06 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 10:14 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 10:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 10:21 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 10:58 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-03 12:34 am UTC

[info]thedragonstirs
2022-12-02 06:27 pm UTC (link)
I will not have need of your services unless my facilities are compromised. If so, I give permission to be avenged.

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]secunit
2022-12-02 06:49 pm UTC (link)
I appreciate your straightforward response.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]thedragonstirs
2022-12-02 06:51 pm UTC (link)
You are welcome. At most I am at risk of overdosing on dumplings.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]itshighnoon
2022-12-02 07:41 pm UTC (link)
What about that cake ya like?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]thedragonstirs, 2022-12-02 10:04 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 10:13 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thedragonstirs, 2022-12-02 10:16 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 10:22 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thedragonstirs, 2022-12-02 10:38 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-02 10:44 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thedragonstirs, 2022-12-02 11:35 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]itshighnoon, 2022-12-03 12:35 am UTC

[info]secunit
2022-12-02 10:07 pm UTC (link)
Honestly, drink too much, eat too much, the end results are grossly the same.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

(no subject) - [info]thedragonstirs, 2022-12-02 10:12 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 10:15 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]thedragonstirs, 2022-12-02 10:17 pm UTC
(no subject) - [info]secunit, 2022-12-02 10:59 pm UTC

[info]drexaminer
2022-12-03 02:42 am UTC (link)
I feel like I should highlight this post somewhere at the clinic for potential patients who should have read this.

(Reply to this)



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