vallo

Soooo... if anyone wants to come help round up some of these tentacle cats at Boyd's that'd be great. I counted at least eight, possibly more. Five for sure have run off somewhere in the shop with various tools which I'd love to get back to, you know, do work. Menaces. Completely adorable, but menaces still the same.

Ever since New Year's Eve people have had ideas about what new "fun" toppings they can request on pizza like they did at the charity event. Too much warm fruit. And finally today someone said they wanted strawberries, peaches, and pickled radishes with scrambled eggs and I just

I no longer work at Nino's. I quit. It was that or jail. Find a new place to knife fight out back.

FRIENDS OF GANSEY (BUT GANSEY CAN ALSO SEE.)

A certain someone's birthday is next Wednesday. Now that I have oodles of free time, you're cordially invited to clear the evening. We're doing whatever Gansey wants.

After taking some Tylenol (I cannot handle an extra glass of wine like I used to, not because re-lived my college years somewhere out in the city) to nurse this stereotypical New Year's headache, I realized that this month marks my sixth month here. I keep thinking this place is going to kick me out like it has the first two times. It's definitely the longest I've been here, and while I miss the two main males of my life, I'm grateful to still be around.

But this sense of staying around long-term has made me realize that I need stable employment to spoil people with. Please see this shameless photo of who I am in need of spoiling. It's both of them.

Background: Military, NASA, Engineer, Astronaut, space-traveled, crash-landed on another planet a galaxy away from Earth, married the prince, became queen, did a lot of politics and sword battle. I enjoy getting my hands dirty. I also enjoy wearing jeans again versus the royal garb.

Would anyone have any leads on some kind of mechanical work? I'm a bit rusty, but I've retained a lot over the years, and if I can successfully figure out the kinks of a one-thousand-year-old spaceship that needed oil changing, I can most likely translate that into smaller vessels.

The hangover is a little brutal this morning, but a toasty fire and this cash prize are fixing me right up. Thank you to everyone who worked on the race. It was incredible. Sometimes awful and terrifying? But only in the best way. Really, you guys are geniuses. I'm going to need that resort trip just to stop feeing twitchy every time someone comes around a corner too fast.

Great job to all the other racers too. I bombed last year, so please excuse me while I swim around in this win just a little longer. I won't rub it anyone's face.

Well maybe Atreus's face, but only a tiny bit.

While I am wholly uninterested in Christmas's religious significance, I understand that it is considered aesthetically pleasing. My cursory research indicated no unifying vision for the holiday so much as sub-genres with its own zealots: from natural winter greenery (pleasing, but messy) to something unseemly referred to as 'kitsch' (horrifying).

So. I have less than three weeks to decorate a very large home. I would appreciate your leaving holiday themes, motifs, relevant figures of importance, and suggestions for what makes decorations "feel like" the season to you. I anticipate some of you to have very little taste. I also have learned about the bane of man colloquially referred to as 'glitter', and am aware of its neverending curse. Do not try me.

I am leaning toward sage green and burnished silver as colors. Elegant yet understated, cozy but refined. Thank you for your assistance.

[ Filtered to Blackthorn Manor Frequent Visitors & Guests ]

And, of course, if you have any particular requests, I will happily receive them.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who woke up with an issue this morning. Who the hell is LAUREN

Ok what the fuck is a fits chivalry. Is that a thing? This rainbow bird fucking talks but like Kiri talks and it won't stop saying fits chivalry like that means something. Chainsaw is awkward as fuck and trying to make friends so I have two birds barking nonsense at each other. Not complaining just saying. It's like that meme of the goth house next to the colorful one only these houses have sharp ass beaks and won't shut up.

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Good news, I remembered where my past snack hideouts were!

Or my younger self had so many of them that it was basically probability working in my favor?

Either way this is a solid victory for me second only to getting a massive lick from one of the cows, slimy but totally worth it.

[FILTERED TO EXTENDED FAMILY AND FRIENDS]

Projecting Tucker & Dale vs. Evil on the side of a barn if you've got nothing better to do. Doubt we'll get much more time with this one There's a fire pit and a bounce house and leftover cake that looks like an icing bomb went off but tastes pretty damn good. Insult it and get your ass kicked off my farm.


And, fuck. I don't know. I guess I just wanted to say I'm glad to be alive. It's nice to say that and actually fucking mean it. Didn't know it was possible for a long time there. Anyway, it wouldn't be true without you assholes so. Thanks.

HELLO?



Weirdest spot you woke up in this morning, go.

If anybody gets any embarrassing pictures of the bride and groom on their phone, you're required by Barns Law to share them immediately. If they're REALLY good, I'll give you a finder's fee. If they're hilariously BAD, I'll give you a finder's fee and, I don't fucking know. A wheel of cheese. There.

[FILTERED TO ADAM]

The bartender says we're out of the old man's favorite fizzy juice somehow so I'm gonna be a minute but I just want you to know that your ass looks criminal in those pants. If you love me even a LITTLE, you'll keep the jacket off and roll up your sleeves before I get back.

I know it's spooky season and boy am I here for all of the spooky things (although the skeletons are getting into the mood a little early? Didn't we have Halloween decorations come to life one year??) and cooler weather and s'mores and bonfires and hayrides and all that comes along with it buuuuuuuuuuut it's also a great snack time! Or, you know, "great" depending on your interpretation.

( Here there be snacks of varying degrees of taste )

Also no notes for these friends who I have officially deemed the Baa Boys. Working on a farm is amazing because everything can change in a day or two! All of them have such different personalities too, like, I can tell you EXACTLY which cow is the best listener, which goat will literally try to rip your snack apron off to get to the good stuff, and which alpacas are going to be the goofiest (hint, it's all of them)

I'm really lucky to be a small part of keeping our family farm going. :) Come by and see us at the farmer's market! I have it on good authority all of the animals are super selfie friendly!

Talcott

Hi, school started so now you get daily reminder to stand up and stretch and get some water and a snack. I maaaaybe hid some Nerds clusters in your backpack but that doesn't count. :)

And

So Blue and Gansey's wedding is this weekend and it's going to be amazing and so fun and beautiful!are you Do you want Should we Is it dumb to ask if Were you going to go? Obvs I have to help with the wedding itself and like, walking Blue is already making me emotional thinking about it but after the actual wedding I'm free and maybe we could go? Together?

Why am I dumb

Or if you're not going, that's cool!! Disregard!!! Totally cool!!

How far back in time does Vallo pull people from? I think I saw an ancient Assyrian (possibly Sumerian? I'm not an expert on the period) walking very purposefully through the town this morning. I thought about asking him, then recalled the elephant's 'satiable curiosity and decided I should probably not. (Kipling is problematic, but I retain my childhood fondness for the Just So Stories nonetheless).

[Filtered to the Great Library]
The east wing bathroom poltergeist is back. Gansey, do you think you could shoo him off until the exorcist can get here? I've put up the Out of Order sign in the meantime in hopes that no one else gets sprayed in the face by the bathroom sink.