vallo

Seasons greetings motherfuckers. It's that time of year again. That magical time when you all party too hard engaging in social obligations and find yourself tottering with your higher judgment totally fucked. Year three. Let's go:

As we near the holiday season, I'll remind you:

• Do not drink too much.
  • Because I know you will, as (most) of you are human and stupid, and drinking too much is how you demonstrate cheer without having to rely on creativity, when you drink too much and you are worried about getting home...
• Contact me to get you there safely.
• I am responsible, discreet, and used to having humans leak mysterious fluids of all kinds on me.
• I am also not sexually interested in you, unlike Todd from Accounting.
• I will ensure that you reach home without incident and will annoy you until you drink at least three glasses of water.
• Unless:
  • You want to talk about your feelings, my feelings, or some other person's feelings. I don't care.
  • You hit on me, flirt with me, or touch me inappropriately. I find human sexual interaction disgusting AF.
  • You insult me or behave rudely. I don't fucking put up with that. This is a free service. Behave like something better than your species.
• Thank you and stay safe.
  • Unless I don't like you, in which case, die in a snowbank.

Don't fuck yourself up this holiday season or I'll do it for you. And a happy New Year or whatever.

Now. What fuckery does this weird-ass planet have planned for us this holiday?

I have confirmed that I am all that remains of my family in Vallo. All others from the land of my origin have gone on to other lives. Lotus Pier and the Burial Mounds are gone, but Cloud Recesses remains.

If any friends of Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Lan Sizhui, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, Jin Ling, or George Weasley wish to join me in the traditional prayers for those who have moved on, I will hold the ceremony at the shrine at Cloud Recesses on Sunday, the fourth of December, at 2 in the afternoon.

[Filtered to Prompto]
I will not be at The Art of Expression again until Monday.
[/filter]

[Filtered to Will]
I know that our faith is not yours, but I would appreciate it if you would join me on Sunday. You may pray to anyone you like for the souls of those who have left us.
[/filter]

[FILTERED TO NATASHA ROMANOFF, YELENA BELOVA, STEVE ROGERS, JAMES ROGERS, TORUNN THORSDOTTIR, SAM WILSON, WANDA MAXIMOFF, PEPPER STARK, TONY STARK & EMILY FIELDS]

Reminder that tomorrow is Nat's birthday! She's turning [...]

Apparently, that information is classified. 🙄

She didn't want a big party, which I decided to respect due to her old age, but you're all important to her, so we're having dinner at Galdin Quay. Eight o'clock, tables are already reserved. Bring your significant others if they're not on this filter!

My condolences to those whose loved ones are on that list.

CALEB & VETH

Are you two I do not Is there

If you are in need of anything that is within my means, please let me know.

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