vallo

Notes from the comfort of the couch while I recover:

• Nino's is closed for the next week or so. I know, you'll have to get your weird pineapple pizza from some other subpar place.

• Thanks to the fighter and uber magical types who handled the darkness/crystal/sentient goo monsters. Learned my lesson to never take light or jello for granted again.

• Always have a weapon behind the counter.

• Never piss off a wizard.

• Get your fiber arts requests in now, I have a lot of time to sit around and knit for the foreseeable future.

Listen up losers. With the race coming up it's occurred to me some of you are PAINFULLY BAD at trash talk. None of this "your car is a muted color of blue that does not suit you". NO. You gotta go for the JUGULAR. You gotta stab them in the GUT with WORDS. You gotta make them feel it, it's personal. It's raw. It's an art.

Learn your opponent. Pick on your friends. Don't just grab some random guy who just learned to drive and hasn't said shit to you and make fun of him, you're just being a dick. Focus on the race and the car and your opponents clear lack of skills. Or their face, if you get desperate. Oh also don't pull out the "your mom" trash talk, you know how much trauma all you idiots have? So much. You're gonna make somebody get all "but my mom is terrible and disowned me when I was twelve" and then you'll feel like the world's biggest prick. DO talk about how great you are in comparison to the other guy, but like, in a cool way.

Need practice? Hit me with it, I've got iron skin.

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