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I'm 99% sure I just experienced the First Trial of Being A Mom yesterday: vomit in the face. WHY WAS I LIFTING THE BABY? WHY?

I did not miss morning sickness at all. But I think a second child feels a bit different than my first.

I'm pretty sure that I'm done after this one though. Pretty sure.

Fucking Yukio out there somewhere?

Dreams growin' progressively more annoyin' again.

Wait. Why am I in university again? I haven't the foggiest what I want to do with my life, this just seems silly at this point.

The one time I actually want some fuckery.

Snikt!

Really, I wish people would stop blathering on about how Miley Cyrus is going to end the world with her bottom. Though I suppose this is because I know what certain photographers have incredibly tawdry photos Carly Rae Jepsen.

So, the universe gave me morning sickness for my birthday. Big fucking surprise.

my eyelid won't stop twitching and my boobs hurt and i haven't slept more than twenty minutes straight in a week

pete you are never having eleven kids ever ever ever unless you make them yourself

still alive just tired

While out walking Lucy and Colin today, Colin decided to be a little fashion plate and pose for me. I swear, between Lucy's churro addiction and Colin insisting he have accessories, my life has become a pet-based comedy.

Nobody will believe I dream I'm a demon at this rate. Well. Maybe when I tell them I'm a lawyer and PR guy.

God I'm so bored. I didn't do shit all day and now I can't sleep because I'm not tired. I don't have any energy, but I guess I didn't use my brain enough to qualify as sleepy.

I need something to do that will tire my brain out but not require a lot of energy otherwise. I spent most of the day figuring out stuff for my maternity leave which will probably have to start sooner than I'd like.

If you had a bunch of time but had to stay in basically the same spot all day, what would you do?

Oh, hey, my dog's still talking.

And I still speak Urdu.

Ithoughteverythingwasnormalagain.

Yesterday sucked.

I love making other entertainment lawyers cry. It's almost like I'm so brilliant that they can't contain themselves.

I deserve a very nice dinner, and by damn it, I'll have it.

Beer.

( Cut for image, open to all. )

Pete and I made a baby. Everybody, meet Zelda Katherine.

Okay, watermelon baby, I know I'm due on the 17th, but you can come a little early. Nobody'll mind.

... please?

Ha! Right after I posted this, I got an email from a baby site about "foods that induce labor". I don't think there's scientific evidence that hot food'll do it, but heck. I like curry anyway. PETE. I'M MAKING LATE NIGHT CURRY.

If you ever decide to rob a convenience store for the first time, be careful about when you do it and who's inside. If you get shot with your own gun do not try to cauterize the wound with a hair curler instead of going to the hospital. A+ for creativity, F for giving yourself second degree burns inside a gunshot wound.

Also, if a crazy man comes at you with a stick and you have a gun, watch your ass because there's a reason he thinks he can take you.

Needless to say these master criminals were caught.

I did not realize that selling marital aids to old European women would be quite so exhausting! I feel it mostly in my calves and my hip flexors. I do wish I had someone to massage them for me, but alas.

I will need a show of hands: who missed me?

Jubilee and I are going to have a big party with cake to celebrate how awesome we are. Everybody is invited.

EDIT: September 14th is the day of the party.

The Hotness wishes she was vampy again.

This is just a reminder to anyone who's interested in coming by my bar. We'll be reopening on Friday, with a catered party starting at 3pm and lasting until all the food's gone. There will be typical game watching food: wings, pizzas, nachos, and milkshakes (though we won't be featuring those on weekdays anymore, sorry folks).

We'll also have a really good happy hour special, and as always emergency service personnel get a discount.

I had a meeting today with a new client, and while we were making the requisite small talk she told me about a small dog she was trying to find a home for at a shelter here in the OC. Apparently she couldn't take the dog in herself, but she'd fallen in love with him and didn't want him to live at a shelter forever (fortunately for said dog, it was a no-kill shelter).

So, that's how I ended up going to an animal shelter on my lunch break with Lucy and finding her a companion. Valarnet, Colin. I think he's part papillon, part derp. He's a bit on the senior side, hence his cataracts, but since I have the means to make his twilight years comfortable, I'm going to do so.

... belatedly, I hope Scud doesn't mind another housemate.

In case you lot were wondering, I was not affected by the body problems, thank everything ever. I do not need strange bodies stretching out my suits.

In other news, I saw the new Proactiv+ infomercials recently and giggled. You don't even want to know what a celebrity needs to do to get penalized with doing those fuckers. I'll give you a hint: it involves shagging people you shouldn't shag (not necessarily minors, but possibly certain powerful people's significant others) while in the commission of two or three felonies. Hollywood loves those infomercials when they're not in them, but when they get blacklisted until they do one - well.

Guthy-Renker is basically like the modern version of the 1940s Hollywood mafia. Which is a bit sad, really.

I feel really, really dirty right now.

I'm ninety-nine percent sure the top two layers of my skin burned off today. Whimper. Curse you, Land of Disney!

I think the people known as 'paparazzi' might be the lowliest form of life currently existing. Say what you like about serial killers, at least when they're lurking outside your home they have the courtesy to murder you and end the farce. Or perhaps I'm bitter because the young man currently crouching in a car at the end of my street like a wounded badger.

These creatures nest in trees taking photographs of women's underwear, people's day-to-day going-ons, and newborn infants. They would be arrested if they didn't justify themselves as 'giving the public what they want'. Well, the public are idiots. They don't know what they want. The public will want what they're given if they get enough of it.

Oh god. I don’t even know how to..

Okay. Most of us dream of...other versions of ourselves, in sometimes fantastical or dangerous worlds. In some of mine, I’ve seen alternate realities, even helped alter the history of my world, and met other versions of myself.

I think I had a dream last night about...one of those other versions of myself. About being her. I don’t..it just doesn’t match up to the rest of the dreams, at all, is the problem. I’m really, really confused. So that has to be the explanation, right?

At least I know how to take down Logan if I have to? No offense, old man.

Dear Old Ugly Man Who Tried To Pick Me Up At Lunch Today,

If you start telling me that you're a stock analyst, and then you don't know what I'm talking about when I ask you if you would risk buying a cyclical stock, I am going to laugh at you. And then I will enjoy when you storm out of the restaurant without your faux-Gucci wallet.

For those of you who don't know, a cyclical stock is a stock that's really sensitive to economic twists and turns. Definitely one of those things that if you actually work in the stock market, you'd know.

Some men get so pathetic when they're no longer young.

I know I'm in the minority, but I have one bad thing about the almost space zombie apocalypse being over. Mum's home. If I find another fertility doll in my bedroom, I am going to have to do something drastic.

Fortunately, I know just the bloke to mail them to. Logan, you don't mind if I've put them in your house, do you? Your daughter seemed to find it okay.

It pays to be pushy, sometimes. I lit a fire under the ass of my construction company, since we have so many thirsty new people on the network. The Den will be reopening in mid-August, the 16th, to be exact. If you're looking for a place to get a beer and enjoy the Cubs game (or the Vikings and Bills preseason game, or the Little League World Series), I hope to see you there.

( Cut for language and anyone who doesn't want to see it, as well as mentions of character death. )

Well that was..terrifying.

It's over. There's only the clean up.

26, motherfuckers! That's 19 husks, 5 of those weird bird-things with the back of the head way out, and a couple of guys and me took down 2 of those big bastards with the armour! Today was a good day! Fuckin' alien pricks shoulda known, ain't nobody can kill Merle but Merle!

( Cut for language, conversation about war, death, and so that anyone who wants to ignore it can say they did not get it. )

Shit has officially hit the fan. Shepard and I were attacked by new kinds of husks, apparently the kinds you get when aliens get turned. So priority number one is for none of us to do that, because God only knows what kind of thing we'd make if we got taken.

She said they either want someone really dead, or they're looking for something. My vote is that we start where Shepard and I first encountered them and work outward. Probably we could hook up with her people and cover more ground, but we need to be able to work autonomously as well.

From what I saw both the new types of things are dangerous as fuck. The thin ones with the spikes on their heads have this horrible scream, and when they die they explode outward. The big ones are enormous, really strong, and fast as fuck. Both of these have shields of some kind around them, you can't just shoot them in the head and go on your way. We need people with ranged energy capabilities on each team if we split up.

We need to find where they're coming from. Even more than killing the ones that have already been made, it's important we stop more from existing. We can mop up later, but stopping them from spawning should be our highest priority.

THOR
Can we get a thunderstorm for the next couple days?

I think I missed Canada Day. Fuck.

After all was said and done, I needed a day or two to rest. Now that I'm feeling a little less like I'll sleep forever and eat everything in sight, I should say hello again. Seeing as the Dreams have deigned to age me up, yet again, and I look rather different.

This is going to make life a little annoying.

Nonetheless, hello, all! Meet your new and improved Nate Summers!

Huh. Good to know I can rip these blue monster things in half.

Is everyone safe? Secure?

So, I'm eighteen today. Which means that I can smoke now? Because I was looking at skin mags and drinking booze yesterday and I'm going to do it today too if I so fancy. This country's so strange.

So, it would appear that someone on Valarnet deserves eighteen birthday whacks today. I wonder who it could be. Oh that's right, Alyssa Hamilton.

Is anyone a psychiatrist?

Or is anyone really good at getting Xanax on short notice?

Apparently I'm now the Posh Dog Rescue. Whenever people don't want to take care of their pets dump them here at my office. I think it's mostly because ... well, they know I'll probably keep them and take care of them.

So. What do I name this little guy?

I have a rather small request, as a doctor. Can we go a week without any serious injuries, please? That would be absolutely wonderful. I could use that time to sleep.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is ruining my life, dear god.

Okay, so I know this is going to sound really crazy, but it's completely true. I just spent the last two and a half days stuck in Alyssa's house with her and Logan after Alyssa was abducted by her dream grandfather, in the house, which turned into a giant clocktower. Alyssa had to kill her grandfather and that released ghosts or demons or something and Alyssa says she has to find them and that's when we realized that we were stuck in the house. That was Friday and only now did the force field or whatever was keeping us in seemed to weaken and we were able to get out. The force field or whatever was also preventing any of us from getting a signal to text or post otherwise we would have let everyone know sooner.

I know some of y'all might know my business - Flowers Bed and Breakfast, or Flowers' Heritage Wines - but I don't know any of y'all personally. I'm Theo Flowers, and I've lived here for ages. My friends tell me that I need to have more of them, and this seems the easiest way to do that.

So, uh. Hi?

I took the dog out for a walk today, and just in case, I brought along my camera.

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I'm really glad I did. I know it'll ruin my reputation as a surly old cuss, but I'm rather taken with my dog.

Fuck, I forgot tomorrow is Mother's Day. What do you get a vapid woman you don't particularly like but with who you happen to share blood?

Just thought I'd post and let anybody know that was worried about us, that we're safe. Things got dealt with.

Today I got to watch a grown man go through the five stages of grief after something got in his eye.

I have never laughed so hard in my life.