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So my shirt keeps disappearing. Literally, they de-materialize as soon as I get one on. Thankfully what I'm doing today at work doesn't require a shirt, but it's one thing to be shirtless in a gym and a whole other thing to be at the front office or driving around in my car like some kind of back-woods redneck. If this continues I may just go hang out at the beach for a while and work on my tan, maybe hope when I get home tonight that my closet is still intact.

Oh, and Gabriel is a dick.

So for this past week I've:

1) Had a dream about being a cop in Los Angeles with a partner that looks like the new guy on the Walking Dead, minus the handlebar mustache. It also came with memories of a whole lotta personal drama including nearly being shot to death on the job. Speaking of nearly dying, my other dreams involved: a plane crash. Nearly drowning post-plane crash. Having nearly everyone die on you from your section of the plane which was the tail. Saving a kid by CPR. Being attacked the first night on the beach of the island we all swam to and having three people kidnapped.

2) Went to Mass for Ash Wednesday for the first time in forever. It was nice. Then tried to share my ashes with Michael at work. Made for an interesting sparring demonstration.

3) Had the same dreams again, with more details added. Apparently I'd been seeing a shrink as part of my therapy before coming back to work. Oh and my mom's the police captain in this other life too. Yay. Ugh.

4) Was ordered home from work after nearly passing out before lunch. Stupid dreams and not sleeping.

5) Caught up on sleep loss this weekend to the point I think some people thought I was dead when I didn't answer my phone.

Here's to hoping for a less...dream filled week this time around.

Completely unsure of how to process last night's dream in which my husband (here, not in the dreams) attempted to purchase me a companion of the sexual persuasion.

She screamed and slapped me when I told her it wasn't her fault her father left (he just didn't like his job at the post office). Apparently, being sympathetic isn't something you are meant to do at brothels?

I'm relieved nothing happened, although I'm sure she was a very nice woman.

Dear fellow military and ex-military personnel,

Pretty sure we can manage to get laid without needing these.. I promise, regular ones are fine.

It's finally happening. Easter candy season is upon us.

I'm going to go buy Mini Eggs and hoard them like a weirdo now.

The best thing you will ever see.

Yes. It's totally work safe. And you should definitely watch it.

You're welcome.

I was very careful. Nose, mouth and eyes covered every time I went out but somehow I'm still coughing. At least it's over now. It is over, right? It's over. I will say though, the 'target practice' I got in this weekend was the most entertaining time I've had since I left the service. Now if I could just top coughing up ash I'd be set for the rest of the week.

Either this is one helluva promotion for that Pompeii movie or some serious shit is going down. Last time I checked it doesn't rain ash in Cali.

This is a thing? When did that become a thing. Why is that a thing? I can't be the only person who eats without taking a picture or posts about it on some social networking site.

I don't get it.

My coworkers have been handing out candy today in large amounts. I've collected something of a plethora of heart shaped sweets.

I am... uncertain of why they exist. They don't taste good, and the messages written on them aren't especially "cute". I can't be the only person who doesn't appreciate the misspelling of "you're".

You guys!

I was just taking a dog nap with Marco Polo in the nicest spot of my apartment where the sun shines in really wonderfully and makes naps perfect because it's like the perfect temperature --

Er.

Anyway.

I TOOK A NAP.

AND WHEN I WOKE UP I REALIZED I HAD THINGS I DIDN'T BEFORE.

Not at all apologetic for flooding the parking lot with candy sprinkles. Not even a little.


PS: Dean. Yeah. About that lots of murdering thing: Sorry. Ish.

I might be late to the party on this story, but in case I'm not I thought I should share it.

"A man in Edmonton was allowed to board a flight after a pipe bomb found in his bag was confiscated by airport security, it appears. A security guard at Edmonton International Airport even tried to hand the bomb back to the passenger, CBC News reports.

The passenger in question, 18-year-old Skylar Vincent Murphy, was on his way to Mexico when the explosive device was found by airport security in his bag. A guard was reportedly caught on camera passing the bomb back to Murphy after inspecting his carry-on luggage. Apparently the teenager refused to take it back even when told he could keep it.

The bomb was said to be 15cm long and filled with gunpowder. The teenager claimed to have forgotten it was in the bag after making it with a friend for fun some months before.

He subsequently pleaded guilty and was fined 100 Canadian dollars."

So, not only do Canadian teenagers make bombs for fun, but this is apparently so common that airport security isn't even bothered. What in the world is going on up there?

It's funny, I've been out of the marines for a few years now but it sometimes I feel like I just stepped off the plane. Like I missed more than I should have some times, though I can't wholly complain about it. Mostly pop culture. You're unlikely to find me whining that I missed planking or Bieber's balls dropping or whatever Snakes on a Plane was supposed to be about. But there are other things, great things I'm told that I've missed out on. Can't say I thought about it at all when I was in the service, I was mostly concerned with not getting shot, which I clearly wasn't very good at. But I did miss some things, mostly bad fast food, real seasons, latin mass in an actual church. If I thought about it I could probably come up with a list but there would be no point. I can actually go out and have or experience everything I've not been able to do in the last... ten years. Only ten years or so, it sure felt like a lifetime while I was living it. Here's hoping the next ten are more peaceful, and that I don't miss anything I don't have to.

One of the things I've already been told not to miss is this network, so here I am, not missing it. I'm Michael, nice to meet you all.