Network

( TW: Drug use )

I'm starting to look like I have mange or something. Maybe it's time to just shave my head. I think I recall a certain Commander telling me she'd join me as a show of solidarity. Anyone else want to go bald with me?

Shepard will be taking over as owner and primary person in charge. Dani Moonstar will be placed in charge of the horses, cattle and other animals, and all that other naturey...stuff.

Scott Summers' role will be unchanged, and there'll be no one let go.

PM me for any questions.

This old Kroger just needs to retire.

( cut for possible triggers )

I'm so happy to have all my crazy back.

So I don't know how to do this kind of shit, but I want to do a fundraiser and some of the kids suggested an art faire.

I'm really, really gonna need some help with that. I don't know art from the backside of a Vorcha.

ffs why does anyone even bother going outside anymore if they live here?

Okay so the animals stopped talking but that sound like when the tv is on a channel you don't subscribe to is happening all around us? What the HELL? I mean ,sure, white noise, but you can barely concentrate, especially the parts where the weird sound bits that are like some language start being something you identify.

It's not making the headache, which is going into day five now, any better, that's for sure.

((ooc: This is related to the current Mass Effect Prompt, anyone who wondered and a special direction I'm taking with Roy))

Tate:

Also, you don't deserve me being an ass to you because Ollie chose you as my replacement. My problems are with him, not you, and you have every right to be there and I acknowledge that. I just wish I knew why he was throwing me away again None of this is your fault, man, and I wish you a whole lot of luck. Ollie's weak spot is his left, so you probably want to focus on guarding the shit out of that if he doesn't give you something specific to do. I also don't know if you know much about archery or using it, but I've got a special trick arrow that connects with one that Ollie has. Since you're gonna be working with him. I'd like to give it to you.

That moment you work out that your family members aren't the only ones in need of therapy. Hello, Valarnet, today's been AWESOME, why do you ask?

When you accidentally learn weird shit about your siblings, life gets really bizarre. I will never regret that he showed up when he did, but damn, my brother's a whole LOT more out there than I thought. Time to readjust MY world view.

Tatelock:

Thank you. Seriously. Words can't START expressing how glad I am that you were there.

Does it seem extremely prideful of me to think I might actually be able to do a better criminal profile than the fool on this television show? I mean, I was a policeman in my dreams, and worked in a crime lab, but I didn't finish graduate school. I don't recall any profiling experience in my dreams. And even if I did, well. They're still dreams.

It just seems ridiculous. ( tw: discussion of criminology and murder/postmortem gore ) Overkill requires personalization and deep rage - how can someone have that deep a rage against someone they've just met?

Maybe I should just stop watching true crime shows.

(ooc: trigger warning: discussion of violence & sexual assault in comments)

Finally something good happens around this place.

If anyone needs me, you're probably SOL, just so you know.

Sunshine! And no instaburn! I'm pushing up the party time to 3pm, if anybody wants to help set up. I am going to dip myself in sunscreen and spend the day outside.

I'm happy to announce that my new show surpassed the expected ratings...it's about God, not ratings, but it's still a good thing. Much of the credit goes to the wonderful Caprica Black, for presenting such a wonderful opportunity.

( trigger warning for homophobia, prejudice )

Has anyone ever wanted to just... keep part of their dreams forever?

Because honestly, getting revenge on my father? Perfection.

TATE.

Wherever you are, I need to talk to you. I'm starting to remember.

( cut for implied threats of violence, but no violence itself )

((Poem via Tate!))

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved I loved alone.
Then - in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In it's autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.

I can't shake this feeling that something terrible is going to happen. I just wake up crying, and I know. Everything's fucked.

The highlight of my day. Art, truly, has been created on Mars.

In other news, my show this weekend is half price. Come one, come all! New tricks to show you thanks to my dreams.

Whoever sent the flowers, they were really sweet. Nice for an old lady to get on her birthday. Surprised nobody's sent me pot.

ETA: After I say that, two people sent me pot. Nice shit, too. I appreciate it.

I know this will sound weird, especially since I'm me, but I can't wait for summer. I'm starting college soon, so it'll be my last real summer vacation ever. (I'm going to go to summer school, I want to knock my BS out in three years.)

So this summer I'm doing nothing. I'm goofing off and drinking overpriced coffee drinks and sitting with my boyfriend and kicking his ass in Bananagrams.

God has visited me in my dreams again.

I haven't disclosed this to any of you in a public forum, even if I've expressed it privately. But God has shown me a world that I can barely describe. A world that is both an alternate, a future, a past and a present. And when I saw this world, I realized that it wasn't a dream at all: it was a window into a past memory. It was a thing of beauty...and of horror. Horror because of the creatures that spawned within cities, the destruction that tore across continents....a thing I could not have ever imagined.

I am at God's side now. I have the love of the Lord in my heart. And I am his tool upon Earth. I am his herald. His harbinger. And my role here will no longer be passive! In brain scans I see this world hidden within us, and I will bring it upon us through blood, love and rebirth! For only through destruction can we be reborn into the perfect forms that will last unto Eternity! There is no other answer! No higher calling! I urge each and every one of you to look to your sins and seek rebirth!

There will be those that say I am insane. They are easy prey for the false shepard that promises salvation, when the truth is that salvation is possible only within destruction. You cannot possibly comprehend the wonders and horrors I have seen.

You do not let comprehend your place in things.

I am the harbinger of your perfection. From now on, I am assuming control.

Alma and I are moms. I didn't know what happy was until I held Elise. She's so beautiful.

( Birth announcement! )

( potentially triggery mention of fire-related violence against another person, contained within. )

Times like this make me happy I'm a hermit and that I'm not the only one seeing things.

Having those dreams everyone keeps talking about. Funny how they're so similar to my waking life. Is that the case for everyone here?

So I'm curious.

You video game players. When something ain't workin' for you in the game. Do you keep tryin' and just cuss til it works? Or do you step away? Cause I swear, I ain't never heard such creative swearing before in all my life.

Next person who asks me to show them my tits is going to walk away with a limp.

Has anyone looked into the fact that Orange County as a whole tends to be a big, huge magnet for fucked up shit? Once is a happening. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is data.

The public schools had better not force us to make up this time at the end of semester. That'd make it where I only have two months of time before I start college.

Douchebags.

So guess who got moved to the plague ward of Bad Girl Scouts' Camp?

Hand over the beads and macrame and I promise I won't breathe on anybody.

Realizing you still give a shit about people is weird.

Nobody on here die, okay?

The only good thing about having to play Creepy Cave People with the boyfriend is that I get to dick around in my online video games. Anybody else doing that? Maybe we can hang out that way.

(And I'm being sarcastic - there's nothing good about this. I wish I could help.)

Does anyone ever dream their death? It's one of those ... too real dreams, and fuck.

I was starting one of those year in review things but I kept getting distracted.

So. 2012. Started out like a bitch and proceeded to be weird, really weird until the end of September when I got let out of jail, got the best boyfriend in the world, got my arm back, and my shooting, made things reasonably okay with Ollie, even though he embarassed the shit out of me on several occasions throughout the year and am actually ending it on a much higher note than when it started.

What a long, strange trip it's been.

how do i turn it off

holy shit

help

I will study today.

I will. I swear it.

Studying is happening.

Right now. As we speak.

This is me. Studying.

We're all going insane over at the Home For Social Fuckups, I swear.

Today was actually kind of funny since nobody really died and I was across the room stamping designs into leather at the time. Apparently we ran out of purple...friendship bracelet thread crap and people were getting pissed. Enough that there was actually a fight.

Best entertainment I've seen since I got here that wasn't in my dreams, I'll give you that much.

I'm saying that because nobody got hurt, really, and all that really happened was that fencing guy who decorated all the things including the bathrooms earlier this month, was around and broke it up. And told the rest of us we were really wrong to laugh because nobody's here to entertain anybody else.

Which, fine, but you've gotta find the humor in all of this shit somewhere, right? Maybe sticking around here isn't all that bad an idea after all. I mean as long as I can do it on my terms after my birthday and not HIS. I mean, I don't want to miss it if things get BETTER.

I'm going to the college I want to - CalState. I'm staying local for reasons, and I have to admit, it was kind of awesome to get 35 pissy emails from my parents in half an hour. I finally got the assholes to talk!

Go me. It sounds kinda bogus but after the whole shooting stars thing, I haven't felt like strangling anyone this week. I only feel like strangling the weather.

It can seriously stop snowing. Any time now.

There are actual palm trees in the back garden! I thought that was a myth, like everyone here having swimming pools and cosmetic surgery, but I'm starting to see that most myths are rooted in some sort of reality.

Is anyone else on this thing in high school? I'm starting after winter hols and I wondered if anyone on here would be there so I'm not totally utterly alone by myself.

( I was not ready for this freak ass weather. )

To all four of my teachers who thought that "Holiday Homework" would be "fun" and "distracting":

May you choke on some really old, crusty dicks. Fuckers.

I hope you get bird flu,

Violet Harmon.

Today, I started therapy.

It was the first time I've been to see a shrink about shrink related issues since I was eleven, and the first time I willingly stepped inside. I don't know how long it's going to take us to get to King Oedipus or anything like that, but she listens. She gets it.

Of course, I can't tell her half of what's gone down with me, since she's not part of this network and the dream thing...isn't the kind of thing you can explain to someone outside of here, is it? I mean, it's the kind of thing that gets you put under a hold in the mental ward. She DOES however, know who I am from all that drama a couple months ago.

That alone makes her think I have a lot of things wrong in my head that I need to sort out, and while some of it isn't my fault? A lot actually IS. It's weird having somebody I'm paying for, well, okay, that OLLIE is paying for, tell me that I'm the one with the problem, and I'm the one that needs to find a way to fix it. She's RIGHT but it's still weird.

She tossed around the possibility of a couple different labels for what might be going on inside my head, and shit that might have developed, and...it's weird but I can see where the labels MIGHT make sense. Only...not so much as a part of the life I have here.

She's thinking Borderline or some non classic example of an attachment issue. I'm thinking nothing here would've really caused that to develop, but being abandoned for days at a time as a few months old clone (sorry Ollie, really. We didn't KNOW I wasn't sixteen)with dubious and creepy "handlers". Yeah, that situation could've created it I guess.

Soo...I'm confused and stuff like that. And kinda already hate lying to the shrink, but what else are you gonna do?

( I'm on a bandwagon, yay. )

Happy Birthday, Wrex!

Uhh. I've had some really shitty dreams and it's given me a lot to think about, like...I don't want to hurt anyone or anything. Do you think it's better to totally back off the people that I might hurt, go get some help from a shrink, or WTF?

I'm talking it's gotten into some really dark, really shitty stuff already. I don't want to get into details over the internet, but I do want to know how people are dealing with all this crap or if it's making them go crazy. Is there some kinda shrink pill they can give to make people stop dreaming?

I'm not good at talking about things like this. I guess it might be better to ask people I don't know.

Normally I mock people who make happy stupid announcements about how they love who they're dating on their Facebook and shit, but now I kind of get it. Sometimes you're so happy, you just want to yell it from a roof or something hokey like that.

First week in a public High School, and it was a short week. But I learned some interesting things, mostly to do with teenage behavior. My Psychology degree is actually proving useful for once. I still think it is a pack dog mentality that rules the cliques.

The text books are all vastly out of date and many of the history lessons are lacking in context and heavily censored. I got into an argument with my history teacher on Wednesday over the lack of criticism of the side-effects of westward expansion.

And the science...the "science" they teach is a crime.

On a positive note, I made several friends, and Beth has shown me around.

I also am learning what words such as 'shiznet' mean.

Allright, bitches, I need something to do this Friday. If I said my parents were going out of town, could I trust you mouth breathers to not trash the fucking place? Bring your own booze, and don't get arrested and it's on.