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I forget my contacts for one whole day, and every secretary in the department's come to fawn over my glasses. (I'm sure that's not entirely accurate, but it seems like.) They're eyeglasses. I think a lot of people still wear them.

ffff

oh crap oh crap oh crap

i did a thing i think yeah probably definitely a thing

that was not oregano

So, I think I joined the fucked up dreams club. Yay. Anybody know how to unsubscribe?

( Trigger warning: rant against rapists and rape culture underneath. )

Hello, dear listeners.

I think it's time for a somewhat serious public service announcement, due to a conversation I've had recently.

I really shouldn't have to remind anyone of this, it's 2013 after all. But still, some people seem to be of the mindset that a woman's body is there to be appreciated by all.

Which, in case we all forgot, it isn't.

Yes, some women -- and statistically, some men! -- will chose to wear something revealing for their Halloween costume. But this is not, I repeat not an excuse to harass anyone for what they are wearing! Cat calls and inappropriate comments are never called for, and especially on a night when everyone is looking to have a good, safe time.

So please, gentle listeners. Refrain from making lewd comments about anyone's appearance at any time, but especially as Halloween approaches and we see more people in costumes.

I need somebody who knows something about historical costumes. I have a picture in my house now, and I want to know where the dress I'm wearing comes from. Or the outfit the man is wearing.

Hello, internet. Just moved to town - can someone give me the name of a terrible bar? Good bars are overrated.

I've been slapped four times today because of a weird little damn balloon over my head. Apparently guys really do think about sex every forty-five seconds.

Okay, so how old on average do you have to be before you start putting "the" in front of things superfluously? "The Google", "The Gays", going to "The Target".

Just stop. Please.

Huh, I think I had one of those Dreams you guys talk about so much. In it, I'm douchebag - and before you can say I'm one already, this guy is like - Super Ultra Douchebag. He's the evolved Godzilla of douchebags. You don't steal a cop's collar from them, it's just wrong.

Oh, good, my lightsaber deflects my cat's heat vision rays.

(Okay, best post guys, or best post? I love it here.)

I had the weirdest dream last night. I'm pretty sure it's nothing to do with all the dreams everyone else is having or maybe it is, I dunno. I dreamt that some werewolf was terrorizing the town or something and me and some other people were trying to kill it. It attacked Lydia and put her in the hospital.

Then we find out the werewolf or whatever it is is Peter Hale. Can you believe that? Derek's uncle? Then Derek killed him and I helped, not really thrilled about that. Killed his own frigging uncle.

I think it might actually be some sort of metaphor for the friendship I've ruined. The killing/death of something. Totally not related to all the weird dreams.


[ Filtered from Elena ] because he knows she would seriously disapprove

Weird question, but anyone know where I can score some weed and/or booze? The guy I usually get it from is out of town right now and I can't keep it at the house, with my dad being a cop and all. Cuz I seriously need to get drunk right now, because that's what horrible people do when they do horrible things. They get drunk in misery and I'm not talking about the dream.

Yes, thank you for telling me how to do my job. I'm young, not stupid. I know how to enter a crime scene. This isn't my first trip to the zoo.

I hate it when it's slow and there's nobody to talk to. All my regular bartenders are out sick or they already worked today. I shouldn't even be here right now and I'm bored out of my mind.

I'll pay someone twenty bucks plus the cost of the food if they bring me a burrito or something from the Mexican place down the street. I didn't bring enough lunch for this long ass shift.

Ever had to defend someone that you don't particularly like defending? I had to do that - this guy might be a pig and a lech, but he's not moron enough to touch bullet casings at a scene - and now I feel kind of dirty.

I will be out of town for a bit, I have Dragon*Con tickets! And I finally finished my cosplay. I'm excited - it took a lot of work! But yeah. Unless there's an emergency, I'll be back in a couple of days.

( Here it is, if you want to see. Worksafe )

Now that I have my body back, I need to set up a doctor's appointment ASAP. I have no idea what the guy who had my body did with it other than the itching on my thigh, which he claims he has no idea how that happened. I can not even begin to describe how gross I feel and I've already taken two showers today.

BUT WHY ARE THE TITS GONE?

Dear Nice Lady Who Has My Body:

I'd invest in some cortizone for the itching on your upper thigh. Just ... friendly precaution.

Anybody know how to treat rugburn that's inside your buttcheeks? I didn't even know I could do that.

Anyone here a private eye?

Allegedly this is the best place in the OC to find out what's going on with our youngest and hottest. Of course I say allegedly, because if it really was, I'd have already been on it. Harry McGlade here, yes that McGlade.

While waiting in the dental office, I was unfortunate enough to witness an episode of America's Next Top Model. It was on the television in the waiting room, and I found myself feeling a deep sense of despair. It was truly awful in every single way. I would call these women pieces of meat, but I think it's more apt to call them vegetables. Such shameless whores

Why are people so willing to throw away their sense of dignity?

Oooooh, I'm all excited. I got my tickets and all my stuff ready for DragonCon in September, and I have the perfect cosplay idea. I've done so many comic characters ... this time I'm going full vamp. Pardon the pun. I'm doing Mina Harker from Dracula.

Who wants to recommend a good corset place?

I went to see the doc today, 'bout my missing hand. He gave me some options....and they're all fuckin' expensive. Jesus, how the hell am I meant to afford some of these fake hands? Huh? So I gotta walk around with a stump, trying to get a job somewhere? Can't even claim it off my vet insurance, because this shit didn't happen in 'official combat'. I got nothing.

Thanks, Obama.

Summer school sucks. The American education system sucks. California sucks.

I think this is what they call teenaged angst.

I have offered my services as a volunteer to assist the Las Vegas Emergency Services in the clean up effort. If anyone else would like to join, I will pass along names.

Transportation and lodging will be arranged.

I think I missed Canada Day. Fuck.

Questions for the people who might know more about history than me.

1) Was there ever an Imperial Ballet in Warsaw? I wouldn't actually think so, given that I don't think it was a big deal of a city in the Russian Empire.

2) Was there ever a country called Bohemia?

I'm sorry, I have to complain a little. What kind of special moron goes out with a coroner, and then declares the date "ruined" when I talk about a particularly interesting autopsy in the vaguest terms possible? I didn't use any medical terminology, I didn't even say the word "blood", for Christ's sake.

I'm starting to think the only people I should date are other doctors, morticians and cops. Especially cops. I mean, if the sex gets boring, we can always go to a motel and give each other attitude.

Dear Police and Paramedic Types:

If a gunshot victim is in fact still breathing? Like, noticeably? The proper place for him is not here at the Sheriff's Department autopsy room. No matter how dead you "think he's gonna be". People clinging to life do usually go to the nearest emergency room. Not to the medical examiner.

Don't be this certain EMT team from Huntington Beach, people. I have enough murders on my plate without any appetizers.

All work and no play makes Penelope a something something. Anyone want to go out for drinks tonight? Figured a lot of people on here could use a night to relax and recharge, so let's all go out and have a couple of drinks and do some dancing and pretend that our lives aren't busy and awful.

Hello. My name is Irene Adler. Doctor, but I'm not picky unless I'm actually on the job.

I just got invited to this network. Born and raised in Jersey, though apparently I don't sound like it too much. I am your friendly neighborhood deputy medical examiner for the Orange County Sheriff's Department.

When I'm not working, I like to cosplay and would actually like to look into historical geekery, too. I was a re-enactor back east, and had a lot of fun with the New Jersey Militia. Ask me how I pulled all my hair under a soldier's cap! I would like to do something like that out here, if it exists. It was fun.

I'd like to think I'm approachable when I'm not elbows deep in a Y-incision, though I'm told I do have the usual cop's diseased sense of humor. Approach at your own risk, I guess.