Network

We won!!

I had the other half of my dream from a few nights back. I'm glad to report that everything ende happily.

[Private to Twilight Sparkle]
Your brother's a bit of a hunk. ;)

It is Sunday and it is slow at my magic shop.

Let us have some more confessional. You all seem to enjoy that.

Do you have a 'bucket list'? If so, name something that is on it. I will start, of course.

I saw no reason to have a 'bucket list' when I was dying before, but I think I will start one up, now. I am not certain the types of things that should go on these, and perhaps this point will get me in trouble with my girlfriend, but I have put 'kissing a man at least once' on my list.

If your total tab is 15.43 and you leave me 16 dollars, you are an asshole. I'm going to give you the glass that I know the barback spits his chewing tobacco into next time, jackass.

Okay, Net people, who would be up for a flash mob? Lets see a show of hands. Make sure the interest is there before we go to the trouble of organizing the Flash Mob of Awesomeness or something like that.

You always hope when you get starred at funny in the Walmart it's because somebody recognizes you, as stupid as that is. Only certain people, very pathetic, horsey types would pick up on that, but it's better than the glares you get for being on the electric cart and being relatively young and stuff.

You know, I didn't pick today to go in and grab the cart just to ruin your day, lady in the frozen food aisle who can't keep your kids from darting out in front of me so that I have to keep jerkily stopping, thanks very much. I mean, I wasn't out to run one of them over, really, even though I kind of WANTED to by the end of things. All I really did was pick today to run in for my refills and do groceries and shit after my training session. Which was probably not a good idea, cause I'm already gonna be sore a couple days after the ride I got my coach to put me through today. But seriously. I've got a right to run through Walmart if I feel like it, and if I happen to not want to hobble around and trip people up in the narrow ass aisles? Hey, that's my freaking prerogative, right?


I don't get it, seriously. Time to look at other places around here to shop that piss me off a whole lot less. So recommendations would be awesome. Grocery and feed and tack shops if you could.

And uh, I'm Eomer, sometimes they call me Emo. Guess I'm a new resident and all and newly posting to the valarnet. This is shaping up to be an adventure.

Why is it, if you're a girl in your twenties or thirties, everyone and his brother has to ask you "oh are you getting married, do you have a boyfriend, don't you want kids?" What if I don't want a boyfriend? What if I don't want to get married? What if I *gasp* don't want kids? Am I not allowed to be happy with myself and my dog, or my mom and hers?

I'm 27. Stop telling me how I should live my life.

Also? I hate Mondays.

That's odd.

I don't think Kanye West liked the Party Cannon! I thought everyone liked the Party Cannon!

Who has two thumbs and got sick for a long weekend? Oh yeah. This guy.

Fuck my life.

Shopping online is a joke. I have no confidence in anything.

Guess I'll have to do this in person. I'm not sure which will be worse.

You know that thing where a Dr. Phil re-run suddenly reveals that somebody's been playing you for YEARS and you were too dense to notice it up until now?

Clearly, I should have done the psych major after all.

Every time I think I've gotten the best work stories ever and nothing's gonna top them, well...

I'm pretty sure we can all guess where this is going. And let me tell you, if HIPPA wasn't a thing, I'd be recording calls right now. I mean this is going above and beyond the lady's lip ring caught on her boyfriend's zipper thing on my last day in Brooklyn this winter. With that one, well, at least you could see how it happened and it wasn't people being dumbshits.

Last night though, Well. three little words actually sum that up.

Amateur. Bull. Fighting.

...Well, make that four.

Drunk. Amateur. Bull. Fighting.

Fi...forget it I'm not numbering them anymore.

Naked. Drunk. Amateur. Bull.Fighting.

In a pasture of dairy cows. As in female ones.

The only reason we got called was somebody eletroshocked themselves on some poor farmer's fence. Adding insult to injury, it's late at night, we're trying to get the guy settled on the stretched and into the unit to go back with us, and well, cow pasture of all things.

Partner goes down in a...uh...slick, I have to grab the poor asshole to keep him from sliding off and joining him, his end of the stretcher jerked so much, and, as he gets up, covered in manure, the cows start getting pissed at us for being there, and one of the braver ones starts running at us, mooing threateningly.

A moo the other cows decided to take up as they practically chased us out of the pasture back to the unit, where our patient starts demanding his 'cape' in really badly accented grade school textbook Spanish.


We're professionals. We're not supposed to laugh, but oh dear god, last night was close.


In other news, the random dream fairy has left me a present which greeted me all nicely pressed and hanging in my closet when I got in after my shift last night. I now own a world war two service uniform WITH MY NAME and it fits perfectly. I am so confused right now. When does reality set back in?

I think for once I do not have anything snarky and cynical to say for once. What is this world coming to? I mean of course I could go on a rant about politics but they are bloody morons and it would be a waste of time to say anything more. Either way the country is going to continued to be screwed up.

Oddly, it seems to have numerous parallels to the dreams I have been having which is just disturbing. Dreams like mine should never seem possible.

GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

Oh and Wade!

THERE'S GOING TO BE A TOTALLY HUGE PARTY AND WE ARE GOING

Also I want my cutie mark so let's go get them!!

Who's got two thumbs and the most beautifully delicious wedding cake taking up most of her fridge space?

That's right, it's me. :D

Cinderella Cakes did an amazing job.

Operation: Keep Groom From Eating Cake is go.

It would be nice if the thunder storms on the horizon would move in and break.

So much for the lovely California weather I've been hearing about.

My head feels like an over ripe piece of fruit and is ready to split

Most effective method for treating migraines?

Please don't say a baseball bat or any other object that inflicts blunt force trauma. I'm not that desperate yet.

Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so AMERICAN.

I swear to god I feel like someone has been following me, but every time I look over my shoulder no one is there. Am I just being completely paranoid here?

So, in dream world, I'm a douchebag and my ex girlfriend is a ninja.


...My ribs and the side of my head still hurt...


...Would MOST women here be that upset to find out an alien was shapeshifting as them and filming makeout tapes with teenage guys? And would you hit me for laughing hard enough that I woke up in LONDON feeling it?

Cause I'm still laughing even though that hurts. Can someone actually break ribs through a dream?

Oh NEATO! I got nominated for a whole bunches of VMAs!

THIS CALLS FOR A PARTY!!

Why in tarnation are folks so darn rude sometimes? Is it that much of a hassle to say " 'scuse me" when you practically knock a lady over? Sheesh!

I hate shrinks.

I may have suffered some mild head trauma in the earthquake.

Well, okay, I got hit with a bookshelf. It happens.

Anyway, I may have experienced some of these shared otherworldly memories that are all the rage these days. However, I can't be certain, owing to the aforementioned head trauma. I made a few notes of the experiences I had, and I'd like to cross-reference any information you might have with mine to either confirm or disprove these memories.

Specifically AJ, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and RD. I'm also told that there's a young lady named Rarity who occasionally visits the network? We haven't met, but I think I've seen you in my dreams. I'd love to hear from you as well.

Is there a way to phrase that so it doesn't sound sexual? I'll worry about it later.

Also, if anyone else has memories of a pony society, I'd like your input.

The news is out! Yes, it's official! I landed a role on Black Widow and that's what I'm doing here instead of back in London with the rest of the family. I'm having an impromptu party at the mansion tonight to celebrate. Everyone's invited! Bring your swim suits if you want to go into the pool. Drinks and food will be provided. I'm so excited!

Oh hello everyone!

I uhm... just wanted to make a quick post to let you all know that the Menagerie is back to its regular open and close times now. Well it has been for a bit, but I forgot to say.

I have puppies and kittens!

The bunnies are almost all taken care of now, in case anyone was wondering.

EDIT: I also wanted to add that I'm uhm... well I get some free help around here but I really need an extra employee to cover the shop sometimes... so guess I'm hiring. You should come down and apply in person, if you want to.

You have to be an animal lover, of course!

Sister used my keys for something, then locked me out. Fantastic. It's late and I can't find a stupid locksmith.

FML. Actually FTD. Fuck this door. Should I smash a window? Except then it would just be open and that would be bad.