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So Saturday night, the club's been bought out by a guy named Jay Gatsby.

He told me to let you all know. Weird as hell you ask me, but what do I know? I just own the joint.

I heard on the news that some kid is allergic to food. How the hell is that even possible?

I think I actually might need to sleep. It feels like I've been up for days. Maybe I shouldn't have had so many red bulls.

In my dreams, I killed a girl. The girl was friends with the girl I'm in love with, so I did it to make the girl love me.

In my dreams, I really don't get how relationships work. Like, at all.

You know, there's advantages to being able to blend into the shadows. For one, whenever someone at work hits on me and I want to flee? Bam. Fled. For two, I'm faster, and nobody's punched me in ... five months.

So hey, maybe there's an upside to being an evil frost monster djinn in my dreams, right?

( Cut for medical grossness )

Are we certain there is no vodka served in the cafeteria? Even I could use a drink, after this.

And this is why Reptillia are the most fascinating class of Animalia on the planet. No doubt there are skeptics out there likely to view this video as one man's complete insanity - and you would be insane to try this with just any old crocodile - but I am sure there were skeptics too when men first attempted to tame the Canidae.

Is there a point to this, you ask? Why, yes. Yes there is.

Just because it's not covered in fluffy wrinkly fur like this little fellow does not mean these creatures deserve any less respect or affection. Around this time of year the zoo begins to receive "donations" of reptiles people can no longer care for. Whether they've underestimated their own abilities to provide safe and healthy environments for dart frogs, iguanas, and chameleons or worse yet, find they are no longer interested in keeping a pet who has grown from this adorable little hatchling into an eighteen inch terror that snaps and bites.

A turtle is NOT a good pet for a child!

I get more of these little fellows on my doorstep every day. And while charming to watch when only centimeters long sucking up blood worms like spaghetti or stumbling over floating docks to hunt crickets three times their size, they do grow. Significantly. Like puppies grow into dogs, or kittens into cats and people should be

So please. Respect the reptiles. And be more aware of the commitments you make when selecting a pet. Not that I recommend crocodiles as pets but you have to admit the guy's got a friend for life there.


Also, Julian, if there's more wine in the house you should tell me where it's at. Cause I just killed the bottle.

Aaaaand now I can't control my powers.

Anyone around who's good with shadows? Or walking through them? Or, you know, beating down djinn? Any Norse gods around?

... seriously, I thought ordering pizza online was weird, this is way worse.

I am confused by some American music. Some of it is the same as the music I am used to, but some of it is ... loud. It seems to be all bass, and if there are any lyrics, they are usually about 'booty.' Is this music or parody, or perhaps performance art?

Oh boy. I get to join the "things showing up from my dreams" club.

Is there anyone who can identify if bones are human or not?

I meet with a gentlemen on Thursday about breeding his privately owned Amur Tiger. I'm a lizard girl, primarily, but given the zoo's tiny staff I suddenly find myself the most qualified person on payroll to handle breeding requests across all species. Suppose that three year stint in Australasia did me some good after all (Take that student loans!).

Typically I'm against exotic creatures as household pets but in cases like this it's such a blessing to have even one more specimen healthy enough to contribute to the population. And if the data I've received is any indication, she should have no trouble catching provided she and the stud like one another enough.

Yes. Even in the animal kingdom girls are picky.

In any case I am exceptionally excited. Too excited to sleep in fact so I'm off for a jog. (Julian, if you're reading this never fear, I've brought the pepper spray with me).

I remember sleep. Before the nightmares. I kind of miss it. And that's why I'm still awake.

Anyone else scared to fall asleep? Not in a Nightmare Before Elm Street way, in a not wanting to dream horrible things way.

Oh the night that Paddy Murphy died, is a night I'll never forget
Some of the boys got loaded drunk, and they ain't got sober yet;
As long as a bottle was passed around every man was feelin' fey
O'Leary came with the bagpipes, some music for to play!

That's how they showed their respect for Paddy Murphy
That's how they showed their honour and their pride;
They said it was a sin and shame and they winked at one another
And every drink in the place was full the night Pat Murphy died!

ooc: later - ... what does this even mean, this song?

Apparently I accidentally kill people in my dreams too. Though it seems like I've gone off the rails.

Guess I'm not that surprised. Looks like I'm a bad guy in my own fucking dreams. How lame is that?

I'm stronger than I used to be. I don't know if that's supposed to make up for something or what.

You know what I'm glad for though? The fact that no one from my dreams have shown up here.

Anyone want to go out and party? I'm done sitting around and moping about shit.

So yeah, is anyone hiring? Someone just threatened to kill me at work, and it's uh. Kind of not my scene anyway? I'll do anything I'm capable of doing, as long as it's not shady.

The building for my classes is now an enormous tree. And the amount of patients who have been shot by arrows and slingshots has possibly multiplied by five. Some speak of a citadel in the downtown. I would think this is madness, but I see the wounds. It is perplexing to me, as I am quite sane.

I shall give non professional advice: if you are having a wound, do NOT take the projectile out of it! If you remove a missile from skin, the blood will come with it. Do not risk a bleeding fatality.

And now, I go back to my bandages. Please be careful outside so you are not having to come see my employers!

( Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better. )

Happy Valentines Day, Orange County!

This totally made my week! If a cat and a lizard can find true love in a windowsill then I shall be alright tomorrow home alone with the television and a stack of books.

Well, great. Not only do I dream that I'm a Norse frost ... genie, but I'm a sexist asshole Norse frost genie. Great.

I think the dreams are actually trying to make me laugh now... I just had one where I think I was fight--okay, fine, I was fighting a dude with a guitar, who called himself the Hypno Hustler.

Among... other weird things.

[Private to Sherlock]

Do you have those blood samples? I'd like to see them, and potentially run my own tests in comparison.

Happy Chinese New Year. And Happy Mardi Gras. Funny they landed on the same day this year?

[Private message to Fred/George]
Did you see this? We should go with some things from the shop. There might be a crowd there, it'd be good for advertising.

And I want an excuse to leave work early and go hang out with my boyfriend.

Um hello! I was told about valarnet the other day by a friend. I'm Annie. I hope to make fashion one day. Maybe try to be on Project Runway or one of those shows. I think it might be fun. Out of school, but still really looking for work. Though working at Target isn't all that bad.

It's nice to meet you all. I look forward to um.. actually meeting you, since this is the internet and everything.

It has come to my attention that I am far too insular. Ever since I got back to the OC I've done very little aside from pull a few shifts a week at the zoo and kick my brother in the ass whenever possible. So I am going to step outside my comfort zone: would anyone here like to join me for a hike? Perhaps sometime this next week?

No pressure! I'll drag Julian along if everyone here thinks walking is for primitives.

So, uh, does anyone else have Norse dreams? Like, that they're ... in Norse mythology? It's kind of tripping me out.

I forgot just how many cars there are in California, and how little people walk or rely on themselves to do just about anything. Every time something goes wrong the first thing people do is blame technology. Or someone else. It's never their own fault, as if responsibly died out with the Do Do Bird. And don't even get me started on the way people treat animals in first world countries.

It all makes me really miss the jungle.

But then I remember my brother's house has indoor plumbing and suddenly I'm right back on the bandwagon. Also, ordering a pint of ice cream for delivery? Totally worth commercialism.

My therapist said I should

I thought I should check this thing out. Hello folks.

Anyone in AA or trying to kick booze on your own, you ever have really vivid dreams? Last night I had a few that had me up in the middle of the night wondering whether or not to call the doctor.

So Valentine's Day! It's coming and we can't stop it but thanks to my wonderful new friend, Glimmer, who had an incredible idea we have come up with THE ultimate Valentine's Day plan.

I have hired a movie theater [address] and we are going to be screening horror films all day - no tickets needed just turn up! And there will be free ice cream, popcorn and the usual goodies too!

So if you want an alternative to the lovey dovey mushy crap that we are all bombarded with then come along!

The delay wasn't as bad as I was expecting. The Centre for Phobia Therapy is open, finally, and we're already already finding clients nation wide. It's humbling, really. That being said, there's room for more, and if any of you find yourselves suffering from a severe, or uncommon, phobia, then I encourage you to stop by the clinic in Orange. We'll run an initial evaluation and, hopefully, find you the best course of treatment. I'll also be in need of a few brave souls willing to help test run a few new pharmacological treatments - you'll be compensated, of course, and your candidacy will be determined through a series of psychological tests and medical history.

Finally, on that note, the clinic is in desperate need of a competent receptionist. I had no idea filing papers and taking phone calls was so difficult, but apparently it's too taxing for some people. I'm also looking to take on a personal assistant, as suddenly there's quite a lot to manage. If anyone is interested, you're more than welcome to reply here or via [e-mail].

Now that I am all better, I can resume my quest for the perfect donut. And getting laid. And getting a real boyfriend.

You've been warned.

Off to work I go. I really should find a new job - I'm already dreading coming home smelling of cigarettes and booze. And don't get me started on the glitter.

The zoo had an opening! It's only two days a week for a grand total of four hours but that's $40 a week I didn't have before. Suck it job market!

Though, I've been contemplating just going back to school instead. Avoid paying school loans by wracking up more debt, that makes sense right? And then you could all call me Doctor Abby Maitland.

I wonder what the salary is for a Herpetologist Veterinarian... Good? Bad? Worth the effort?

Priceless camera traded for a shitty laptop. Check. Job apps are out and now the waiting begins. Unless someone here wants to offer me a job that doesn't involved nudity, rape or selling my internal organs.

Hello Valarnet. I'm Abby.

Allegedly the internet will be a good way to increase my client reach, so here I am. Yes, you've probably seen me around at the clubs. People tend to call me "that guy with the hair". It runs in the family.

Granted, nobody's going clubbing at all right now. I expect everyone's as terrified as I am.