Network

Still haven't had another dream.

But then I usually have a new one near the beginning of the month.

I think this is the longest stretch I've gone without dreaming. I know I'm probably jinxing myself.

These dreams within the dreams are going to do me in, I swear. This time I was at a church, and the preacher was doing communion, but instead of wafers he was giving the people razor blades on their tongues and then they were bleeding from the mouth. It came my turn, I grabbed his arm and said 'no it ain't' and then we struggled like arm wrestling until I fell out the bed and woke myself up. And of course I was in Ruthie's trailer. I flipped out on her, said being with her is a sin, and stormed out. I know I hurt her feelings, but it's a lot for dream me to handle.

I went into town, to get a drink at the bar. It's El Dia De Los Muertes. A kid ran into me, he was running from a mob of adults. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and he had a tree pained on his torso, just like the cornfield guy in my previous dream within a dream. After a bunch of other kids tugged on my shirt and I told them I didn't have any money, an old woman told me they were expressing sorrow for my loss. She handed me a pastry from her basket and said 'even the dead have to eat'.

I went into the church. Half expected to see the preacher from my dream. I went into the confessional, and confessed my sins. He seemed to know who I was, said my momma chose to die. I demanded to know who he was, he looked at me and it was Scudder. I tried to confront him face to face, but there was no one in that side of the confessional.

Next morning, back at the carny camp, I talked to Samson. He told me he doesn't know why I see the things I see, why I see Scudder everywhere. He said Management expected me, and it wasn't no accident they picked me up in Milfay that day I was burying my momma.

Later when I was working, Lila tried to come on to me. She's always with Lodz, and I can't stand him. So I don't like her neither. She let it be known everyone knows about me and Ruthie, which upset me. Sometime after that, Gabe came to get me because Ruthie'd been bit by a snake. She wasn't breathing, so I took her in one of the trucks out away from camp to try and heal her.

Honestly I ain't sure in the dream what's real and what's not. For all I know the whole thing with Ruthie getting bit isn't real. I can't tell when it's a dream in the dream until I wake up in the dream.

Well I was right - Mum didn't let me stay home from Petunia and Vernon's wedding in the dreams. Although at least she did make Petunia seat me and James up front with her and Dad. Instead of the very back of the church like Petunia wanted. The worst part of it though came during the reception - someone asked who James was since they'd never seen him before. And instead of just introducing him the way Mum and Dad had - as my boyfriend from boarding school, which is technically true there, Vernon told them that James was some magician. Which honestly is the most insulting thing he could have said.

Not that there's anything wrong with magicians but...James is a wizard in my Dreams. I'm a witch. Vernon knows that there. He was supposed to be part of my family so we told him. Now...I think dreamLily made a bad choice to include Vernon.

I grew up on a farm, with all kinds of animals. I miss the horses, the cows, the pigs, the sheep, even the ducks. Dogs and cats, of course, chickens. I do not miss the rooster crowing at the butt crack of dawn. But I miss having animals around.

I'm thinking about getting a cat, or two. They do better than dogs when they're alone for hours at a time. I've only ever really been around outdoor cats, but obviously I'm looking at getting indoor cats. My question is should I stick with one, or do they like having a companion to keep them company?

You'd think by now they'd get it - pinch my ass and take the consequences. But no. Every year some idiot 'brother' in that house decides he's going to be the one that gets away with it. And every year campus security has to come out and get involved. This year's idiot ended up with two broken fingers.

Pinching someone on the ass is not 'playing around' or 'being friendly'. You want to give a friendly pinch on St. Patrick's Day? It's called the arm. I have two of them. They're visible.

Just when I was starting to think that I’d managed to slip out of whatever is going on with these Dreams I had another one. We’re still in the river that we crashed into after escaping from General Gingur and her army of girls at The Emerald City. Sawhorse is trying to to swim until he finally hears me telling him to keep still and just float - but not before we’re all completely soaked through. I finally tell him to swim to the other shore and that’s when I realize that Jack’s head fell off into the water and the Scarecrow’s straw is all done down in his feet so we have to get that fixed before we can get back on the way to the Woodman. We stop overnight so that I can sleep and Scarecrow tells us a story about when he was travelling with Dorothy and they had to stop for her and he lets me use him as a pillow.

It is never going to not be weird for me sleeping in my dreams.

Well... that dream was a bit of a doozy. Dream!Me rose from the dead, took her axe and killed three of her enemies. THEN she led her companions into victory.

My dream self continued to resist sleep. Started having hallucinations of a tattooed guy in a corn field. The field is a common theme in my dreaming dreams. Not sure what it means. Maybe I should check into the symbolism. Or maybe not. Not sure I want to know.

Anyway, Samson convinced me to take him into town. Almost wrecked the truck because I could barely keep my eyes open. We went to the Templar lodge, or whatever it's called, looking for info. Those guys were as tight lipped as they come. We got exactly nothing, and walked away with a feeling like there was definitely something there. We just didn't find it.

Back at camp, I took an ice bath to try and stay awake. Gabe found me. Somehow he has kept up the ruse of his broken arm. But he carried me to his mother's trailer. And, yeah. Ruthie and me, we got a thing going. And she totally used her influence to make me finally give in to sleep. Even though I resisted, and tried to tell her how bad it is. Not just seeing Scudder. But the corn field, the running, always running.

I never seem to stop running. I know these dreams within dreams are trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what that is. I just wake up exhausted.

I had a dream in the dream. A nightmare really. Both my legs and my right arm were torn off. Bloody stumps under the blankets. And I saw a man crouched over me, watching. I didn't know him, but when I woke up in the dream, Lods was there watching me.

Samson sent me to find a Scorpion Boy, but when I asked for directions I got sent to Lobster Girl. Claws for hands, same difference. Except the first guy I'd asked for directions, who apparently sent me on a goose chase, beat me to it. He wanted to shake hands, no hard feelings, but when I gripped his hand, I had visions of death like I do in my dreams. I slid the ring off his hand, and kept it when I drove off.

Bastard was waiting for me when I got back. He and Samson seem to know each other pretty well. I gave the ring back, after Samson looked at it.

Turns out Scutter, the asshole who keeps showing up in my dreams within the dreams, visions or whatever the hell it is, he's my father. In the dreams. That's what Samson told me. Truth told I don't know what to think about it.

Seems I'm trying to not sleep because if I sleep I dream, and Lods can get in my dreams. I don't know how. I don't want to know how.

After this bombshell about Scutter got dropped on me not once but twice, Lods was doing his performance where he holds and object and gets details from it. Probably some carney trick. But Samson passed him a trinket that had been Scutters, and had the same emblem on it as the ring I'd taken from Bofa earlier. Lods had a seizure when he touched it, and at the same time I had another vision of my legs and my arm gone. Lods kept muttering something in a foreign language, turned out to be Latin, and turned out I knew what he was saying. 'By this sign we conquer'.

After that I went to watch Ruthie's snake charmer show, and help gather the silver thrown at her after the performance. In her trailer after the show, she kissed me and I left. resisting sleep, but I woke up just as my dream self started to nod off.

I never thought I'd have to do this but I'm instituting a dress code for Lux. There is a very short list of old men who's naked ass I'd like to say and if you are not on it there is no reason for me to have to see with your pants hanging down so that your crotch is even with your knees. Which is where the dress code comes in - my bouncers have all been told that anyone dressing that way will not be allowed through the door.

Finally had a dream without that damn coal showing up on my arm. Went snake hunting with Ruthie. Afterwards, Lods got me riled up and I picked a fight with Ruthie. Her son tried to get in the way, I shoved him and he broke his arm. I apologised to Ruthie, and took Gabe out to the river to heal his arm. He's the stereotypical big dumb kid, and I told him he had to keep it a secret and pretend like his arm was still broke. It was a risk, and I ain't sure it was a smart risk to take.

Anyone have any clue if you can strangle an invisible cat? The little monster completely wrecked a cake I'd spent all day working on minutes before the client was picking it up. The sugar spires alone took me hours

I still got that damn word on my arm in the dream, and damn if I didn't wake up with it right back on my arm in my real life too. It was another fun filled dream. Started out in the mine. I saw a flash of light, followed it and ended up in a war zone like in the earlier dreams I'd had. Next thing I knew, I was waking up outside the mine and Lods was there trying to teach me or whatever. I don't want nothing to do with him, and I walked away, left him to fend for himself. He's blind, but sees better than anyone.

Back at the camp, I found out one of the dancers, Dora Mae, was murdered. A bunch of the carnies went into the town to find someone to hold accountable, but the place was deserted. After Dora Mae's funeral, Jonesy spotted one guy, the bartender, from Babylon. They ran him down and took him back for some good old fashioned 1930s carney justice. Which is basically Russian Roulette.

He got lucky, and Samson let him go. We packed up to move on to the next town, and it all feels, i don't know. Surreal. Insane is another word for it.

Is aunt visitation rights a thing when it comes to pets? Because if not - it needs to be made one. I haven't seen Zelda, Pan or the bunnies in almost a month because their dads keep taking them to visit Eren's parents because of the holidays. And I'm going through snuggle withdrawal! Bernie just doesn't curl up the same way!

Augh, these dreams. No on in the troupe or whatever a bunch of carneys is called wanted to go to Babylon, but Samson insisted we were going to Babylon. We finally got there and the town is half dead. Samson tried to boost spirits by taking everyone to the saloon, but the place was deserted except the barkeep. I left after a couple drinks, because it was just...more of a downer than traveling all day, and I guess I just wanted to be alone. Next thing I know, and I don't even know if it was real or a dream in a dream again cause that happens with me, but I was in a mine.

I was alone, or so I thought. When I finally saw someone else, it was...Scudder. It was super weird. But then I saw a dead body, looked like he'd been killed with a pick axe. I took his head lamp and tried to find a way out. But I saw a word written on the wall in coal, and I wrote it on my arm...

So this morning I woke up with TRAVATA written on my arm, plus the head lamp and pick axe in the bed. I mean, at least the lamp wasn't lit since we're talking 1934, and it was lit by flame not a bulb. But still. What the hell?

Obviously, dream me isn't fond of Alec big time. There were chores that needed to be done, horse stalls, and he was going to leave. Alec stopped him momentarily. Talking about how it's unlike him to not do chores.

Well, shit. Dream me isn't exactly... a good kid. Hats, bandana for a mask. That doesn't scream good kid. Fuck. I'm sure he's part of some riot group. Damaging corporate buildings and shit. He's an anarchist.

Seems like dad found out about what dream me did, so when I got back he got touchy about it. Dream me is determined to make Liber8 move. Pretty sure if not for mom seeing him shove me up against the wall, the man would've hit me. Though, I was trying to get him to hit me too. Looks like we had a farm of our own, that would've been mine if we hadn't of moved.

Also, Alec was the one that ratted me out to the old man. And... I decided that I was done with him from that moment on, before walking away out of the stables.

So now everyone in the carnivale is avoiding me like I have some kind of plague. But Lods wanted to see me. He wanted me to drive him somewhere, said he wanted to show me something about Scudder. I feel for it and he was being deliberately obtuse so I threatened to turn around and go back, but a hell of a dust storm came up out of nowhere and Lods decided to get out of the truck, so I followed him, and he led me to a cabin and when I got angry and screamed at him, the storm stopped. It started up again when he said I did it, I made it stop. Then he burned me, but it healed within seconds, and he told me he could teach me how to use my gift, but I said no. I don't want it, I won't use it. The storm finally passed, and we went back to the carnivale, and I sulked off to be alone.

So I'm pretty sure that the bakery Eren works at is about to ban me from coming in to hangout while waiting for Eren to get off. I try not to get in the way of them doing their jobs, get my brownie and cocoa and go sit at a table with my books to study while I wait. But today I just couldn't keep my mouth shut when I heard this woman going off on the cashier for repeating her order back to her. It's not incompetence. It's not being unable to do her job. It's wanting to be thorough and make sure she got it right since you couldn't be bothered to get off your damn phone while placing it.

[Eren Jaeger]

If they do ban me you'll just bring my brownie to the car right?

The picture of my ma in the dreams led me to Mrs Donovan, who told me there are rules to what I can do. She knew my father, and said he had the gift too. A little girl I healed, she recognised me in town, and the people tried to mob around me, but Jonesy got me out of there. And then Samson turned the carnivale into a revival and made me pretend to heal people. Mrs Donovan's son brought her to me, and wanted her healed, but she said she didn't want it so I didn't do it. Now Samson's mad at me, and I think he knows...I can heal things. But in order to heal, I have to take the life from somewhere else.

These dreams are messed up. And it's starting to mess with my head. I don't even know what to think anymore.

Honestly my brother saying 'I'm going to buy this for her because it'll be funny' should be the code for whichever of his friends is closest to just take his credit card and hide it. For his own good. And my sanity after this showed up at my house. Who in the world thought this was something that needed to be made?

So I've read on the network how people end up with things. Sometimes it's things that will serve them just fine, other times not so much. I had two things show up and one of them? Fine, okay. A book published in 1605. Not sure how I got my hands on that, there's no telling.

Second is a pretty big sized battle axe. What exactly am I meant to do with a battle axe?

More dreams within a dream. I'm starting to earn my place with the carnival. They call me a Roustabout. I do whatever odd jobs need to be done, and at night when the jobs and chores are finished till morning, I get to sleep on the ground under one of the trucks. Jonesy sent me to the baggage trailer, apparently it's supposed to be some kind of wild goose chase initiation thing, because it's not supposed to exist. But I found it, and I went inside. The first trunk I opened had the hat and coat one of the men in my dream-in-a-dream was wearing. There was also a picture of my ma in a cigar box and I kept it. Samson tried to take it, but I wouldn't let him have it. Found out she was Henry Scutter's girl, and when Ruthie showed me a picture of him, I recognised him from my dreams. The hat and the coat in the trunk where I found the picture belonged to him.

I took Samson to where the baggage trailer was, but it wasn't there. I have no explanation for that, because I know I was in there. I'd been inside it. But he insisted there was no baggage trailer, that Jonesy was messing with me by sending me to clean it out. Later, Sophie's mom came to me and said "You're the one" and then she passed out. She's in some kind of trance, she can't move or talk or anything, and Sophie thought I'd taken her from their trailer, but I didn't touch her. And I don't know what she meant when she said I'm the one. I'm the...what?

My dream life is getting more intense, and more confusing. I don't think I like it.

( Personal Entry )

I can't tell if it's nice or rude that it seems that while we're in and out of heatwaves, that I'm dreaming about Yule time and winter. Because super fun but then it's all wake up and SURPRISE hot and gross.

And I mean, no idea when I'd wear the dress that showed up. Or most of the ones that have shown up, at least the ice skates I can use here. But winter dress. Not so much right now.

For the first time ever, I just had to talk someone through setting up the operating system that comes with their laptop. Like, it is self-prompting, and tells you what to do, but for some reason they needed me to talk them through it. Took twenty minutes, felt like nine hours.

I would've done a back to back child watching marathon instead of this, I really would've.

At least this week I haven't had to say 'have you tried turning it off and back on' yet.

Now that the final papers have been signed and filed I can announce that Yondu signed ownership of Lux over to me. It just made the most sense with him having some more pressing issues needing his attention right now since I already know the staff and how he was running things since Lucifer gave it to him. God when am I ever going to sleep

Don't worry regulars - I'm not going to be making any major changes to the place. Why fix it if it isn't broken right? About the only thing I know for sure that I'll be needing to do is hire some new staff. Not just for there but that's the immediate start dates

Dreams within dreams. I kept having this nightmare about shadowy figures with no faces, barely any light and they keep getting closer. It's more than a little freaky.

I've been practicing more with my ability in my dreams. Apparently the more I use my ability the longer the day feels. I don't know if they were exaggerating, but it sounded like for every jump I make...it makes the day feel like an hour longer. So I made 32 jumps in my dream. Apparently the day was really, really long.

But good news. Supposedly WHERE I land I've gotten better at. Not the how I land yet. Also I figured out there's limitations to how far I can go forward or back in time. I'm limited to twenty-four hours unless I leap from. It takes a lot of energy but I can do it. My mom seems to think there's a reason I can't go forward or back more than twenty-four hours and I shouldn't do it. She thinks I could change too much. But dream me disagrees. I think it's less like a river and more that it occurs all at once, like a lake.

I was insistent on leapfrogging back in time to find out who was spying on and following V. Vanessa made me promise not to go without her.

I promised. But with the way I know I am? I don't think I listened.

That was...I don't even have words for what that was.

I think the weirdness that was going on caused me to have a really intense dream.

I have a rare day off today and I really don't even know what to do with myself.