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Things I want for Mother's Day, but can't have:

- Time speeding up so I can pop this bundle of brat out of me.
- To sleep on my stomach again.
- To sleep at all, and preferably on my bed, because lately the hard floor's colder and more comfortable.
- To see kitten videos and not cry because their cuteness is somehow so goddamn moving.

And to dream less about town slaughter in the hands of a demonic fruitcake, but that's unrelated to me being a roly poly. It's another round of 'shit breaks, blame Lina for it awhile simultaneously making comments about the size of her breasts.' The story of my lives.

Sometimes you overhear interesting bits of conversations from your neighbors. The girl next door had her windows open while on the phone and was yelling at someone on the phone about how she was mad at some guy for, what I assume was proposing to a friend with a cubic zirconia diamond. Part of me wanted to know more, but she must have moved into another room to continue the conversation, because that's all I heard.

Figures that I find out what's to come in my dreams and I end up having new ones. Anna, Elsa and Kristoff went home. Robin left town with Marian and Roland. Bella banished Gold from town. We freed the Fairies. A Chernabog attacked and then Cruella and Ursula showed up. I don't think we even got twenty four hours to relax after the Snow Queen debacle.

Boxers on my ceiling fan. Really? and my damn bras are--

Waking up to that pleasantness cancels out the unpleasantness I had the fortune of dreaming, which is discovering that the Underworld is - and wait for it - a carbon copy of Storybrooke tinted blood-orange (you'd think Hades would be a little more creative on how to structure his own realm), and it looks and smells like it was ravaged by those same thugs that desecrated Orange County some time ago. It's an awkward moment when you walk down the streets and realize you're responsible for a good chunk of the souls trapped there, and I also don't recommend its location for an impromptu family reunion.

With that said, I'll be headed out for a trip in the very near future. For those who've yet to come pay a visit to Killian, you can come over any time. Hopefully it won't be long after this, either

Filtered to Magic Users

Is anyone missing an enchanted doll? I saw one while I was at lunch just now at [name of deli] trying to order a sandwich.

One of the stranger things I’ve seen since I’ve been here.

I know what I'm doing tomorrow.

I had no idea that Dreams could hurt so much. People I don't know in this world have made such a huge impact on me. People I certainly hope I Dream about again, but... when they die, are they really dead? I'm going to miss her terribly, but she doesn't really exist. This is so confusing, and it hurts so much. I can't stop crying, and I'm glad I'm not working because I'd be shit behind the bar right now. I don't even know how to deal with a loss like this one.

Oh hey, Valarnet, what's going on? The world hasn't ended today, can I get a 'hell yeah'?

Kind of funny that we base our days on that, but what can you do.

I don't have much else to share besides IT'S A BOY!!!11! which we found out a little after Valentine's Day, and we're currently doing up the nursery (safari theme, very not cheesy or related to Neverland or fairy tales, thank fuck). Which brings me to my question: Anyone out there make furniture, or know someone who does? Em and I were interested in getting a rocking chair for the nursery, and I thought something hand-crafted would be nice. There are still a few months 'til we'd need it, so hopefully that's enough notice.

I was prepared, I really was. I knew that people started getting dreams, because Clara had told me, but it's different when you actually get them, isn't it? I spent four days trying to pretend they didn't exist, but they kept coming back.

Let's see if I can remember it. Giant head in a jar. Bitchy trampoline who used to be the last human. The Elf &mdahs; The Gelf. No! Gelth. That's it. Aliens who farted — and I'm not even going to try and pronounce that name. Harriet Jones. Daleks. I was gone for a whole year because the bloke I was traveling with missed the time frame, say it was 12 hours, but it was 12 months. My mum thought I was dead and that my boyfriend Mickey had done it since he was the last one to see me.

It's all here in my head, and it's not fading. You know how dreams fade after a few hours? It's not like that at all.

The one night I sleep soundly, I feel like I've had my skull unscrewed and a metric tonne of rubbish has been dumped in. We escaped Neverland (awful place, let's hope I never set foot on that island again), Pan met his demise, Crocodile slayed and Crocodile returned, now we're back in Storybrooke after time traveling, crashing a ball, and the last thing I saw before waking up was Swan trying to shoot a giant snow creature. With a gun.

It didn't go well. The thing sprouted spikes. Then of course after all of that migraine-inducing nonsense we went to go watch Netflix, which makes perfect sense.

How the hell could no one leave that cesspool of a town and yet Netflix is streamed in?

At any rate, it's early but I've got an interview for a job down at the docks that is actually legal, I'm setting a good example. A perfect combination of heavy work and customer service. Perfect amount of exhaust fumes and paper dust breathed in. I'm quite looking forward to it.

Disclaimer: I've been given permission to post this, so, no ass-kicking should be in store for me.

It might be old news by now, or boring news because it's not as exciting as dream talk, but this is pretty much a GPOY when Emma told me we were adding to our already somewhat dysfunctional and loving family:

( cut for gif )

Early July will be upon us soon, and I've been reading a lot of Buzzfeed parenting lols to prepare myself.

Anyway, I guess I could talk about 'the dreams' but no one wants to hear about Lumière the actual talking candle.

so i'm supposed to talk about my dreams, yes? alright here we go. i woke up missing a hand, it was a bit awkward.

there is absolutely nothing to do during the day when you're laid up in a hospital bed, drugged, and not wearing much beneath the thin gown. it's also bloody freezing.

i've taken to learning new medical terms and using them in conversations multiple times, counting how many. today's is sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia which is really the term for an ice cream headache. the nurses are quite impressed.

and now i'm giving up on typing one-handed so

forgot where i was going with that anyway

Ice cream for breakfast! Completely acceptable, if only to show off the food porn in this really cute bowl. But if you're curious, no, I'm not seriously going to eat the pickles with it.

( image behind cut )

Obviously, it's safe to say that ice cream for breakfast isn't going to be the one responsible for making me fat in the next couple months. That's a blame that'll go right to Pete. Thanks, babe! Womb lease ends sometime in early June, but it'll probably be here faster than we think.

We're also not naming it after any of you assholes, so don't even suggest it.

Any ideas on how I can tell my father I don't want to spend Thanksgiving with him and his gold-digging wife?

I was reading a bit about 'fun' Thanksgiving tidbits, you know, to educate myself a little. In addition to learning that the day after Thanksgiving is the busiest for plumbers (to handle all those clogged drains/toilets?) apparently whatever is commonly eaten on Thanksgiving wasn't even present during the first anyway - you lot are strange.

But I suppose that leads into my question. Where's a good spot to get a pie? I'd try making one myself but I live on a houseboat and my kitchen is somewhat small. It would lead to fires, surely.

So, my Sister-in-Law just went into labor.

No mess is complete without a questionable pregnancy scandal. That's also when you're absolutely sure your dreams have been elevated to a 'soap opera' platform even further, and my general anger towards it has dissipated into apathy. Wonderful. Zelena is a cunt, and I will now be the aunt of Robin Hood's child.

Among other things.

I've also had the pleasure of dealing with this nonsense across the street at night - what the hell were they thinking? I'd hoped the zombies that came to life on their lawn would deter them from putting up more things that make me claw my eyes out, but that's my mistake for putting faith in humanity's taste.

I can't keep going like th

How do people deal with neighbors who are constantly loud and make jokes of it when requested to not be so loud because the walls are thin?

Now, unless I've been wandering in a hazy hallucination for days, then all of this madness is real. A bit much to welcome a newcomer with, especially one who has crossed the ocean just to settle in this lovely corner of the world, but as a person living in the States for the first time at least it's not boring. Yet. Is it ever?

Though I would welcome tips about the usuals - dirty pubs, mostly, but I'm collecting as much info as I can get about day-to-day life here and things to do. Which pretty face(s) wants to assist me there? I'm quite a sucker for a pretty face.

There are cardboard bats flying around the shelter. The cardboard bats I hung up in the common room. I wish I could say I'm surprised by this, but I'm not. Do you think I could shoot them down? Would that even work?

Okay so...

I have dreams, of a dream life. But in the dream life... I have dreams of another dream life. So, I have the equivalent of two fake lives in my head right now and this super weird feeling that something bad is going to happen. Like it can get much worse.

I mean, really. I almost said yes to marrying a flying monkey. What even...

Plus side, I actually have a moderately respectable gamer score. Score one for raising the kid in at least one life.

Oh, good. I was beginning to worry that I'd wake up with maleparts forevermore. That's an experience I don't care to participate in ever again, but does free will really exist here, in its entirety?

Neal, we need to swap clothes. Again.

Okay, these dreams have just officially ruined a childhood favourite for me.

Urgh. I hate jungles. I hate camping. I hate coconuts.

Screw it, I hate Neverland.

What’s my prize for solving a murder? Someone taping me in the privacy of my boyfriend’s dorm room and releasing a sex tape of us… where we aren’t even having sex might I add. Solved that one too. At least that was more of a collegey crime.

I’ll take sex tapes over murder any day.

I’m over these dreams though, can they be done now?

Even though it's over, I'd assume anyone under its power would at least like to know the name of the spell - Shattered Sight. Consider it a dream bleed over in a way, and it did exactly what it was meant to do: turn you against your loved ones to destroy one another. Fortunately for us, it was stopped before it went that far. File that under the list of 'dream baggage occurrences,' as we've had plenty.

Public announcement aside, gaudy Disney Villains have graced my dreams, Robin Hood and his family are no longer in the picture, but neither is Rumpelstiltskin. How fitting, though I doubt we've seen the last of him there. We're never quite that lucky.

( Private to Emma )

( gif behind cut )

Bitten by the dream bug again, how lucky of me. Well. I suppose I should be thankful they haven't turned into some ridiculous musical, but if I sit down and watch the entire Disney collection and assume everyone's somehow intricately related and backstabbing each other, it'd be a very accurate reflection of the kind of bullcrap I just woke up from.

And, of course, there's that very awkward moment when someone's kiss of 'true love' is supposed to remove a curse from their wife, and it fails. For even more awkward reasons.

I'm in dire need of caffeine being directly injected in my veins, thank you.

Do you ever just want to yell at your dream self for being a complete idiot? Because I really, really do right now.

Also the phrase "This shit is crazy" is like a complete understatement.

I'm going to be straight up and say I might have gotten a bit teary-eyed by the end of this article. And I am definitely going to be getting this book.

Has it even been a month since the vampires? Someone knows how to handle this, right? I doubt my bow and arrows would do much damage against this thing so I'm just going to wait it out at the shelter. If anyone needs a place to stay, you're more than welcome at the shelter too.

My dreamself has finally moved on from high school to college.

( Cut for trigger warning, mentions of rape. Viewable to all.  )

While I was at work yesterday I picked up a five pack of small notebooks just in case I ran out. I went to put them in to the kitchen drawer I normally keep them in only to find that past me had already bought another five pack.

Downside? I had to do a bit of rearranging in the drawer so it would shut all the way. Upside? I shouldn't have to worry about running out any time soon.

Pride in San Fran is at the end of the month and I'm still not sure if I'm go. I want to, but at the same time, that's where Billy and I started to get to know each other two years ago. I don't wanna go and then get all nostalgic and shit and not have a good time, but at the same time, I didn't get to go last year cause Billy's boss at the time was getting married and Billy had been helping to plan it. I just don't fucking know.

Oh my God Pokemon ate my life again.

Hello, world. I forgot you existed.

Catch me up on what I missed?

My dreams can be so confusing when they switch between Storybrooke and The Enchanted Forest in the same dream. Sometimes it takes me a few minutes after I wake up to separate them. It's so disorienting.

Using squirrels to cheat at tests isn't really cheating, right?

My neighbour just got a dog.

It's a puppy. I'm sure it's the cutest thing on the planet but oh god does it yap. Every morning this week. At three in the morning. I work early enough as it is. Jeez.

I'm gonna lose my mind!

Got another dream gift. Not exactly sure what to do with this camera. I'm not exactly a photographer or a PI, but it's pretty awesome.

So this is fucking America. It looks just like I imagined. The people aren't as fat as I thought you'd all be, though, but I had a beer at the airport during my layover and it was fucking terrible. Can someone around here tell me where to get a real beer and none of this watered down shit?

A panic attack is not the ideal way to wake up. It's times like this that I wish David were here.

Oh bloody hell. I was beginning to think that dream was a fluke, but apparently not. Had another one last night.

There are more girls who look like Sarah. According to Sarah, a German and a soccer mum. Sarah is also still pretending to be Beth Childs and I had to go talk to Mrs. S to make sure that Kira didn't think her mum was dead.

I'm wondering if I should tell Sarah about these dreams or wait and see if she starts having them. As if that's not crazy enough.

If Sarah had a sitter for Kira, I'd suggest we go out, cause after these dreams, I need a drink and I don't want to leave Sarah here to go get pissed by myself.

Oh, crud, I forgot I had this account. Hey, guys, it's Kate again. Checking in. Everyone okay?

I've just started up some new Self Defense Courses at the Laguna Beach Fencing Center. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you're interested. We have plenty of spaces left.

More and more dreams. About the dark haired boy, as always, but then there were a few that were new. And this one felt... deeper. Not deeper in the sense that it was more meaningful, but like.

If your mind is an apartment building, and thoughts and dreams are kept in the rooms there. This dream is something you might stumble across in the basement, covered in cobwebs.

I'm not sure I want to think about it anymore. Those poor boys. Their pain, even through my dreams, is like barbed wire around my heart.

I'm a bit disappointed. I ran across a place yesterday called Alchemy Hair. It was only a salon. This place being what it is on it's best day had my hopes up a bit too much even.

[filtered to Emma]
Ever have days where you don't even want to get up?

[Filtered to Raven]
The dreams are not supposed to bring me people. This is fucking stupid. I'm pretty sure this guy I work with though just showed up at the flower shop the other day. My commanding officer with some ah..personality issues.

I'm not sure why I'd need to divulge any personal information on here as people seem to be doing.

But in any case this seems like a very avid and reliable source of communication, especially if there is an emergency. Speaking of which, Hello, my name is Cullen and I'll be the new acting Captain of the county's fire department.

Please feel free to contact me for an emergency of any kind that does not involve rescuing cats from trees.

As if things haven't been bad enough lately, now I'm a woman. I should rephrase that, I'm in a woman's body and apartment that aren't mine. So, I'm wondering, who has my body? Normally I'm a guy, blond, about 5'8, bubble butt and one nipple pierced. Oh yeah, and you might be hungover. Sorry about that.

Some people just make it too easy.

Food is officially ruined for today. Thank you internet, click at your own risk.

Though they are wrong on a couple levels. Sloppy Joes. Who hates sloppy joes? Get out.

Woke up with a killer headache and nightmares. Never again cold pizza at midnight, never again.

A very important question has recently crossed my mind, and I just can't help but ask: What do people without cats do with the extra tuna juice when they eat canned tuna?

( Alistair )

I must say this place is certainly different than anywhere else I've been. As my introduction has been rather quiet, I'll attempt a second with a question:

What is the best place to eat around here?

Well I think it might take my brother a while to recover from me and my daughter appearing on his doorstep. I gotta say the look on his face was worth it though. I wish I'd had a camera.

Anyway, he reckons this is the place to network and all that so here I am. My name's Sarah, and I work with kids. I gotta say it's bloody warm here. Gonna take a while to get used to that.