Network

Even in the dreams I'm never in time.

A week and a half in Hawaii sounds like the best damn recovery plan ever. Just me, my amazing girlfriend, my kid, and good times.

So you better stay good, times, you hear me? No bullshit until we get back.

Ugh. Gross mouthbreather guy at work found out that I'm single. I didn't know what to say when he was all HEY LET'S GO OUT and was breathing garlic on me so I sort of panicked and walked off. I didn't even say no, I just went AUGH and walked away.

... that counts as a no, right? I hope that counts as a no.

I thought at first that my dreams were just reflections of my own life.

My own life, only with a gigantic steampunk flying bird, I suppose. And living in a tower instead of stuck in a mansion all day long. But your subconscious has a way of doing that. Drawing on elements of your real life.

Now... I'm not so sure what to think. Are these the dream dreams? They feel almost real.

I can fit into my own pants again! Thank God. If that had been permanent I think I might have cried.

Is this the thing we're supposed to talk about on the internet? Crazy dreams and alcohol abuse? I'm afraid I don't have crazy dreams and I definitely don't drink. Nor do I have any intention of using this place to hook up with random older miscreantsgentlemen, Mr. DeWitt.

I guess I'm doing it wrong. At least I already figured out that this one isn't the one you can only type short messages into. Why would you want to use something that limits you to 140 letters anyway? That seems too constraining.

Sometimes there just ain't enough alcohol.

Dumped via note.

I suppose there's worse ways.

Now to see if I can even get drunk.

I should be more concerned about the nosebleeds than I am.

I am a very good actress in my dreams...

While I like to keep up with social media and our company does have an excellent website, I have to admit that I don't really get a lot of time to 'surf the internet'.

You can imagine my surprise when my secretary sent me a link to a website called 'Cougar Life'. Apparently, someone with no scruples and a questionable sense of humour decided to sign me up there. I'm mostly amused. The cease and desist is on its way to them, of course.

But... really? 'Cougar Life'? Gentlemen, surely you can find attractive older women in a much more elegant fashion.

My dreams keep getting curiouser and curiouser. If I didn't know better I'd say I was stark raving mad, but my father quite enjoyed the stories I was telling him and encouraged me to keep up with my imaginationing. At least until he passed, which was depressing.

And then mother tried to surprise me with an engagement party to this sniveling little boy of a man.

What kinda fool builds a fuckin' flyin' city. Hallelujah my pasty white ass.

I love it when my job's this easy. Idiots running from the law should keep a lower profile. Now he's on a no-frills flight back to jail and I can spend the rest of my week here enjoying... I don't even know. I've never been on an actual vacation before.

I guess this is where you lay on a beach chair and read your nook or something. I'll at least take in some sun and sample all the local bars.

( Filtered to Rose )

Well, shit.

Now that the fun's over I guess I'll have to deal with real life again. Here's hoping we get orcs again sometime soon. I don't even mind that I got shot with an arrow and sliced a few times.

( Filtered to Logan )

( Filtered to Booker )

Is anyone out there hiring? I kind of woke up with some ... well, wounds that are surely going to scar, which makes burlesque not really as viable as it once was.

I've done almost everything at least once, and I'm sharp.

Last time I did anything around valentine's day I regretted it.

So I really suck at romance. What do you get a guy besides lube for Valentine's Day? Steak? I mean, he's really sweet and all, but I don't even know if we're technically dating yet because we haven't talked about it. And nothing's less romantic than "let's talk about us". (Ugh, even typing that gives me the creeps.)

So. What's a nice gift that can be taken as sweet if he likes me or nice if we're just friends with benefits?

Dumb question. Anyone ever feel like they're dreaming of two sides of the same story? Because I'm gettin' real fuckin' confused.

Hi, Valarnet.

( TW: murder, ota. )

I know I can be an asshole but you ain't got an idea how much of an ass you can be 'till you have those fuckin' dreams.

I had the most disturbing dreams last night..

So much falling.

That girl that wanted that bike around?

I think I'm havin' those dreams an' I ain't a good person.

I may have had a little too much fun decorating cookies at the bakery over the last few days. I know that it's a bit soon for Valentine's Day stuff to come out, but the "2014" cookies weren't selling. I dare you not to buy one of these babies.

( Cut for Image )

As always, mention Valarnet and get a discount! Or a free sample! Or something else, depending on my mood!

I think my New Years Resolution is to lose 15 pounds. Starting now.

My girlfriend says I need to take up jogging again, so.

Protip: When you're on an online dating site? Calling a black woman anything to do with chocolate is both creepy and borderline racist. I swear, I give up.

The downside to working with a partner in a Pawn Shop is when she decides she wants to keep the fucking merchandise.