Network

Ok, so I don't know if anyone spiked the punch at the party last night, but OH MY GOD! What is going on out there?! At first I thought it was the hangover but...wow...that was some good stuff!

Over the last few nights I've been having dreams where I'm being trained by a group called The League of Assassins. Each night I've gotten more and more details about the various things they trained me in. I was taught Martial arts, forensics, acrobatics, criminology, disguise and escapology all practically from the time I could walk. When I woke up Sunday morning, after the first dream, there was a katana in my room. The same one I saw myself using in my dream. When I picked it up, it just felt right in my hand, but I have no idea how to actually use it.

My girlfriend is being trained in self defense and I want to do the same; especially after one of those marks appeared over the house the other night. I took karate for awhile as a kid, so I know some stuff and I'm a pretty quick learner.

First, the universe goes crazy.

Then I accidentally break my boyfriend. Life here is terrible sometimes.

What, seriously? Orange County has to go insane again THIS week?

Because it's not like I had a ceremony and a warrant to receive on Saturday or anything.

I already bought brand new hose and cleaned my boots and finished Laika's outfit for this thing, okay?

Obviously, as long as people are okay, that's the major thing that I should go for here. And really, I hope you are, I hope that I can help if you're not okay, I'm not saying that that's not the thing that's of utmost importance here.

But I'm still pissed and egotistical enough to get annoyed about this anyway?

...I've never been more thankful to have my sword. This is beyond even Kirkwall's levels of insanity.

I think I'm mainly going to stay home until whatever this is is over, if only so I don't discover knew and interesting ways for Bad Luck to happen to me.

Even if I am a little curious to see what might happen.

The hospital bill might be a bit steep, though.

I think the entire world got a bag of tainted weed.

Last call for the Quest for the Red Queen.

I really should warn you lot about what resides within that castle. They have no mercy, and they have total obedience to the queen. If we're very very unlucky, there'll be demonic teapots and then there will be the dolls.

I really hope there aren't the dolls.

Well, Vala, when you throw a party...

I never thought I would say this, but I would prefer to go back to that glowing skull in the sky.

I'm working the drive-thru out of a giant, tarnished bronze pineapple. I got to work and felt like I was stuck in a bad mashup of a goth fairytale meets Spongebob Squarepants. That's when I realized I'd be Squidward. And after that? I realized I know too much about friggin Spongebob Squarepants cartoons and tried to stab myself with one of the plastic forks we give out with the salads. At least I thought it was a plastic fork.

I was obviously asking for too much outta life, since it yelled at me and ran away, screaming.

fml.

The building for my classes is now an enormous tree. And the amount of patients who have been shot by arrows and slingshots has possibly multiplied by five. Some speak of a citadel in the downtown. I would think this is madness, but I see the wounds. It is perplexing to me, as I am quite sane.

I shall give non professional advice: if you are having a wound, do NOT take the projectile out of it! If you remove a missile from skin, the blood will come with it. Do not risk a bleeding fatality.

And now, I go back to my bandages. Please be careful outside so you are not having to come see my employers!

I'd like to remind everyone that shared mass hallucinations are not impossible. Neurological adjustment has come leaps and bounds in the past decades, and that's just what we know of. It would be easily dispersed through the water supply or (and this is less likely) airborne methods.

As always, I'm offering free consultations. This is...an interesting circumstance.

Yes, dear neighbour, I know precisely at what time I tend to work on my music.

I know because I'm usually there when I'm doing it.

I can't help it if inspiration strikes at odd hours of the night, nor do I really care, so long as it strikes and strikes hard.

Might I suggest you invest in earplugs?

Not gonna lie, this feels kinda like something Discord would do. Only, y'know, without the chocolate rain.

Not certain I'll ever really get used to the idea of 60F winters.

But I have to admit, it makes for a nice change from negative temperatures and rain. America the beautiful, indeed.

Kinda torn between calling this ace or naff.

I mean, on the good side, it's really pretty wicked. On the naff side, it makes no sense at all. Least it's better than Perivale

Cosette, come home straight away. Bring your friends if you must.

No one should be out in this madness.

Right, maybe I won't go to work for a while. I think I'll just stay here and scream at the people on TLC. (Really, I think if you're on a TLC show, they should give you part of your pay in the form of tuition to some sort of educational program. Lord.)

I am not even going to pretend I get paid to even close enough to put up with this kind of crap.