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I've been slapped four times today because of a weird little damn balloon over my head. Apparently guys really do think about sex every forty-five seconds.

I'm brushing my teeth and in the mirror I can see actual sound effects. Like in those old Batman cartoons. Only instead of 'kapow' it's 'brush brush brush'.

And the only thing I can think is what new fuckery is this?

Hey, y'all! So the vintage of my wine that just came out good for drinkin' - I made way too much. So I'm gonna give anyone who answers this a free bottle of their choosin'. Just let me know what kinda fruit you like best, and I probably have somethin' you can have.

Legal people. No high schoolers are gettin' free wine from me. Jail ain't near as fun as they make it out to be on Showtime late at night.

Last night is officially fired. I'm tired of the dreams, and the nonsense they bring with them. I didn't need to dream that I was bait in a trap for Scott, or that he almost left after Jean died things got bad, or that Logan planted bombs all over our stupid floating island to make us all leave it.

Especially not after the day I had, in addition. I'm going to spend the non-work portion of today eating caramel ice cream with vinegar and hope to God I don't dream again tonight.

Lets play a game.

Biggest regret from your youth.

ETA: Silly regrets! Though serious ones are welcome too!

I found the thing, they wouldn't shut up.

Anyone know a good P.I.?

I'd like to take some time out from our current crisis to make a public service announcement:

Dwarves are bastards.

Not 'little people', mind. Dwarves. Actual ones, with the shortness, the love of being undergrounds, and the hair. Bastards, all of them. Suave bastards sometimes, but bastards all the same.

Come. Get your. Squirrel.

He has laser beam eyes and he's flying.

What the hell. Is going on.


Edit: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU LOCK THIS THING

Woke up yesterday morning with a headache, and I'm still kind of sore Really should see if I have a concussion

Thing is, I didn't do anything that would make my head hurt. At least not while awake.

I did not realize that selling marital aids to old European women would be quite so exhausting! I feel it mostly in my calves and my hip flexors. I do wish I had someone to massage them for me, but alas.

I will need a show of hands: who missed me?

It's official. The inheritance money is dwindling down into nothing and it's time I start looking for a job again. It's probably unwise to join a traveling carnival and show off my dragons for 10 bucks a pop, right? Sigh. I will have to go legitimate again, and considering how it turned out last time? You know, with my boss dead and all... I'd like something kind of low key. And that does not involve me taking off my clothes.

Actually, that last part is negotiable.











Joking!


Kind of.

These dreams are just charming, aren't they? I must've spent five entire minutes this morning looking for grey hairs, because I'm certain they're going to turn up, especially if this continues.

Three bloody years in one night. Three. I'm going to start getting wrinkles and die an old maid, just like Mother always threatened.

Attention sexually active members of the Valarnet:

Rugburn is nobody's friend. It is only sexy for the first little while, and the injuries that result can stick around for some time. If you must have sex on the floor, put down a blanket or a sheet first. This will prevent most friction burns.

These family reunions are always so much fun. All the bickering, and late night arguing, and the throwing of things, mostly at Carver's head.

Blast, it was only pillows, don't look at me in that tone of voice, you lot. If i'd really wanted to hurt him I'd have made all the comments I wanted to make about his new hat. Alright, yes, I made them anyway. Sigh, you know me so well.

Maia, I'm jetlagged to the seven hells and my cat is looking at me as if you never fed him while I was gone. Did you actually forget him, or is he just being particularly cat-like today?

Konniiichiiiii...umm...HELLO. My name is Inoue Ori...uhh...ORIHIME Inoue and I am from Karakura Town in west district of Tokyo Japan! I'm here to be on a scholars ship to go to LCAD for illustrations. I'm working on a...ohh...you will not call it manga but it is comic I think? It is titled THE ADVENTURES OF STINKY SQUIRREL vs ROBO-LORD & HIS DREAD TURKEY ARMY!!!! I am writing and drawing it. I don't know how much I should be talking on this about my self? BUT! I have been practicing my speaking and writing English since my aunt told me to go to this place for school. I hope it will bring great things and good times! ^_^

♥ I am looking toward eating everything I can shovel into my face and to meeting new peoples! ♥

May I ask, is there a lady on this board called Marian Hawke? Or a man named Carver Hawke? It's dream related, but it's important. It's ... odd. And a bit scary.

I have the absolute worse hangover, my mouth tastes like someone's balls, and I think I lost my favorite knickers.

I call last night a success.

I'm having a wonderful summer so far.

Frodo! We should have a party!

Dammit. Broke the heel to my favorite pair of boots.

This day is fired.

This Friday, the Hangman is going to have a community dinner. It's catered, it's free (with a very kind anonymous donor) and a way to remind us all hopefully of the good things in the midst of so very much that is bad.

If you need an address or have any questions, please let me know.

I guess this is my coming out party as a shapeshifter. Please don't shoot at the large dragon as it flies overhead - that's me, en route to Vegas to be a stupid hero. Despite what you might think, that dragon really does have feelings and would be really put out if you broke her nails.

I don't have any "powers" or anything, but I am bloody good with daggers, I'm fit and flexible from years of doing stunts, and if the dreams have rubbed off, I can hold my own. Not sure I'd be good in a huge fuck-off firefight, but if there's anything I can do, I'm going to do it. Anyone?

What are the odds?

Hangman is a safehaven for now. If you're nearby, feel free to duck behind the barricade. Providing you're not an alien of course, but if so why on earth are you bothering reading this right now? Go be an alien and terrifying and such.

Ugh, those zombie things taste horrible!

Sometimes I feel like fighting to do my job in my dreams is a losing battle. Anyone else get that impression?

Jim, I appreciate that you've got this tough guy, thick-skinned, bad boy attitude and demeanor, and it helps you win all the ladies, but really. As your doctor, I advise that you should sit down and let the medical professionals do their part in keeping you healthy and sane. After the shoot-out with that maniac Harrison, I know you needed it.

Also, Joanna has been asking for you.

Oh, you can hear them all too? What a fun time for you!

Just be careful what you tell squirrels. They're awful at keeping secrets.

I just got talked into adopting a cat.

By the cat.

Hello there network. I come to you with yet another request but this one actually doesn't involve you adopting anything or dealing with kittens in any way, shape or form. Unless you wanted them , I mean.

This request involves posing a question and getting your answers based on how you would respond to the situation.

( fire and arrests of a sort. Oh and psych wards )

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
But I say neither of those people have watched
the video for ( Prancercise. )

Oh, yes. Prancercise will suffice.

My ears! They are here!

... that sounds mad, but they are!

Mother's Day was long and tiring, but I had the very best present by the end of it. Welcome, baby Samwise. He takes the cutest naps.

Now that I've got living arrangements settled, I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Maia Amell, and I'm the new librarian at UC: Irvine (for all intents and purposes). I'm taking classes there, as well, as they seem rather interested in getting me a teaching position there for ancient studies.

It's almost like they think I'm an expert in my field.

Firstly, I've never seen such gorgeous daggers as the ones that were sitting in a box on my dressing table this morning. They're stunning.

Secondly, I, er, feel as though I should apologize, as silly as it might sound. I dreamt of when we found the Qunari relic, and then ... disappearing. I made preparations to get out of Kirkwall, and then, I don't know, my conscience ate at me. Didn't know I bloody well had one. Hawke, it's really your fault at all that I came back into that nest of qunari. I don't mean any offense, but in this life if it's between living and honouring a friendship, I'm going to keep my hide intact, thank you.

I just found my dog sitting with a Victoria's Secret catalog in his paws. And when I tried to take it from him, he growled at me.

Atton, this just has to be your doing somehow.

Hawke is trying to force me to be more social. This can't possibly end well.

Hullo, all. I just got invited to this network. I'm Sebastian Vael; I'm from Scotland, over in the States working for my father's company. My father is a Scottish peer, but I hope you lot will at least get to know me before writing me off as a complete posh idiot. I'm only half of one, you see. Hehe.

Well, father insisted I come back here, rather than worrying about him all the time... I guess I can't complain. It's warmer here.

Means my body complains less too.

The Hangman is closing at 11:30 tonight because business or not, I am going to Disneyland, dammit.

Are you an actor? Would you like to be? I actually have a great need for voiceover talent for speaking parts in films. ... also the other parts, but even just the speaking parts would be of a great help!

Simply let me know!

Does anyone want to go out dancing tonight? I figure I'll do that instead of living under my bed like I want to.

For those who were concerned, my nose was in fact broken. But not out of shape, so it didn't need to be reset, thank god.

In better news, one mister Robert Frobisher and I will be headed out of town starting tomorrow. My parents have a lovely little place out near Napa and we've managed to snag it for ourselves for a week or so.

I'm a bit nervous I've never taken anyone out there before, so hopefully it goes well.

I honestly can't believe it. I feel like a teenager again, I'm positively giddy over this.

Lord, I think I'm blushing.

So glad everything's calmed down. Even if I feel a little uneasy with

...I've just jinxed us, haven't I?

So, uh, unless pregnancy causes hallucinations WHICH I THINK IT DOESN'T, I was out flying and saw this dude in black leather and a cape being all Sullen McGee on top of a building. DON'T FALL GUY. IF YOU'RE READING THIS. Which means you're probably at home now.

Still. No falling, please.

Well, that was interesting. Working in a bar with lots of bottles that read 'Drink Me'.

I found my spirit animal.Click it!

I've been watching youtube videos since I'm stuck in a mushroom.

I licked it, it tasted funny.

Times like this make me happy I'm a hermit and that I'm not the only one seeing things.

...I've never been more thankful to have my sword. This is beyond even Kirkwall's levels of insanity.

There's been too much going on of late. Hard to keep it all straight, and so much of it was not good it's not worth mentioning.

Let's call Friday Night a free cover night with drink specials starting at 7. I think everyone could use it, eh?

...I had the strangest dream last night.

And there was a man. An amazing man. But he'd never love me like he loved her