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Thieving little ARSES! My ship, my beautiful SHIP...

This boat'll never be the same, now. It's too bloody small!

I don't even know how it happened and I don't care; I've got a SHIP. My boat's turned into a SHIP. A glorious SHIP.

It's gigantic and has really really tall sails and I'd need a whole crew to actually sail the thing. SOME of you ought to come see the Captain's Cabin. I could use a cabin boy or five. ;)

Have to admit, I wasn't expecting to see this much snow when I moved to California.

Name's Remy LeBeau. Thought I'd take a look at this network thing.

So the Deep Roads can bugger off.

So I'm five days in to the next year of thirty-something and I already want to go back. I swear to god I actually FEEL old this time. I went to get out of bed and one of my knees actually creaked. It made an honest to god creaky noise, like it needed oil or something.

And yeah, you know how they say your body never really recovers from getting shot? A few of my old war wounds are getting pretty damned grouchy.

That's it. I want a do-over.

So. Darkspawn. That's a thing.

You'd think it would be easier to find a job, but 'my last place of employment exploded' seems to be a turn off for would be employers, I think.

I'm Hawke, and I've been having a rotten string of luck lately.

Matcha death cloud. Send waffles. Might not survive otherwise.

So, curious, how many other people have had complete body transformations since they started dreaming? I wasn't exactly out of shape before, but now over the last two weeks or so, my shoulders are broader, I know because I had to buy new shirts the other day and I suddenly have an almost six pack without even working out. It's the weirdest thing.

Then there's the part where I'm suddenly a bottomless pit. I've been eating double the amount I was before. This has been extremely odd.

This is going to sound rather odd and strange but I assure you I have a logical and legitimate reason for it, but I need someone to impregnate me so I can save the world without dying. I'd rather not die. I enjoy living.

You'll have to sign a thing so you can't claim the child, of course.

Does anyone have a private plane? I need someone to take me to Japan, leaving as soon as possible. I'll pay handsomely; money is no object.

[Obi, Sam, Hawke] I know where Frodo is.

Maker, how do Grey Wardens manage to keep themselves fed? If I kept a food journal right now my nutritionist would have a field day with me. I can't even believe how much food I've eaten, myself.

I can't bloody sleep anymore, not without terrible visions. Bugger.

And then the dream world saw fit to grant me a certain Witch of the Wild's grimiore. It's been a rather interesting read, and I've learned a few things.

Not how to turn into a dragon though, I'm terribly sorry, Marian.

But there are some other things that will be handy if it comes to it.

Locked to Dragon Age peeps

A Blight is coming, I can feel it in my blood.

These bloody things are like fighting Darkspawn. It's like practice.

Oh look, dark nasty things are prowling around out there.

Time to rain fire down from the sky and electrocute things, I suppose. Did they say we were supposed to stay inside? Bah, who listens to orders anyway?

That's funny. Today isn't Tuesday.

I don't know why I'm at all surprised when I dream anymore. The whole town is cursed, really and my own life is like the Maker returned just to point at me and laugh. Very funny, Maker.

It's just like my life to fall in love with a man who hates everything I stand for, somehow get him to fall in love with me anyway, get into a shouting/punching match that leads to one glorious night together, and then wake up to find him leaving me. Bastard porcupine elf. You deserve all of that angst that dribbles off your words. Every ounce of it.

It's embarrassing to call someone after a bad dream, but when you dream they die, you rather need to know they're still okay.

So.

I apparently drew a summoning circle in my sleep.

With chills and hot flashes, my cold has officially gotten worse. I think it may actually be the flu. I am under full quarantine in my den.

Well, according to my doctor, I'm at week thirteen. I can't believe I've already been pregnant for three bloody months. My app still says I'm in the first trimester, though. I thought that I'd be in the second at twelve weeks. I don't know. Just glad all seems like it's going according to plan, and that Atton's not hovering too badly. I'm still going to work until it's not safe to. I'm just glad I'm not throwing up anymore!

Well, this country is very dirty! I made a stop at Chicago, Pittsburgh, and finally LA and every airport I arrived at was filthy! With so many persons moving back and forth between states and cities, I would think there would be better hygiene for their guests.

Apparently I'm wrong in that fact as my new flat is not quite up to my standards. There was dust on the mantel and it had this particular smell of...well, age. But not to worry! Once I set to cleaning, I'm sure it will be practically perfect.

So! I must make my apologies for not introducing myself straightaway! My name is Mary Poppins and I have just come to this god forsaken wonderful place from London England.

Does anyone need or want a temporary roommate?

Oh for the love of all things that are holy, would someone be kind enough to come lobotomize me? I've had What Does the Fox Say stuck in my head all day. I can't live like this anymore. Darcy, take care of Lian for me. I'm sorry it had to end like this.

Very proud of my country indeed. The freedom to marry is a fundamental right.

FUCKING PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT FUCK. I just fell down the fucking stairs while carrying a fucking glass of fucking milk, slipped and went to steady myself on the wall using my fucking hand that isn't fucking there anymore because it got bitten the fuck off and I fucking fell on my stupid old ass. Fucking stairs hit me in the back too so I got fucking winded in addition to getting fucking glass shattering all over my fucking ride down and milk on my fucking shirt. So then I spend the next fucking hour pulling pieces of fucking glass out of the back of my fucking leg and then I'm fucking combing through the fucking carpet for the smallest speck of fucking glass so it's fucking clean.

Fuck everything.

Oh, yeah, and maybe offensive language above, so...yeah.

(ooc: above - something that just happened to me. Write what you know.)

I'm really thankful that the whole "animals not liking demons" myth isn't true. I'd be crushed if my dog stopped loving me because of the dreams. But nope, Duke still runs up to kiss me when I get off of work, same as ever. Glad he doesn't know his mommy's skipping through Hell to avoid traffic.

Anyone ever get fed up with a situation and decide to just push through to the end, no matter how painful it gets?

Right, lovies, let's have a roll call please.

If you know a Hawke or think you might have known a Hawke, and you know this Hawke, or some other Hawke, please do check in let me know if you're:

A: Still you and remember me.
B: Not still you and remember some other me.
C: Not still you at all, in which case, I'm not sure you'd know to post here.

Do NOT post if:

D: You know a Hawke that owes you money.

I'm not that Hawke, ever.

I feel like this Arishok person is going to become a fairly large pain in my rear, and soon. We respect each other well enough right now - I'm sure Fenris has helped me in this regard - but respect really only stretches so far between enemies.

So, uh. Serious question. Not having a laugh.

Can anyone else here shoot fucking fireballs from their hands? Bloody dreams.

"I like big boats, I cannot lie", she says.

Oh, Isabela. I knew there was a reason we were keeping you around. I'd never have survived Kirkwall without injections of humorous half-betrayal.

DUDE. WHAT. I'M AN ELF. Like a Tolkein elf, not the Christmas kind!

Also, I CAN WALK ON THE SNOW. ON TOP OF IT.

This is Hurley btw.

How sweet! A photo of Hawke, Varric, myself, Sebastian, Aveline, Anders, Fenris and Merrill! How on earth did whomever you are get this? Varric, Aveline, Anders, and Fenris aren't even here, as far as I know.

I need to meet more people. That problem when something happens and you don't have anyone to talk to about it..

(ooc: the letters do discuss some anti-LGBTQ bigotry, given the nature of the site, so please be warned.)

I was just thinking about how this holiday is frankly annoying for me. Mum and I don't get along, I have mates but they've all got plans. Thank God for Atton - but then someone sent me this link, and while Mum didn't disown me or anything like that, she doesn't understand me. I could have it a lot worse, and yet I still almost cried reading these.

It's aimed at LGBTQ people disowned by their families over the holidays, trying to make them feel loved and welcome. Whomever started this site is a good person.

My dreams are still soldiering along into madness. I mean, quite literally. Kirkwall is actually a lot like Orange County these days in that when something odd happens there you just sort of go "Oh Kirkwall, are you being crazy again?". I have no idea how the dream Hawke hasn't gone insane, but I suppose we're a lot alike and just find it all amusing and somewhat exhausting.

I know they aren't done because Anders hasn't done whatever he does that makes Sebastien so very upset. We've just now gotten back from an expedition and dwarves continue to be complete and utter bastards, by the way. Varric's brother's gone nutters, so at least someone in my dreams has gone crazy. And then Carver went and joined the Templars. Bloody brilliant move, really.

OH and I met another person that I think resides here. Isabela, is it? You know I think that if anyone in the dreams was going to convince me to 'cross the street' so to speak, it would have been you.

It makes me feel good when I (attempt) to cook and manage to not make the smoke detector go off. Though one time it was totally Damon's fault for being distracting Yay! Progress!

It is now December, and it's appropriate to put up holiday decorations. I'm silently judging everyone who did so beforehand.

I've gotten in some brand new magical tomes, as well as more classics - a beautiful set of hardbound British writers. Defoe, Austen, Hardy, and the like. I do have to wonder who continues to drop beautiful books like The Key of Solomon into my drop-off box, though.

I spent most of yesterday as part of a company volunteer effort. I hadn't been expecting anything but some reheated leftovers when I got home, but my housemate surprised me. taking that girl in was the best thing I ever did

I know things have been a little strange around here again, but I wanted to make a post to get people's opinions. I was thinking of doing setting up something for a pet photos for Christmas. I know some pet stores do it, but I want to help raise some money for charity to give back this holiday season.

Would anyone be interested in having their pet photos taken? I was thinking of having a Santa come in and maybe set up an area with backdrops and different props that you can pose your pet with.

Nice going Jedi council. Send the teenage padawan you feel is dangerous, arrogant and overly emotional off alone with the most beautiful senator in the galaxy. Of course they instantly start flirting. Forget merely breaking the Code, he's gonna smash it into a thousand pieces if Padme ever lets on that she might have feelings for him too.

Good afternoon. My name is Kreia. I come from England, but I spend my winters here in Orange County. The cold is better for my arthritis.

The young woman who set up this account for me seemed astonished that I knew what a "listserv" and a "security key" were. Just because I appear to be an elderly lady does not mean that all my brain cells have died off. For those of you who can accept that and not talk to me like an old fool, I am pleased in advance to meet you.

Well, I see the train to complete insanity is still boldly charging ahead in my dream world. Really, is anyone at all surprised by how messed up the mages are in this town, given the circumstances?

And why on earth are they letting a man like Cullen be in charge of anything after what he's been through? I mean, he's practically the poster child for the 'Make mages tranquil because a few went nuts on me' campaign.

Sigh. Escaped mages everywhere? Please stop making me look bad.

Well shit. It's my birthday today and I had to text my family to tell them not to call me to wish me a Happy Birthday because my voice is gone.

My mother was not pleased at all and I know my father wants to talk about the Red Sox winning the World Series last night. Well, they'll have to wait until this passes and I get my voice back. Fingers crossed it's really soon.

Definitely one of my weirder birthdays.

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["well clearly this isn't going to work"]

You'll forgive me for this eventually. Or not. Whatever's good for you, really.

( What does the Fox Say? )

And now the little bastards are trying to get me to do things. Is anyone else experiencing this? I was out at the grocery store minding my own business and about 8 other people's when the narrative bubbles I've been dealing with decided to tell me that I was going to grab at some innocent man's behind.

I mean, it was a choice behind, but I'm not crazy enough to do what the voices tell me to. Not yet, anyway. I assume it takes a few more years living in Orange County to be that insane.

You know, the irony of this is that I'm beginning to understand that living in Kirkwall wasn't really any more of a sane choice. What is wrong with that city?

It was good to get back to London. I felt like I was able to connect with a part of myself I had forgotten about. I suppose you just can't shake the pieces of you that belong in your home country.

Oh, this is lovely, I mean it really is. I'm not even being the slightest bit facetious right now.

I set up a glorious symphony in my kitchen earlier, all kinds of sound effect balloons while I cooked.

It freaked my cat out, which was, of course, not intended but a fabulous side effect.