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Even in my dreams, I'm the fucking bad guy. Guess I ain't surprised. I'm kinda glad that no one in my dreams is here.

Trying to kill my friends and shit. Working for the baddie.

My lot in life.

I am confused by some American music. Some of it is the same as the music I am used to, but some of it is ... loud. It seems to be all bass, and if there are any lyrics, they are usually about 'booty.' Is this music or parody, or perhaps performance art?

Who doesn't love impromptu vacations? I completely forgot I was supposed to be in New York this coming weekend for a competition. I mean I did not forget about the competition but for some reason it felt like it should be more than a week away.

Anyone been to Hawaii this time of year? I think I need a proper vacation once I get back. It is between there or somewhere in the Caribbean or maybe Greece.

There are a lot of you out there in the show business so I figured I'd let you all know that we're holding auditions for several guest roles on my show this coming season. We start filming again next month. If you're interested let me know and I'll give you the exact details.

And before I go back to work I need some fun! Where are my friends? My brothers? Fred, George, Harry? I'm looking at you lot first though I won't turn down fun with anyone.

Aside from a select few, I'm really rather frustrated with my students. Half of them can't read music, and those who can can only barely do so. And I'm so terribly picky that I want them to, oh I don't know, hit the right notes 100% of the time. I know, I know, this is asking a lot, but I'm really very particular about music.

And poor young Mister Frobisher, I do feel bad for him. Not only are the bright young things I teach assaulting his ears with bad music, but he's having to start the song over every thirty seconds.

At least I have my construction work and can take my frustration out with a good old fashioned hammer and nails.

It's not all bad these days, though. I've written a fantastic new song.

Required: Musical Suggestions. No pop. I don't have time for pop. Also, no musicals. Ugh.

I like: rock, grunge, some indie, female singers with strong voices.

UGH. Ugh.

Okay. Napa was amazing. Thank you to everyone who gave us recommendations, they were all fantastic, really.

But now we come home to this and I'm really glad that you're all LOSING clothing, but mine don't seem to want to leave. My jeans have become an unwanted chastity belt and I feel like weeping.

I'm just saying.

Can I go back to Wine Country? :(

First night in wine country. It's beautiful, really. This house is magnificent. Taking some time to update here quickly while Rufus is out playing with Charlie/walking him.

PS. I dropped the L-bomb. It was incredibly well-recieved. I could absolutely get used to this fairy tale life. :)

I think I have lost track over the months. Just how many people here have dreamed of Voldermort, the war, quidditch and Hogwarts? Out of curiosity that is because I do not think I have met or talked to but a few of you.

I hate my dreams. I hate how they're so similar to real life, and different at the same time.

I miss my mother more now than ever, after tonight... And I hate how that makes me feel weak. I wonder, a little, if she is really dead. Is that stupid?

I want to thank everyone who came out Saturday night to watch me. Might not have been a big stadium or anything like that, but being back up on a stage was amazing. Can't wait to do it again this coming Saturday.

Draco, I have something I'd like to ask you.

Apparently the network thinks it would be a great idea to give me my own video blog... What does one talk about on there and would anyone want to be a guest? I have to at least suffer through a few of them.

I'm feeling very wonderfully, and very strangely, at ease as of late. I honestly don't remember a time I felt this good, isn't that funny? I suppose I've really no room to complain these days. This semester is nearly finished, I'll likely be able to graduate early (thank God). My fingers hurt from playing piano so much. I'm going wine country next week (I can't wait to flaunt my pretentiousness everywhere).

Even the singing doesn't bother me anymore.

I could get used to feeling like this.

Clock strikes upon the hour
And the sun begins to fade
Still enough time to figure out
How to chase my blues away
I've done alright up to now
It's the light of day that shows me how
And when the night falls, loneliness calls

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody
I wanna feel the heat with somebody
Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody
With somebody who loves me

So, I can reveal my news that I mentioned the other day.

Beginning Saturday night, I'll be performing at [insert name of coffee shop] for the next four Saturdays thanks to Draco Malfoy. Nothing too big, but it's a chance to get in front of an audience again, even if it's a small one.

There are a few faces I expect to see there, at least for the first one. Darcy, Alyssa, Annie, Draco and Yaten. I only ask that no one throw scones. Those fuckers are hard.

I went to speak with my publicity agent this morning. There's been talk of me releasing an album. Last week I told them I couldn't sing, but they didn't believe me. They said anything could be fixed with auto-tune.

Well, this morning when I showed up for our meeting (far, far too early in the morning) I burst into song. Like, serious singing. Taylor Swift-style singing. I belted out my greetings and started to sing about how great coffee is (because it is, by the way) and uh...

They decided an album isn't the best thing for me.

[Locked from Rufus Sixsmith]

Someone needs to help me. Or offer advice. Or something.

I dreamt about him. I dreamt we met at boarding school and that we fell in love and we kissed under the stars in Corsica.

I don't know what to do. This is good, right? I mean. I can't tell him, though. I can tell already I didn't treat him very well then. What if he has the same dreams?? What if he decides that my past might just repeat and he'll want nothing to do with me??

Help. :(

Since my place seems to be a relatively spook-free zone, I'm debating writing to my mentor that I'm horribly ill and would it be all right if I worked from home for a few days.

That way, the scariest thing I have to worry about is waking up nose to nose with a pomeranian.

I want to play quidditch. Like really play and not just dream about it. I wish it was possible here.

Okay. Really - is no one else experiencing the insane level of spooky going on right now? Because if it's just me, maybe I ought to be committed. But I mean it, there is definitely something (someone?) lurking in my home, and I absolutely positively swear I saw it (them? he? her???) in my room as I slept. Tried to sleep.

My dog's acting odd, too. Anyway. The point is, I'm definitely not staying here tonight. Nope, not in the slightest. If you need to find me for some reason, I'll be in Laguna Hills. (Rufus, if you read this before I text you, surprise! I'm coming to stay a bit.)

Why do I even still live here. :(


ETA: Rufus has a really nice place. Like. Really nice. And snuggly sweaters. He doesn't know this yet, but I've decided to take up permanent residence here. :)

I'm taking the week off of school for personal reasons. I'm so glad my Mum understands that I just need time to recover from sometime. And it's not like my grades will suffer.

unlike me.

Edit: Bellatrix, I hope you're better. I hope I fixed you. Because I want you to leave me alone. If it takes calling you out in public, so be it.

I have a reality TV problem. And not good reality, not like Top Chef or anything like that.

I shouldn't love Dance Moms as much as I do. It makes me want to claw my eyes out. I remember seeing women like this while I did the piano competition thing. Thank God not on this scale, but still. Scary.

Scary.

Apparently it's normal for college kids to attend a party or two but I'm not buying this. Outside the fact that I never know when my coach will drug test the squad or the track team. It hardly seems worth getting kicked off the team and losing my scholarship over.

That being noted what is there to actually do around here that's fun?

I hope everyone had a positively wonderful day yesterday. I certainly did.

Somehow I've come out of it with a boyfriend, which is mildly disconcerting was definitely not what I expected. And yet I couldn't feel happier about it.

Strange.

That's all. I felt it was groundbreaking enough to make the announcement. I'm going back to bed, where a good looking blond is waiting for me.

Oh my god. My father is dead.

Bellatrix
Tell me it wasn't you.

I hate myself in my dreams.

[Private to Draco]
The PI said he's got a lead on my mother. My birth mother, anyway.

I think I'm still a little hung over from the other day. What a strange thing. Perhaps I am a light-weight?



On the plus side, I haven't had that dream again.

Okay, so I know the Inquisitorial Squad were douchebags, but seriously. I spent some time in the hospital wing in my dream last night. From antlers. I grew antlers. Because of one of the Weasley Twins. Not sure which, I can't ever tell those two apart.

Ugh, the Hospital Wing smells like ass. I woke up tasting it this morning. Wtf.

Been spending a lot of time up in the attic lately.

That book I found a couple of weeks ago - it wasn't just the back that was gone, the entire second half was missing! Honestly, it stops mid-sentence and it's the most annoying thing ever. But I figure, if the first half was in this house, then the second half must be, so up to the attic I go.

I've never really gone in for the spooky attic thing, but, this attic is spooky. I mean it. I keep thinking I see things lurking in the corners? I tell myself it's a trick of the light, but even the dog won't come up here with me anymore. If it wasn't for all the cool things I've been finding tucked away in boxes, I'd never come back up here.

But. Seriously. Spooky.

So, uh, I was watching the news today and one of my favorite musicians. I think I've spoken about her before on this thing, but her name's Michiru. She's been kidnapped--is this real? This isn't some stupid National Enquirer prank is it?

Well I suppose not, since it's on legit news stations.

God this world is terrible, well my thoughts go out to her and her family. I hope she's okay... where ever she is.

Went upstairs to try and find milk for cereal and got cornered by my mother. She thinks, for some reason, I need to go to therapy (if any of you knew my mother, you'd see the humor in this). Told her I absolutely will not be going, she said she just wants me to be a happy young man. Not wanting to miss any opportunity, I said, quite like a petulant child, that a puppy would make me happy.

She looked at me with what I think was a look of her remembering her version of myself as a youth. And said all right.

So now tomorrow after I'm done my morning private, my mother is taking me to buy a puppy. There are very few words to describe how pleased I am, needlessly to say I might have shrieked like a little girl.

(Also, Draco, you can be the first one to come over and visit him. Har har har.)

It has been a very, very good week.

My dreams just make me sound like more and more of a bitch. God. I would never... I mean, not in this lifetime. Draco, too. We're like, the epitomy of nasty. I know how bad bullying is. It sucks, and being bullied sucks even harder. I wouldn't do that here. Not the way I did in the dreams.

What kind of a name is 'Umbridge' anyway? She's such a troll.

Oh my gosh, Unicorns are the most wonderful thing in the world. Now that I'm back in my own bed, I've been dreaming again. Unicorns, Prefect Duties, watching Ron Weasley play quidditch. That song's catchy, even if Draco was a douchebag in writing it. I helped, too. God, I'm such a bitch in my dreams. Wtf.

Anyone else have dreams about being a total jackass?

Borrowed a computer to post about the strange ass dream I had. Must be fever induced. I'm such a douchebag in my dreams, I just I feel strange about it, this crap just keeps piling up. I'm not a terrible person, am I?

I didn't really know Cedric before he died, but... well, it's always a bitch when people die, right? I felt so uber guilty. I dunno, as horrible a person as I am in those stupid dreams, sometimes I have moments of humanity. Anyway, I don't like it. Didn't have a good time.

[Private to Draco Malfoy]
I'm dying in here. I hate being so damn bored. I've fallen asleep watching daytime television too many times. When is the damn curfew over?

[Private to Peter Parker]
They've given me an inhaler that's supposed to cure this thing. I don't know if I can leave yet or not. God, I wanna go home. I miss you.

Hello, I'm Peter Parker. You likely don't know who I am, and likely don't really care; that's not the point though, what the point is, is that a lot of bad things are happening right now. A lot of bad things.

I know I sound like an idiot spouting off the obvious, so I'll just get to my point--is there an effort to get a virus cure made? And if there is? Who's doing it? Who's working on it? I can lend my hand. I'm... I'm brilliant at chemistry. Biology, chemistry, and physics are all specialties of mine, and I can help, I want to help; so if anyone needs any sort of help on finding a cure, please let me know.

Thanks.

[Private to Pansy]

I'm not sure if you can read this; however, they're not letting people into the hospital if we don't have the virus. So I'm going to do the only thing I know how to do, I'm going to find a cure. I'm going to get you better. Please be okay, ... okay? We have so much more Disney trips to take.

[/end private to Pansy]

[Private to Draco]

I don't know if you know, but Pansy's in the hospital; they're not letting anyone in who doesn't have the virus, if they do let you in, they don't let you leave. I'm asking to see if I can help come up with a cure at any place that might be working on one.

I'll do what I can, I will find a cure.

[/end private to Draco]

It's ridiculous how much I worshipped my brother in my dreams. Absolutely ridiculous. I mean, he's awesome and everything, but he's not Bowie.

In other news, I've decided to go to the hospital and make sure I can continue breathing.

Can't wait for the holiday season to be over. Tired of family pretending to be nice to one another, more tired of playing trivial carols on the piano for out-of-key sing-alongs. Once the new year hits, I'll drink this year into the past and somehow gather the will to subject myself to the coming semester.

I'd much rather be working on my own compositions than "perfecting" my performance technique. Never needed to perfect it before. Every time my fingers hit the keys, I feel my soul draining. Piano sounds out of tune but it's not, house is starting to smell like a cigarette factory.

Will someone save my life by falling in love with me?

I think this may have been the best Christmas ever! I got everything I wanted and more. The snow was an amazing touch, thanks, weather!

Now it's time to play in the snow, then I'm going to kidnap my brother for a Christmas movie marathon. I hope everyone has a merry Christmas!

I have never seen this much snow before in my life, having grown up in Southern California.

I am not sure what to do with it.
I don't think I like it.

( This is what I did with my snow day. )

One final down. (Aced it.) They were supposed to be last week, but broken shoulder, broken ribs... my teachers all gave me extensions to today and tomorrow. Thank goodness.

( Survey thing. Yeah. Because I'm SO BORED I could die. Can't wait to get out of this hospital bed. )

see more Sketchy Santas

( And I did that Survey thing... )

Stir Crazy.

I hate hospitals. Can't wait to go home.

Learned about Quidditch in my dream last night. Draco, you're on Slytherin's house team. Hard to ignore how I felt watching you play--Jesus, Pansy, stop that. He's your brother I'm not all that great at it. I'm much better at spectating. Like flying as much as the next gal, but quidditch is beyond me.

[Private to Draco]
When do we get to move? I've got a Biology tutoring session this evening. Not sure when I'll be home.

So I have a kinda sorta random and unexpected gig coming up... three days a week for the next month.

How to explain this one? ...actually, it's sort of embarrassing. I was goofing on this piano at Smyth's fancypants department store -- and someone heard me. He owns a fancypants hotel in Tustin. He wants me to come and play Christmas songs on his fancypants grand in the lobby.

I'm still trying to figure out why I said yes. I think I just miss the piano. You know? Meh, maybe I'm alone there, missing pianos.

...I have to shave and get a haircut and wear a tux. Oh brother.

Actually, this grumpy attitude is all a put on. I'm pretty excited!!

I dreamed about classes at Hogwarts last night. Flitwick, McGonagall, Snape, Trelawney, Hooch... I learned to fly on a broomstick, to levitate things and to make potions.

Then when I woke up this morning, I found my wand in my coat pocket.

This is getting WEIRD.

Slytherin. What a funny name. In the dream it made perfect sense for me to go to that house. There was nowhere else that fit. Nowhere else I'd rather be. Anyone else know Slytherin?

Also, I'm going fishing today. Honest to goodness fishing. With a pole and everything.