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I am posting this from the HOSPITAL because I was rushed there earlier tonight because someone felt the need to SHOOT ME IN THE ASS. So I'm laying here in the ER waiting for someone to do an MRI and make sure they can get the entire thing out. ...29 inches of love from Barton. You know, if I knew you CARED that much...

...Should've gotten that insured.

I just got back from Kansas.

I never want to go to Kansas again.

I thought Las Vegas was Oz.

I feel much more like Alice after this weekend.

I woke up with one of those Baby Think It Overs from the high school parenting classes screeching in my ear. It was wearing a little satiny prince costume complete with a spraypainted crown. I've also had emails from the interns with photos of the cubicle maze I constructed and me...posing in it, in one of the really really GOOD spinny chairs.

...

On the one hand, I got congratulated for having the balls to wear those pants for an entire weekend. On the other? I was JARETH THE GOBLIN KING. I figured out the school that the thing belongs to, ran the baby over there at lunch, after I'd jammed it in a cooler in my trunk so it would shut the ever loving fuck UP, and turned it in to the teacher there. Who decided, since we were there and all, to show me the software and what it said about my parenting skills.

...Apparently I'd been taking excellent care of it until the cooler/trunk incident, which would have gotten me reported to CPS, and would have made me fail the project.

...Clearly I'm not ready for children... But Jareth the Goblin King is parenting material?

...Who fucking knew?

I find myself quite grateful that I refuse to participate in this holiday of yours. By the way some of my neighbors were complaining this morning when I left for work, you would think they'd all been robbed.

So I'm kinda sad I missed the whole Halloween Trick or Treat thing this year. Kinda passed out on the couch with the dog and that was the end of it.

Speaking of dogs, anyone wanna go to the dog park sometime soon, get a little running around done, meet people and dogs, hang out? Mom, James, you guys need to meet Sylvio anyway. Anyone else is totally welcome, too. Let me know and we can pick a date! I'll totally go multiple times too.

I got three trick-or-treaters last night. Kids from the farm next to mine. I had no candy. I gave them unopened boxes of cereal and bags of potato chips instead. Haha.

Hey, Valarnet lawyers, I've got another legal thing to run by you. This is actually relating to a real situation, and it's probably obvious which one, so it's less statement of intent, and more of a general question as to how screwed the situation is.

...I was kind of accidentally assaulted last night. By which I mean, the person who shot me shot me accidentally, and wasn't in his right mind at the time. I wasn't in mine either, actually. And it was just with a children's arrow. Which meant I still had to be put under for them to dig it out, and had to get the wound dressed and everything, and I don't get to come home until tomorrow, but he really didn't mean to do it.

Is there any point in trying to tell the legal authorities that I don't want to press charges? I mean if they were present for the aftermath, but not the actual event and it was really just two idiots fucking around here, and it sort of seems stupid to possibly put somebody in jail for this? I know that technically, once they're made aware of some crimes, it becomes necessary to report, but this was seriously not on purpose, the insanity defense isn't gonna work because you have to have been unable to distinguish right from wrong at the time and...

I don't know. But I really don't want Barton to go to jail because he shot me while he thought he was Robin Hood either. Is it worth trying to explain that at this stage, or should I switch back to the old campaign contributions thing my parents used to do?

That was unexpected.

I'm glad things are back to normal. That was fun, but after a while it starts to chafe.

It's official: ever since I stopped smoking, I've become a horrible priss about it all. I was just in a restaurant on Fairhaven and someone lit up just outside. I could barely breathe. Any other ex-smokers feel like this? It's starting to bother me.