Network

My dreams just took a turn towards the dark. Well. They were already pretty dark, galactic-wide war and everything. But then it got worse.

Since arrivin' to this here fair city, I've nearly been mugged, nearly car-jacked, and flashed by a hobo on at least two occasions. Mugger met with ill fate, car jacker learned a bit about momentum and 'nertia. The hobos I let go upon their merry ways, seems you've got to get yourself a bit of entertainment now and then when you're livin' behind a Home Depot.

Now I ain't a bettin' man, but if I were I'd take a bet on my running into some misfortunes; for, as you see, I arrived at my bar today to find two junkies passed out on my office floor, with a filing cabinet being rummaged through; I don't keep nothin' too valuable there so I doubt the only thing of value they found was the bottle of Jack I've got kept up in there. And as it's been emptied, I reckon it's probably the reason for their state.

When they came to, I persuaded them to talk a bit about what they were hoping to find. And come to find out, my ex wife of a former precarious situation had hired them to get some information for her regarding my business. Should I know her, which rightfully I probably do not, I imagine she's doing a bang up job of trying to get herself a little nest egg in case her current junkie husband--one of the fine, young, and upstanding citizens I spoke to--begins to falter in his rather profitable business of Meth dealing.

But today was a good day, I had myself a rather delightful burger and I didn't see any man bits.

A bored Kyu is a sad Kyu. Anybody know of any parties or anything going on? I can bring booze!

It's official, I am completely incapable of asking a girl to prom. I actually managed to go one hundred percent silent when trying to ask one today, in class. Her friends stared at me as I came up and said, "Hi, I'm Link, and I...." And I stopped.

They giggled, she gave me the 'come out with it' look, and I finally spat out...

"Like tacos. Do you like tacos?"

And she tried, so hard, to help me and said "I do, are you asking me for tacos?" And I said, in my brilliance, "No, just wondering!"

They laughed, she gave a brow raise, and I hid with my face in my hands for the rest of the day. I give up, it's over, I feel like I might have just failed any future endeavors I might have. Might as well become a monk now.

Whew! What a whirlwind. People in each other's bodies and then an amazing camping trip, and I feel like I'm completely out of the loop. So come at me, Valarnet. Give me all your secrets. Show me what I've missed.

Or give me fun cat gifs. I'm happy either way.

Its my birthday, but before I raid the booze I'm getting myself a little something nice.

Ugh, I miss my ink so much. No offense, Girl Whose Body I'm Borrowing, but I have some really sentimental shit on me, you know? Just... weird to look at my hands and not see anything.

Is someone with pink hair, giant breasts, and wings missing their body??? Because I am currently occupying it and holy shit. This is so not cool.

WHY DO I HAVE WINGS?

WHY DO I HAVE WINGS?

and a shitload of porn but mostly THE WINGS

Nothing like back to back religious holidays to bring out the aggressive bible stalkers. Two tried to follow me home today even after I explained as calmly as I'm able that no amount of preaching was going to sway my lack of belief. They set out to 'save my soul' or some bullshit. I put in headphones and they kept going. Whatever happened to My headphones are in, stop talking now?

My cat likes red bean ice cream. What the actual fuck.

(I'm bored, please help.)

I like to complain about what social networking is doing to our children and their vocabulary, but the truth is that when you've got a family as big as mine - most of them with zero forwarding addresses - you end up pretty desperate for email. And even though I don't really always have time for it, it's nice to have the whole Clan over on Facebook. Yes, Facebook. It's a has-been for the 'cool kids' now, I guess, but it gets us all in one place when we need it. Not that I needed to see fifteen wall updates from my cousin and his crazy band shenanigans (Seriously, Harren, put a shirt on), but it's nice to get to see my mother's photographs, or give them all updates on my progress.

My agent keeps telling me to make myself a professional sports page, but I don't see the point. Competitive Archery isn't as popular as things like gymnastics, and I don't want to end up turning into a 'Norana is not impressed' meme if I end up in the wrong spot on the podium. I think this account will work fine for now.

So hello, Orange County. I'm Norana, and I'm new here. As you can see, I have a huge family, none of which actually live anywhere around here, which means I have zero connections. Can someone point me to A: A good range to practice at and B: A good place to get a drink?

I asked and almost forgot to give her the ring. But then she said yes, so we're cool.

( And then it was like... )

I guess I'm obligated to share the joy on the network, and then not post about it again for awhile out of fear of being obnoxious. But hey, still in New York until Tuesday so if anyone wants anything from the city, speak up. I will happily play courier.

Bit of a follow up to my last momentary discussion: I have managed to give myself a computer, smartphone thing, and one of them tablets. They all connect, or so the guy in the shirt told me at the place. He spoke a ton about a bunch of jargon I had absolutely no idea about, so I'm still pretty sure I only know how to play a bit of solitaire.

I'm definitely going to need a bit of help on this bit.

I'll be glad when I can go out to eat at a pub and not have basketball blasted from every speaker.

Does that sound grumpy? Man, I'm starving.

Ugh, it's too cold to go to the beach today. Who wants to hang out in bathing suits with me and drink pina coladas anyway? It's Spring Break, damn it!

More of those fun dreams.

Those would be the ones where my dad was the one who killed my girlfriend. He was sleeping with her. They even made a sex tape. These or really high on my list of things I never needed to see in my lifetime. The thing was, for a minute, my new girlfriend thought I might have done it. She and I were kind of having problems - apparently bigger ones than I knew - and, you know, I don't even care. She was sleeping with my dad. That kind of ends it for me.

Let me sum it up by saying that dream me is a complete idiot.

Me, a fairy. Riiiiight. Though I guess if I was gonna be a fairy, a sex fairy isn't a bad bet. Oh, right, sorry, a "love" fairy. Pfft.

And Sugardust as a last name is stupid as hell. Kind of glad I missed out on that part.

Beware the Ides of March. Here's hoping you don't get stabbed today, network.

It's also Mother's Day in the UK but I'd rather hear about where all the good St. Patrick's Day celebrations are going to be. Go on and help a fellow out?

Good god, I'm ready for new dreams where I'm not in an arranged marriage with a fairy.

How the hell did I fall up stairs? Sprained my wrist and scraped my palms up really good too, except that's super bad since it hurts to draw. And that's kind of what I do.

Today, you're on my list.

I think I should tattoo "NO I AM NOT ASIAN" to my forehead. People hear my name and expect me to be. Yes, my parents are fucking stupid. Why should I change my name because they're dumb?

I'm Kyu. Sup.