Network

Someone tried to mug me today.

But I'm too poor to mug - the jerkoff didn't even want my phone, it's that shitty. So he kind of just stood there, watching me empty my pockets, and I think the most expensive thing I had were two cigarettes and a pack of gum.

I felt kind of bad for him.

Amidst the rising crime rates within Orange County, an unknown person or persons has vandalized Peter Pan's Flight by removing the head of the animatronic Captain Hook for reasons unknown.

Well folks, here's some bad news that's sure to brighten your day. Police and other law enforcement on this network might want to take note of this, too (and yes, I'm going to file an official report).

But you know how there's been this sudden and unexplained spike in the crime rate? Well guess what?

Those goons are now really well armed. And I know that because my gun shop got cleaned out at some point last night. Whoever did it didn't even trip up my security system, so marks for that I guess.

Those might have been the worst dreams I've had yet. In the Enchanted Kingdom, my mother died and I blamed myself, because I thought that the Blue Fairy had given me a chance to save her, but it would have used dark magic, but it turned out that it was really Cora in disguise, knowing that I wouldn't do it, because my mother had raised my to be good. Then she killed our maid in Storybrooke after I gave her and Regina the Dark One's dagger, because I believed it would save Johanna. I vowed to kill Cora after that and I don't like it. Nothing good can come of that. I hope to god that someone stops me before it's too late.

We just had someone try to steal the cattle.

It's 2015, I'm pretty sure cattle rustling went out of style a long time ago.

I'm pretty sure this is what death feels like.

Well, hello there, lovelies. Here I thought I'd be greeted by sun, but the new year has other plans.

I'm Leliana. I come from everywhere.

If you could bring back the dead, would you? Is it wrong?

Not even naps are sacred. I suppose I've earned my medicine when it comes to being tortured, though. Neal, your fiance was a total peach, by the way. Wished my Queen half would have pulled her spine out and fed it to her.

Now it's Neverland with the Royal Family, Captain Guyliner, and Reptile Face. Because my dreams couldn't get more like a bad Disney movie. Just let me slaughter everyone on that goddamn island so I can save my son and be done with all this.

On another note, anyone with inflatable Christmas decor on their yard should be ashamed of themselves. Get out. What on Earth were you thinking that you thought it was a good idea? Can we please move on from the tacky holiday decorations and at least try and make an effort to make things look nice for once.

[OOC: Garrus got hacked by his sister, the end.]

Not even home for a complete day, and I get the cops called on me. Apparently the neighbors aren't too cool with me having my personally made fireworks tossed in the sky for Christmas Eve. They were actually fireballs exploding in the sky and not as pretty, but it was bright and warm? Semantics, I say.

Quit suppressing my religious holiday freedom, OC. Also, why are you so damn cold?

Last night I had this pretty amazing dream. It was kind of a clairvoyant one, which is strange. I'm a psychic, but not that kind of psychic, normally. Maybe I have some latent precognition? Who knows.

Anyway, I was just wishing for some kind of sign. About my mom. It's been years and years. We never did find her. And I think I saw her. I caught a glimpse of her, anyway, and it was just nice. She was doing doctor things, saving lives, and she looked like... well, like she was at peace, anyway. It seemed too real to just be an ordinary dream.

I look a bit more like her in some place than I thought. It's hard not to see her when I look in the mirror now. But anyway, it gives me hope. That she's still out there somewhere.

And now that this quiet little reflective post is out of the way, I better get back to keeping a house full of teenagers entertained during a blizzard.

If anyone wants baked goods I've out baked myself at the Cafe, there's cupcakes, brownies, pies, breads, plus food of all kinds. I don't even care if I sell it, I just need to make space to bake more.

Baking: a better stress reliever than drinking one's self blind - except for the sugar coma. But the place smells divine, might open the door a bit and waft the scent onto the streets, come and get it folks!

I forgot how the whole 'drinking and breaking bars' thing can be therapeutic. Especially when the place is owned by someone you used to know and they feed you some bullcrap info to piss you off. Then they're surprised when I break their things and face. Arrest me, world, I don't care right now.

Man, people are making me testy lately. I feel better, since we're in a motel with actual running hot water and my Chinese food is floating in the tub.

No, seriously, the stuff floats and I'm multi-tasking. ( Proof )

So, I need to find a lawyer. I think. Or at least someone who can understand all this legalspeak. Maybe someone who knows something about patents? Or applying for them, anyway? I got all the paperwork I need? I think? I just need help deciphering it to make sure I've got all my t's crossed and i's dotted.

And, since this network is awesome and stuff, I thought I'd start my search here.

I never thought I'd do this, but curiosity got the better of me. So here I sit, watching the NBC concert of Peter Pan.

The biggest problem I have with it, surprisingly, is the group of twenty year olds they got to play the Lost Boys. Everyone knows that when a Lost Boy shows signs of growing up, Peter takes them out to the woods and kills them. None of them would have reached twenty.

Christopher Walken's performance is slightly wooden, but I have to say they captured the homoeroticism inherent in living in an all male testosterone filled environment such as a pirate ship.

I do miss having a crew of swarthy men to carry me around on a golden throne. I wonder if I could bribe an intern.

At a gas station. Neal's in the loo. So he can't see me buy all these.

( food porn )

Of course, the day I pick to actually move, there's snow. I'm not sure what you're doing, California, but I'm pretty sure this isn't right. At least it's not Noveria weather.

Dreams have me back on the Normandy for a third time. I might as well move in. Shepard, what's with that whole...scanning room? I get the mechanism being brought in since the Collector's attacked the ship, but couldn't the Alliance come up with something faster? I've had quicker elevator rides on the Citadel.

This entire posts consists of complaining. I've finally assimilated into the internet culture.

Finally finished replacing my mirrors. And most of my windows. I'll gladly pass on the magic stuff if it meant less of my things being subject to shattering. Oh, and that funny look when an acquaintance glances at my yard and asks why there's a crypt dead in the center.

I'm sure there's a spell to keep it hidden from view if I actually look. Or I can go the practical route and bulldoze it. Either or sounds effective.

Pulled down all the apples from the tree to save it from the cold snow in California, how curious and now I have an abundance. I'll give them away for free. And if you're wondering, no. They're not poisonous. I'm going to nip that suspicion in the bud before 'evil queen' gossip spreads. You're all quite welcome.

I've been getting letters from Neal while he and Lina have been on the road. Older forms of correspondence are nice, and remind me of more simple days. Well... more simple days that I've read about. I wasn't allowed to write letters to people in either of my lives, but I have a kind of... fascination with it.

I used to have a collection of stationary and colored ink pens and all of this. I turned it towards the practice of calligraphy and other things, since I couldn't use it to write to anyone but my tutors.

I wish I could write them back, but there's no where I'd know to send a letter to. Still, it's a comfort to hear that they're alright. Mostly. The last letter I got was a little concerning. If either of you are checking this on your phone, I hope you're both doing alright! And that you enjoyed your chicken and waffles?

The Reaper Task Force. Dumbest division name in existence. At least it shut me up and I managed to reconnect with my father, among other things, despite the whole 'planet is getting plowed relentlessly by giant alien cuddle fishes.'

Oh. Yeah. Dream talk, should anyone somehow wonder if our planet is actually under attack by an alien cuddle fish. The answer is obviously no.

Also, look at this interesting movie trailer about Cinderella. Fascinating. She's gonna kill me. Worth it.

I don't recommend getting shot.

Well. We finally made it to Neverland in the dreams. I'm surprised we all got there in one piece, to be perfectly honest. It's not really at all what you'd think it'd be. It's sort of depressing, and a bit terrifying. Like a twisted bedtime story. I'm not really looking forward to what happens while we're there.

[Blocked from Mary Margaret]

I know some people here have magic, from their dreams. I need could really use some help from one of you. I woke up with something from these dreams that I know modern medicine won't cure.

I've the strangest urge to procure gratuitous amounts of celery. Odd sort of craving, isn't it? Though... I can't say I feel particularly inclined to consume it. Hm. Well. Moving along from my oddities!

Did you know, as of today (November 11th), there are fifty days left in the year? Interestingly enough, it is also considered 'Singles Day' in China (and Taiwan), so I suggest gratuitous amounts of karaoke, eating Pepero or Pocky (as you prefer it), and see if you can't find some Youtiao in the Eastern spirit of the day! Only a suggestion, of course!

It is now Wednesday and I think I've finally recovered my strength from the craziness of Halloween weekend. Thank goodness my wonderful roommate has some really good hangover cures and I just really needed to catch up on some sleep.

It also didn't help that the dreams decided to come back. They're nothing short of drama and I seriously woke up in a panic the other day. I hate what's going on in the dreams right now and I hope none of this ever bleeds over to real life because I would never be able to handle finding Lissa like that myself. And is magic real here? Because I want to avoid anyone and everoyne who can make charms like the one I saw in my dreams.

Am I the only one who has weird feelings for someone who is only in the dreams? My dream self really likes this guy, but I have never seen him in this world, so it feels so incredibly uncomfortable. I can't decide if I would actually want him to be real in this world or not

I got the best answer from one of my students today. The problem was "If you had two cookies and you gave one to a friend and then gave one to another friend how many cookies do you have left?

Her response: "I have nothing but tears lefts."

OOC note: Rachel has become Mikasa from Attack on Titan, and I just hope I have the voice enough XD

This strange glowing device. Have I seen pictures of things like these in Armin's books? I don't know. Using it seems simple enough, now that someone has taken a few minutes to instruct me.

I am stranded far outside the wall, in a city of glass. This sprawling city has few defenses and will fall to the Titans easily. How have they survived? How do they not know of the hell that is awaiting them? And if this city remains intact, are there more? Is the wall and everything we've ever known a lie?

I do not know. Armin would do better at puzzling through it. Eren would enjoy exploring it. I don't even know how I got here, or who these people are. That is irrelevant, my mission remains the same. I am Mikasa Ackerman, last known member of the Scout Legion, and all I can do is die defending it.

Turian armor's something of a bitch to alter and make it fitting for a human.

Mission accomplished though. Let's see if I remember to Halloween right.

Dreams continue to be both fascinating and terrible. Apparently I am truly an awful man, and when I saw Pan flying in with a new group of children -- children, honestly -- I fired cannons at them. I think I may have shot one of them down, dear god.

Then Pan and I got into a proper duel, and not only can the devil child fly, he can apparently throw his voice and do a damned good impression of me. He called me a codfish, of all things. I did take him down long enough to make my escape, but I don't think that's a thing to be proud of.

In better news, I suppose, I appear to be a proper pirate, now.



So that's Halloween sorted for me, then, isn't it?

So I'm five days in to the next year of thirty-something and I already want to go back. I swear to god I actually FEEL old this time. I went to get out of bed and one of my knees actually creaked. It made an honest to god creaky noise, like it needed oil or something.

And yeah, you know how they say your body never really recovers from getting shot? A few of my old war wounds are getting pretty damned grouchy.

That's it. I want a do-over.

A very kind woman in my apartment building told me that if I wanted to make some new friends, that this was the place to find them. Hello, Valarnet. I'm Belle French. I'm twenty-six years old, and I just moved here from Australia. I'm so far just looking for a job, as I've applied to several bookshops and libraries so far, but I'm also looking to meet new people and have new experiences. I came from a very small town back home.

Has anyone else seen this? What the hell did Renee Zellweger do to her face? I wouldn't have even recognized her if they didn't tell us who it was.

I understand now what David meant when he said he dreamt about needing to get his family home. The curse was finally broken, we got out memories back and then Emma and I accidently got sucked through a portal into The Enchanted Forest. Of course it wasn't the same Enchanted Forest that I remembered from before the Curse. We're still there, our one way home was destroyed and now we're in the company of Captain Hook. This can only end badly.

How the hell do my dreams go from being hilariously ridiculous (or ridiculously hilarious, I can't decide) to complete shit just like that? Like, one moment, Amelia a companion of mine and I were singing in these skimpy dresses to conjure up a spell, doesn't work, I get to blow things up, score - and then we meet the personification of what's left of the Aqualord's memories, she shows me what could happen if a spell goes wrong, and then we're attacked by a demon lord in a tacky orange trench coat. Wow, there's not much of a difference between him here and there honestly.

Also, dream-me is a 16 year-old prude and I want to smack her in the face.

Ok, so I know the French are meant to be edgy and arty, but...seriously?

Blew a hole in my bedroom wall. The one facing the backyard.

Woops.

Youtube videos on how to fix this seem complicated. I should probably hire a professional, huh?

Until then: duct tape.

Sam showed me this and all I could think is why didn't I think of that? It would have been a lot less embarrassing than my original idea. Or the idea one of my friends suggested.

PRIVATE [ A snippet from John's dream journal ]

she was there again, increasingly far //// everything pink and yellow
time was falling, spiraling down galaxies - i think she could have burned them all
an old man could have been me ... never seen him before in my life and it's left me with an urge
such an odd urge
like i've got to steal something... blue?
thinking about it makes my mind burn

PUBLIC
I had the strangest dream that I was a grandfather. Imagine that, me! Old and blue-haired. Could never imagine it consciously, yet there I was tinkering with odd trinkets and boasting bulbs of wisdom. Never had a dream like that before. Shame I can't remember more. No need to.

Sorry, too. You see, I'm quite new to all this blogging. Were people really waking up next to perfect strangers without memory as to how they'd gotten there? Terrible epidemic of memory loss. Do hope that's been checked out by those who have suffered the same experience!

Someone bring me a car to work on. I need distractions today. I'll even give a discount. Big one.

Given recent dreams, I agree with the general consensus that Peter Pan is a completely psychotic little bastard. What sort of sick, twisted child cuts off a man's hand? And then feeds it to the local fauna.

Good god. Bad form.

Back to blogging... from a phone. Not enjoyable at all utilising this keyboard. Was told off for not remaining 'connected' by a colleague, so here I am. Doubt I'll have anything beyond the upsetting news about bananas to offer, but I'll give it another go all the same.

John Smith! Call me Doctor, if you like. Did earn a degree for it, after all. Hate to miss the opportunity to overuse such an important title.

( cut for violent imagery, unfiltered )

I think I'm going to have Christina's birthday party the day after Halloween. She wants a tea party theme. So, does anyone want to dress like the Mad Hatter and surprise her?

I'm attempting to make pizza cake. This is either going to go really bad or sort of okay. At least I have a recipe.

If you hear a fire truck...it might be heading to my place.

So, uh... am I supposed to get a present for a bachelorette party? I've got a couple hours to figure all this shit out.

And I don't suppose I'm allowed to wear my coveralls, either.

Well.

THAT was a fun family scandal to solve. Except for the death-faking. The magic sealing. Being stuck in another dimension. But the Claire Bible manuscript was cool and the new spell is more than nifty. I woke up and scribbled down as much as I could about the manuscript, because, you know, someone thought it was a good idea to destroy it.

My dreams are involving more high-level monsters and from experience, that's never a good thing.

Also, my coffee machine exploded. Why can't I have nice things?

[Private to Genkai]
Hey. So.

I need help.

I dreamed I had two hands again, it was very exciting.

Beyond that, the dream was a little strange. It was about my youth -- but not as I remember it, not exactly. Everything looked distinctly Victorian, though I still attended Eton and Oxford and became a lawyer.

But after that, and I'm not quite certain how I managed it, but I discovered a place called Neverland. And there, wonder of wonders, I joined up with a pirate crew. Blackbeard's crew, no less.

It seems I am a pirate, after all. At least in some other dream world.

After these last round of dreams, I'm pretty sure I've practically become the alien Batman of the Galaxy.

Oh, except for the part where I create a band of misfits to do some clean up on a dirty floating rock in space, and they all get killed due to my carelessness.

This is why I shouldn't be in charge of anything. I need some good bourbon.

PARTY AT MY PLACE THIS SATURDAY NIGHT

[Address in Santa Ana]

Rules:
1. BYOB
2. No fighting unless I say other wise.
3. You break it, you buy me a new one + cheese fries.
4. Stay the hell away from any of the bedrooms unless stated otherwise.
5. Clean up your own vomit. NO BARFING.
6. No kitchen breaking.

Other than that, come one, come all!

Housewarming gifts are not mandatory but completely accepted.

I came home to find a red leather jacket. Not that I'm complaining. Because I definitely love it. I'm just wondering....where it came from.