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I wonder if Miss Skeeter realizes that I've never so much as held a woman's hand, much less had a sexual encounter with one. Women are, point of fact, allowed to eat a meal together without immediate sexual relations afterward.

Then again, Natasha, however will I recover from your lies. You wound me.

Okay. Got the cards ready for tomorrow's edition.

Rita Skeeter Bingo is a go.

Dear Valarnet, I need your help in settling a dispute with a work colleague.

Marvin the Martian: obnoxious or hilarious?

As you can see, it's very important.

I've had to hire on five new employees, expand my shop, and someone's managed to get a hold of my cell phone number.

In short: you are all maddening, but at least it's not boring anymore.

By now I'm sure everyone's heard the news. The case wasn't as high profile and exciting as Tony Stark's or anything, but it hit a couple of newspapers. It's not every day a girl burns down her two story house in the good part of Irvine Not that there's a bad part with her brother still in it. I won't go into gory details, but the jury sided with me. It was self defense and a heat-of-the-moment kind of decision. I didn't really mean to hurt anyone and there's no actual evidence suggesting that Viserys is dead at all. The official statement is that he's 'missing', so they had to drop the murder charges completely. I got nailed with an arson charge... sort of. It was still self defense so I'm being placed on house arrest until which time a mental health professional deems me 'appropriate for the real world'.... whatever that means.

And yes, I used to work for Harper Enterprises before the FBI or whoever dismantled the place after Jack Harper died, but I don't know anything about any conspiracies.... and I'm not a terrorist. I pushed paper around, answered phones, made the coffee. Not exactly exciting stuff.

Ladies who will be attending Natasha's soiree, please let me know your favorite colors here. You may text me your measurements [here] so that they remain private.

I have no idea how my life has come to this point. I'm terribly amused.

You can all blame Lulu for this idea, but I want to do a sexy lingerie party. She'll be designing the underwear.

Ladies only.

At what point does a "vintage" costume become just hopelessly, "this is probably what my grandfather wore for halloween" levels of sad? Not that I'm changing my mind because it's seriously the coolest thing I could think of to do, but dressing up as a comic book character who isn't even being written anymore? If this was NEXT year the costume might actually make SENSE but right now? I'm either way ahead of the cool curve, or just pathetically sad. Hard to say, really...

Steady pace tonight but so far run of the mill calls really. Aside this guy who got bit by a opposum, anyway...

...Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter?

I don't know what to say. I guess if it gets people interested in history?

Natasha -

I know I said that I would make you a corset but I may have gone mad and made you a dress. Where would you like me to send it?

Some of you may be pleased to know that I will be dressing for the Halloween party at Stark Tower. As juvenile as it seems, it sounds like fun.

If you don't care, please disregard this message.

Accepting cases.

Getting bored.

Just leave a note, people!

Never before have I been so utterly glad to be boring. I've been mentioned in periodicals before for my work, but that's all. My name remains blessedly unknown.

Celebrities, you have my sympathy and my respect for the asinine meddling you deal with upon a daily basis.

Going on a short trip soon. Could use some reading ideas. Just finished up Camus, wouldn't mind something a little lighter stuff this time.

Anyone says 50 Shades and I will be displeased.

I'm entertaining the idea of going to this Halloween party, but I have no idea what to go as. I'm far better at picking out costumes for others.

What are the rest of you going as? Perhaps it will help inspire some creativity on my behalf.

Oi, I have a feeling that despite my numerous awesome plans I will end up wearing a sparkly tutu for Halloween. You see that's the thing about when you get into a pranking war with someone, it never ends. I mean it was only cockroaches and fake ones at that. Any prank I get back will be worth it though because it was amusing to watch them jump around. Cursing sounds a lot more attractive in French too in case you were wondering. They were rather cute but don't tell them I said that.

My Halloween costume is pretty awesome though so maybe I will save the tutu for another occasion.

I don't know why I dreamt of underwater soccer and huge ocean monsters. I'm sure it's simply something I ate. Underwater sports where nobody has gills but everyone can breathe regardless just make no sense.

Guess who was offered a chance to model for America Eagle's lingerie line Aerie? Yep, me. I don't think my mum was too keep on me talking the gig but she needs to realize I'm not a little girl any more. I'm a teenager and that means hormones and boys. Would there be any question if I was a boy?

There are many positive reasons to be in a small business for ones' self, but one of the negatives is a lack of affordable health insurance. My employees tried to get me to go to the hospital for stitches, but fortunately I'm a seamstress. Stitches are my specialty, and skin is sort of like leather, in a way.

Medical professionals - how many ibuprofen would you recommend for this? I only needed six stitches by my own count.

My time is far more valuable than yours. If you're going to show up late for my class, don't bother showing up at all.

Thus ends the rant.

I'm not sure how I want to relax tonight after a long day of class and studying. Any suggestions?

Private locks are failing and communications are going haywire, so I'm going to announce my private business in public on purpose. A lot of you on here would have been contacted anyway.

My husband is dead. I won't get into the details of this, because they frankly don't matter.

I don't need anyone's condolences, sympathy, or pity. Anyone working in any form of military or law enforcement knows that this is always a risk you take.

I'd simply appreciate it if everyone who knew I was married went on about their lives as if I wasn't. Thank you.

I was on call last night and didn't get a single work-related call. I did get texts about rodents, panties, and pictures of breasts. Come in this morning to find they had two emergencies that the interns had to handle on their own. We're lucky nobody died.

Well, it's wonderful to know that wherever I am, a constant remains: I'm heartless and terrible with women.

I know this is out of nowhere, but I need a drink and a chance to throw sharp things at an inanimate object that can't be hurt. Game of darts at that place with the decent draft beer?

The recent technological meltdown has left me supremely glad that I'm single and rather boring.

And this is why you should never trust technology with your deep dark secrets.

Really, it's like clockwork - it drizzles a little and suddenly everyone drives as if they're sixteen and were just handed their license. I have no idea why this is, simply that it's so. Everyone seems to either continue merrily speeding along, oblivious to the inclement weather, or if not that, they drive slower than snails. It's intolerable.